I don't have a title for today's journal. It'll likely be randomness.
So recently things are going great! Well, besides the usual family issues, but it's cool. I'm making it and also it's easier to deal with. It's become a bit better when I'm able to say "okay that happened than, and now is now" and just let it slip away. In a way dealing with things in this manners makes me feel like I don't care for happened the day before. I guess in reality what happened 5 minutes ago doesn't matter as much as to what can happen at this very moment. It's not that I forget, it's just that I don't allow it to pull me down.
However, I still think "well, even if I can do this, why do I still feel guilty/annoyed etc.?" and it's such a silly question because feelings are a part of being. O__o Do I seriously think feelings are a curse?
Hm...honestly, I won't lie, I feel that I'm quite sensitive. It's kind of a pain to feel sad or want to cry when I'm hurt or hold back tears when I'm really bothered by something. But I know it's a part of me, and it makes me who I am. I know that I can work to better improve the way I deal with things. I've come to understand that I may allow myself to easily be influenced by outer forces. But it's only if I allow it. So I'm happy that I'm dealing with things pretty well.
I've been told by a friend that it's best to let these things filter or flow right past me. I guess it's kind of like with being aware of one's thoughts, but not allowing yourself to become attached to them. I look at it like this, a thought is a thought and nothing else. It can't hurt you, only if you allow it. Fear is only fear and nothing else. It can't hurt you unless you allow it.
The thought "fear nothing" comes to mind. And I imagine that a some people may think it means just jumping head first into a situation without thinking. Being cautious is not fearing. It's considering the possibilities.
Hm....Dwelling in one spot on one thing can't guarantee progress, but it helps. But it seems that some people take the head first approach. Well, I see nothing wrong with this besides the fact that they could harm another with disregards to the consequences. But I still see nothing wrong with this. Those kinds of people will learn...maybe not the way that could cause the less amount of pain or give them an experience they may feel is pleasing, but they learn.
With situations like being in a bad situation due to one's choices, I feel that it's the quickest way to learn a lesson. It's like the information "clicks" and makes more sense because it's from personal experience.
Yet, however, some people continue to make the same choices, regardless.
Well, I just wish them the best. I'm sure they'll get beyond that point eventually.
Which leaves me at this very point of all of this.
Although I've come to think of these things, it doesn't change anything for me. O__o I still feel like me, I just feel like...it's okay. Like there's nothing to...well, not work towards, but to worry about.
I've had it in my mind "I want to help the world!" and it's come down to me thinking that in some way I am. In a way that may not be what I've expected, but in someway I am. Because who I am may help someone else understand who they are. That it's okay to be who you are.
In the meantime I'm working on being honest with myself. It seems harsh at times, but whatever. If I can't accept aspects of myself, than how can I ever be who I really am. It would be like saying I only like my good qualities and dismiss the one's that were obstacles for me to get where I am now. They were the stepping stones which I took to get to the height I am at now. I'm not above anyone, I just am. I'm learning too.
Yes, I become a bit uneasy at time when I imagine what my next obstacle will be. I won't say I won't. I do worry a bit. But I know that, just like in the past, I can get over it. The difference between than and now is that I have a bit more understanding at my disposal. I think I'm a bit more cautious to observe things now.
Hm...also I'm a bit silly and says things. So sometimes I don't pay much attention. I feel that when I'm paying attention I seem way too serious. But I'm a lover of happy moments and I like being happy! I like being excited about the future! That doesn't mean I don't feel nervous because I do. But at the end of the day when I lie my head down I can honestly say that I'm perfectly safe. I feel it.
Well, I'll write more about what I'm feeling in my next journal.
Oh! And also before I forget, I wanted to share a bit of insight on my sleeping nights. Sometimes I would have a sense that I've been somewhere while I was asleep at night. I've mentioned this to a friend of mines before, but I would feel like I did something while sleeping but not having much recollection of what it was.
Do I think that I don't know? No. I do believe I do know. But I don't feel the need to look into it. I feel that if I wanted to know I could find out. O__o I guess I don't really care. Hm...that seems to be a pattern with me. It's not that I don't care, it's just that it's nothing much.
So yeah. That feeling hasn't faded. And I'm sure I wasn't just feeling that way for no reason. I've been reading that we travel a lot while we're dreaming in order to fee out Oneness again, or something like that. I feel that I do what I want to do here (wanting to help), there, in my dream.
I would like to teach, but the conscious me isn't sure what to teach, but I'm sure I do know. I'm just not allowing myself to know.
I guess I kind of don't want to right now, so I'm making excuses as to why I can't :P I'll be honest, I'm dealing with how to deal with emotional things and being more tolerable. Also I'm relaxing and dealing with focusing on school work. Learning to feel and be honest and connecting with my pets and my plants.
I'd like to see auras someday. I've been thinking about lending a hand in the medical field. However I'd like to take into account the whole body. Mind, body, spirit and the 7 chakras. Paying mind to those things, I feel, could help a lot.
People who actually see auras have said they can tell when someone isn't feeling well. I'm definitely sure it's possible. Of course I have a few worries, so I'm learning to get over those too (they're very minor, but I still need to look into them).
The reason I'm interested in these things are that I find the body to be very interesting! I'd like to understand how we can better care for not just our physical body, but how to treat the 7 chakras with care.
I'd like to understand how to deliver messages with clarity and without allowing my mind to try to decipher and change the information.
To me, these things aren't like trying to heal the world, it's something I'm interested in. And I'd like to give this to others. Give them an understanding of something they believe is new in order to...like um...not understand, but to know that there is a way. I guess to show that things that seem impossible are very possible.
I guess this is why I'm still in the working phase at the moment. I'm still fitting in what my true purpose is beyond my many interest! Nothing wrong with it.
Well, I'm heading to bed now. I've been awake since 7 this morning.
Night
Mon
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