Concept drawing

Concept drawing is one of the most difficult parts of drawing for me. Especially if it's for a class.

The reason it's difficult for me during class is the fact that we have a deadline. When I'm freelancing, I create my own deadlines. But since a lot of my imagery is mentally worked out, placing it into physical work is takes longer.

Mainly I would have a general idea of what I want to do, but going in and putting in the details takes much more time. For example, I'm working on something now (for fun) and I've had this idea for a cover page for about a week. But I'm not quite sure what I want within the page.

I often pay a lot of attention to a character's personality, but because my drawing skills (drawing poses) is kind of limited, it's tough to show a character's personality through a pose.

But I've come to understand that roughing out work is very well worth it. I'll probably have to just sketch a few pictures first and not try to think of the whole thing just yet.

I've recently checked out some animation books, books about writing comics animation etc, and it's pretty interesting! Although I would think "oh gawd, this project is gonna take forever" I still think it's a pretty interesting field.To me it would seem like the easiest, grueling and time consuming, yes, but I think I do have some art skills.

I would like to start on my manga again. I finished Chapter 2 and was quite happy! The fact that I was able to finish that made me happy. The working process takes forever. All the inking and toning @___@

But this time around I would like to pay close more close attention to pacing, dialogue and the story of Chapter 3. When I went to re-read Chapter 2 I was kind of disappointed. I really didn't tell anything in Chapter 2. Chapter 1's artwork was crummy because I didn't really feel like drawing but the story was told well in Chapter 1. Chapter 2's artwork was a bit better, so with Chapter 3 I feel I should compile a bit of both and try my best in Chapter 3.

The in-between work is grueling mainly because it deals with thinking things through, it deals with camera angles, panels, pacing, placement etc. Phase two is story-boarding and making sure everything fits. Phase 3 is putting it into a work piece that's going to be presented. It also includes inking, toning and adding sound effects etc.

@__@ Just knowing that creating a manga is this much work only makes me realize it will be no walk in the park for animating.

However, I think the part which makes me want to toss my hands in the air the most is the coming-up-with-something phase.

I always ALWAYS think my stories through. ALWAYS. If I feel like I'm being forced to produce something really soon, I tense up. So I've been working on a lot of concepts now and writing out my ideas now so I won't have to worry about that.

Anyways, recently I've been working on understanding the planning portion of the process. Such as tips and tricks etc. And regardless if it's for manga or comic, the process if quite the same. I would like to work on the script, but I'm learning how to apply less but show more. Such as letting actions speak beyond the dialogue.

I definitely believe practicing by doing my own manga would help me tremendously!

Well, I'm kind of sleepy now. I'm just staying up for my sister. She said if I go to sleep and wake up then by that time she'll be going to sleep. Soooo I decided to just stay up with her. But I'm sooo sleepy D:

I guess I'll just work on a few more sketches. I'm thinking I'll always work on hand drawing a walk cycle for my 2D animation class.

Oh! And one more thing, on Thursday for my story-boarding class we'll (the class) will visit an animation studio! I've never been to one. I'm not completely excited, but I'm sure it will be quite interesting. I'm sure each studio is different but I wonder what this one will be like.

Mon

So much information *__*

Hi!

I just got done exercising with my younger sister @___@ I'm beat and we only exercised for 12 minutes and 40 seconds lol My sister hasn't exercised in so long, so she decided to exercise with me. I kept laughing at her because the exercise whooped her butt! Lol

Although my workout times are short (only when doing cardio) I really push myself so I get tired quicker.

But I'm working to increase my stamina and endurance.

While I'm at it I've decided to read about vitamins and minerals and their benefits. Lately I've been wanting to become more knowledgeable about health and the body. It's really interesting.

Anyways, because I often find something new that interest me I always think "woah! As humans, we have a lot of information so far!" And it makes me think, we have so much information do the people searching more new information and discover  new things even know about these things. What if things have been discovered in some other country and we just don't know about it yet.

Oh! By learning something new, me and my sister started watching this series on netflix called "The colony." It's really interesting! I like it because it teaches survival skills and it places everyday people in a post-apocalyptic situation and they stay in a deserted area for 50 days. Anyways, there is this guy in the new series whose eye's looked very familiar to me. I couldn't quite put my finger on it but then I remember!

It's Jake Gyllenhaal! My sister kept saying "It doesn't look like him" and I kept telling her not the guy's face but his eyes. And she kept saying it which annoyed me, because to me they seem to have similar eyes. Besides I didn't ask her to say it does or doesn't lol But, I'm sure other people may have experienced that, they see a certain feature on someone that reminds them of another person.

I guess telling that person their wrong isn't the best thing to do. I mean, because everyone sees  things differently. So the next time I hear someone say that, I won't object :/ After all, it's not hurting me any.

So my point! So since I had a picture of Jack pulled up on my computer I decided to read his bio on wiki. Only to find out that his father is of noble descent! Cool right! So I ended up looking up the Gyllenhaal history and a lot of his father's ancestors were generals, actors singers writer etc. One of them was even a Prime Minister!

I thought it was amazing how bloodlines are connected. However, in this kind of situation I don't know anything about my ancestors or about my grandmother's mother. I've always wanted to know.Of course I would expect my mom or her mom to just start talking to me about it to teach me something new. But nope, nothing.

The only thing I know is that my great grandma on my mom's side was actually Irish and my mom was named after her. :/ But that's not enough. Not only that but all this time when I thought my grandma on my dad's side was my real grandma, it turns out she isn't (but I still considered her to be my grandma though because I grew up with her).

My dad never told me this, but my grandma did.

So our family is kind of mixed and matched to the point I don't know who to ask.. I only met my real grandma once and that was at my grandpa's funeral when my dad's father passed and it was only briefly.. She asked me if I knew her and I said "no." I've honestly never seen that lady. But I guess she probably saw me once as a baby or something. I have no idea why some adults think we'll remember them if we happened to see them as babies. I mean c'mon, at times like that we have the attention span of a mouse....or like a rock or something.

But back to the point of this article. It's the fact that there's so much to learn out there! It's kind of hard to get bored. Unless of course a person hates to read and there are no new movies out. But recently I find it quite tiring to want to learn a new hobby. Back in high school I started to learn Japanese for fun. And everyday I would study it. But now I don't even want to study it lol But I know eventually I will study again soon.

I think languages are fun new hobbies. I like listening to music in different languages, but since I only know how to pronounce Japanese, I usually only sing in Japanese and English.

But I have a singer I like, I like two of her songs, her name is Lara Fabian. There is a song called "Je t'aime" I really like. I would like to sing this song. It's in French though and I don't know how to pronounce French. I also have a few song in Korean that I like. And one song in Turkish that I like. Then a few songs in Chinese. I guess as long as I learn by way of singing, it could be fun to learn a new language.

But not just languages are a form of information, but think of the things you can read in those languages. The possibilities are endless.

Hm....y'know, I don't think I learn to be more knowledgeable but to not get bored. I often get restless if I can't stimulate my mind. It's not a "I need more knowledge" kind of thing, but more like "I need to keep my mind busy or I'll go nuts!!"

So this is why I pick up one thing, drop it, pick up something new, drop it, pick up something new, drop that and move between all of these.

But from going through different things, I believe there's so much out there that it would take sooo long to read them all. I guess universal information is so immense. I once read that as souls we have knowledge of all of these and we only go to build on new things and bring it here with us to  build up life. Which is more interesting because that means that there will always be more and more information. Just like the billions of souls who have different individual likes dislikes and things that interest them.

Well, That's all for now.

Bye
Mon

His wife had the baby!★ Yay! + My day

So someone I know on a blog network for learning Japanese, his wife had a baby!★ Yay~♪

I'm very happy for them. When he typed the blog, he seemed very excited. Of course he had spoken about his wife being pregnant beforehand. But I didn't expect to be so excited and happy for them.

Oh! And actually another friend of mines is pregnant as well. She already told me it's a girl. She is the one that I said had dated my uncle. However the baby isn't my uncles. But I am happy she will have a girl. She had spoken to me before about how she wanted a boy and a girl. So she seems quite happy.

Also, I'm feeling a bit better today. I wasn't sick, but I have been thinking. Today I was writing an email to my friend in China, and when she asked me how I was doing I was going to tell her I wasn't so good and start to go on about how I couldn't take living here with my mom and sister. I had to stop and observe what I was doing. I deleted that and told her I was fine. I am okay! I'm healthy and I haven't gotten sick. My bitterness towards situations in the past few days, I don't have to talk about those. I mean she's quite happy! She recently got a new job and she stated that she really likes it.

To me, that makes me happy. I don't look at her situation in jealousy and say "I wish I was that way", it would be strange for me to even consider that. I often wonder how people could not be happy for someone who is doing well. Well, anyways,I  can't judge them.

