I remember when I was young (I think in middle school), my family and I stayed in this apartment. This woman's baby had stopped breathing (an infant) and my mom performed CPR on the baby. The baby was revived.
That moment was so lovely to me.
I think my mom ended up explaining how to do the procedure. This is a great quality. She's able to act calmly sometimes.
Moments like those make me want to cry. Not out of sadness. I'm not sure what it is. But I can look at moments like those and say "there is light in dark time." with confidence.
My mom cares, but sometimes she speaks in a way that may contradict what she means. I'm learning to watch what she does over what she says. Sometimes people say things without thinking. Or they say things and regret them. Hm....of course they are responsible for what they say, do or think. For me, I know this, so I can say that yeah I can see, but they are still responsible regardless of whether I choose to forgive them or not.
By this I'm not saying I will allow someone to keep talking down on me. That would be ridiculous. But I mean it can help me understand that the outer shell is just a defensive gate while something hardcore may be going on on the inside.
This is why I can say I love my mom but I disagree with some of the things she say or do (says she will do). My mom has a giant heart I think. Even though she says she dislike things, she still tries her best. And she also raised my sisters and I on her own. I know that may be very tough! I don't take that for granted.
And as I said before, each and every person has lessons and challenges, so I can understand when someone loses it from time to time. They are human, regardless of their age. I'm actually kind of happy to be able to view things this way. Sometimes I wonder if it's a best too optimistic. Hm...maybe my view is not completely right, and it may be an excuse to allow people to behave the way they do. But whose to say my way is correct?? Absolutely no one.
Mon
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