It makes me happy

Hi!

I'm a bit overwhelmed with the work I have planned today.I have Biology and Physics reading to do. And assignments due tomorrow. It's not due today, but because I'm thinking it will be a bit much, I'm not pleased to do it. But one way I can do it is by just starting. Once I start that feeling will fade. It's always this way....

Anyways, I want to talk about something that makes me happy. Well sometimes I feel detached. Because I can take things quite personally, I have to stand back a bit to take in the situation without my feelings trying to guide me. There's a time for it to work, and time for it to make me not want to do anything at all (just like the example above). Anyways, when my grandma passed I wasn't sad. As I said I was actually relieved. I don't think death is a bad thing at all.....Hm...depending on the situation. But when I sat with my grandma after my grandpa passed, she just seemed so sad. That was harder for me to watch because it was very quiet in the house. When my grandpa was around it wasn't very quiet, even though he always worked in the garage, when he came in he would sit at the kitchen table with the t.v. on and fall asleep hahaha

But anyways, I guess to me it's like a relief because I felt very sad for her. I believe when we pass we meet up with our loved ones. That makes me happy.

But what really makes me happy is this. It's something very small, but I'll share it. My grandma always had long finger nails. When I would visit her she would say "grow out your nails, it would look very pretty" but I would always bite off my nails or they would break. But I did like my grandma's finger nails. I would polish them (she had a lot of finger nail polish).

So at the beginning of this year (I believe) I decided not to bite on my nails and let them grow out. I'm starting to wonder if on the inside I knew this. Because now when I think about my finger nails, I feel like my grandma lives on in a way hahaha it's like because I'm growing out my nails I'm keeping a promise to her. If I can do something for someone who has passed, I'm very happy.

Although, this is the only time this has happen. Hm....me and my grandma were very similar. Well, I'm not sure what makes me not sad, but I'm happy I can keep this promise.

So this is what makes me happy. It's something very small, but it makes me very happy.

Mon