Anyways, as I said I deleted that. I realized that I'm thinking negatively about the situation. Of course I see the good in my situation, I see the good in my sisters and my mom and my relatives, I see their good qualities, and yes I see their flaws as well. But I don't want to just see their flaws, I want to accept both sides. So yes, this house drives me a little nuts, but I should take in this moment. Of course things could end, so why be ungrateful for everything.

Of course I think that it's a bit nuts to accept the bad with the good, however those two things are what make up life. The bad adds excitement, and a bit of nervousness, it keeps us on our toes, it challenges our minds and our hearts.

Moving on with this, I told her what I've been up to lately. Recently I have not been logging on to many things, mainly skypes. In  the past I would often logon to skypes and chat with some friends in Japan. I've come to realize that I don't think I could handle having a huge amount of friends lol

You see, when I don't have many people to worry about (friends in particular) I like to spend time with each of them individually. But when it comes to talking to huge amounts of people, I'm happy I won't lie, but it way to many people to talk to at once. So I try to keep the amount of people I chat with to a limit. Not in terms of numbers, but in terms of chatting with online or chatting with in person. I don't often chat over the phone, I dunno why, but I don't.

It may seems strange to say this, but I prefer to chat in person. But I know I mentioned in other entries about how I don't hang out with people. Well, I'll explain this, it works this way. If I were to be in a building and I'd run into someone I know, I would chat with them. We may even end up sitting down for a snack and chatting away. I like moments like this. It's not planned out and it feels more natural to me.

However, if they were to ask me to dinner or something I would probably decline lol I don't know why, but I would. I would prefer to fall into the situation of having dinner with someone. For instance, if I'm eating somewhere and I end up bumping into someone at the same place, I wouldn't mind them being around me at that time.

Because I don't often plan my days out (not in the way where I have a timed schedule, but in the way of saying "I have to do this, this and this today") so having a set time to do something is just something I don't often do, unless of course, it's for work or something.

Anyways, I'm really happy for these people. I can't predict what will happen next for them, but I'm sure it will be along the lines of A. becoming a parent and B. making money from a job she enjoys :P

In the end, moments like these really make me happy to be alive~

Mon

"who knows what the future will bring"

Hi!

Thanks to a friend of mines commenting on one of my entries with that topic, I thought to myself "yes! What the future will bring!" with a twinkle of excitement in my eyes! *smiles*

Maybe I'm just being optimistic, but the future brings, whatever we want it to bring.

Okay, I'll elaborate, please read on.

So, one day I stopped and had an "OH!" moment. I had realized I was living in the future a minute after the minute before haha And yet, I didn't even know I was living in the future the minute before, and now that minute that was after the minute before is my present and the next minute that's to come would be my future minute, and then become my present minute leaving my previous minute to be my past minute.

Honestly, it took me all day to shut my head up with that thought. But knowing that had me realize that each second that passes is a part of our life experience, and how we live it, or how we view it, is what our past moment will be.

Of course there are certain forces that are kind of out of our control. Death being one, but suicide is a word that is no stranger to us and some people feel the need to control their own death. But I won't go on to that.

Now, here's my point. We say "I can't control the future", true, you can't control your outer forces, but you can certainly control what you say, do and think in relations to that outer force.

So what about the future? So since my friend wrote this I'm quite happy.

Because we are our future!!

Isn't that exciting?! I know I'm excited.

Now it seems bleak. But it's just like a blank canvas....wait, scratch that, it's like a room. People come in and out of this room, some disregard leaving a mess behind, others have come and tried to clean up only to find that someone else came in and mess it up and they threw their hands up in the air and said "well! This is stupid, I'm not gonna keep cleaning up their mess!!"

So how to deal with this?

Of course we don't want to keep cleaning up everyone's mess right?

Moving away would be a great idea, buttttt we all live on the same planet.

So we have to work together. The more people who are even considering or willing to work together the better.

For the most part I think people make messes because they either don't know it's bothering anyone else, they don't realize that their mess is causing a problem or they just don't care.

Now I don't know if we could even think about changing the one who don't care, but I blame their conditioning lol it's embedded in their head.

Now I will say that I've come to realize that we definitely DO learn from pain. Such as hoarders. There was once a lady, she collected so much stuff and the stuff crumbled on her and she died.

You see. Most people would probably argue that that's such a small situation. It is. But it's very similar. The only difference is the scale of the issue.

She aren't just talking about a room, we are talking about a world. Saying "it's the right thing to do" just will not cut it anyone. It's way to common.

However, I find the reason why some people just won't listen is because it doesn't attract their attention. It doesn't mean anything at this very moment.

I mean think about it, do you really think someone who is only interested in art would be interested in quantum physics? Probably not. However, if you were to tell them that we are all out of trees, we won't be able to produce anymore pencils or paper for you anymore, than what are they to do? They may very well try to find a solution right??

Because some people aren't concerned or affected by what some people consider an issue, they won't care.

However, if something they are interested in is affected, then they will pay attention.

Here's a recent example. During the recession people lost their jobs right. However, take those same people, place them in a job and have them walk pass a homeless person. For the most part, when they had their job, they were to busy to even see that homeless person, let alone truly CARE, even if they knew that person was there, they were too BUSY.

Now fast-forward, that same person who walked by doesn't have a job, and now all he/she can do is to just watch the one's who do have jobs, and wonder how they will find a new one. How they will pay their rent. How they will feed their children.

Do you see a pattern?

When we ignore, we are placed in the situation we weren't pay attention to eventually.

It's like we have these answering machines strapped to ourselves, and every once in a while, we'll get a message and it goes "BEEP", we ignore it (just like I'm sure some people will listen to messages and keep going). Then we get the call again. We ignore it. Then IT shows up. IT says "hey, I've been calling. Now I  must show you"

Being mindful, I'm starting to see, is a very helpful virtue.

As I always say you DON'T have to follow any of this. That's why we have freewill.

But I will say this, we do create our futures. And unless we step up and work together to clean our home, the one we ALL share, the mess will only accumulate. The time to act is now!

We, the one's living now, are the builders for our future generations. Just as the builders before us created the future we have now.

*chuckles* And honestly I will tell you, although in the past I see that people have made a few mistakes, at least they did something. I seriously think this generation is quite lazy. Seriously, since about 1999 I haven't seen anything new or unheard of. No new movements beside gay marriages being legalized in some states and marijuana being legalized in others. Besides that, no major break-through. 

I don't know about you all, but I will certainly try my hand at creating another golden age.

What will you make of your future?

Mon

Awww, please don't give up

Hi!

I just got home from school. Well, actually I'm at my older sister's house. She takes me to school on Tues. so I stay at her house from Monday evening to Wednesday afternoon, then she drops me off at home.

Okay, so today in my first class the teacher gave us an assignment to come up with a brief synopsis using 3 categories for story-writing she provided for us.

When it was time to discuss, this guy (who I realized may be shy or have some kind of nervousness behavior) decided to talk about he's story. But halfway through he started to stammer and seemed quite embarrassed. He would lower his head and place his hand on his head. He told the teacher to just pass him, but the teacher tried to encourage him to continue, he tried, but gave up again and told the teacher to go to someone else.

I asked him what he had written down (because he had some stuff written down) and that got him talking again. He started to explain what he wrote and was finally able to finish telling us the story. I think I understand what happened. His story wasn't completely in fine details, and I guess he tried to wing it and it didn't go so well.

Anyways I'm glad he didn't give up.

Honestly if you have an idea just give it a try and talk to someone about it. If they don't like it, big whoop. Who cares? However, I guess you would say some people care.

Here's what I find to be helpful. Rather than just tossing someone's idea aside, ask a question about it. Mention what you liked first, and then give some feedback. Just straight up telling a person it sucks isn't a real answer lol It's honesty in a way that it seems you want to make the person feel bad.

If something is bad, you don't have to up say so.

I don't think everyone will be this way. Which is cool. But in my eyes, I would definitely like people to feel comfortable when they speak. School should be a great environment where a person can speak and express themselves.

The fact that everyone just sat in silences as he suffered like that had to be a bit tough.

I've never been completely embarrassed to speak my mind, and even if I was I still spoke it regardless of what people thought. Knowing that it could cause a person to not want to speak is what made me try to get him talking again. I would really like for all my classmates to feel at least a bit comfortable and to not feel intimidated. For the most part, all the other students seem to be friendly, which is good.

Y'know, dealing with situations like this on my own, where if I said something people would criticize what I said or try to shot down what I said (which usually didn't work lol) it made me take a look at that and say "i will treat a person different than how I've been treated", which is with respect. Which is by listening. Which is by lending a hand when I can.

It's to test myself. In honestly I don't look for much in return from that person but a simple acknowledgement that there are people who care and that the world isn't a place filled with horrible people.

For example, it's tough living with my mom. She's been quite negative lately. It's tough for me because being in those situations take a toll on me. But I try to be understanding. And simply the only thing I wish of her is that she simply treat me like another human being rather than some verbal abusing dummy. In situations like that I try to avoid. I know they are no good for me. What use to they provide for me?

