I've spoken about things that have made me cried, however, I have some happy times as well.
When I think about these two these, the happy times, and the sad times, I think of souls as something great! If it's really true that we have had many lives I think the end of the journey would be a sad one. By the end I mean the end of incarnating on Earth with other souls who we may have come here with multiple times.
It's kind of like everyone would get together many years later and say "remember that time when *insert memory*"
It's like it only becomes a memory and those things can only be remembered. They only relive when we think about them, but it becomes the past.
I think of this and I say "am I doing all I can with the souls I've come to know" and also things like those souls may not even really behave that way in spirit.
Anyways, I think the good memories are the ones that keep me going with people. That's not to say I'm a push over. But the way I continue to see them in a good light is by viewing how they were when they were stressed out. When they were joyful. Almost childlike. Sometimes as adults people lose that. But I find that part to be the most precious.
I know for sure my mom, sisters and I have definitely had a tough run this time around. And before I thought "I can't leave them behind like this." In the end I never figured out why I thought something like this. I feel that more things await me. I feel like here I can't be who I really am. I'm always nervous or I feel that someone in my family would try to intimidate the way I really am.
I don't want to think of them or believe they are negative. I don't want to tarnish what's in front of me now. I have no problem with moving on. And that's the issue. I don't think I would leave the situation feeling bitter because I know I haven't done anything wrong. I try my best to be considerate and to be just. So I would much rather just keep it where it is....
Hm...I have no idea what I'm talking about now lol
Anyways, today I was reading some translations by a lady who I'll call A-chan. She translates a lot of Gackt blogs and tweets from Twitter. I really appreciate them, but I would like to understand Japanese so I can read his true words.
He's a huge hep to me. There are a few people who are helpful to me. It's more like I appreciate what they have done, not for me, but for themselves. What I mean are the people who I look at and say "I can do this" when I face a difficulty, those who keep me going. It's like if I can see someone struggle, or they tell me a story and they are here in the present, I would be very amazed by them! I would like to talk with them.
Those are the kinds of people I would like to know. Because they know what it's like to overcome an obstacle. I mean those very tough obstacles.
Gackt is one of those people. He always tries his best. And I say "I want to meet him" but I feel really embarrassed thinking something like that because I would think that he doesn't know he's done anything to help me.
During my tough times in the past, I listened to his music. His music was very inspirational. And one day during a really tough day I started to re-read his Jihaku. And I thought things must have been tough for him too. What's great is that he's a Cancer too :3 And that makes me more happier.
Also, it's not like I'm a fan of his, but more like I would like to....Hm...kind of like you know how when you meet someone and it seems like you could learn a lot from them, something like this. I'm usually this way. With my art teacher I was this way.
So I tell myself I hope to meet him someday. I really do. First I would say "thank you".....then that might be it lol would I walk away just like that?? hahaha maybe. But of course I would feel like I should explain my reason.
Well, I know other people who aren't celebrities who have opened my eyes or who have inspired me and I don't even have to say anything to them. But I really want too.
For instance, if a person does something like help someone out with something I would want to talk to them hahaha its like their helping opened a gateway for me. Hm...is this called being overly friendly?? I like to talk to people. But sometimes it seems I come off too friendly lol
But one negative to this is if I talk to guys. They may get the wrong idea :( I like talking to guys, but not like that. I like to just talk to get to know them. *shakes head* I know not all of them are this way, but I don't like people to get the wrong idea. Bette yet! It would be best if they just told me. I'd be honest and tell them the truth. :3
Oh! I also learned that miscommunications can happen a LOT. I read that it's because verbal language could contradict our nonverbal messages.
Which makes sense. Since I've read about souls, it seems our souls are more nonverbal. Which means that we would often look for nonverbal cues as clues. But that doesn't mean we don't listen to the words either. Anyways, since that has been the case for me a lot in life I decided to do something about it.
I learned that it's helped me to understand people a little better. I'm still a little shy when it comes to asking, but I certainly do not shy away from someone who wants to ask me something. I do not mind people asking me questions. It doesn't bother me. By question I mean simple things like "what do you think about..." or "is this what you meant when you said...." things like that, not things like "*points* can I get your phone number?" hahaha things like that make me nervous. It really does.
I don't know why, but I feel like I would like to know the person first. Mainly because in the past I would give out my number but when the person would call, we had nothing to talk about. So why give you my number if that would happen? However, if I know the person I know what things we could talk about. So I can give them my number. But recently I don't even talk on the phone at all. The last time I spoke on the phone to someone was maybe earlier this summer. And it was to my best friend who moved to stay with her bf and his mom. But we spoke for a few hours.
But in high school I spoke on the phone a lot. But now I find it to be a waste. I would much rather speak face to face.
Well, that's all for now!
Night~
Mon
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