Goodnight

I'm heading to bed now.

I was suppose to have been asleep at 10:30 p.m. I was sleepy around that time, but then I became a awake. Hm....sometimes my brain feels tried and sleepy, and that's when I often take naps. Also, as I've mentioned before, I can get things done because it's usually quiet around this time.

Yeah, I'm going to stop doing this. It's not a good habit.

Anyways, my mood is good now. I feel well. But I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I have a few things I want to work on. Also, the weather isn't so bad. Sometimes it's cold, but it's not really really cold.

And actually to be honest, sometimes I don't feel completely hopeless. Such as this situation. Our heat and air conditioner doesn't work in our home. And before winter I kept saying "I can't wait for snow!" knowing that it would make the house even colder. However, I really love to look at snow!

Anyways, it hasn't snowed much (only a few flakes), and it hasn't been unbearably cold. Of course I'm grateful. It's not bad. And I think about the homeless people. Even though they may not have stable homes, at least it's not completely cold outside. That's something to be appreciative for.

Anyways, we have a heater...well, two. One is for the dog. Her bed is on the back porch and so she has that one. And the other is for  the living room. Sometimes we would use the stove to heat the house. I'm not sure if my mom would be embarrassed to tell people this. I can write about it, but I feel talking about it isn't my place. I'm fine like this. :/ Sometimes I think my mom thinks I'm not. Like she keeps saying "You need a new coat/shoes etc." and I always tell her "no I don't, this one is still wearable." and it is! I do outwear my clothes and shoes. I wear them out, I won't lie. However, I would much rather do that than to constantly buy something when I don't actually need it.

I much prefer buying crafting items! Hm...handbags...hm...they're not so important. I wear those out too. I'd carry the same one for a long time until it falls apart hahaha Sometimes I am a little uncomfortable having those kinds of things shown in public to people because it may seem like I don't care for my health and everything, but that's not true. I like things being tidy.

Often times when I put something down in my room, it usually stays there. Such as, if I have a place for my shoes, I will unconsciously place my shoes there, even if it's in a corner. Hm...should I say I'm completely tidy.....I don't think I'm a neat freak. My room is comfortable. But if I'm not using a space and I toss some stuff in that space, it may stay that way until I use that space again. For example, I have a few books and notebooks under my bed (I don't have anywhere else to store them). So I often stack them up under my bed. I'd often go through and use a lot of books. And then when I'm done I would have tried myself out and just stack them in whatever way they get stacked.

Then I'd move on to something else the next day. Then some other time I'd decide to get a book, and would go and straighten things out.

Anyways, I'm gonna get some sleep. It's quiet now~~

Oh! And also, I wanted to make a statement. I really do not want to make it seem like I"m a victim in any situation. I just express what I'm feeling at the time. But in the end, I can see what I've done wrong in a certain situation. And those are the parts I work on. But I feel that I may be a talking a bit much about my mom. Emotionally it's very tough because it feels like I'm losing both of my parents.

But on the inside I know that they are my parents in the physical, but there's a much larger part of life that I belong to and this one is only a speck and I mean more in that other place than I would think I do here. Knowing that always encourages me to do my best. I always say "it sucks being sensitive!" I never wanted to admit it either. And I would probably still not say it out loud. But strange enough it seems like people know that I take things personally and get defensive lol I would think that I was hiding it so well. I do try to keep my cool as much as possible. I guess rather than always trying to do that, to just try my best to express myself.

That helps a lot. Anyways, I would like to thank everyone for today. Thanks so much!

Also, have a great day everyone~~
Mon