A dream I had

Hi!!

So I just remembered a dream I had.

My grandpa, my grandma and my older sister were all sitting in a room. I can't quite remember what we were talking about, but we were in a living room that was a bit similar to the one I'm in now, but it had more  furnishing.

Anyways, my grandpa, something was kind of wrong with him. I think he was having some kind of heart attack or stroke or something. He couldn't seem to breath or he had an issue with his chest. He was in shock. My older sister started to cry, which was a bit strange, or rather, I found that a bit strange. I remember I was standing up while everyone else was sitting down, and I remember just being very calm and not panicking.

I looked over at my sister, then my grandpa then my grandma. She wasn't very worried. It looked like she was a bit calm too because she didn't go in to examine him. I take that as acceptance of his condition.

I woke up after having a few other interesting dreams, and this one stood out to me. Now I'm thinking about real time. Me and my sister had planned to visit my grandma before school started again. We would be there for about a week. She didn't quite approve of the plan, she said it was because by the time we get there, we would have to come back (just like last time). But I remembering feeling there was some other underlying reason. But I couldn't put my finger on it.

I thought was that....um...I just forgot it lol

Anyways, I found out from my older sister that my grandpa wasn't doing so well. I guess the condition he was in would have caused some issues with us visiting. I thought that was kind of nice. Although I'm okay with people passing, I don't like being around people in pain. I like helping if I could, but if I feel like I can't do anything, I feel that it's more personal for that person. Of course talking is okay, but it's still makes me uncomfortable (kind of).

Well, I guess my grandpa is okay now. My grandma called today. I'm just surprised that I'm remembering this now.

She called my younger sister's cellphone, but she didn't mention anything bad or wrong. So I think all is good.

Y'know, sometimes I think about people who have that ability to see aura and know when someone will get sick and it's something that's just super natural to them. I'm not saying we all don't have that natural ability, but I mean it's something that they can't quite turn off (well, they can, but what I mean is those people who people would call "gifted"). Anyways,  can see how it can be a bit troublesome. I could imagine that it would be tough for me because I wouldn't know if I should or shouldn't approach the person or if I'm just seeing things.

I often place things as my imagination, not my feelings, but my dreams. Mainly because I have an overactive imagination and I feel that I would seem kind of paranoid lol

That's why I calmed down about reading about the spirit realm. I felt like I was becoming to enveloped in it and I was over thinking it. I felt like I needed to get more in touch with the physical reality. Not in the way I figured would make me more physical, such as buying things. But just enjoying life a bit more.

So I've started focusing more on my goals here in the physical realm. Of course I do still know the spiritual realm is there. I still say thank you. I still am grateful for what I have. But I don't quite get how I should ask them to help me with guiding me towards what's needed.

It's more like if a tough choice arises, I'll just let it go. I often believe that I should continue living my life and wait for an answer. I can be kind of impulsive, well, I would before. Not thinking sometimes. And I had a lot of challenges in the past, a lot of them mental. But I feel a bit better now.

Also, recently my mood as been a bit better. I still find it a bit odd that I get really really happy seeing people happy. It's more of those things that really lift my spirit. So I know if I'm feeling down, if I go to an area where people are happy, I'll feel better.

And y'know, I'm grateful for that too. If I didn't have this way of being able to view things I know life would probably be a lot tougher. I've also found that I know what I need more than I realize I do. Sometimes I would think that when I start to feel what I need, such as time alone, when it's something I feel I need daily, I would find it to be selfish.

Not in the way where I don't feel like I deserve to have time alone, but it's more like if I feel like I"m abandoning a kind of duty of mines. I've also been wondering that too. "What exactly....is my duty? *puts finger to face*"

In the end, well, for the past few weeks, I've just decided to just live life. I have aspiration, but I never don't have a set in stone plan. I don't have that feeling that some people have where they say "this is is what I came here to do! This is what my life is all about!"

Of course I would like to have that feeling, maybe it will come later in my life. So for the moment I'm just building up skills and learning new things and hoping into things that interest me. They are usually small things.

I'm happy with small. But I won't lie, deep down inside, I have something that craves bigger things. Should this side be ignored. Honestly,  think that side has no true idea why they want those things, or what it actually wants. I don't think I should hide that part lol but I think it's a bit immature.

But I'll come to accept each part. I feel that that's most important. I think when a person can truly accept who they are, they can accept others. They can accept the people who even disagree with them because they may see that those people are on the same trail. They may seem ignorant to us who feel we understand the deeper meaning a bit more. But when you see that they are learning to, it's kind of like a sense of just feeling the need to just let them be.

It's tough, I agree, to see people causing their own suffering. But hey, we could waste so much energy if we really want, and they may still stay the same. Freewill can be a bit of a trick.

Oh! But one thing that surprises me if that my birth chart mentions that I would put my life on the line to save the people I love. That's a bit extreme lol I appreciate my life. So I would really have to truly and honestly love someone with all my core to do that. I wonder, how deep would someone's love be in order to truly mean that without regret or tears.

Hm.....I wonder if I love that way. I love, but I don't know if I truly love y'know. In this world, love has been tossed around so much. It's even got be confused on seeing when someone really means they are in love with a person. *shrugs* but I still find couples adorable! :3

Well, that's about it this time.

Night~