But for people, not including my immediate family, I feel like I can tolerate a lot more from them as long at that aren't treating me like crap just for the heck of it.

Anyways, as I said, I would like to treat people the opposite of the negative ways I've been treated. Honestly it doesn't feel unnatural for me. Of course I still have my bad mood.

So I'd like to say that although I can't speak for everyone in the world, there are people who do not mind hearing what you have to say. I'm sure there definitely is. There are billions of people on this Earth, so saying that not one person would like to hear what you say is over-exaggerating and a bit clinical of yourself.

You are just as special as anyone else. But even if I told you this, it won't mean anything until you believe it.

So! I have one assignment for you if you feel this way, for one day (a week if you're daring), just don't give up. If there is something new you would like to try, just go for it! Don't give up if you fail.

And if you do fail, try it again. Understand that something new, is just that: NEW. It takes time to understand it. Just like being a baby and learning to walk takes time. So will anything new. ^^

I believe you can do it!

Good luck!

Mon

Winter Blues + Health + Fossil fuels

Hi!

How are you?

I'm doing fine! ^^

Today I'd like to talk about winter. There is not much happening in Chicago!! By "nothing" I mean no snow. In the winter when it's cold, I would like to play in the snow. The family dogs would even play and the snow and eat it.

But it's a little boring to me. *sighs* So in the winter when it would snow, the snow would be my entertainment D: This is completely unheard of!

Anyways, I'm already making small plans for the spring. Okay, not plans, but a plan. I would like to learn to garden. I'm thinking I'll start with maybe a few flowers, and one vegetable. At Walmart they actually sell this tomato garden thing where a person can practice with one tomato. I think that's best.

I have an ivy plant which I used for a biology project :( But no matter what I do, the poor thing is wilting away. I think because it's probably too cold for it. Speaking of the plant, I have to water it.

Also, I remember when, last summer, me and my mom were working on growing some vegetables, she stopped taking care of them. So it was only me. All of the other vegetables died but one. I was so determined to keep that one growing :/ But it wilted lol I was so disappointed.

Well, I have things set for the future time. I don't mean like my career or things of that nature, but I  mean health wise. For example, giving up junk food and moving towards a healthier food choice. Not going to fast food joints etc. I would like to learn to cook many different things so I won't have a need to go to a restaurant.

It's a great hangout place, but I've been so turned off by restaurants it's ridiculous. The last two places I visited with my family, they're utensils still had food on them!! D: That's food poisoning waiting to happen. I often check my utensils before I use them.

After reading a little about our bodies and how they work, I feel it's necessary to treat mines with the best care and attention. I would like to inform people on these things as well. And recently I've been thinking it's like playing doctor! But I definitely don't want to charge people for it. If I do charge them it would be based on the time they would be giving to me and allowing me to talk to them.

Oh! Speaking of charge, back in school I would often give my work away. I was amazed at how people would say "you should sell your work", before they said that,  that way of working never crossed my mind. It seemed strange to me. But I understand. But my thing was this, I'm me. No one else. I can always ALWAYS create something better later. My mom would say "if you become famous, they could sell it" and I thought that that is kind of an issue, but also it's okay.

It's an issue because I took time to draw something for someone as a gift and they sold it. But it's okay because they can get money for it lol If they need the money, then okay, sell it. Is this a naive way of thinking? In the end, I probably wouldn't know anyways. I've given away some of my drawings and forgot who I gave them to.

But what's interesting is this, to me art (even if it's not the best) is something a person leaves you with. I have a few things people have made me. Although I am a little upset. That guy I mentioned before, we wrote me maybe two letters and I think I tore them up and threw them away out of frustration lol I threw away a memory haha

Anyways, I think if people still have my artwork, it's great. They often remember me by that. But I wish I got something from them in return.

Well, I like to give things just to give them. Especially if someone likes it. But i don't like mean, my shirt off my back. Like, if I'm walking down the street and someone says "I like that shirt!" I won't just take my shirt off and give it to them. But if it were a dire situation, that's a different story.

It's funny how I went from talking about Winter to talking about playing doctor to talking about charging people. In the end, these aren't even remotely related lol

But I do kind of get bothered how people are charged for their health.By this I mean they have to pay to stay in good health. I've often mentioned how I prefer natural healing methods over over the counter medicine.

I find this a little...hm...Well, here's the thing. I have a book about herbs, but it's kind of similar to regular medicines. However without the huge amount of side effects. But there is a warning based on how much a person should take, the risk of taking too much, etc.

But I feel if a person is being charged so much, why not use natural medicine. I think it's sad that people get charged for things like that. Oh! You're ear aches, oh you lost a limb, okay I'll help you! Oh! Here's your bill! Sometimes, somethings can't be helped, people get sick and hurt, why charge them?

Yes yes, I know, the answer is obvious."Well, how will they make a living without money?"

And that's the thing. Money doesn't make our living. Money doesn't make us healthy. It doesn't give us sight. But the image being placed in front of us would certainly make us thing that money is everything.

I believe in the past people would trade objects as payment. But here we use money. Urgh...the whole system is just kind of annoying but I understand it, and that's what's annoying me lol I know why we do things the way we do, but I think in terms of "well, if something suddenly happens, if we are in a situation where money value decreased and it meant nothing, how would people who have been conditioned to think helping you= you giving me money, how would that play out?"

I know it's a bleak thing, but I'm really considering this. Think about the Great Depression. Money became useless, I'm sure people became sick. Were they charged their health. Just for a doctor to come and do a good deed, to just check out the child and see what's wrong, did they charge that family who couldn't pay? Did  they push them to the side because they couldn't pay?


This is what I meant when I say we have created a system that we just can't control. How the heck is that even impossible! This system is completely invisible, and yet we abide by it. Why??

A teacher of mines once tried to explain it, but it still didn't make sense as to why it's the way it is.

I would never forget this, but having windmills:

https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=white+windwills&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_qf.&bvm=bv.41248874,d.b2I&biw=1366&bih=667&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&tab=wi&ei=mqX9UJ-NL8P02gWKuoCgCQ#um=1&hl=en&tbo=d&tbm=isch&spell=1&q=white+windmills&sa=X&ei=nKX9UKPLCKWA2QXk04D4Dg&ved=0CFIQvwUoAA&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_qf.&bvm=bv.41248874,d.b2I&fp=388269a3c9865a23&biw=1366&bih=667 <---these

I said they don't damage the earth, why not make these. He said it's too expensive. I instantly thought "why not make them because they help the earth!?"

Why does it cost to do what we feel would improve the earth and humanity???

If I knew how to make those things, I would. Because I know it would help everyone!

When I read some biology stuff, I came to realize why it's said to not conserve energy. It's because the factories used to give us our power is run off of fossil fuels. We can run out of that. Also, the gas from those factories can get into our water and cause some major damage to our water supply.

Okayyyyy...... *sighs* So mainly, they have the answers to not having the gas damage our water supply by using these white windmills, we won't be burning fossil fuels and killing the fishes living in the water. So far I see we just solved 3 major problems and yet there is worry that it's too expensive??? O__o I just don't get it.

When I read about the factory stuff in that biology book, I was baffled!

If we went into a Great Depression, knowing people have the ability to create and build, would we not do it because we're not getting paid for it??????????

That is my question. If a person is not getting paid, will they do it willingly?

I won't argue that some people will do it. Some will try. But then there may very well be those people who feel they HAVE to get paid. That they won't do anything.

It's difficult to speak for the past because I didn't live during those times, but I will imagine that in the past when there were tribes, the people had to work together to make a safe community. Like with Native Americans. There is this thing where they teach use that they had hunters and they had gathers. They helped each other. I'm not sure if they used money *shrugs*

But I know they were able to live here before the pilgrims came and took over. Know I have read that they even traded. They created an traded.

*sighs* maybe I'm just nuts or something to think this.

But this goes back to my artwork. If I can create it, why must I charge a person? I have this ability to create something that could make someone happy and I selfishly keep it to myself because I feel I must be paid??

So yes, that is my point lol so I just wrote of all this just to say that lol

Back to spring, I would like to use fresh food to create yummy meals to serve. To decorate my own home and furnish it nicely to have people over. I like having a cozy and warm atmosphere to allow people to feel relaxed.

So I'm often into pastel colors or warm colors such as light browns or tanned colors. Why am I stating this all of a sudden? Lol

Well, I would definitely like to share this. Hm...Oh! Speaking of sharing, even though I'm a bit annoyed by the situation, I said I understand because they use the money for a purpose....sometimes lol

For example, an artist may charge in order to use the money to buy more equipment for doing art. Or a farmer may charge to buy better things to increase the speed at which they are able to work to gather up their crops.

So you see, I understand that. But I still question it a lot. I would like someone to explain these things to me. It may very well take away my annoyance.

