Feeling: The maga F word

Hiiiii~~!

So I've been doing well...okay I've been sleeping later and later. That's definitely no good. It's not even that I'm trying to force lots of stuff into one day, I'm just not very sleepy at the moment (I took a nap earlier).

Anyways, I would like to talk about feelings! Yes, feelings. I think I often talk about this right? I'm not even sure if I'm looking for some kind of answer, but I'll just roll with it for now.

So I often feel (of course everyone feels!) very very often. Sometimes I'll feel something in my chest. The best way I can explain it is like having butterflies in your chest lol it's the best way. I describe it as a wave. When it happens, it's very noticeable for me. It's not something that I can recall has always happened to me. Anyways, they are often random...or it would seem that way. I would usually stop to understand what it might mean, but then I'd shrugs it off and go on with my day lol I think I should probably pay attention to my surroundings or stop and pay attention to what I'm doing when it happens.

The reason I decided to write this is because, just a second ago, I stepped out of my room and "felt" something. I literally stopped, but I couldn't quite understand what it was. Everytime something like this happens, with feelings I mean, I always get the message in mind to meditate. Ugh...it seems so boring to me lol Okay, not boring, but I wish it was a bit easier to communicate. I know it takes focus and meditation doesn't necessarily means I need to sit down. It's more like clearly the mind of all thoughts to allow transmission to flow through. Kind of like tuning a radio to a radio station when there's a lot of static. You want the clear sound, or else there will be white noise over the actually music and it'll be difficult to hear.

Feeling isn't really that hard for me. It's understanding them that's a little difficult. It's being able to focus, or be aware of what the feeling is doing to the whole body. Somehow I wonder if a lot of us our using out bodies to our full potential and I don't just mean exercising everyday of the week.

Anyways, I feel like it was something/someone trying to send me some kind of message. This happened a few days ago as well. Maybe I mentioned to someone to remind me of something lol yes I do this xD

In the end, I know that it's best for me to filter this information. Hm....but the thing is I don't want to interpret the message in my own way...The best way I can describe it is like this, if I speak to someone is they tell me something, and I'm told to relay that message to someone else, I would like to give the word for word of what was said. This is why I prefer people to speak to each other rather than me speaking on their behalf. I dunno, it's such a petty reason, but it really means a lot to me. A lot can be lost in communication.

I guess that's why I don't take the time to "understand" it, because I rather just "feel" it, than to try to translate it

I really think this kind of thing is possible for everyone but some people might be like me. Or they might not care for it. Me personally, I'm more of the "focus-on-the-world-right-now" kind of thing. The reason I switched to this is because I was starting to dedicate too much time to studying it. I felt I needed to connect with the world.  Recently I'm focusing  on being creative and expressing myself. I don't speak as much...by this I mean I don't just come out and talk. If I'm feeling something I'll focus on it. Then I'll question it and see if it's meaningful. I just hope people don't think I'm uninterested in what they have to say. This is why I haven't really typed much here.

Well, I'm sleepy now lol Oh! And I finally completed the cover chapter page for my webcomic! Yay!!

There's just so much I wanna do! I'm trying to take it one step at a time because I'll end up overwhelming myself lol

This blog went in all different directions again. Sometimes I feel a little vain when I constantly talk about myself here. Sometimes, it's the same when talking to people. It's not that I don't think I shouldn't talk about myself, or that I think less of myself, I mainly feel that I don't really need to speak much about myself. Hm...kind of like I don't want my worth to be measured by what I say about myself, or how I express myself, but by the things i do...or something like that lol Any even then I don't feel that I do much at all. All of my work is still in my head...or rather, it's still "up there", so I kind of have quite a bit of work to do.

Well, what I mean is that I'm okay with talking about myself, but I don't feel it's the only thing to talk about. It's not that important to constantly talk about. I enjoy talking about new things, such as what I learned, rather than what I can do.

Anyways, that's all for me! Oh! Before I leave, I watched this segment on Dr.Oz about chakras. I almost jumped out of my skin (it didn't look like I was excited or anything lol) when they mentioned that it's becoming a common practice in hospitals to heal the spirit and charkas! It's great! Of course we have medicine for physical ailments, but a lot of the time it only seems to cause more problems. Whereas, a lot of the problems stem from our feelings. Those emotions can really effect us overtime. I never thought they should get rid of physical medicine, but I did think it would be great to incorporate something like this. And it's here! Yay~~!!

Of course I believe the chakras exist. In this lifetime I don't recall ever seeing them but I definitely feel that they exist. Hm....I could say I even know lol I should really speak with certainty. Anyways, I wanted to share that too!

Night!

Mon

12/23/13

I decided to write a blog so I won't concentrate on the fact that I'm sleepy lol I have to wait for the cookies to cool off so I can put them away. So I'll just write about what's been going on lately.

Recently I've done a bit of shopping. The day before yesterday (I believe) I went to Barnes and Noble with my mom and younger sister. My mom wanted to purchase a book for my cousin in Mississippi. So she and my sister will be sending everything off tomorrow.

Anyways, while there I came across a new book by Michael Newton! I love his books. They are metaphysically based. He's a therapist, he's recently started doing hypnosis to get to the root of his clients problems. He goes into the soul, having this clients speak to him through their subconscious/higher self.

I was able to find the book online, so I'm reading that now. Of course I don't feel sleepy reading this kind of work because it's interesting to me! I highly recommend his books. :3

So I can't believe Christmas is this Wednesday! I remember when I was younger, Christmas just seemed like it took forever. Now when I have shopping to do, Christmas decides to come instantly! I'm still not ready yet! hahaha This whole year went by so quickly. So fast in fact that I wonder if I even had time to evaluate whether I had time to think about anything! Well, I definitely look forward to being able to speak more freely as who I am.  Of course the work never ends @___@ But thinking that way just makes me wonder why we keep working. Do we really enjoy it that much?

Oh! So I'm guessing this year went by quickly due to the people I've been around recently. At this new campus everyone is usually always soooo happy and friendly! I've really grown to love this school and I always can't wait to see everyone again! It's like being there, everyone is okay with being weird or nerdy and talk about movies and cartoons lol I love it! Even the teachers seem very childlike...or rather, the same teachers I've had since the very beginning.

Well, my classes began in January. Although I do like to see my classmates, I don't like waking up to go to school lol But I also don't like NOT doing anything. Mainly transportation has been going okay up until now. However, I've come across a small issue. Well, I'm sure things will work out *cross fingers* I know I have to put effort forward as well. I wonder what I should do more of.

As for my webcomic, it's slowly coming along. I'm still not quite happy with Chapter 4's ending. I'm sure the reader won't care as long as I post something. I've been gone from there for 3 months! I told them I'd post in December. So I feel that I must! I will this week for sure.

It snowed about two weeks ago. However, most of the snow has melted. It's kind of cold, but not extremely cold. Is this a blessing for people who are still out driving around to gather presents? Well, I think it is! So I appreciate the lack of icy roads.

Hm...did I mention how I love my neighborhood? lol Well I do! haha

Oh! I also started reading this book called "Night" that's by a Jewish man (I believe). He talks about his life when he was a teenager and had to live in a concentration camp. It's really hard to imagine that what he described really happened to people. :/ For some people who call themselves human, those acts were very inhumane, heartless and cold. They really thought they were doing some good. It's not good if people are dying because they don't believe what you believe. That's just being narrow-minded. I haven't finished the book, but I was very buried in it earlier today.

It's been a while since I've read any fictional work....what I'm typing seems very familiar....

Well, anyways, I always wonder "is there ever any words strong enough, powerful enough, to just wake people up?", that's not to say some people aren't aware, there are a great number of people who are aware, it's just I wonder when everyone will just stop when they realize that humans are usually the one's who hurt each other the most. Of course I don't blame the whole world for this, or the Creator of this world, I only blame the person causing the harm. Maybe not even blame, but I feel for them. I know they'll eventually come to their senses some day. I just find it ridiculous that in order to make life easier for them in the flesh, they feel the need to "destroy" a life.

For example, about a month of so ago, I read an article about a hospital that refused to donate an organ to a young man (I believe it was a heart). Mainly it's because the young man ruined his heart and they were iffy iffy about whether he would end up doing the same thing and ruin the donated organ. They felt that it was best to give it to someone who would actually take care of the organ, rather than waste it.

These kinds of situations really get me thinking. I understood what they meant, but I also felt for the young man. I haven't followed up on this article, but I hope he made some adjustments to his lifestyle and habits and was able receive the organ.

Well, the cookies are done and it's almost 5 a.m. I'm gonna head to bed now. Ugh, I have some baking and cooking to do later today. Hopefully I'll be up to it!


Night and have a great Christmas!

Mon

Quarter is over

Hi!

So I've been a bit busy with my finals and was able to complete them as best as I could. Although, I do feel that if I actually put forth effort to work on my 3D animation assignments sooner, I wouldn't have been in the situation I was in. Well, it's over with and everything's okay.

I passed both of my classes with a B. I would've had an A for my materials & lighting class, but I was behind by one point so :P Oh well!

Soooo, where to start? Okay, so I have a few things in mind that I would like to do. I recently downloaded this free crochet pdf from a website! I'm so excited. I also started reading The Animator's Survival Kit by Richard Williams. It's all about 2D animation.

