I could try to make excuses for the situation and say "it's because of her selfishness sometimes" but in all honesty, I think my sister has a healthy dose of not letting people walk over her and helping when she has time. She's the kind of person that will help when she can, but also know that she has to be happy in order to do that, and I appreciate that in her. I can't really erase her feelings of loneliness with a magic eraser, and it has to be handled by her will, but I wish I could help somehow. I'm not sure. But I feel that it's something she has to learn to deal with. Besides, when it comes to trying to help her, it's like my words aren't completely heard.
What makes me more sadder is that I heard her crying some nights ago. Hm...she's cried in front of me once before when she spoke about my mom. But I guess I can understand. With my mom it's like reaching out to her for some kind of love that she just can't give. I can understand this because my mom has had her own issues.
I've come to think that it's best to not expect but to take gratefully for what a person can at least give, even if it's a little. That's not to say put up with negative behavior or anything. But when it comes to family (and yes I do believe the same rule I just stated applies to blood relatives) I feel that I should at least try to be understanding. It's a way of not having a negative outlook on them. So I can see the good and the not so good points.
So that's pretty much that. I seriously do feel for my older sister and I hope she can get over this eventually and not hold a grudge against our mom. Honestly i don't think she likes our mom very much. She never says "mom" or calls our mom that. She'll say "your mom" or "y'all momma" or just "her/she." In the end I think it's something my mom and older sister have to work out together. My sister was telling me how she felt that my mom was treating her like how her mom possibly treated her.
In this kind of situation I feel for it, but I just look at it and say a vicious cycle will only seem to repeat itself if a person can't see beyond the emotions of hate, or see beyond the surface. I often have the thought of digging deeper. What can be found when digging can shine a whole new light on the situation. And maybe even possibly consideration. This is what I did for my grandma. I use to view her in a way that wasn't in light. I guess I was influenced by who I thought she was. But now I believe I see her for herself. It's so bright and shiny.
But that doesn't mean people won't have their moments. It's just good to use one's best judgement.
Now on to ethics! ^^ I got a book from the school's library. I'm not very far in it, but I find it interesting! Surprisingly I don't think any of the theories are wrong because each has an aspect that I think could be applied to life. I don't think I could just choose one.
What's wrong with me not choosing one (or that I feel could come across as lack of confidence) is that it would seem I'm indifferent with a lot of things in life. I do have likes and dislikes, but I often am on the fence. Someone once said to me "you have to choose one or the other" and I thought "who are you to make that rule?"
But I would like to understand where my mind is. Hm...it's strange to say it, but on a lot of topics I'm not so certain where I stand because my feelings aren't completely strong in either directions. Say for example terrorism. I find that it's not good. Especially when it involves people getting hurt. But I there's a reason for everything. But it's the force that strikes back that I turn and glance at.
Take for example the bombing of Hiroshima. Of course I feel that Japan should not have bombed Pearl Harbor, and I wondered were they even prepared for a retaliation (as this seems to be the case with a lot of actions in human life)? So yes, it wasn't the best choice. But what was even worse was to attack back rather than to communicate. It reminds me of a cheating boyfriend, and a girlfriend retaliate by cheating back. You're not only hurting yourself, but that other person involved. It stops being about just the boyfriend and girlfriend but also the other two people they fooled around with. And who knows who those people are involved with. And it grows and grows and grows, until it seems unstoppable.
It's like those balls on a string. The one that hits the ball causes a reaction in the last ball, but the situation is different with humans, as a human has the mind to say "wait...but I won't handle this situation this way." It seems like the best course of action for "getting even" but it always seems to result in more blood shed. "He cut my face! So I shall cut him back!"
*shakes head* Continuing to do things in this fashion will only result in what we have been receiving all these years. I do admit there are some people who realize this, but there is a mass majority who still think of cutting the cutter. But that's not to say I don't believe we won't excel past this eventually. I just hope it doesn't get to the point where things are destroyed and can't be restored and we finally realize it. Sad but true, it does seem humans learn through pain. What a shame....
Now on to reality!
