I wanna try it!

I always wanted to audition for one of those singing shows!

I don't think I have the best voice (singing wise, such as technique, and honestly hearing the sound of my own voice makes me cringe sometimes haha), but I've always wanted to try out for one.

I don't know why. I don't know if I expect to make it through. I don't know what I'd do if I'd make it through lol I guess I would just keep singing.

I did win one talent show back in my last year of high school. It's not that I'm cocky, but I was not surprised. Like I was shocked and giggly and crying. Mainly because I didn't really think much about winning in the first place. I was more worried about doing my best. '

I can admit, I'm competitive when it comes to challenges, like video games, or cooking a new dish. I don't like to give up. But since I just sing to sing, it doesn't phase me. But if someone thinks I'm good then I get very very happy and nervous lol But it's a good thing because I'm really grateful.

I do look for criticism, which is something vocal teachers give. But I don't have one of those at the moment. So it's all self learning.

But I feel when I get to technique with things, it comes out strange. So I'm just learning to just allow it to be. Don't think too much and just enjoy the moment. Like trying to sing powerfully. Because I don't think my voice is very strong to begin with lol even though I want it to be stronger. But even when I try shouting at my dogs for doing something wrong, I start coughing and would think "my voice isn't strong enough for shouting..." haha

But this is just something I want to do someday! I think it could be fun. I actually did like the talent show thing. Being on a stage for the first time was very different for me, but I was overthinking it. Wondering if I should move my hands, stand up, etc. Those things shouldn't be thought about. It comes off as strange I think.

But when I'm at home I like to jump around and sing. I do this just about everyday.

Also, a friend of mines, her daughter is in the hospital. I wonder if she's (her daughter). Personally, I think my friend as been through a lot so far. But I really like how she is staying strong. I may not be able to see her face to face, but her strength is a great motivation to me. I'm always amazed by certain qualities in people.

Like for instance, my older sister seems selfish, and sometimes I think she is, but she does a lot for people. Well, in my opinion anyways. She knows when she needs to care for herself, so she's okay with saying "no", but when she's gotten everything out of the way, she'll help out. She even told me "I'll get around to doing something that someone ask me eventually. When I'm ready." I feel this way sometimes too. Than maybe we are both selfish lol But I think a little selfishness if okay. I wonder if some people think being selfish is a negative thing. I learned that being too giving could strip you of your own life.

But I've come to understand my older sister a bit more. I don't bug her about things because I know that she'll get to it when she can. And she does. But this quality annoys my younger sister lol "ugghhh! She get's on my nerves!" is what my younger sister would say and I'd laugh.

My mom has great strength too. And my younger sister is able to just allow someone else's anger to pass right by her.

Actually, I realized I enjoy finding out interesting qualities in people! It's  very fun. But for the most part I just don't feel the need to show who I am. I'm interested in them! It's like, I don't want to over-shadow them. That doesn't mean I'm not being myself, it's just I would shut up and listen to them.It's like I go into Mon shut down mode and I'm engulfed in the other person. I get very very quiet lol

I wonder if to some people it seems like I'm  not interested. One guy told me it feels like I'm interrogating him. I told him to stop talking to me if it feels that way lol

I feel that talking about myself doesn't amount to who I am completely. I want me to show through my actions. Which I think it does. For instance, I could say "I don't want to do that for you" but end up doing it because I would think of the things that person did for me. It's like my words might be harsh, but my heart is like a squishy squid. It's just too soft! lol

I got off topic.

Oh! One more thing, I'm also happy my entries have gotten shorter. I've also felt that I don't necessarily have much to talk about (complain about) anymore. My mind is completely clear of those kinds of thing.

I also find it a bit easier to get things done. I'm always happy to complete things! Because for the most part I'm moving from one thing to another. Which is kind of irritating. But I realize I work better this way lol I hope this won't bug people in my future career. But seriously if I stay working on something for way to long I get bored. It's like "okay, I'll do more later", when in reality, if I just finish it I won't have to worry about it anymore. I know that last part is true because I've done it before. And finishing something makes me very happy and puts me in a very good mood.

I'm not lying! I honestly just finished a homework assignment and I was so happy I swept the floor lol The reason I was so happy is because when I went to preview my assignment on the website, the window shut down! And I put a lot of effort into that. I felt defeated! What's worse is that I was typing everything on that webpage. I thought to myself "I should have saved it in wordpad first", but that's to tedious for me. But I regretted it. So I wasn't gonna type it all over again. But I decided too. I was so upset. But when I finished it again, I was happy! The wording seems a bit more confident because I knew what I was going to write about.

So I guess not every moment like that is bad. It's like sometimes it could set you up for something even better. I'm sure I'll end up feeling defeated again the next time a similar situation arises lol xD I'll remember what I was thinking now, but at that moment I would just want to quit.

So let me tell all of you, just because my words here seem encouraging, just know that I know how you feel. I don't speak out my neck, these are the words and thoughts I give to myself everyday, to pick myself up and keep going. So that's why I write them here. In hopes that it will help pick someone else up.

So yep! I just went random again. But hey, who cares. It's not like there's some law that states that I have to write a certain way. :P As long as everything is spelled correctly!

Mon