I've also started two separate sim movies. A lot of people create series or machinima's using the Sims 2 or 3.However, I have a webcomic I'd like to complete! I'll be starting Chapter 4. I'd like to get a start on it now and I've been considering multiple ways as to how I want Chapter 4 to play out. There's way too many ways and I can't quite figure out which one I like best!I hope to finish Chapter 4 before my class began again in January. It's always been this way. The longest time I have is actually the summer. I'd also like to come up with a concept for a Christmas page.

When it comes to coming up with ideas, I become wayyyy too serious and I know it's not necessary. I need to just relax lol and have fun with what I'm doing. :3 After all our greatest critic is ourselves.

I just happy that my followers have been by my side this long. I feel I owe it to them to give them great work. But then again, who determines how great one's work is but the person doing the work? If I keep thinking this way how will I ever get anything done? :P

So I'm thinking something cute. So I'll do that. I also need a cover page for the next Chapter, but I figured that when I write the script a cover page will come to mind.

Hm...what else? Well, for Christmas I decided to crack out the cookbook my sister got me last Christmas! So far I've only made one thing from that cookbook and it took me about 10 hours to make because I had to do everything by hand (I didn't know it required flatting machine lol).

The book has all kinds of foods in it from different countries (it's an international cookbook). For now I have my eye on these Ginger spice cookies. I also want to make an apple pie (I've never made one before!). Hm...I guess I'm more of a baker. I dunno, I just like to try new things. Every Christmas or Thanksgiving it's usually the same old thing. Not that it's bad or anything, but it does get tiring.

Oh! That's what it was, I was thinking of making Spring rolls. But spring rolls for Christmas? I guess it doesn't matter right lol In the end food is going to get eaten.

Also, last night my mom gave me this book by a man named Elie Wies. I started reading it last night, it's suppose to be about his experience in a concentration camp. So I'm sure there will be tears lol I don't often read fiction novels, but I thought "why not?" I realized that the amount of novels such as fantasy, or horror has decreased and I moved towards reading about metaphysics. There's nothing wrong with this, but I kind of asked myself if I ever missed being able to hope into imagination land. Besides, since I'm working to improve my storytelling skill, where else to start than reading novels by other authors?

Then I started to remember how much of a bookworm I was as a kid. I start to think about how I was a kid and thought that I just read whatever I wanted. There's no restrictions at all! As kids we felt the amount of possibilities are endless. When did that disappear? When we listened to others who said it's impossible is my belief. The worst part is when we started to believe them.

Everything is definitely possible. The more you tell yourself that, the more true it will become. It changes the outlook on life, and then never again will you think any less of your ability. It can seem difficult but it's really not impossible. It takes effort to get over an old habit but, speaking from experience, it's by no means impossible. It's all in the mind/head. I repeat that it's not impossible! It's very very possible! Trust me when I say that the moment you kick an old habit and improve with a new, you may say "that wasn't hard at all" and head for improving other faucet of your life.

 I find that there is always something I can work on :3 That's why it seems like there's so much to do! A lot of the work is inner though. Well, actually everything comes from within, it's the putting it out there part that is the work.

What's a bit strange is I feel that I'm doing nothing at all lol

Okay, I'm rambling. I said my words of encouragement and also started my plans. If I can't complete everything then so be it. I'll just get back to it some other time.

Mon

Randomness: Navel!

D: The navel, or in other words, the belly button! *pokes*

I became curious about my belly button for some strange reason. But hey!On the plus side I found out that there's more information about the navel than I thought. I'm reading wiki now and there's a lot of information here! The belly button is indeed an interesting thing. It's supplied by something called a tenth thoracic spinal nerve. Since I have no idea what a tenth thoracic spinal nerve is I've decided to take the liberty of looking it up. I'm sure I'll find something in there there that will catch my attention, and then I'll have a bunch of tabs opened on google and in the end I'll just end up clicking them all off, not finding out more about the belly button.

Maybe it's more of  a curiosity thing with me rather than a need to know. *Shrugs* This is usually how my pursuits are.

Well, I'm retiring for the night. Surprised I am that this blog if short lol You get one full paragraph! That's it for this girl here :3

Night

Mon

Oh! Btw, I haven't meditated. But once I start I'll challenge myself to keep it up.

Meditation Day 1

Hi!

So the squat challenge I decided to join my sister with will finally be over tomorrow. The finally day is 250 squats. I usually just break them up into groups of 25 or 50 and take a break in between. Unfortunately my older sister hurt her knee while doing this :/ She' been taking a break from doing them. But hey, if she has to stop altogether, so be it. She had a lot of drive and determination but sometimes we just have to know our limits. I'm sure her knee will get better!

Well, to the point of this blog. From today on I will try my best to meditate. This month I'll just start with 5-10 minutes a day and one session per day. In the past I did try to meditate but it's usually so loud here and at random times. By this I mean that on certain days it would be quiet round midnight and other times it would be very noisy. So when I had a set time it just didn't work. Unless I woke up at 5 a.m. Usually everyone would probably be asleep.

I hope it's okay to have my sessions at random times for now. At least I'll make an effort though :3 So I hope that's more important. What I really want to accomplish is being able to keep a calm mind in any situation. To me, this is very important. So I'm sure, somehow, meditation will help.

Mon

Script writing and concept art

Hi!

So December is almost here and this month officially ends this week! I'm a bit excited. My classes end December 14th and I'll be continuing my webcomic next month as well.

I guess I'll start preparing this week. I would really like to start working on a banner and a new cover image for my webcomic. I also need to flesh out Chapter 4 :3 I'm happy and grateful for the people who have waited patiently for my return. Y'know, I've never had fans before lol well, it's not me, but my characters. That's fine by me. I like creating characters that interest people. I'm not sure if I make them very realistic, but  I do like having fun with my characters personalities and the way they deal with things.

So I would really like to start preparing the script and hopefully began to draw the thumbnails for the next chapter. A few weeks ago I read an article or something from a forum by a person who also does webcomics and they mentioned how things could be easier if we had pages prepared beforehand. So that way if we can't update a certain day (if we don't have pages drawn) we'd still have something to present.

What's really bothering me is if I can deliver the story well! I'm a critic of myself and I should really just have fun with it. I have a vague idea of what I want to happen and where the characters will end up, what upcoming characters will be in the story. However, I never usually fill in the fine details. I feel that it stifles the story flow. I duuno, I guess it gives me room for hitting something unexpected too.

Last week I made a bunch of cut out cards with chapters I'd like to do. :3 A lot of them seem very fun. I guess when it comes to story writing it should just flow freely because each writer is different. Well, I guess there are guidelines to help guide us, but it's not something that "has" to be. Thinking that way, I guess it makes it a bit easier.

That being said, I am a bit ashamed of the first two chapters lol I was still learning to ink and tone digitally and I'm not very proud of it. Well, it's okay :3 I'm sure I'll improve over time.

That aside, I've seriously been making excuses for why I can't work on it. Things like "well, I have to work on my class work" when in reality I don't even work on it. I'll even say "I need to relax" in order to procrastinate lol Nothing gets done this way. I have to enjoy what I do, even if it's a bit tedious. To get to the point where I like, I do have to put forth some effort. Not just sometimes, but all the time! That's what I choose to live by. If I can do this for my artwork, I can do this in life as well. I know I can~

Mon

My thoughts on the human body

Hi!

So today I'd like to talk about my thoughts on the human body. This entry may be short because I only have a few things to say. Well, let's hop into it!

Well, I've become more and more interested in the human body. I've become interested in the way that our bodies function without even having to control this. I believe I mentioned this before. Anyway, I guess it's coming to the light more and more that our mental attitude towards things kind of makes up a huge chunk of our health. Such as having a good attitude in life leads to a longer and healthier life.

Now, I've come to understand that there are things we'll experience in life which will cause us sadness or grief or whatever, and that's fine. I think if a person were to feel an emotion, feel it, accept it, and move on. This is what I think. Mainly because wallowing in a negative emotion is not very healthy. It takes a toll our bodies in the long run. It can cause all kinds of issues.

Mainly I believe this is due to the chakras in the body. I've never seen these energy centers, I'm certain a person can, but I haven't. However, I do believe they exist. If you look at a chart of the seven chakras it may even have a list mentioning what physical ailments can come about due to certain one's being unbalanced.

Hm...Oh! Such as the lump in the throat. In the past I read that's a sign of a blockage of the the throat chakra. Butterflies in the stomach is the...I believe it's the second charka...I don't think it's the base chakra. I came to understand that these can be balanced by doing things such as enjoying nature, or some other things that I don't remember lol I always figured that mediation was the only way, only to find out that there are many forms of mediation. I guess sitting in quite gives quicker results.

Anyways, the conditions of our chakras can have a huge impact on our health. I think of these chakras as being spiritual organs and that they're just as important as our regular organs.

I think about how some people may neglect their liver with alcohol, by over consuming. There's nothing wrong with some, but there is an overindulgent factor. That an excess amount of anything can be a bit harmful. It's being mindful of what one's actions can cause for their whole being in the long run. Strange enough we ignore this...for some very odd reason that I...well, I can't say that I don't understand. I think it's mainly a pleasure thing a sort of comfort. Overindulging can be a way of escape, a denial of what really is, from what we want to experience.

Is this wrong? In the long run it can have an effect. I definitely won't pass judgement on another for doing what they do. However, from the outside looking in, I can definitely see it can cause harm in the long run.