*stares off* I hope people will not take advantage of me in the future lol I'll be really really angry if they do.

Mon

Being fake (?)

Hi!

I'm watching a video now about a girl who seems pretty upset for being called fake. 
Personally, I've never been called fake before. I have been told that I behave like I'm better than everyone else or that I behave like I don't want to be bother though lol that just makes me laugh.

Anyways, the lady in the video is talking about (I guess someone did this to her) how she may have been called fake for wearing make-up. Honestly,  I've never heard this before. Do we seriously live in a world where a person's outer appearance can speak for them before they even open their mouth?

Well, I typed this on her video: 

"Woah, make-up makes a person fake?? I've never heard that one before.If I can add to this, I think certain people have their beliefs on what's real and what isn't. Such as some people may believe being bluntly honest is real,and some people may find it to me rude.In the end,you can't be everything everyone wants you to me.I would say it would be impossible,but I think by the nightfall, the person trying to do this would have many many characters to the point they can't find who they really are."

I could sit here and ramble about this and say why calling people names is "wrong", but I won't. That would just be a waste of  time. This topic is completely on my list of things that I find to be kind of pointless and not worth talking about. 

I'll simply say this, what a person wears is their means of self- expression. Let them wear what they want because if it's messing with their mentality, THEY would have to deal with it not YOU.

It's very great that you are so concerned for that person to the point where you feel the need to address your opinions of them. But honestly, if they haven't asked you for your opinion, why make a scene and give it. 

It could be as simple as this:

When you see them, keep walking and let it be.

If someone, simply passing you in a hallway, annoys you that much, maybe you should consider searching in yourself why it's bothering you so much. And if you have bad history, let it go. Holding grudges against other people will only make you seem like a bitter person or make it seem like you're hating on the person.

And for the most part, I can see that people who speak their opinions may not be hating, it may be that they are venting or are annoyed so they feel the need to express themselves verbally. But consider this, when you open your mouth to bash someone, just like you calling that person "fake" you are setting yourself up to be called names by others.

That's all I have to say about this.

Thanks for reading.

Mon

Being right and being wrong

Hi!

I'll be going to bed soon.  I woke up from a nap at about  9 p.m. At first I was just planning to stay asleep, but since I laid down at 7 p.m. I don't think I would have been able to stay asleep very long. So I woke up.

Anyways, I wanted to talk about being right and being wrong.

After some time of thinking about this I realized how much of a double-standard and contradictory world we live in.

How some things are okay in certain situations, but not in others. Or how it's okay to do certain things sometimes, but not at certain times.

I've come to see that either these are to to preserve a kind of harmony or keep us in line based on someone else's rules.

Looking past this system, I think how is it possible to create something that even you can't control??

For example, a lot of people seem to be suffering from the economical system. How is that even possible? This system was man-made. I guess I may have the wrong idea,but to me it's the same issue with money. I once asked my mom about money. She told me that they create new money (which waste trees) for some reason (I forgot) and they (I think) burn the old money, or just store it away somewhere. But anyways, after a certain amount of years, that old money is not useful as currency.

To me, that's just plain stupid!! So there are trees being cut down, the very fiber of what helps us create homes, not just for humans but for animals, just to be shredded down and tossed away. Honestly that's just plain stupid.

And here's what's worst. After taking that biology class (which now I don't regret taking), I've come to understand that a decrease in an animal's habitat can limit their population. Think about this please people. If your home is destroyed, where would you forge for food? Where would you go??? Without food or shelter, what will you do??

In situations like this, I can see the reaping and sowing or mankind. I would think to myself "that's harsh to think that way." but when you look at it, it's only that. The world works as a system. Kind of like how we have a system. However, only this universal system cannot be destroyed. But ours certainly can.

Look at what happened to the Roman Empire. Power does not guarantee everything. Power is limited. Well, power that is corrupt.

Of course I may live like everyone else. And my sister kind of scolded me for this. I would think "I have these thoughts, but what to do with them?" Sometimes talking is just talking. It gives no actions. But I know for sure that I like to consider all before going into action. I can be reckless with my actions sometimes.

Anyways, I'm a part of this system. I'm sure people are aware, but maybe they just feel "well, I'll do something later" and when that later comes, it would probably be at it's peak and explode. I guess as one person I know I probably couldn't do much alone. It's that part of knowing one's limit.

But honestly, maybe in the beginning I would have to be a one man army. Some of the greatest people stood despite the odds placed in front of them.

All I say is give me the signal and I'll go running. I just can't take this. Honestly the picture is in front of us, and some of us just play blind and turn away. Saying 'oh, we'll just leave someone else to do  it." But why! Everyone is in this together.

*sighs* I steered off topic lol

Anyways, digging through being right and wrong I've come to see that what may be considered right for one person may not be right for another one. So then I question, what could be factual? For example, to the mass, putting a hand over a fire would tell us that it's hot (tell our brains). However, what if a person lacked this kind of thing.

I don't think it's impossible. After all we live in a world with billions of people.

In certain situations, I guess these studies are based on the majority and ignoring the minority. But when that minority stands up and say "but hey, that's not true. I'm not that way." the we have ourselves a contradictory statement.

I see how simple things could be true statements. Such as "water is wet", but things like "the sky is blue" may not always be true, especially to a color blind person, or a person who lacks the ability to see color at all. They may see it as being only gray and white. And they may argue with you all day long about how what you see isn't true.

And it boils down to this. Your perception! It's an amazing thing. Mix your perception with a bit of emotions and imagination, and you've got yourself a few issues. Especially when trying to relate with someone who has their own perceptions and mind.

I can sit here and go on and on about how I don't think I'm right about anything (I definitely don't think so) but someone may argue with me and say "but you certainly act like this" (<---my sister actually said this)   but I'm not gonna argue, and I'm not gonna shut up either.

I honestly got tried of just keeping everything to myself. Sitting in the dark being told to know my place. That kind of stuff is quite unnecessary. Just like I'm gathering all my strength to not respond to ignorant responses and just turn away, so can you. And then we can just move on with our lives. It's nothing to stop your life for, to give someone so much attention, to just prove your point.

Speaking from my own experience, I know I can't change the way a person thinks. And I know I could try to explain to a person what I mean but that doesn't mean it will make sense to another person (trust me, I live with people who just don't seem to get or want to get what I'm saying and I'm becoming more and more immune to it with time). Mainly what I do is this, and for the most part it's not intentionally that I'm trying to be mean or harsh, but if someone was to say something, I would be able to pick out something that sounds like a contradiction. I would question them on what they said. Not to make them embarrassed, but to 1. understand how they came to that conclusion and 2. elaborate.

I tried to explain this to my younger sister. But she just was not getting it. I explained to her that I even do this to myself (the reason I think a lot in the first place). I don't know if I've been this way all my life, but I've just recently become aware of it. Honestly it's annoying! But at least I can't say I'm bored.

So yes, I do this to myself as well. This is why I think I'm quiet harsh with myself. I tell myself when I should and shouldn't listen. How I should and shouldn't behave. So that time when my teacher made a statement about how we all need the government (or something like this), I told her to step outside of that system. Imagine if it was all destroyed, than what?

In the end, I play these scenarios in my head. The "what-if" scenarios. They aren't like expectations. No, they are just me going through different processes. Kind of like with making a hypothesis. In life, everything is possible. I don't things are impossible, difficult sometimes, but not impossible.

I don't expect them to happen, but I do consider them.

But at the end of the day, do I think they are "right"? Absolutely not. I don't think they are. To some people it may seem like I don't have confidence in what I'm saying. I would say that's not true, but it's not a statement of it being true or not. Because by tomorrow, what I'm saying could be false, or it could have some error that I didn't realize than. So to say I have no confidence just doesn't work.

I think, just taking me as me without trying to place a label is the best possible thing. Not just me but every other person. It's called "seeing the person for who they are, not for who you think they are."

I understand impressions. But as children, before those things became important, before anyone told us what kind of a person a person "may be" we were wide eyed and without judgement. Questioning everything not to be annoying, but questioning just to question. We were adventures. We had imagination. We did just took what was and went with it.

I once read an article about how if a child got upset, they would get over it and go play again. I thought back to my childhood, and it's true. However, the repetition of a certain thing could cause our perception to change.

Mainly what I would like to say is that I'm speaking from my own world. Not just what I see on the outer world but what I feel on the inside. To me, it's like deciphering a puzzle. Some pieces fit together, and some just aren't meant to fit together, but that doesn't mean it's not a part of the puzzle. Each piece is just as important to showing the whole image when it's complete.

So to end this, my advice would be to see the whole picture.

Oh! And also, sense I get the feeling people may take things the way they want to, all I can say is to just try your best with living your life. Nothing I posted here as to apply to you. I'm not trying to attack anyone by saying these things. It's just simple thoughts.

So if you feel attacked, please note that I do not know you lol I don't know you, so how could I possibly be attacking you with my words here.

