04.28.13

In the past I use to read about the 7 chakras. I remember a lot of them, but I don't tackle them mentally. I found that that way doesn't suit me. I found that seeing and touching the world around me was more helpful.

At the moment I'm watching some videos about Tupac and Lisa Left Eye Lopes. And I'm sitting here staring at the screen, and everytime I hear one of them speak, or when I see them I think "Wow, they are so true to themselves." and I can feel that.

I think, it's kind of hard to com across people like this. People who are so true it can be felt. That's not to say they don't exist, but it's definitely not the kind of people I would run into everyday. I think that truthfulness, that acceptance of allowing themselves to be who are they, regardless of who says what about them, is what illuminates from their heart (or heart chakra). And that's felt.

It's kind of like the feeling of sitting with someone, and seeing a glow about them, feeling a warmth. It's probably more like hearing the person speak and they never break into an "um...." or sound uncertain about the truth which carries them through life.

I often fail at this. No sometimes no matter how confident or how my words come out to others, I still feel I have things to learn and I feel I can't speak with conviction.I can't say I know my beliefs for all time but now. I can't guarantee that my mind won't change.

But I do often think if I speak, I'd like to speak words which are enabling. Words that aren't degrading or trying to pull a person down. We have enough of that. Why add another?

Oh! And I just remembered. I remember my sister and mom were talking about...I just forgot, the dog started barking and it broke my train of thought lol

Lately, I haven't been necessarily speaking, but have been feeling. I've just been feeling. And I'm not sure if I could put in words what I'm feeling. They aren't bad feelings. Recently I've been listening. I've been listening to the way people talk to each other. But I do have an issue, my feelings would often become aroused and I'd want to step in lol

But I would like to be able to sit and listen without allowing my personal feelings to get in the way. My emotions are not my enemy but they help me to realize or see what bothers me, and I can ask why it bothers me. They are like signals. I believe our emotions are like signals. They make us aware of who we are. Hm...in a way they are who we are. But I don't think they should control our actions. That would only make us a puppet to our own emotions. We have minds. Mix our emotions with our minds, and create an intention, but even with those mixtures we control what we do. Maybe not everything we think, especially if it deals with the sense and a thought comes to mind such as "Fries." or whatever it is that's being smelled.

But we do generally control what we do. I would say what we say, generally speaking, excluding people with tourettes.

But back to the point. I would like to be just an observer. I know this will be a challenge because I'm quite a feeling person, and I can instantly tell if I dislike something, like it or feel content about it. But with being an observer, I have to be able to push those emotions aside. I know this isn't impossible, I believe it's very possible. But it will take me some time. I really think it would be helpful :3 This ability along with the ability to feel things could probably definitely help me in the future. So I'll keep trying.

Mon