I don't believe we die, so this is why I don't think it's necessarily "wrong" in the sense that it will never be overcome. However, as humans, we need to understand this in order to advance further.

This concept not only applies to one's individual health, but the health of the whole, the whole earth, others, etc. When there comes understanding on a wide scale, I believe there can be a huge improvement. One that's so huge that it will shift reality and living will become not just a thing for survival and pro-creation, but something much more.

Think of it like this. You wake up, and suddenly everyone in the world (every single person) is being considerate of each other. They decide to just allow another to believe what they wish. Even something so small like this will cause a huge change.

Now, it's kind of like an overindulgence of not just physical things, but mental as well. I do believe that everything that is happening is happening for a reason, for us to understand. However, I do not believe that everything that happens, has to happen. Mainly it's kind of like riding a bike in traffic even though there's a sidewalk on the side of the road. A person can either avoid the possible accident and get to the sidewalk, or continue riding the bike in traffic. There doesn't have to be that possibility of an "accident", however, such an accident can be a learning experience.

After reading that Conversation with God book, there was mention that God gave us freewill, and that he'll never impose his will on us. That, in doing so, it will be like him imposing his will on himself. Also because he knows we don't die, for what reason would he have to?

These things we create are, for the most part, man made. They come from years and years of human errors manifested in the form of things we don't want.

Well, here's the thing, just like with the body, there's only so much one person can do to help you. If there's going to be a major change, it comes from an individual.

What I'm talking about doesn't just apply to the physical reality, it applies to the body, it applies to the whole.

You seriously won't believe how many times I've heard "it's not the same thing"when I take a situation they believe is "sound" and place it in a different manner. They say "that's different" when it's really not. Everything is connected.

Now of course there can easily be an argument that these are just my opinion. Fine. Make your argument. That's fine with me. But I've come to understand, even if it's just for myself, that there is much more of a huger connection to say otherwise. I've decided that it's no use just keeping it to myself.

What kind of annoys me though (and I know I don't have to believe this, but I know there's some truth in it) is that it seems that whenever I come to understand something new, I always try to get people to see it this way as well. Do I think my way is better than theirs? Possibly. I guess in a way it's like this, you have a brother or sister and you've experienced something. Seeing them making a similar mistake to the one you've made you try to prevent it by telling them what you learned hoping that they won't make a similar choice, that it can be avoided. That being said, you know that even if they experienced it, they'd learn from it as well, just like you did.

However, I'm more persistent lol At the end of the day I do understand that every person will experience what they experience due to the choices they choose to make.

So if it's being depressed by choice. That's their choice. Is it a choice I think is best? Of course not. And if I could help it, I would. Yet they have freewill. I even read that excessive happiness over over optimism is not good too, that it can cause an unrealistic view of life. Wow, right? lol

There's just a balance. It's up to us to find this balance. I do think we still have some work to do to advance human mentality. It's not soooo bad, but it's pretty...well, it's pretty out chaotic, but no hope is lost here.

I know this seems vast, but think of it this way. When we come to understand our bodies, we gain an appreciation for our lives, and suddenly an appreciate for other's lives, and possibly the live's of all life. We come to understand the mind, that our minds our similar to others because we are all similar in the sense that we are all made up of the same thing. Just on different levels.

It's kind of like realizing that you're actually seeing using sight. I know it sound a bit ridiculous. But it will be like actually seeing for the first time. You will truly see things! Sometimes we think we see, when in reality, we aren't really seeing. Think about Plato and Aristotle, and how they both had different ideas of what seeing, or experiencing actually is.

I don't think either was wrong because both fit very well into what sight is. There was a connection. I just wonder why both couldn't be right.

Like, when someone says something and another would respond "oh, well, that's true, just like with what I said. We are both speaking the truth" because everything is connected. What one says may be different from another, but it ties back unto itself.

Wow, I knew this would go further than I thought lol

So I think the human body is a piece of a greater whole. Everything I mentioned is fuller view of the smaller thing I was suppose to touch on. Hm...does it come off as me speaking with authority? Maybe I shouldn't doubt what I say lol But I'd really like it if people don't take what I say as "right" or "wrong" but as a direction that can be taken. Kind of like a road map. That would work great. It's kind of like something that can be used for guidance.

If it works for you, if it helps you, roll with it. If not, let it go.

I'm calling it a night

Mon

Oh! As a side note, based from the book I'm reading it would seem that negative emotions take a toll on our cardiovascular system and our immune system. This book is based on natural medicines, so they cover a lot in the beginning of the book about maintaining a healthy outlook on life, self actualization, steps to achieving this, promoting a healthy lifestyle by not smoking. Just all kinds of things. It doesn't just stem down to one major point, but all aspects. Also included are components from research conducted. So they aren't just writing this stuff from plain air.

The book is about the size of 2 dictionaries, so it seems to cover a huge amount of information. :3 I'll read some more and give insight on the reading and some of the possible alternatives it gives to dealing with such as stress, allergies, breast cancer/cancer prevention, etc.

11.14.13 The cold is here

So it's getting chiller and chiller! Personally I enjoy the cold. Yet, I don't like people driving in the snow or ice.....or walking on ice for that matter.

I was having a conversation with two of my classmates Tuesday about how, no matter how slow they drive, they can slide on black ice. :/ This is why I don't like having classes for the winter course due to the fact that there is driving involved.

I can say "be careful" all I want, but that won't stop the seasons, the ice and snow. Those things just happen, just like sliding on ice.

But there are ways we can prepare for this. :3 Like limiting the amount of time spent driving during the winter season (of course people do their Christmas shopping during the winter), buying new tires, and....um...I forgot the last part. Oh, not tail gating I guess.

But I personally think limiting the amount of time on the road would be best. Oh! And not speeding.I believe that it's more probable for black ice to be on bridges do to the height of the bridge, or something like that (I once read about it).

:3 Well, the reason I like the cold is because I like to warm myself up afterwards. A nice hot bath is really relaxing during the winter season! It's kind of difficult to do this in the summer. Also having a nice hot cup of coffee or hot chocolate. And I really enjoy the colors for the Christmas season. :3 It makes me happy.

And one more thing, it is the ending of a year! Which means there's much more to come next year~! Kind of like "what will happen  next?" kind of thing. What will I do next? What will happen next summer? Things like this. It all depends on what I want to do next :3

I'm not a time person, but I gotta say, new years make me excited.

Have a great day!

Mon

Chronicles? Chapters!....and obviously more random rambling

I have a lot of post here! This mainly spans from last year until now, right?

Well it's all thanks to a dear friend of mines who recommended I type my feeling! Thanks~

I thought that it reminds me of Decartes' meditations. Rene probably thought "Hm...I'll just write about my experience" and didn't know he'd be considered a philosopher years later. The same with Socrates who just questioned everything in life.

If someday I put all my blogs together into one....but then again, my post are very sparse and not focusing on one thing at a time.

I often think about the ideas I have. They're usually pretty big ideas, and I don't wanna admit that sometimes I'd start them but then I'll get tired. Well, I just tell myself to just pick up at it again.

I don't feel bad or guilt anymore for doing this! One of my favorite artist, Leonardo Da Vinci had a few unfinished pieces. I'm sure a few people probably would like to have seen them finished right? Well, I guess for my own purpose, I should just finish a few right? lol I'll get to it.

I have stories I'd like to tell. Paintings I'd like to paint. And I'd seriously like to learn pottery. I have a calligraphy set that I touched only a few times.

I'm a bit sleepy now, but it's to early to go to bed. I'm sure I'll feel up to more in the morning.

Also, someone I know on facebook, she had this beautiful picture of clouds in the sky that I'd really like to paint. One Christmas (I believe this past Christmas) I was given  two canvases and paint. I started painting a picture, but I'm not happy with it. I've yet to pick up my paint brushes lol

I should focus more!I must! I'll make this my goal. But I'll start next year. This year is my listening year.

That'll be my main goal. I have subgoals, but I mainly focus on my main goal. My goals are often self-improving goals. Yeah...I don't often think "this is where my life will go" Haha

For example, becoming an animator, I didn't go into this thinking "I'll work for this company", I just thought "I'd like to learn to animate" and people think it's cool.

It's just a gathering of skills, meeting people and just living life. It seems life is suppose to be about going towards some great something we can't see. Recently, mines if about experiencing what I'd like. I wonder if this is okay. Does it mean I don't have a clear purpose in life. The only way to find out is to experience things and see what I really like and continue going that way.

When it comes to experiencing, it's a lot broader in my opinion. I wonder if that means I'm just allowing life to choose what'll come my way next? Hm...well, that's no good lol if we're creators in our lives, I should at least be creating what I like, right?

Well, since I have a clear understanding of what I don't like, I guess I know how to steer clear of that lol In the meantime, experience what I enjoy. Hm....but it seems I should be doing more with my life. Could it be I've been brainwashed to think this way? haha Maybe life isn't about going towards some goal, that all there is is to experience and nothing else.

It would seem so simple and dull to the people who feel the need to climb the corporate ladder. But it seems easy is just no good for us. If it's easy, we're not working hard enough. But why can't it be easy? Why do we have to work so hard? To make a living? But who said living had to be hard?

Well, working isn't wrong? Nowadays, it seems working is what's needed. It's what "adults" HAVE to do. Well, it's definitely not. There's some who do nothing and are seen as lazy. Wow! I feel that way sometimes. I say "sitting in front of the t.v., what are you doing with your life? There's too much to experience" lol

In a sense, I believe we'd be out of experiencing just sitting around. But that doesn't mean things have to be hard. But not too easy either. How would be learn if that was so? Everytime we run into a difficult situation, we're given the resolution without using our minds.