Well, that's all. I think I covered a little bit of being right and wrong, if not anything about it as all lol I at least said a few things.

Anyways, I'll be heading in soon. I've been reading this manga! I really love it.

More in my next entry~

Mon

P.S. Writing these are for my own enjoyment and release.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I wonder if the best thing to do is to wish someone the best.

It's like, "I'm almost certain they will make a mistake, but good luck anyways."

In a sense, it's kind of like placing your trust in that person. It's a way of saying "Well, it seems like a bad situation, but I trust you will do your best" kind of thing.

There is a friend of mines who often ask "do you worry about me?"

And I would have to think. It seems harsh, but I don't. Hm....I worry about people's health and well-being, but I don't worry to the point where I feel the need to call them everyday.

I've come to realize that we live our lives. That people come and go. Since we (my family and I) have always moved a lot, I've gotten use to just letting people go and not worry about it anymore.

I think this is good and not so good. Because for one it seems harsh, but at the same time it makes it easier for me to release certain things.

At the same time I look at this and wonder if it could possibly be a defense mechanism.

But I guess because it's almost normal to me, it's probably not. It's just simply something I'm use to.

Hm....the only thing I can do with people I have met, whether they be friends or just a person I run across, I can just wish them the best on their lives with trust that they will always try their best and continue on.

As long as I know a person I know will continue on, I'm happy.

It's simple, but that's what matters to me the most.

Mon

A short poem + Animations and drawing

Chasing our reflections shadows
it's much more out of reach
chasing our reflections shadow

Following our heart's footstep
it's almost invisible
following our heart's footstep

Watching ourselves the outside
it's much higher than a mountain
when we watch ourselves from up high

We lightly fall towards the earth like little twinkling stars
We lightly fall into a warm cocoon
embracing the heart of life
unaware of fights
dreaming of taking flight

Reaching for dreams
determination it seems
Suddenly....


Mon

(I can't think of an ending lol )
*****************************************************************

Hi!

I've tried my hands at writing poetry. But I they always sound funny to me lol Feels kind of cheesy.

Anyways, right now I just took a short break from my drawing assignment. It's not as intense as I thought. I just simply have to organize my thoughts and find out what works and what doesn't. I think I'm much too worried about making something that isn't too different but not to similar. I have a certain kind of art I like, so maybe it's okay to stick to that.

Right now working on wording out what I want to draw. I can see them in my head, but getting them on paper is the difficult part. It's like my hands and brain don't want to work together. If I were a copy machine and could copy my ideas down on paper that way, that would be awesome!!

Oh! And also, I'm happy to know that I'm not the only person who leaves artwork unfinished. Leonardo De Vinci was the same way! And I didn't know that. It made me a bit more happy. I'm sure it's not an excuse for me to get nothing done, but I don't feel like I need to rush either.

When I feel rushed, I panic. Not like crazy, but it's more like I forget things. So I don't like rushing.

My mom hates it lol For example, if I had to be at school we would have to leave soon. But if I know my mom is doing something, like her make-up or something. I would just sit and wait. I know I"ll be late, but I don't want to rush her. I don't want people to forget things.

Anyways, I'm working on the storyboards for class tomorrow. Hm...My excitement kind of died down when I looked down at the blank paper. I thought to myself "darnit! I have to actually draw the images to start with the animation process."

Knowing that put me off times one million lol But I'm working on it. Oh! Also, my comic, I finished Chapter 2 before my classes started. So I'm really happy! That was my goal. Here is the link:

http://www.smackjeeves.com/comicprofile.php?id=117786

It's a comedy/romance story.

I like serious stuff too, but I don't like mixing comedy and serious stuff together. It takes away the comedy.

Well, that's all for now.

Mon

Class + a few thoughts

Today class was great! I'm actually quite surprised at how excited I was.

I actually can't wait to work on animating, to the point I can't focus on drawing out my characters. Since my two classes coincide with each other I may use the same character for both classes.

I found that, not just in drawing but also in singing, I've forgotten how to just flow with the art.

I have all kinds of ideas coming through, but I'm judging them too much. Tossing them aside and saying "No, that will be too difficult." I know this is no good, that kind of attitude will not due. Inside, I will draw what comes to mind and ask advice from my teachers. Since, of course, they know the programs we'll be using.

Never toss aside an idea. This is what I have to learn to do. So I'll put this into practice.

I also got some books from the school library on perspective. I think it will help me tremendously to improve my work.

Our first assignment (for the first class) is to do 15-20 boards for a story our teacher gave us. The other class assignment is to have one character prepared for animating. Personally, I do like this school. Yes,  the students do talk a lot, but at least I can find a quiet place to go. At the school downtown I wasn't able to find quiet places to go. It was quite crowded.

The teachers are also very nice. They are not pressuring at all.

That's not to say that all the teacher will be this way, but the first impression is great!

Also, I would like to thank my mom and sister for dropping me off on Tues. and Thurs. My sister drops me off on Tuesday and my mom drops me off on Thursday. I don't think they know how much I really appreciate their help!

Moreover, I would like to thank the new people who have come into my life and have helped me in simple ways such as allowing me to just ramble, and to for giving me advice! For the most part they will say something like "take one thing at a time"

It's helpful to me! It seems like, at times, I'm a deer running around in circle. I'll get this eventually. But even so, even if I somehow keep following into the same pattern, I'll get it eventually. I'm listening to you, I just don't quite get it. But I would still like to thank you for your help! I really do appreciate each and every one of you. Thank you~

For a while I've felt like I've had no support, which is quite strange given my circumstances. I guess I've been a bit stubborn. Some people will not be able to be here for me when I feel I need them. Sometimes I will have to rely on myself in order to get where I need to go. Of course that doesn't mean they don't support me when I'm working on something, it's just they aren't going to be there all the time.

I've also realized that I really do need quiet time everyday! Without it I go a little nuts. Having sound blaring in my ear all day makes me a little unnerved. I even found myself becoming a bit irritated with some of my classmates who just kept talking so much during class. Especially when the teacher was trying to teach. I bared with it, but when the lecture was done I simply removed myself from the area and went to a quiet place to work and think. The teacher even told me about a quiet room downstairs *smiles* I was really happy!

I do enjoy chatting with people, but sometimes I do like to have some quiet time.

For instance, I've found that if I had an entire day of noise, I'll need about an hour of two without noise. In my birth chart it mentioned this. I try not to take everything in that chart too seriously, but it has some points that are just like me. Sometimes I would feel bad just going off on my own to work.

I remember I've had people tell me they thought I was mean because I was so quiet and didn't seem like I wanted to be bother. But after some time of hanging out with me they were very surprised. I don't get angry when people say that. I can understand how it could come across that way. Especially if something begins to bother me, I will just get up and walk away to breath before I say anything. At times like that I would analyze myself, then I would return and explain to the person why I left and how I felt.

Since I know I get irritated a bit quickly, I feel that having a way of dealing with it is my best option.Also I'm learning to bite my lip a bit more (not literally...kinda). If someone says something I disagree with, I would simply keep my mouth shut. Of course because they didn't ask me for my opinion. I don't feel I'm doing this for them only, but for me. I would like to be the kind of person who is not affected by those kinds of things.

Just like how I know I need to learn things and go into things knowing that it's my own choice, I wouldn't want anyone to interfere, I feel that other people may feel the same way. Leave some room for learning. We love, yes it's hard to see our loved ones doing things that can/could/are harming them. It's tough! But at the end of the day, we are not them and we can't make their choices for them. In the end, they are the ones who ultimately have to learn the lesson.

Oh! Back to the point. I am not mean hahaha I can't make people view me differently. If I did I would be behaving unnaturally. I'm well aware that sometimes I come off as unapproachable, especially when I don't want to be bothered or when I'm thinking. It comes off as me being mean, but it's me not wanting to be bothered at that moment. Of course if someone were to approach me I'd talk to them, but I would hope they would give me more time.

But for the most part I don't think I'm mean :3 Just busy often in thought. But there's an advantage to this! This guy once told me that some guys wouldn't approach me because of my aura. Hm...something like I have an aura that is...hm...something like those kinds of guys wouldn't be able to phase me or something like that lol

It's true! I'm often amazed by, not material things, not by a person who is trying to force me to see their swag, but the actions a person does. A friend of mines posted a video on fb of a guy who helped, a man pretending to be Muslim, fix his tire. Although the guy who helped was kind of annoying me with his speech, I still thought his gesture was nice.

Speaking of speech, I get really annoyed with people who speak like this "you know what I'm saying, I be like, he can't see me, you know what I'm saying" lol That kind of thing is annoying. In Chicago it is very common. So I'm annoyed by it. The slang thing is not my thing.

Hm...or maybe it's more like, I can't take slang if a person is doing it to sound cool. Kind of like a person who cusses to sound cool.

