Changes + a gift

Good evening!

I'm going to type this really quick. I'm gonna be heading to bed soon.

So I'm reading this article, or blog, by this author who is talking about feminine energy (also male energy). I had read this article before, but I'm re-reading it.

I'm so happy!

I was wondering "why am I sharing this?" it was irritating me.

But there was a passage I read about giving love. Now, a great person I know has told me this numerous time. Love yourself before you give love (my paraphrase) lol

And it never made sense. But now it does.

Just a second ago, I thought of what I read. And I thought "I'm sharing this because it is in love."

My experiences, everything.

A while ago, I just returned home. A friend of mines (I'll just use friend from now on until I find the words I need lol) birthday passed. I had brought her a balloon and a card the day before her birthday. But I wasn't able to get it to her. So much had happened that day. And honestly, I was really disappointed. But I took some time to sit and tell myself "there's a reason for this. Just try your best to calm down."

During the past 2 weeks things have been delayed. The only transportation I can depend on is my on two legs, the bus, or my mom. Since I don't have a job at the moment, I would ask my mom. She would say yes, but something would come up. I'm trying to save money. But I said I will make an exception to visit my friend at the school and give her the gift.

The day before her birthday (which was a school day), my mom and sister had left and I had overslept. So the next week, I was determined to give her the gift because I thought missing it than was horrible. This was last week. So I decided to go on Monday and surprise her. However, the morning of, I saw that the balloon had began to deflate! "I can't give her this!!"

So I threw it away and made plans to get another gift. But I couldn't think of one. Even before going out, I couldn't think of one. So, all of last week, delayed delayed delayed!! I wasn't upset lol I was to tried to get upset. I just let it go. Then yesterday I asked my older sister if she could help me find a b-day gift. She said she would tomorrow (which is today).

I thought she had forgot because she said we'd leave in the afternoon. I didn't want to burden her by calling and asking. So I let it go and thought "well, she said her car was not in good shape. She also said "maybe". I'll just catch the bus and go off to see what I can find."

Anyways, in the end, I ended up going with my sister. I still didn't have an idea. We visited one store and I saw this tiny fountain.That's it! I can get her a fountain! I like fountains xD lol that's what I thought.

But I didn't want that tiny fountain. It had to be a nice fountain! Oh! I had brought her another card. A belated card, because the first one was for the day of her b-day. So I'll just give her both.

So then, we visited countless stores, and no fountains! I'm like "what the heck!!!" I was angry. I didn't feel much of anything...but laughing lol If not a fountain than what.

Now, in the beginning,  wanted to buy her a book. She is studying Arabic. But the bookstores are so far away. None are near my home, and my older sister said she won't drive very far. I thought we should go to the big mall (the one with all kind of shops inside), but I blew it off. In the end, that ended up being our last stop.

Now about 4 stores before that store, we had visited Bed, Bath and Beyond for a fountain. They had none. But I stopped by the CD aisle. I would always stop there and enjoy the relaxation music. "Ah-ha! I'll buy her a CD, and the fountain!" My sister told me they had candles. So I brought a candle.

Now that I think about it, the things I got her are things I enjoy. candles, relaxation music, an oil lamp. I'm not thinking "I hope she likes this!" because I was thinking "what does she like?" but I realize that I'm sharing something I love.

I know it's not about me, but I think if I share with her something I love, isn't that great! What I love is relaxation and a peace of mind. Not so much the items, but what the items can bring.

Hm...this blog sounds kind of conceited lol I thought I was on to something.

What I"m trying to say (inside of rambling about everything) is that I'm sharing my love. Something I love, I'm sharing. I'm not thinking "I hope she likes what I love." but I'm feeling, "my love, I hope she can understand my love through this gift."

It's like introducing someone to myself. I'm giving them, not what I think they like, but a love. A gift from me. Hm....

Oh! Perfect example, if you make a meal. A dinner.

When I bake, or cook sometimes I think "am I doing this right?" it takes away the feeling given to doing the action. Thinking "will they like this?" is this important. Well, it is. But I think the more important thing is doing it for doing it. To share something you create, something you placed your heart into, to share this, is awesome!

I know for sure, if I see something and I think "I should get this for____." just because, I will. This doesn't happen often. Hm...unless it's something they like. Like my younger sister likes food, my mom loves twizzlers, I'm not so sure what my older sister likes lol but I think she likes spending time with people, someone who will do things with her. Like hang out.

Hm.....What I'm trying to say is, the symbolism behind the gift is my love of something, to someone, to share that love. So a kind of love exchange.

So after this being said xD I wonder if she'll like it hahahaha

***And after all of this, she still says that at the end.****

Mon