Here's an example. As children we are taught to tie our shoes, right? Imagine if our parents always tied our shoes. Even as adults, they continued to tie our shoes. Or we move on and just walk around without tying our shoes. Everyone would either walk around that way, or shoe-less. HA HA you smart alecks! lol

What I'm saying is, is that if everything were easy, which we would like, we wouldn't really grow. It's possible we wouldn't even think about it because we've never experienced what it's like to go beyond the simple tying of our shoes. So if we never knew what it was like to experience accomplishing something, how would we know that feeling and why would we care if we have never known of it?

This is life to me :) It doesn't have to be the biggest puzzle to tie our shoes. We don't have to solve mathematical equations to do so either. It takes wrapping our mind around it to understand it.

Well, I make it should easy, huh? Well guess what, it's as easy as we believe it to be~

Tying our shoes can be  the most annoying and frustrating thing we could ever do, or we can just keep trying until we get it and just enjoy the moment of learning. I've decided to choose that latter. :)

Things are simpler, mainly because I don't wreck my brains over it....situations. But when I do set my mind to something, I'm truly dedicated lol When my teachers witness this, they say "I think you're over-thinking it" xD They always toss that at me. My mind is too huge for me to accomplish everything in it. I'm not limited though, it's just kind of vast in there. Sometimes I'd just think "y'know what, I don't have any ideas" even though I do. I play dumb :P because I don't feel like working. I hang up my coat and just lie about. Okay okay, I'm a little lazy xD

But I can hop right back in. Urgh....should I post this blog? yeah! YEAH, I'm gonna do it xD I'm awake now.

Well, I'm awake now. I think I was getting tired because of the way I was sitting. I was also watching t.v. Kind of a lot, I won't lie :P

But I got this storyboarding book from school. I've been watching a lot of videos about animating. I have an animation I'd like to finish, I have a webcomic I'll be starting in December, and I also have class work. I'm learning more about writing scripts, camera angling, framing drawings within a board, things like this. So I'm doing  a lot of mental work.

So although it I say I like to  take naps, I need it to refuel my thinker box up there. lol I left behind questioning and contemplating for a while to work on understanding those things I wrote above. So maybe on the outside I might seem lazy and neglective <---that's gonna be a word now lol, I've been reading a bunch and studying~ :3 I'm being a students in a sense

I haven't done much studying on spiritual matters. Just purely creative...well, besides reading that book by Donald, but that's about it. Well, of course I had this goal in mind. Mainly, last month I wanted to polish up on my drawing and storytelling skills. I wanted to learn to draw hands better. So I did that last month.

Hm...I guess I'm not that lazy huh lol but when I think about it, it may seem that way with people who are artist.

But when I think about it, we're all artist here. Maybe not in the sense that we all can draw or whatever, but that we all create.

Mothers create life. Children create smiles. Father create support. People create happy or sad moments. Life is just a wonderful ball of creations.

Just enjoy it. The good moments are good. But when times aren't looking for good for us, when it's not what we really wanna experience but it just seems it has to be, remember those good moments. Imagine you're there and everything will be okay.

You know, I can smile a bit more now. Earlier last year I just felt so yucky and I felt trapped. I was just having a difficult time internally. Now I just feel like I can ride the wind of life with no problem.

I wonder what was happening than. I wonder if I was being pulled out of the pit of confusion, and up into the light of understanding. That would be a beautiful painting. Being pulled from a pit of one's one darkness by our supporters, and being pulled up into  beautiful garden filled with light and very soft pastel colors.

Hmmmmm~~~ it makes me feel fuzzy and happy lol

Well, that's all for now. Since I have a bit more energy, I'll start going through this book now.

I have an idea of what I'd like to do in life, but I'm not sure where it'll take me, or who I'll meet next. I'd like to say that confidence, but I'm sure that deep down inside thing will all work out in a way where I can put forth all I've learned :) Just like my teachers have taught me, and so shall I to those who will come to me, like I came to them~~


Have a great night, morning or day

Mon

Am I right? Am I wrong? Who cares!

It's my belief.....well, you know it's my thoughts right? I don't have to write "in my opinion" or "I think" I'll simply write what I believe, and what I think as if it's hardcore truth. Maybe not for you, and maybe even it's not even for me, but it's something.

In this world, things change, so it would seem only natural that beliefs change, and thoughts change. And yet, it seem that some people do not want to change. Are they wrong? No. In my opinion  (there's that word lol) I don't think it's possible to be %100 wrong about something. A person comes up with something based on what they believe to  be true based on their experience. Does that me we say that their experience was not true, that their lives are not right? Well, what about yours? Is your life right? What about that person who thinks your views are wrong? They are basing what they think isn't okay for you off of what's okay and not okay for them. Is this right or wrong?

This, I believe (there's that word), truly stems from who we are as a person. I'm afraid I can't give you an answer to solve all your life problems, or even give you the answer as to who you are. Each person is different in their ow way. I do however find that in being who we are, we should at least (even if it's a tiny bit) respect another who's trying to make it in life.

Please look up the definition for respect. I mean, I understand someone made up the word, but it's a good place to start. Words are just words that were made up for someone who thought we may need the word. And I'll tell you something interesting, all of it stemmed from Philosophy.

Is this factual? Well, that's what a lot of book on philosophy say. Mainly philosophy is just seeking knowledge, or lover of knowledge. This is just people who sit around and question just about anything. And when they have an answer, they question that. Which means, in the end, they may not get an answer. It can't be helped. Let's get to the point here. Mainly, Science started out as nothing but what it was. It just WAS. Then it began to have some truths in it, and someone may have found it to be TRUE that something was  the way it was because it was the way they found it to be. And they examined this, and those people got the same results. Suddenly it stopped being a question (or so it seems) and became an answer, it became truth.And it was not questions anymore, it was not philosophy anymore, it was Science. Something that was created by people.

Is this wrong? No. It has helped better us in some form. It as helped give us information to better our lives. This isn't the problem. The problem comes with it (Science) believe it has all the answers....now, rather I should say "people" believe. Notice I say "believe" because they certain think their truth is truth and not a thought or belief. They believe Science is complete and it doesn't need to evolve. But I tell you think, everything is changing, and with it our society, our way of being should adapt to this.

It's kind of like when it goes from being summer to fall to winter. And yet, people who love the summer say "No, I'm not gonna change my summer clothes" and decide to wear them throughout winter. Is this wrong? No. But it will have consequences. A lot of things work out of cause and effect.

Simple example: You're hungry (the cause), you eat and get full (the effect). This is okay right?
Trying to fight the example: You're hungry (the cause), you decide not to eat, you're still hungry (the effect)

I'm sure if I was telling someone this they'd say "Well it's different!" and when they say this I laugh on the inside. The only difference is the context of the situation.

Now if it's true that if you're hungry and you eat something, you gain food in your belly, then how could it be untrue. It's possible to not eat real solid food and survive. There was a Japanese man who said he and his wife (I believe his wife was involved) who took in energy from the sun  as food. I don't think it's weird, it's a little funny to hear, but if they say so, I don't hold it against them.

So, what I'm trying to say is I don't consider myself to be %100 correct on any given topic I talk about because things change. Does that mean I'm wrong? No. I don't think there is "right" or "wrong", just simply an experience we experience from a choice we make. We make it easier or harder based on our belief, thoughts or actions towards the situation. Our thoughts or beliefs on a situation make the situation harder or easier.

I'm testing this out a lot. And many people will agree that you'll have a better experience if you're optimistic about it. But I add being realistic too.

Why do I say this? Well, there is a system we have created. Some people don't like this system. But understand it took years and years to create this, it would only seem fitting it'll take years and years to create a new which will work. However, I feel that this needs to be done. The moment when there's so much chaos, we have to listen. It's true that we're individuals, but we all live on this planet together.

Our actions can harm others. That why I say be respectable. Use your best judgement. Don't deny yourself to be who you are, but also don't harm others who being who they are.

Notice I said "being" not "doing", some people can do harmful things.

I think it's become more difficult with lies.

I'll give a bit of insight. I believe the good in people overpowers the bad in people. I believe there are many more good people out there than we can see. Yet, due to our sometimes bias beliefs, we don't see them.

They may be silent or loud. But they're there.

Well, I know people aren't gonna be saints. We're gonna make mistakes. We aren't very perfect either. But we can do better. We can always improve. And even after we've made a mistake, we can do better next time.

It's not limiting yourself to being what's considered "good" but making healthy choices to help you and others live peacefully as who they are. If you wouldn't want someone limiting you to make you live a limited life, with limited views, limited beliefs, limited actions for the things you desire to do, why would you limit them?

Gotta go for now
Mon

Can't find my book

So I can't find my herb book. I'll start writing when I find it (I'll start writing about it). In the meantime, I'll just journal as I normally would.

Hm...today I don't have much to say besides about the recent school assignments and job interview I attended this week. For me, however, that's not very eventful lol Those things are so mundane, right?

Okay, this blog will be short.

Mon

Where is your tea + Herb blog?!! (,,#ﾟДﾟ)

................

My dog ate it......


Mon

Night blog, creating from dreams

Before bed I decided to do a little brainstorming...or just typing in general. 