Anyways, I find people spending money to make themselves look like they have swag or to make their cars look hot, to be a little ridiculous. Honestly I do not see what's so impressive about it. O__o am I suppose to be impressed at the fact that they spent, who knows how much money, to put a mini bar in their trunk? Or at the fact that they had a lot of money to do it in the first place?? I just don't get it. Is it suppose to make women fall to their knees??

Hahaha I'm completely serious when I say this, I honestly don't see how  it's impressive at all. I would really like to be able to wrap my mind around why and how it's important.

Well, I've rambled for tonight. I'm gonna finish reading and head in for the night.

Good night

Mon

Deeply rooted

I'm reading an article about being comfortable in one's own skin. The person who wrote this had made an interesting point. They often felt like they were not pretty for most of their life, even though people told them that they were indeed pretty. 

She said that until she was 35 she looked in the mirror and suddenly realized that it had nothing to do with her outer appearance, but something from within that was reflecting to her outer appearance which made her feel unattractive. Maybe this is why no one found her unattractive.

In life, I believe we are usually our best or worse critics. Because in the end, no one's opinion matters but our own. 

I've never thought of things reflecting from the inside out would cause someone to see themselves in a certain light. That was pretty interesting to me and it reminds me of the saying: you are what you eat.And so I guess, you are what you think you are. You are what yo take in.

I just wanted to share that. But now I have to go. I have class now.

Mon

01.15.13

Hi!!!

I'll be heading to bed soon~

I couldn't think of anything to type, but then I thought "why not type about what I did today?"

So I will!

Today I was super sad!! D:  I played Resident Evil 6 today! And I finally finished the Chris' story and I will tell you the ending made me and my sister cry!!!
Even though it's a video game it gave me a different view on people fighting in the war. Ignorantly I would assume that wars are pointless and people are just tossing their lives away. I still think this may be true, only based on what I see. But I think there's a deeper meaning in this. Those people are fighting for what they believe they stand for.

And I think to myself, when I defend myself, would I want someone to judge my views as being pointless? Think about it, in the past some of  our historical figures (not just Americans but around the world) fought for what they believed in, they fought for what they stood for.

Now, I know that it's just a video game, but it really opened my eyes. The game mainly goes like this, there is this virus that causes people to become zombies, and there are people fighting to save the world. The character I played was Chris Redfield. He is a captain of this organization (I guess) called the BAAS.

The secondary character was Piers. In the end of the last Chapter Piers sacrificed himself to save, not just the captain, but the world! It was very very touching.

I think what impacted me the most was the fact that Piers, although he disagreed with a few of the things Chris wanted to do, he stuck by his side. He was able to help Chris grab hold of his emotions and stay logical. He was the sole survivor of Chris' squad.

He ended up injected himself with the c-virus after his arm was crushed and amputated, he ended up growing a mutated arm to save his captain from a huge mutated creature who had him.

This was Piers first appearance in the game. So I was very surprised I took a liking to his character. I think I liked him because of 1. his loyalty to his captain and 2. he was an awesome AI character lol

But I really did feel sad. I didn't quite explain what happened. But I really recommend that if anyone buys Resident evil 6, play Chris' storyline lol

I did read that it would help if it went in this order, 2 Chapters of Jake's, 2 Chapters of Leon's and 2 Chapters of Chris'. And just continue it this way, leaving Chris' as the last mission to finish.

I wish I didn't >__>

Sometimes things are like this. That's what propelled me towards wanting to become an animator. I think, if not an animator, than something that could impact people and bring forth emotions.

I've run across a few great heart wrenching movies that I know would stick with me. I wonder how people can create such great movies!!!

I've even seen a cartoon that made me cry before. It's called Clannad. I really loved that story. And also, no matter how many times I've seen it, if I happen to bypass the movie the Titantic while channel surfing, I would watch  it. In the past when I use to watch a lot of t.v. if I saw that movie, no matter what part it was on or what show I was watching, I would start watching it. Then as I'm watching it I would say to myself "why am I watching this again!!?"

Also the Avatar was a great movie! I really loved the colors!! And it really made me a little sad how the guy was so happy to walk, knowing that when he wakes up from being in that other world, he wouldn't be able to walk.

Well, that's what I want to do. I want to write something so amazing that it will stick in people's hearts.

Although I don't watch much t.v. I do believe there are shows which could help lift people or change someone's view. All things are bad. There are such deep meanings in a lot of things in life. And sometimes we just don't see those meanings because we only see the surface.

Well, that's all for now. I'm surprised I was able to type this much lol

Night

Mon

Being on Honor roll

Hi!

I decided to talk about some more school stuff.

As you know I'm not much of a fan of schools.....well, being told what to study or when and how to study. So should I say I dislike school?

Anyways, when it comes to being told what to do I think I stay quite faithful to my crab and horse nature (year of the horse, month of the crab). Not to be stubborn or rude, but I work a certain way in order to make sure I understand what I'm studying. What I really dislike is that thing in jobs where they say "you must do it MY way. It's not YOUR way, but MINES." It's like, how will you know what each individual has to offer if you stifle their talents and abilities.

I know for my first job I did I what I felt I could do. And I felt like it paid off. People were happy. If I stuck straight to the rules, I don't think I would have got the same end results.

Anyways, this blog is about honors. Back in elementary I got good grades. I didn't think much of homework (still don't think much of it) I just did it just because and was more into wanting to play. Now that I'm older, i do still feel the same way. I just came to realize that I'm wasting trees by turning in an assignment that's gonna be given back to me and end up in the trashcan (this was before recycling bins existed).

Well, everyone once in a while I would receive an award. Then in middle school I just didn't care. The same in high school too, then I got to my last year and decided "hey, why not go all out and pass all of my finally classes" and I did. Now I'm feeling I should do the same thing. Personally, I don't have a reason. Before I was just thinking "just do moderate work, pass the class with at least a C and keep it moving"

Maybe I wasn't motivated by anything *shrugs* I didn't feel like I had a goal. Not even getting a diploma felt like a goal to me. So at least I know that trying to gain monetary outer rewards don't feel very rewarding to me lol I feel more rewarded with giving to some cause that could help someone, than I could gaining a reward for say,  good grades or whatever.

But this blog is about honor rolls right? So, I will tell you the story now (I know I rambled). I had a friend from a previous college who was on honors. During an hour break I had in between classes we decided to chat a bit. So she led me to this room.

Now, I've seen this room before, but I never knew what was inside of it. She opens the door and there's this nice little room with couches, some computers and nice sunlight pouring in from above. This school wasn't the best school, but I think it would've looked better in another school. Well, my first thought was "wow! I can read a lot of books in here." it wasn't very loud, there were only like 8 people in the room. And you couldn't hear the noisy students from outside the door. I was impressed! It was the best room, to me, in the building lol

I decided to read up on the benefits of being an honor student. I think I may strive to become an honor student. I don't know much about benefits, but I wonder if I can use a nice room like the one at my old college. If so, it's so on!!

There's some other stuff like scholarships. That would definitely help me because I DO still need a job. I have't actually figured out what kind of part-time job I want. At the moment I'm feeling that I would definitely need one near-by. I'm just keeping my eyes and ears opened for one that catches my attention.

My mom and sister have mentioned that the grocery store is hiring. I don't think I could do that. It's way to cold in the grocery store. I get very cold in grocery stores, which is weird considering that I don't get as cold in the winter. I guess it has to be a certain cold for me to be okay with it O__o

Anyways, if I have something to work toward I won't just be floating along. So I guess if I can get some scholarships tossed my way, why not? Besides that I don't really care much for that other stuff.


I just want access to a nice lounge and scholarships! :3 Yay!

Hm...also, I'm kind of getting bored. So I figured why not work harder or something. I think I'm feeling bored because I feel like I'm not getting anywhere in life. But I have read that when we feel like we aren't moving anywhere, there's a lot more work we're doing than we think we are.

Like, physically I don't feel like I'm doing much. If I clean up I don't feel like I'm accomplished anything. Maybe because it will get messy. O__O Maybe I'm becoming a zombie or something!! D: Nuuuooooooo!!

Nah I'm joking. But I do wish I could do more. I would really like to do more. I'm a bit nervous just going off on my own, y'know, into the world. But hey, in the 22 years I've been here, my family and I do not do very much. When I was younger I did go to Arkansas and Washington for a family reunion. But that was with my grandparents and my dad and uncles. My mom stayed behind =__=

I think to myself, if I have a family (whether it be friends, real children, whatever) I would do things with them. It's like you can have fun and hang out. Maybe that's why I don't go out often. I've gotten so use to staying at home. That's all I've done is stay home.

But the summer that passed was great! We went out a lot. So I'm happy for that. But y'know, even though I'm hoping for something like this, I would like to buy some neat things. I guess if my camera was working I could go downtown and walk around and take pictures just for the heck of it. But if I don't really have a goal, I don't find a reason to do it. I should stop doing that! lol I should just go just to experience the situation rather than hoping to gain something. Because in the end, I will gain something.