I was thinking about this as I woke up this morning. I often just lie in bed for a few minutes and just think lol it's nothing different, but it's definitely new. I thought about how reality is what we perceive it has. For example, if I were to get 5 people together and point to a car. I could ask them "what is that?" and they would likely answer a car. But if I were to ask them "what kind of car? What do you think of the car?" the answers may vary. Some may not know what kind of car it is. Some may feel the car is a cool car. Some may say they don't like the car.
So even though people may see the same objects, they may very well view it differently. What I'm questioning is "what is right?" and "what is wrong?", who is "correct" when it comes to saying a certain action is "bad" besides the person who is perceiving it has "bad"?
Using one's best judgement. This is what some people would say. But what is the "best" judgement? What is someone's best judgement is different from your best judgement? In my mind I feel that a person should be free to do what they feel is best, as long as they don't harm or inflict any kind of emotional or physical pain on another. Because that's a form of imposing one's self on another.
I may very well be living in my mind. But I don't feel it has to be something that is only in my mind. A ripple is only a small droplet towards creating a change in the course of the water.
So yes I do believe reality is what we make of it. I do believe that an act cannot be measured as good and bad but harmful and un-harmful. This is what seems to matter the most to me. But then the issue comes up on the fact that we cannot control someone else's emotions.
*sighs* it has nothing to do with me using my best judgement. I feel I make pretty decent choices when it comes to certain situations, but I'd really like to understand where I stand on being one to speak on this topic. Saying what has been said before can get pretty old. Soon old things wear away and it takes something new to either polish up on the old or create something new all together.
There hasn't been a huge change these past couple of years and I feel it's about time to bring forth some kind of revolution. Maybe we don't quite need a HUGE change, but more of a stable structure or understanding one another has living beings, rather than a separate foreign species. For the most part I wonder if a lot of people just wish to be understood. To have a person say "You think different from me, but that's okay because diversity keeps our world interesting.
It's another tug-of-war thing with my mind recently. I could sit and sit for hours and still never come to a solid "Okay! I'll go with this!" kind of idea. It's always an ongoing process of considering things that don't need much considering. So then at times like that I'd play a video game lol yes I've been trying to escape my own mind with video games. But it always creeps back up. It's not that I don't have control over my mind, it's just that I'm always questioning something. Even myself lol and that can be very annoying.
Well, that's all!
I've been hanging out quite a bit! I'm looking forward to more days. Also the weather has just been a mess. Not just that but it doesn't seem like people can control themselves with at least trying to make an effort to use their best judgement. So far there has been two hundred and something traffic deaths so far this years. It hasn't even been a whole year yet! Not just that but there are people committing crimes left and right.
If a person feels they are losing control, please just sit down and ask yourself "why do I feel this way?" and work from there. WORK yes I said WORK to fix it another way rather than shouting, and harming others. Those things will probably only give temporary relief and that pain or anger or whatever will just come back again. The situation isn't always the outer world as it is the inner world. And by inner world I mean your view of the world. If you need help understanding what I mean, if something is bugging you, take a deeper look at it. Research it. Because for the most part, it's probably something you don't quite understand about what you hate. There is a reason for your feelings, but it's for you to examine deeper, rather than bursting off into the streets hurting however.
I am a huge believer in the fact that although a person may physical harm another, they (the person inflicting the pain) will only feel it ten times harder. It's not that I want to encourage it, or even seem happy about this (which is why I would like to help eliminate or extinguish it as much as possible), but it is true. I do believe that all actions are recorded and dealt with accordingly. So if you harm someone, expect to have harm done to you. It's just the cause and effect way of life.
Ever lied to someone, or constantly lied about something? Then expect for someone to either lie on you, or a lie to catch up to you. It could cause a lot of problems.I don't encourage this! I really don't. I would like people to make better choices, but I'm not every person in this world, and I can only do what I can to help. I'm not completely sure of what that is, but I'm sure it will come to me eventually.
*sighs* And I just sigh lol I just sigh and go on.
Anyways, I'm gonna get ready for bed.
Night
Mon
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