This isn't the entry about herbs or teas. That'll be next time. 

Anyways, as I'm writing I start to wonder why my writing can't be like my dreams. My dreams are rarely linear, and they make very little sense....well, to the human mind. Dreams are said to be mainly made up of symbols. Who came up with this? I have no idea. 

I'll give a classic example, I found an old dream journal of mines, in one of my dreams I could not remember. It was a dream about jumping into pictures at a museum. The one I had last night was of the ceiling in my living room. It's kind of chipping due to my sister's air conditioner water leaking through. Anyways, I had a dream that was happening in my room (my room is on the top floor) and there's this hole in the middle. This squirrel crawls down and into my room and just starts walking about. For some reason I was a little freaked out, a bit nervous, but it was still a little weird to me lol 

Mainly what I'm saying is that dreams are completely illogical, they often make very little sense and most of the time they aren't linear. Ever had a dream where you were one place and then somewhere else the next.

I believe the main problem lies in the fact that our brains try to make sense of things. If I could step on the line and more onto the side without limitations, I'd be happy. I'm sure it's possible. 

This is usually the spot where creativity is at it's peak.

Anyways, I'm sleepy. This is so short! Yay~ My thinking isn't at it's best right now. 

Night!

Mon

Junk food

Hi and good afternoon!

I woke up a while ago...I know it's late. I often wake up a few times during my sleep due to a noise or loud sound or something like that.

Anyways, I wanted to talk about junk food. 

I'm not sure if it's just me, but junk food makes me feel heavy.  In the past I use to eat junk food, but lately I make a conscious chose on what I'll eat, if it's good for me, and how it makes me feel. Of course I'm sure other people do this as well.

Well, I'll explain! It was when I was at the community college. I was there for about two or three years and they had a vending machine full of snacks. In the past I'm sure I would've just eaten what I could (junk wise), but I had decided to just not eat a lot  of junk, or cut it out entirely. 

So I soon realized that after cutting junk out of my diet (eating trial mix with nuts or a muffin) my body felt a lot lighter. I started to think about people who suffer from obesity and I wonder if they feel heavy, not because of the weight, but because of...hm....I'm not sure how to explain it. It's possibly the weigh I'm talking about, but it almost felt like floating. I enjoy this feeling! So I felt happier and I didn't feel the need to eat junk food after a while. 

Now I'm not sure how conscious I am of my body, but I definitely knew I felt lighter. 

I mentioned that I've been reading Conversation with God by Neale Donald Walsch. Well, I've gotten to a section where they speak about how the spirit actually encompasses the body. Well, I'm guessing this is the aura. That the spirit carries the body. 

So it would only make sense that whatever food we eat effects our spirit's energy. Food, just like all other thing, have energy right? So I wonder what kind of energy junk food has. What kind of chemical is it in that causes people to eat it as if it's uncontrollable.

Well, I'll say this bluntly. It's very controllable! Simply put, I believe we often make excuses to stay where we are because we gain some kind f pleasure from the experience. Over eating, under eating and not admitting to it causes that thing to have power over you. The moment when you feel that there is nothing you to can do to stop from doing a certain thing, you're giving power over you. Okay fine, sulk. But when you're done realize that sooner or later you'll have to move. 

Things are always changing, including yourself. 

My older sister is determined to lose weight. Yet, I see that she consumes pizza often, eats chips often. I have no problem with once in a while, I actually have no problem at all. This is her choice. I think that if she were more determined she'd try to eat a healthier alternative. There are healthier chips out there. There are healthier snacks. Fruits are delicious! They're sweet and they don't hold very many calories. 

I'm not saying cut out all junk food, but understand the body! When we over-consume, we are putting more calories in our body that aren't needed. Our boy doesn't know what to do with this so it stores it as fat. 

I believe...no, I know for a fact, that we have a built in system that tells us when we've had enough food. This is what I call "the half way point", it's the point where some people would think "I'm getting full"....okay, then stop eating lol the the easiest way I can put it.

I'm sure there are others like this, but my mom, older sister and younger sister ignore this and continue to eat until they feel so full they can't move. Why would you do this to yourself? lol xD I mean seriously.

I've done this maybe a few times in life, and it's painful for me. It doesn't make me want to take a nap. Actually, my body starts to hurt when I do this. Sometimes when we would go out to eat I won't want to toss the food out. So I'd tried to eat the last bit I have on my plate, knowing full and well that I'm full. So my body works like this, it'll make my shoulders hurt and my neck hurt when I'm too full lol Then I'd sit in anguish just wishing my food would quickly digest. 

Back to the point. Mainly when you continue to do this (ignore this sign) it begins to become silent, your stomach begins to expand as it prepares to carry more food. That's why they have that surgery to make the stomach smaller. This wouldn't need to be, if we would just listen to our bodies. They signal us for a reason lol 

So, this brings to mind the spirit. It sends us signs too. I'm thinking that our spirits our very much all those signs I mentioned above. And yet, not listening to our higher knowledge (I'll call it this), we over indulge and then point fingers at the people who produce it. 

Seriously, this can be stopped. If you really wanna make 'em angry, stop purchasing their products lol It's that simple. Read about supply and demand. 

Oh! So back to my older sister. I've gotten her interested in teas. We'd often drink tea together. She doesn't drink as much soda and juice, so not every effort is pointless. I see her making changes. I won't rush her either. Even a tiny change is good.

Anyways, green tea is very good. It helps promote weight loss and it has other health benefits. They're pack with antioxidants which are good for the body as well. Well, blueberries are too. 

Maybe next time I'll talk about herbs and teas. Since I"m always talking about healthier alternatives, maybe I should write about a few. 

I'm not saying I'm the healthiest person in the world, but I do believe that if we treat our bodies properly, they'll reward us in the long run. It helps our minds, and our spirit too! These all work in unison, or they should, but we have to learn to kick the habits limiting us. 

I see a bright future ahead of us,but we have to be willing to go towards it. The future is now, it's what we choose to do now that determines who we'll be in the next second, it determines who will be in the next minute. It chooses who we are NOW. Each second before the last second, is the future. 

But remember, things manifest here a bit slower. It's due to the density and sometimes, even our willingness to pay attention to it.

So next time I'll crack open my herb book. I haven't opened that thing in a while. I'll go over some herbs, and teas and their benefits :3

Until than, bye~

Mon

Green Tea w/ Lemon and learning about Maya day! Life life life!

Hey!

Today is going to be a laid back down...kind of.

Today I have to do some modeling and texturing for my Material and Lighting class. Last week I was working on a Powerpoint and 3D animating a ball. I'm guilty of not using a lot of social networks while taking my classes. I don't often make phone calls either. I dunno what it is with me lol It's not like I don't have people to call. I'm just not a phone kind of person. I enjoy it better if I can sit and talk with the person. Well, I'm working things out. I definitely don't want people I know to feel like I don't care about them. I care about them all! I guess my way of showing it is a bit different.

For example, it's been a while since I've spoken with my friend from high school, her sister too, but I haven't forgotten about them. However, I know as people who are growing in life, we move on. I stress this a bit with my friend from China. Some people the idea of always hanging out together and talking and that this is what friendships are all about. I don't argue against this claim. Well, I'm guessing half of my attitude towards this is from me moving a lot. I've grown adapt to leaving friends behind. I don't remember if it was hard in the beginning but I'm use to it now.

Anyways, at the moment I'm in a nice well-lit living room on a comfy couch that's way to big for me lol with a cup of green tea with lemon watching videos about modeling in Maya. Maya is a 3D modeling/animation software that I'm using in class.

Seriously, while working, or while moving towards learning new things, I feel that because I don't call my friends or contact them, that I'm just being a neglectful friend. But I also look at it is, well, if they wanna talk to me, can't they call me? Then I start to think "do they have my number or do I only have theirs?" lol Well, they're on my facebook lol they can contact me there. Friendships aren't just one sided. I guess I should respect them if they wanna hang out sometime. It's okay to say "sure" sometimes even with school work. Taking some time out from this is okay.

When my class and I took a trip to a tiny animation studio in downtown Chicago, one guy was saying how it's either work or your social life, and that we can't have both. Honestly, I think that kind of thinking is ridiculous. That's like saying "work over family", it's very possible to have both.

Seriously, there were times when I've placed my own mental, emotional, and physical health above work or school. I mean, if something happens to me and I fall over and croak, then how the heck would I be able to work? So I feel that if I need to, I will stay home or not go to school or work. I've done it before. If it means being late to class, than so be it.

"You'll be out of job if you do that!" D:

Well, if that's the case, obviously that company is not considerate of it's employees and their well-being. We're humans above all else. We are humans who will have problems from time to time. It's a shame where taking a break from an all-year-round job will cost you that job.

It's not always about making money.

Well, I'm just going to continue browsing. I'll soon have more stuff to post on my youtube channel. This time it will be animation stuff. Also, all of the 2D animation stuff I had is on my external hard-drive. It will be taken in for possible repairs tomorrow.

My animation channel is: theanimationnewb

:3 Yep. Well, My updates will be quite slow. Because I have other things I like to study and try out, it's not always animating with me. But when I do animate, I take my time to deliver my best effort. This is what I've decided to strive for. In the past I delivered quick work. I actually miss those days lol I did very little thinking and let the ideas just write themselves. I'm sure that ability isn't lost. I do feel, however, that I've been taught a lot of this which seems to limit and restrict me from creating the way I use to.