Even though I have an idea for the things I would like to have, I should be opened to the things I wouldn't expect to have. They may be just as good.

So my advice: Be opened to all the possibilities! They may be very life-changing and will help you grow more as a person and soul~

I'll try to follow this.

Well that's all for now.

Bye~
Mon 

A few high school memories

I've been out of high school for 4 years(well actually 5)! I think that's amazing~
I graduated in 2008. I was suppose to be done with college by now, but honestly I'm not in a rush.
Anyways, I started to think back on the people I would talk to.
I think I didn't really have any standards when it came to the kind of people I talked to because I enjoy talking to anyone. However, I did have one little rule: don't talk badly about other people in my presence.
I don't care if they did it when I wasn't around. That's them, but I really can't take people talking about other people behind their back.

For example, I find it okay if you're trying to get something off your chest that's bothering you. But it's a different story if the person is bad-mouthing someone just to be doing it. Such as bad-mouthing someone's clothes or whatever. That's not cool. I find that very offensive.

I've known people like that. I didn't dislike them as a person, but I disliked what they did or said and brought it to their attention. If they weren't willing to stop doing that when I'm around, I just left. Why hang around that?

Anyways, the reason I'm saying this is because in high school I remember there were a few times a person would come to me and say "why do you hang out with (person's name), don't you know she (it was usually girls referring to girl's I hung out with) does this/that?" and I would just look at them and say "and your point?"

I guess some people figure this: if you hang out with someone who does something that is considered wrong/bad, you are the same. I've come to understand this might be some people's mentality, but that was not the case. For some strange reason (I don't think it's so strange), I talked to the people with troubling backgrounds, or personal issues. I think I was more carefree in high school (especially my last year, I started to grow a backbone) and so I didn't mind people talking to me about their problems. And those people were not unintelligent, I thought they were very smart people. They just could've made better choices.

But is it worth pushing someone to the side because they made a few bad choices? The people i knew weren't like falling deeper into their problems, they were trying to get over them. And I wanted to be there to support them. Or if I felt they were going to make a choice that could hurt them, I would say so.

I can't say I thought the people who asked me why I'm hanging out with a certain person was wrong, but I did think it was a  little shallow based on what I thought they meant. However, I could have been wrong. And I think they were asking out of curiosity because they may have thought the people I associated with were strange or didn't have anything interesting about them.

Well, this is one memory. And I think it's a bit funny.

Also, I've had a few issues with misunderstanding certain people. It goes along with the typical assumption or  preconceived notion based on past experiences. And sometimes, that's certainly not the case.

I'll keep repeating this to myself until I truly believe it.

An experience was an experience for you to either gain something or lose something (release)I believe. When new experiences present themselves, they are new experience, not old experience. What makes them seem old is your perception of them.I can't say the same for humans.

For example, rain is rain. If it rained  today, and then rained a few weeks later, it isn't the same rain that fell from the sky before, it's new rain.


With people that's a different story. It's tough trying to understand everyone, mainly because their real intention is deep inside, and unless they will be truly honest with you, than I can't guarantee it (their intention) will make much sense.

For example, I saw this video this guy made about Male honesty. He says that guys lie because they don't want to hear a woman's mouth about what they said. In other words, if a guy says something and a lady disagree with it, he may not hear the end of it.

His intentions may not have been to harm or  hurt the lady, but it came out that way. But maybe if she would listen and hear him out, she would understand why he came up with his theory. And honestly it seems everyone has come about their beliefs from past experiences. But throw something different their way and it's  impossible to deal with.

I guess this is why I've come across something a few time that says take things as they come at you. We can't predict the future. We can't predict a person....Hm...I would say "some can predict the future", but things could happen that could change that future. This is why I don't disbelieve people who say "this will happen", I mean, who knows, they could have seen something.

All in all, I think it's best to just try to accept people who they are.And if they don't fit you, don't pay them any mind. It's really not worth bashing a person because you don't agree with them.

Hm....I wonder if I'm getting a bit better at becoming tactful lol probably not.

Anyways, I didn't share many of my high school memories. But when I think back I've met some pretty neat people. But most of the people I talked to were adults. With them I felt like I could have a good conversation. Some high schoolers worried and talked about pointless stuff. Like boys, or dating or going out to party. Okay, maybe it's not pointless, but those kinds of things aren't interesting to me.

Because my dancing is bad lol I feel it would be pointless for me to go to a bar or something unless it's to drink or something or to hang out with friends. But being a high school student, why should I be doing that? I'm in high school!!

Oh! And also, in high school I wasn't even concerned about getting my diploma. I was just going just to go. I think high school sucked lol I felt like I was taking a bunch of classes that would in no way help me out in life. And also because I read books on my own free will, I definitely felt like it was pointless. Go home, read a book. Go to school, read a book and take a test about what I read. :/ It's like, why are you testing me? I stored that stuff in my deep memory I don't remember that crap anymore! lol

Hm...y'know, I don't remember the first book I read. But I do remember reading books about cat birth and hand painting in elementary school. I remember the other kids would laugh and point at the cat having birth in the books....now that I think about it, they actually had a pretty explicit book about cat birthing in an elementary school lol  I didn't think anything of it at the time. It was just a cat with kittens to me.

Anyways, that's all for now. I'm trying to relax my mind. But it's kind of tough. I really want to work on something, but I know I need to relax.

Mon

Goodnight

I'm heading to bed now.

I was suppose to have been asleep at 10:30 p.m. I was sleepy around that time, but then I became a awake. Hm....sometimes my brain feels tried and sleepy, and that's when I often take naps. Also, as I've mentioned before, I can get things done because it's usually quiet around this time.

Yeah, I'm going to stop doing this. It's not a good habit.

Anyways, my mood is good now. I feel well. But I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I have a few things I want to work on. Also, the weather isn't so bad. Sometimes it's cold, but it's not really really cold.

And actually to be honest, sometimes I don't feel completely hopeless. Such as this situation. Our heat and air conditioner doesn't work in our home. And before winter I kept saying "I can't wait for snow!" knowing that it would make the house even colder. However, I really love to look at snow!

Anyways, it hasn't snowed much (only a few flakes), and it hasn't been unbearably cold. Of course I'm grateful. It's not bad. And I think about the homeless people. Even though they may not have stable homes, at least it's not completely cold outside. That's something to be appreciative for.

Anyways, we have a heater...well, two. One is for the dog. Her bed is on the back porch and so she has that one. And the other is for  the living room. Sometimes we would use the stove to heat the house. I'm not sure if my mom would be embarrassed to tell people this. I can write about it, but I feel talking about it isn't my place. I'm fine like this. :/ Sometimes I think my mom thinks I'm not. Like she keeps saying "You need a new coat/shoes etc." and I always tell her "no I don't, this one is still wearable." and it is! I do outwear my clothes and shoes. I wear them out, I won't lie. However, I would much rather do that than to constantly buy something when I don't actually need it.

I much prefer buying crafting items! Hm...handbags...hm...they're not so important. I wear those out too. I'd carry the same one for a long time until it falls apart hahaha Sometimes I am a little uncomfortable having those kinds of things shown in public to people because it may seem like I don't care for my health and everything, but that's not true. I like things being tidy.

Often times when I put something down in my room, it usually stays there. Such as, if I have a place for my shoes, I will unconsciously place my shoes there, even if it's in a corner. Hm...should I say I'm completely tidy.....I don't think I'm a neat freak. My room is comfortable. But if I'm not using a space and I toss some stuff in that space, it may stay that way until I use that space again. For example, I have a few books and notebooks under my bed (I don't have anywhere else to store them). So I often stack them up under my bed. I'd often go through and use a lot of books. And then when I'm done I would have tried myself out and just stack them in whatever way they get stacked.

Then I'd move on to something else the next day. Then some other time I'd decide to get a book, and would go and straighten things out.

Anyways, I'm gonna get some sleep. It's quiet now~~

Oh! And also, I wanted to make a statement. I really do not want to make it seem like I"m a victim in any situation. I just express what I'm feeling at the time. But in the end, I can see what I've done wrong in a certain situation. And those are the parts I work on. But I feel that I may be a talking a bit much about my mom. Emotionally it's very tough because it feels like I'm losing both of my parents.

But on the inside I know that they are my parents in the physical, but there's a much larger part of life that I belong to and this one is only a speck and I mean more in that other place than I would think I do here. Knowing that always encourages me to do my best. I always say "it sucks being sensitive!" I never wanted to admit it either. And I would probably still not say it out loud. But strange enough it seems like people know that I take things personally and get defensive lol I would think that I was hiding it so well. I do try to keep my cool as much as possible. I guess rather than always trying to do that, to just try my best to express myself.

That helps a lot. Anyways, I would like to thank everyone for today. Thanks so much!

Also, have a great day everyone~~
Mon

Second day of class

Today I'm doing fine. I think some times about my previous entries. I would think to myself "my mood certain goes up and down a lot", it's a little frustrating, but I hope I'm dealing with those ups and downs as best as I can. I haven't gone off the deep end, so I think I'm good.

Today was the second day of class. I actually couldn't sleep well last night. My heating blanket wasn't working and my room was kind of cold. The cold woke me up. There's a shortage in the cord for the heating blanket. So I guess it short circuited.

Anyways, class was okay. Only like 20 minutes into 2D animation class I was getting kind of sleepy. I think it was because he had turned the lights off and was explaining some elements of Flash. It was basic stuff. I missed a few things because I was dozing off while sitting up.

I like the two classes. However, even though it's been only 2 days, I feel like I've been here for a while now.

We learned about camera angles in story-boarding. It was pretty informative.

I'm gonna try to go to sleep earlier tonight. I think I need it definitely.

Sorry this entry is a little boring. I'm just kind of sleepy and I can't really type right now. I'm waiting for my ride to pick me up. I guess I'll play The Sims3.

Mon

Gave to a Breast Cancer program

There's this really simple thing where, if you buy yoplait yogurt, there are these little codes on the lid that you can put into the computer and it donates 10 cents per lid. I know it's not much but every cent counts. So I started doing that. I wonder if it helped anyone.

Personally I don't know anyone who has cancer, but that doesn't matter. You know, I do have this back and forth thing with myself where I believe that all things happen for a reason. I would think, does that child or mother or father have this disease because it was meant to be?? Am I suppose to try to prevent something like this??

I feel it's cruel to just leave them that way. But there is also that part of me that say that even though it looks cruel, there is someone who knows that person who is learning something for the greater good. Nothing is ever %100 bad. There is always some good. And during tough times, it's difficult to see it. But somewhere down the road we may see it.

In the meantime I think it's okay to contribute if I can. I'm trying to be wise about who I help. I've kind of gotten out of my old habit of wanting to save everyone. Now I'm in the phase of wondering how I can best apply myself to life and the world. Would it help save anyone? Am I meant to save anyone? These are things I'm asking myself.

It's tough seeing people "suffer", it really is. But at the same time, it may not be suffering at all. To us as humans it may seem this way, but it may be destined to happen, and trying to interfere with that will not give good results.

Of course I worry about this a lot. When I know someone and someone they know is in a horrible place of suffering. That suffering makes me sad. It's the fact that they are going through pain which makes me sad. Often time, the situation doesn't make me too sad. Seeing people experiencing painful things are what make me sad. But the experience overall is what I question "is it destined?"

I'm not the kind of person who will wholeheartedly ask "Why would God allow this?" Which is a little strange because since I started questioning I've never asked that. If something is happening in my life I would think "why is that person/ this person treating me this way? What did I do to hurt them or cause them to treat me this way?" I don't blame God. Hm...actually I don't remember blaming Him for anything. It's usually myself I blame.

Of course I may want to blame the people I know. Mainly because they are around and we have situations we are in. I would think if I try my best than so should they! Why am I doing all the hard work?

Anyways, back to this breast cancer thing. There was this marathon which took place before. I was late finding out about it. But it looked pretty interesting. What interest me the most was the fact that I could exercise AND help save a life! Σ(ﾟ口ﾟ;  If that doesn't say "awesome" I don't know what would.

If I could help me, and help you, that's great! It benefits both~~~

Since I couldn't sleep I ended up watching videos about animals. I love learning about how things work. Somehow I ended up watching possums. Then possums with rabies, then dogs with rabies, then dogs having seizures, and then people having seizures. Then I started looking up what causes seizures. This is how it starts lol

So I think this is interesting. I once experienced a girl having a seizure when I was maybe 5 years old. All the students started laughing because we thought she was doing the robot. The last thing she said before she had the seizure was "I'm gonna do the robot"

I also remember the teachers told us  not to mention the incident to the girl who had the seizure. I never understood until now, and it's because they do not recall the situation. That must be tough.

I think it's pretty handy to learn how to deal with life endangering situations. I was just thinking that's what doctors are for, however, I think we should all know how to deal with a situation until trained professionals make it to the scene. I mean every minute and second counts. And what we do can determine if a person lives or dies.

Oh! I also started to read why we shouldn't feed the wildlife. Of course being ignorant or this before I would think "the people who made those signs just want the animals to die!!" but it's not that. It makes sense though. I didn't read the whole article. But I will tell you what I read. But first I want to say that this is strange. Mainly because it applies to animals, but not to humans.

So the part that I read stated that if we feed the wildlife they will become dependent on humans to feed them, which in turns, deprives them of their animalistic survival skills.

Do you see what I mean?

I'm  not saying we should revert back to the caveman era. We're way past that. It's just that our basic survival skills (some of us) do not have it. So when a dangerous situation presents itself, we don't know how to react properly to the situation. For example, during flooding, I read that the most common death is by people driving into flooded areas. As I told my sister common sense isn't as common as we think it is.

Some people just do not KNOW these things like the rest of us. And judging them and calling them stupid will not help one bit. We need to help bring awareness to those who don't know. Of course there's a possibility they won't listen. We and my mom were talking about how there should be classes on stuff like this. Not things like shooting guns and things like that. But learning to use the land. I mean if there ever happens to a disaster where rescue workers aren't able to make it to us for weeks, we should know how to deal with the situation as best as we can.

I think the reason I'm so concerned for things like this is because I never grew up with any safety measures in my household. I think that's not good at all. No fire escape plans. No idea where to meet up if something were to happen. No nothing!

So I'm learning everything by reading or watching videos. We don't have any first aid kits in my house. I collect all those things. I'm actually planning to go to the store and put together my own first aid kit.

I'm sure this is for a reason. Maybe I'm suppose to learn to do these things. I'm just cautious. In the past things have happened in my home where I had no idea what to do.

However, my mom seems pretty knowledgeable about some things, so I'm happy about that. She once saved a baby's life by doing CPR. This is why I find it hard to actually dislike my mom. I just don't like some of the things she does.

Anyways, she knows that we aren't suppose to put our cold hands under hot water. I still don't know why. But I'm wondering if she really knows why. Well, she knows. She would, instead (during winter), take a dry towel and rub our hands with it. I remember whenever I would learn something new I would ask "why do that?" to understand why it's important to do a certain thing. But for the most part I would have to turn to the Internet or some kind of book for answers. Most people sound like they are just talking and don't actually know what they're talking about.

Anyways, that's all for now.

So I guess I'm spreading the word about saving lives today. Even something very small is helpful. Sometimes it doesn't take much but consideration and some time from your busy and fast pace life to save someone else's life.

Mon

Annoyed! Can't sleep!!

I haven't had any decent sleep for the past few months now!! It's driving me nuts and it's really getting to me. I feel super depressed. My sisters are being very noisy and it's 3 a.m. and I can't sleep!! My body feels completely out of whack T___T I just want some peace and quiet for a week. A WEEK!!

My focus is horrible. I feel irritated about everything. And I feel like I'm losing it. I really just want to run away because they are driving me nuts!! How can you be so inconsiderate to a person trying to sleep!!?

*sighs* It's been like this for the past few months. Even the slightest sound will wake me up. And even if I do fall asleep, when I flip over and wake up a bit I'll want to stay in bed because I would still feel so sleepy.

Yesterday, or the day before, I was woken up by my uncle having the t.v. turned up really loud and talking on his cellphone. It was about 7 a.m. I stayed up, and I didn't go to bed until 3 a.m. because I couldn't sleep.

I want to go to sleep, but they keep talking and making noises.


,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Maybe if I run away to the mountains and tie myself to a tree upside down I can blend in with the possums =__=

Not just that but my mom is getting on my nerves. She would make huge messes the house and blame it on me and my sister and say we don' clean up. I honestly got tried of cleaning up after her! But I decided to clean up for my own health. But when I do, she makes more messes, and I'm just tried of it!! I think it's become second nature to her because she really doesn't know she does it.

My older sister curses way too much, despite the fact that I told her to cut it out. My mom keeps gossiping about people really loud on the phone while she walks around the house.

I don't have much of a problem with my younger sister. I'm expressed my feelings about a lot of what bothers me with her, and at least she's considerate. But right now she's not. She even came in the room while I was laying down and said "go back to sleep" but now she's out there making noises with my sisters.

If it's not one thing it's another. And the dog keep barking for who-knows-what reason. Now my sister has her t.v. turned up.

Sleeping on the roof is starting to sound better and better.

Sorry I'm complaining. I just feel completely nuts and just very annoyed because I can't sleep and I really want to. T___T I don't want to go back home to my mom, she'll just complain about either work, or how messy the house is. And I guess she feels I have to feel compelled to obey her all the time. It's gotten to the fact I feel that she doesn't think I'm a human being with emotions.

Okay I'm gonna just lie down and stare at the wall.

Mon