Such as considering. Yeah...I wasn't a big consider-or lol In the past I would just write to write. I remember writing stories in middle school and my classmates loved it! I also wrote comics which had no solid plot, I had no idea where it was going, and I didn't care lol But now, I feel it's important. I love great stories. I don't read a lot of novels today, but as a kid I always loved reading. I remember always visiting the library in my elementary and I still remember what the library looks like. My reading came to  halt in high school because it was more stressful and there was handsome guy involved lol But it was nothing major.

I feel that I should have my priorities straight. It's not because of my age, but it's because I feel that for the longest, I had no true direction. I often had dreams of tornadoes and I read that tornadoes often symbolize lack of direction. I've had dreams of wars, and I knew it was something inside of me saying "okay, let's do what we came here for" and well, I can't say clearly what it is, but I'll just stick with my hobbies for now.

Recently, putting names to things just isn't my thing. It becomes a category rather than just what it is. I'm well aware that somethings cannot be explained in plain English. I don't think it's just in English too. It's a human thing. A lot of people like to understand what's going on. And that people would be "out of their minds" if they did things that our society considered abnormal. But I've come to understand that that very thing kind of limits us. We try to explain who we are, rather than just being who we are.

Take for example, a person who always tries to explain who they are, but their actions are different from what they say. They limit themselves to being words, a category which has either a "good" or "bad" meaning.

We are body language readers. It's an innate ability. "Actions speak louder than words!" and yet, we strive to explain ourselves.

I rather be actions because it's based on who I am. I was a bit iffy about posting about feeling like I neglect my friends because of this very reason, that if they saw me, they'd understand. It's not something I should feel guilty about :3 So I actually really don't. I don't feel guilty, but I do feel like I neglect them. It's the only word I could think of at the moment.

Anyways, this is how I go about "judging" a person's "character"

I may use words like "well that's bad", but that's not what I mean. Urgh...explaining things is a huge waste of time. It's like useful, but a waste of time lol Well, I'll explain it for myself.

To me, all people are possible associates. I judge (and I use this word loosely) based on the factor of rather a person is actually trying to be themselves, are themselves, or pretending to be something they aren't. It's very easy for me to distinguish (maybe I should use this word instead) a pretender from someone is just is. Very very easy!

They are the one's using speech which sounds very forced, actions that seem very forced. Those kinds of people are the ones I don't feel like I could talk to lol Mainly because they aren't even being who they are. I don't mean this meanly. I tried talking to people like this, and although I know everyone is different, they seem similar. They are the ones who "follow" what society tells them to follow. It's like they're in a daze or brainwashed. These kinds of people don't interest me at all. These are the ones I don't feel I need to explain myself to haha So it's not like I WON'T explain myself, it's just that I choose not to. Isn't that the way it usually is?

Anyways, I spoke to one before, he started to figure me out lol He would always ask me "what's wrong with you? Something is different about you..." and we could call me "spirit girl" xD Of course I was a bit annoyed. It's like he would use me for his source of entertainment. Anyways, he was one of those people. When he was more serious, and talked like himself, he had depth.

I don't think he's any less of a being or person or whatever, I still think it's very much those things. It's just I find it difficult to communicate with them. When instead of speaking as who they are, they speak as how they think they should speak, it's like talking to replicas and it's pretty dull. What others say is stupid, they agree it's stupid. Rather than just telling me what they truly think, or why they think it, it's simple "stupid" or "bad" or "wrong"

Well, that's it. My sister is laughing way to loud at the t.v. lol

I'm going to get back to my videos. Sorry for the pointless rant. Hm....I don't often have a clear idea of what I'll write, so yeah.

Mon

10.20.13

I don't have a title for today's journal. It'll likely be randomness.

So recently things are going great! Well, besides the usual family issues, but it's cool. I'm making it and also it's easier to deal with. It's become a bit better when I'm able to say "okay that happened than, and now is now" and just let it slip away. In a way dealing with things in this manners makes me feel like I don't care for happened the day before. I guess in reality what happened 5 minutes ago doesn't matter as much as to what can happen at this very moment. It's not that I forget, it's just that I don't allow it to pull me down.

However, I still think "well, even if I can do this, why do I still feel guilty/annoyed etc.?" and it's such a silly question because feelings are a part of being. O__o Do I seriously think feelings are a curse?

Hm...honestly, I won't lie, I feel that I'm quite sensitive. It's kind of a pain to feel sad or want to cry when I'm hurt or hold back tears when I'm really bothered by something. But I know it's a part of me, and it makes me who I am. I know that I can work to better improve the way I deal with things. I've come to understand that I may allow myself to easily be influenced by outer forces. But it's only if I allow it. So I'm happy that I'm dealing with things pretty well.

I've been told by a friend that it's best to let these things filter or flow right past me. I guess it's kind of like with being aware of one's thoughts, but not allowing yourself to become attached to them. I look at it like this, a thought is a thought and nothing else. It can't hurt you, only if you allow it. Fear is only fear and nothing else. It can't hurt you unless you allow it.

The thought "fear nothing" comes to mind. And I imagine that a some people may think it means just jumping head first into a situation without thinking. Being cautious is not fearing. It's considering the possibilities.

Hm....Dwelling in one spot on one thing can't guarantee progress, but it helps. But it seems that some people take the head first approach. Well, I see nothing wrong with this besides the fact that they could harm another with disregards to the consequences. But I still see nothing wrong with this. Those kinds of people will learn...maybe not the way that could cause the less amount of pain or give them an experience they may feel is pleasing, but they learn.

With situations like being in a bad situation due to one's choices, I feel that it's the quickest way to learn a lesson. It's like the information "clicks" and makes more sense because it's from personal experience.

Yet, however, some people continue to make the same choices, regardless.

Well, I just wish them the best. I'm sure they'll get beyond that point eventually.

Which leaves me at this very point of all of this.

Although I've come to think of these things, it doesn't change anything for me. O__o I still feel like me, I just feel like...it's okay. Like there's nothing to...well, not work towards, but to worry about.

I've had it in my mind "I want to help the world!" and it's come down to me thinking that in some way I am. In a way that may not be what I've expected, but in someway I am. Because who I am may help someone else understand who they are. That it's okay to be who you are.

In the meantime I'm working on being honest with myself. It seems harsh at times, but whatever. If I can't accept aspects of myself, than how can I ever be who I really am. It would be like saying I only like my good qualities and dismiss the one's that were obstacles for me to get where I am now. They were the stepping stones which I took to get to the height I am at now. I'm not above anyone, I just am. I'm learning too.

Yes, I become a bit uneasy at time when I imagine what my next obstacle will be. I won't say I won't. I do worry a bit. But I know that, just like in the past, I can get over it. The difference between than and now is that I have a bit more understanding at my disposal. I think I'm a bit more cautious to observe things now.

Hm...also I'm a bit silly and says things. So sometimes I don't pay much attention. I feel that when I'm paying attention I seem way too serious. But I'm a lover of happy moments and I like being happy! I like being excited about the future! That doesn't mean I don't feel nervous because I do. But at the end of the day when I lie my head down I can honestly say that I'm perfectly safe. I feel it.

Well, I'll write more about what I'm feeling in my next journal.

Oh! And also before I forget, I wanted to share a bit of insight on my sleeping nights. Sometimes I would have a sense that I've been somewhere while I was asleep at night. I've mentioned this to a friend of mines before, but I would feel like I did something while sleeping but not having much recollection of what it was.

Do I think that I don't know? No. I do believe I do know. But I don't feel the need to look into it. I feel that if I wanted to know I could find out. O__o I guess I don't really care. Hm...that seems to be a pattern with me. It's not that I don't care, it's just that it's nothing much.

So yeah. That feeling hasn't faded. And I'm sure I wasn't just feeling that way for no reason. I've been reading that we travel a lot while we're dreaming in order to fee out Oneness again, or something like that. I feel that I do what I want to do here (wanting to help), there, in my dream.

I would like to teach, but the conscious me isn't sure what to teach, but I'm sure I do know. I'm just not allowing myself to know.

I guess I kind of don't want to right now, so I'm making excuses as to why I can't :P I'll be honest, I'm dealing with how to deal with emotional things and being more tolerable. Also I'm relaxing and dealing with focusing on school work. Learning to feel and be honest and connecting with my pets and my plants.

I'd like to see auras someday. I've been thinking about lending a hand in the medical field. However I'd like to take into account the whole body. Mind, body, spirit and the 7 chakras. Paying mind to those things, I feel, could help a lot.

People who actually see auras have said they can tell when someone isn't feeling well. I'm definitely sure it's possible. Of course I have a few worries, so I'm learning to get over those too (they're very minor, but I still need to look into them).

The reason I'm interested in these things are that I find the body to be very interesting! I'd like to understand how we can better care for not just our physical body, but how to treat the 7 chakras with care.

I'd like to understand how to deliver messages with clarity and without allowing my mind to try to decipher and change the information.

To me, these things aren't like trying to heal the world, it's something I'm interested in. And I'd like to give this to others. Give them an understanding of something they believe is new in order to...like um...not understand, but to know that there is a way. I guess to show that things that seem impossible are very possible.

I guess this is why I'm still in  the working phase at the moment. I'm still fitting in what my true purpose is beyond my many interest! Nothing wrong with it.

Well, I'm heading to bed now. I've been awake since 7 this morning.

Night

Mon

Dream 10/19/13

Earlier I had a dream before waking up.

I was a man in this prison like place. I was committed for a crime I didn't commit and I believe I was placed in there for death. 

There was this one part I remember well. It was fighting against one of these guy (there were multiple ones who wanted to pick a fight). I beat the guy pretty bad, but it wasn't out of anger it was to prove a point. If I'm not mistaken, I started telling them something like, the body is a greater tool than the mind because. Or something like that. I forgot why I ended up saying that. But upon waking up I thought to myself "well, that sounds a bit backwards"

I started teaching the men in this prison stuff. I guess I figured that if I was gonna die in prison, minus well not waste time.

Hobbies~

So I've been wanting to make youtube videos showcasing some things I'm interested in.

I have a few hobbies, but one thing I'd really like to do is jewelry making! There's something about creating things that make me happy. :3

I often walk past the crafting aisle at Walmart just to stroll and gawk at a few of the beautiful (possibly not real) accessories! Oh...and to get yarn for knitting  lol

A few months ago I tried weaving. It's a bit tedious, but I only got one piece done. The tiresome thing to do is to constantly go to the store to buy yarn. If I lived near a Walmart, it would be convenient.

I'd also like to try my hand at some Chinese calligraphy.

You know, I don't even know if these will be lifelong hobbies. But it would be fun to do. I've always also wanted to take a pottery class.

Overall, I would like to show people to create things. I'll give it a shot!

My thoughts on being a women, men, being human

Hi!

So I've been going through videos on youtube since about 3 p.m. and I someone always get to the videos about people who have emotional scars or they have deep seated hurt and they (on the outside) try to cover that up with outer substances.

One lady is crying in this video. Mainly she's talking about how she feels ugly, and how hurt she is to have young ladies talk about how they feel ugly, etc.

I can't say this doesn't happen for men, I'm sure it does, but for the most part, it's usually women who have this issue.

Seriously, I have no problem being a women! Personally I find it has a gift. I mean, yes it takes two people to procreate, but women are the ones who have to carry that child for nine months, while living, working, taking care of home, dealing with emotions etc. And what's funny is, when I see comments where women complain about not being treated equally and a men lashes back saying that women do have the rights, I don't think that's the problem.

I think a lot of women feel ignored. I mean, the most common thing I hear from my male friends, or men in general is that they don't think the way women do. I'm not against men. I respect their views, but for those who have read blogs know that I question things. Which means I'll question them on those views. I'd like to understand, even if it's just from a few people

If I can give my two cents on this issue. As I said, I don't think this has anything to do with having "equal rights", I think it's about some women feeling like they aren't being listened to. There's seriously nothing wrong with that. Everyone likes to be heard.

Think of it this way. Men like to be respected right? They don't like to be told what to do and how to do it. They like to know that a women is supportive of him and not trying to change him. Now take out the concept of that just being a men quality, it's the same for any one who's learning to live.

Now, to me, it seems like a similar situation. A men is asking for "respect", he hopes that his spouse "listens" and "respects" that.

So men like to be listened to as well. So I'm guessing some women may feel that since they are being supportive and listening, why is it that they aren't getting the same treatment? This is where I believe the problem stems from.

Honestly, I've spoken to guys, they are not hard to speak to. They do listen, it's just I think they categorize certain things as "women traits" or that women are always using their "feelings" to make choices. Now I can understand how this can be an issue. Sometimes our personally feelings can get in the way of and a mistake which could've been prevented happens. But understand one thing, it's not a woman thing. It's a human thing.

Some humans are more sensitive than others. Some humans make ridiculous mistakes.

That aside, I can agree that some women should learn to incorporate logic into their way of living. But it's not just women who make choices based on feelings, some men do as well. They may think they don't, but they do. Let's take "anger", this seems like such a huge emotion which gets a lot of attention in the male department. I think I'd prefer a women to feel "sad" over a men who feels "angry" over something. Usually anger causes fight. Sadness....well, it doesn't cause much harm lol

I don't want to bash either gender, but the true problem stems from the fact that a lot of us have roots.We aren't living in the past, we're living in the today. So why does it seem like a lot of people are either living in yesterday, or last week? If we stop living and thinking that there's no hope, that we can't change our outlook of what we thought was true about something yesterday, and that today isn't yesterday and we can start over, then how are we planning to grow as humans?

The reason things seem so similar is because it seems there's a very small amount of people willing to walk outside as improved. It would seem weird to others to be trashy for most of one's life, but decide to change on night, and step outside dressing differently, speaking different etc. But who cares what others think?!

If you are dedicated to improving yourself because you know it's what's healthy for you, then do it!

I'll say it bluntly, if you're doing something destructive in your life, you're only really putting yourself in harm. The harm you think you do to someone else, is just a reflection of what you're creating for yourself.

If you feel empty. Then feel empty! There's no crime about it. Feel it. Then determine what you can do, what's a healthy way to deal with it? Find forums where others who shared the same problem, but got over it, dealt with it. It'll inspire you.

Seriously, I don't feel like I need to say this, but it's possible! I shouldn't have to tell you this. But I'm doing this on my ow freewill, and I really mean it.

Trust me when I say this, you won't believe how great you'll feel when you get over that hurdle!

Take the situation you're in and say "I'm glad I know what it's like to be sad. But now I want to be happy"

Man or Woman, it doesn't matter! We're all trying our hardest. So stop categorizing everything as a men or a women thing and just simply let it exist. Rather than categorizing it, listen to what the other person is saying and truly listen! They are speaking as the individual they are.

If they feel fat, listen! If they feel ugly, listen!

It's not a "fat" thing, it's how a person feels, and they're asking for your help. It's not an "ugly" thing, it's about something more, something that's effected this soul to the core, and they're asking for help.

Now it makes sense. When we simple categorize thing, we take meaning away from what it truly is. It's okay to turn our faces away because it's just a "guy" thing. It's okay to ignore it because it's normal for "women"

But we're missing the main point. Our bodies may have grown, but our inner needs have never dissipated. That need to be listened to. That need to want to know that you're being heard.

Remember when we were children, very young children, and we'd say something and our parents would chuckle and go along with it? What happened to that? Why did that start to disappear?

My thoughts are it disappeared the moment we reached the age where they thought "you're too old to be behaving like that. Stop that right now."

It was halted. And not it becomes an internal  issue. It's so deeply rooted and now we don't even know how to properly deal with it.

Now some people are lucky enough to have parents who teach them the healthy way of expressing themselves, but it's obvious by the majority, that some people didn't.

But now is the time! Now is the time to sit and go over these things. Since tomorrow is is now anyways. What I mean but that is this, whatever choice is it you make today, you create your future. You are living your future right now. And whoever you were a second ago is in the past.

Yes, appreciate who you are, and who you were, because it helps you to becoming something better. We can always improve. Not just ourselves, but our knowledge, our knowing of other things.

I can admit I'm quite sensitive to feelings. I've reverted so many of my blog post to drafts because I felt they were to harsh. But they're quite similar to this. It's what we all can see, we all see problems, but there's only a handful of people who push to help.

It's not just about the crime. It's about what creates the crime. It's those inner turmoil.

That men who's had it up to here with his boss treating him as if he's less than human. Or that boss who's angry with his wife because she's being distant. Or that wife who's cheating on her husband, but is keeping it a secret because she feels like her husband won't listen.

It's just a giant circle.

Now, place one's cultural difference in the mix, and it seems even harder to understand.  Well, it's not!!

If anything, I feel I have to be a lot more cautious when I'm speaking with someone from another country. Not because I feel they're different, but because I know the places were grew up have given us a different understanding of things. I don't continue to do this, but only during the first few moments of meeting. This is normal, it's for me to understand where this person's mind is coming from. It's the same thing that's done with meeting a stranger. You wouldn't just walk up to a stranger and start spitting out whatever....well, some would lol But that's not the point.

The point is, when I first started learning Japanese and reading about the country, I realized that even though some of them may think American customs are strange, or we're loud, they are just as similar to us. The difference is the way they are taught to deal with things. Just like how we are a certain way in America, the same holds true in other places. Some people are for it, and some people aren't.

I'll give an example, this Japanese lady wrote a blog about how her two children are going through the phase where they constantly run to her saying "so and so, did this. Mom, make him/her stop!"

It's something a lot of parents go through. So, why is it people always try to place themselves on a pedestal? Thinking they their way is better? Who said you were right?

The same concept for something that large, goes for the same issue here.

Who said that women are right about men, and men are right about women?

There's a lot of different women out there and a lot of different men out there. All so different in the means that, there will always be this piece of them that is unique to them. Regardless of how they try to paint their outer appearance, when you  reach down to the very bare bottom, you'll understand exactly what I'm talking about.

So that guy who's either a jock or a guy who shags his pants, has a deeper meaning to him then what you see on the outside. And that girl who wears clothes that are way too revealing, or that really quiet girl who gets bullied, they have a deeper meaning.

What I mean by this is this, when they all go to  bed at night, and they are laying alone (if they are with a spouse or whatever, and that spouse has gone to sleep), they may, at that very moment when they're starting up at the ceiling, for that split second, may be who they truly are. Wondering simple human things. Being who they are in their unique way, with their unique thoughts.

It's just when they get up and start rolling, they paint themselves again preparing for another long day.

So this is my thoughts!

Did they provoke anything in you? If so, good. Think on it.  Feel what you like.

Smile everyone~
Hugs
Mon

Things are okay

It may seem difficult to take a situation we consider to be bad, flip it over and see the good.

By this I mean accepting that something that seems horrid or bad, is just an example of what we don't want so we can continue to create what we do want.

It's not impossible to do this!

It's like a mistake, but it's not. It's an experience, and we experience everything deep down inside.

I've been reading that people who are "aware" usually "know" to avoid this.

It's not being "smart" but "knowing", and it's not just something some people have.

Let's remove the word "mistake" for a second. Let's imagine it doesn't exist.

Now, take a situation where we chose to do something. It would just be an experience. And if it harmed us, or made us feel better, feel more connected to our greater truth, are these two not the same thing. They are both an experience which helped us understand ourselves. We come to know that we prefer one experience over another.

I think that's a good way of putting it, rather than saying good or bad.

Because  everything has energy, so do words, so I'm quite choosy when it comes to writing out a word. It's mainly because if someone reads this, I'd like to give them a clearer understanding of what I'm trying to say. Certain words have a certain level.

Such as the word "angry", there's a lot of words that can stem from this, each with it's own unique feel.



Oh oh! Also today was great! I told my teacher I couldn't sleep last night because I was so excited lol I'm not joking. There were a lot of times I wanted to reach over and grab my cellphone to check the time, but I knew I needed to  get some rest or I'd be sleepy.

The class is 7 hours long, and we get a break at 12 noon. I woke up at 6:23 a.m. My original plan was to get up at 7:15 a.m. But something was nudging me to get up sooner.I'm not sure if it was me or not, but I'm sure it was for the best anyways because if I woke up at the time I did, I would've probably been late. I was able to eat a big enough meal for breakfast. Then I had a difficult time finding a container to put my lunch in lol and I was able to watch some of this new cartoon I love watching!

If I had woken up later, I don't think those things would've been able to fit in like they did this morning.

I often get this feeling a lot, but I ignore it lol I feel it mostly when I'm sleeping. Sometimes it's me, and sometimes it isn't, and sometimes it's my body. Usually I listen to my body. I like to dream! So I try to have as many dreams as I can to search for inspiration for new story idea. Also I like the feel of sleeping lol

But I often wake up when my body starts to ache. There's so much to do, is what I say, and yet I enjoy sleeping lol It's because the day in my mind hasn't started. I usually start off  pretty slow. It would be me tossing around on my bed trying to figure out what to do. I'd usually wake up and start reading a book, or eat. Once I'm up and good to go, that's when I start doing just about whatever comes to my mind lol

I'm gonna take a nap. I have a homework assignment online, but I'd like to rest my brain.

O__O The class had to learn some stuff about this 3D animation program called Maya. I didn't learn a lot of things the instructor went over today, so it was insightful! But I wanted to make sure I truly understood what he meant. :3 Now I get it! So I'm happy.

But I'm gonna give my head a chance to just play around and wake up and put it back to work lol Poor thing.

Mon

Contemplation + Philosophy

I think I do a bit of contemplating.Today I sat for 5 minutes to become of aware of everything around me. I can't say I understand the word "meditation", but I seriously don't think I do. But I'm aware that there's awareness of things, so I wonder if it's the same thing.

Anyways, I guess I often contemplate on a lot of things. It helps me to build up what I would do in a lot of situations. 

Sometimes I'd just focus on a situation for a while, going over the possibilities. Sometimes I'm not even searching for an answer. I'd just sit and wonder if it's possible to come to an end. Most situations are endless right. I mean, out of the billions of opinions out there, they may be billions and billions of answers. And billions and billions of thoughts. And dozens of actions and intentions. But a lot of them seem similar, but they have their unique touch of life, based on the person's personality I guess. 

I often contemplate on life. Which direction I can help lead it to. I think about things getting better and how I can contribute myself to the greater whole. It's about myself as well. yes, i have to understand where I'm coming from first. I have to know what I'm good at, what I can do, what are my limits. I have to understand and know that I should do it for myself. Because it won't mean much either wise.

I can sit for hours can think "well, tomorrow I'll have a different answer" or it's because I'll read or see something that make me think "well, this is difference for what I thought of"

And it makes me think that that answer may be good for that moment, and not the next. Is it possible to over-think. I do think it's possible to stifle life with thinking. But who's to say what "living" actually is. I know for sure it's not letting my brain rot in front of a t.v.

I think a lot of our breakthroughs came from the past. I respect that. Back in the time when people went outside and just thought about everything. Before we had the Internet, before t.v.'s, people traveled, possibly by foot, to see the world and wonder. They experimented and saw the stars.

It may have been more physically demanding, but it got the gears working. Nowadays, a lot of new things are just copies of the old things in a new version. Like, I don't get the point of constantly upgrading phones.

My mom finally got my old phone from me. I was perfectly fine with my old phone. The same with my old clothes, holes and all lol

When they upgrade technology, I'm never in a rush to buy it because they'll just make something new and charge more. It's all about money. The productions aren't even unique anymore. They're starting to look like mirror images.

A lot of things are becoming so easy, isn't it? lol Of course it'd be a lie to say I don't take advantage of this, but I also like to stick to my old roots.

I'm not gonna doubt that it wasn't possible I lived a life where doing things this way wasn't the norm. I like to be able to discover. Although I'm not quite to the point of saying "well, that is this" and have it be said that it's something new. To me, what is IS, and that's it. There is no "what is IS, and what isn't ISN'T" because I can't see the ISN'T so how would I know it's ISN'T if this ISN'T actually is indeed IS, or rather, that it exist.

I mean, it has to exist in some form for me to say "well, that doesn't exist" because something that doesn't exist in some form, wouldn't be.

Urgh, it takes time to explain these things. And regardless, I wonder if people think I talk like I'm right. I'm not right! I'm just simply asking questions. I'm always happy for people who answer the question. Sometimes I"m asking a question, for an answer from someone to see their answers, to wonder upon that answer with my question, to gain a new answer, that may possibly become a new question.

So don't expect to much from me in those situations lol An answer is no less of an answer than it was when I was given it. But now, it's in my hands, and I'm just going to play around with it a little. Those people are not less helpful. They are very helpful. And to be truthfully honest, I would feel a bit guilty about doing that to them.

I'd just ask them question over question. This one guy said I was interrogating him lol I told him I wasn't, and that I simply wanted to get to the bottom of his thoughts. And it's quite possible that there isn't much of a bottom simply because it's endless. The possibles are always endless. It's just as vast as the universe.

And goodness, I don't want to think about the universe. I haven't even came up with a solid answer for earth things, let alone thinking of the universe. I mean, it's possible that what's out there is more real than what's here. And then we'd have to become accustom to that lol And everything we thought that WAS, actually turned out out to be well....not much at all. Like scraping the surface.

It's possible we're like little fish in a tank. Sure it seem that that fishtank is all there is and all that ever will be. It reminds me of this time when I was younger. One of the fishes in my mom's fishtank was all the way across the floor from the fishtank. She thought I took the fish out. No, I didn't. Anyways, this fish was halfway across the room (I'm not lying) and I couldn't figure out how that was possible. For one the fishtank wasn't on the floor, it was on a stand.

And now I have a decent answer, it was thinking outside of the tank. Literally! It may have stopped and looked at the surface and said "y'know what I'm gonna do something none of these other fish have ever done"

He may have tried heading for the window though lol It was dreaming big but just couldn't quite make it. Maybe it incarnated into a human now!

Anyways, I think we're like this. I mean the universe is so vast, and we're living on this one planet in the middle of it all. I mean, seriously, think of an endless void. Our knowledge here is possibly just the surface. And some of us think ourselves to be so smart. Maybe by earth's standard.

Well, I'm not mad at them. I actually think those kinds of people are funny. So funny in fact, I created a character like this for my webcomic.

He's considered a smart aleck at school. He ends up befriending this girl who considered herself to be invisible. Anyways, he spends a lot of the time correcting people, and he knows (or so he thinks) he's smart and is always ready to prove he's right.

I love his character!

I think the people who choose the character of "smart" are pretty funny. They're like *adjust glasses* "In quantum physics, blah blaah blah" whatever it is they say hahahaha see obviously I'm not one of them.

Okay, I steered off topic again.

Well, I'm gonna take a nap. I feel better.

I think next time I'll talk about my webcomic, and my creation process. I wonder if process is the best term here.

Well, until next time!
Mon

Last night's dream

So last night I had a dream that me and my younger sister were at this house alone, and it's really late at night. Then this person knocks on the door. On the door are blinds, and curtains are on the window. My sister goes and pushes open the blinds and they start to move back and forth. I know that it's noticeable now that this person knows someone is home. So I run to the back to grab the telephone. And when I come back he burst through the door with a gun. Holds it to my sister and shoots her, aims at me and tries to shot me but I duck and battle him for the gun.

Anyways, I end up beating this guy up and for some strange reason I didn't tie him up lol that would've made more sense. So I call the police.

I can't remember in complete details how it led up to this point, but more people come by and they all start trying to find this thing that's in the house. The cop was actually crooked and in the house for the same reason. In the end O__o I was actually the bad person who planned everything lol I dunno. But I remember being shocked at the end of the dream because the plan was to have someone else kill another person, I shot the last person standing (while wearing gloves) and put the gun in their hands.

Then I woke up hahaha