What's new!

Hey!

So I think what's been new around me may be a lot less than the emotions I've been feeling about the events lol 

These past few months have been rather exciting and very intense! I've gotten a lot of unexpected news from people around me, so no, it really doesn't have much to do with me. However, I'm really really excited!

I'll start with the very first and work my way to the last. This has honestly spanned between March up until now. So everything was coming very fast. First, my older sister is expecting a baby in 3 months. I think I wrote about this. Then, not only her but a youtuber named Bubz is expecting a baby sometimes around next month. She mentioned a bit before my sister. Then one of my favorite teachers announced that she had just got engaged during a week before! lol It was pretty funny because it took one girl in our class to recognize the ring. We were all completely oblivious! She told us how she complained to her fiancee that no one had realized the ring she had been sporting lol poor her. 

Then her birthday came up as well and the class threw her a b-day party and sang happy birthday. Then an older friend of my sister's from high school (whom I also knew as a kid kind of) got married this month. I went to Mississippi to my cousin's high school graduation and spent some time with my grandparents. And my older sister recently moved out and into her very own and her very first apartment. I've spent the past few weeks spending the night there and coming home to help her get use to the place and help her move in and clean up! 

It has honestly been constant constant constant news! I have been able to relax, but due to all the news I haven't been able to put into place what my next move will be for college. I didn't even get a chance to work this summer. Oh well. I sent a thought to my guides that I'll keep my mind opened to what they feel would be best for me work-wise. In a way I couldn't think of what I wanted, so I didn't want to spend to much time constantly thinking about it. So for now I'm just waiting and watching for signs. I'm sure they know what kind of job I'd be good at working. 

Oh! I forgot to mention that one of the new teachers I had, he had become an uncle for the first time. And during the end of the quarter I had a S'mores BBQ with the class. 

This year has been very eventful! Sometimes I think that simple moments like these make me happy in life. I constantly wonder if having a boyfriend, getting married and having children is all their is to life. I definitely don't think it is. To some people, that is a dream, but to me, it's nothing that is the most important. In life, if it happens to happen, it will just be what it is. I'm happy when others are happy. In this kind of situation I don't think I need to search for anything because these moments are truly special to me. 

Most people may ask "but what about you? Don't you want those things?" Well, the thing is this, since I've never experienced those things, it's something I don't care for. I'm sure once you experience something, it may become a thing where you say "That was great, I'd like to experience that again!" but when you've never had the experience of it, it's not something that's bothersome unless you're curious. Yet, even so, I think those curious moments are fleeting. They become less curious and you're attention may be attracted to something else. In this respect I wonder if fighting that is necessary. We're always bounding ourselves by sets of rules that living is not flighty and extensive and boundless and limitless. 

For example, I understand wanting to be in a relationship with just one person. There's some kind of moral decision is this. Which is great! But I don't think swingers are wrong to have an open marriage. These things are personal preferences to people in relationships. They shouldn't be accounted as wrong, just as you wouldn't want someone to say you're wrong for limiting yourself to one person.

But back to the point, recently I've found that there's not much to search for. I didn't search for people telling me things. But it definitely put me in high spirits for them in their future! Would it seem that living in such as way of life as mine would be lonely and unhappy? Absolutely not! You see, I have many interest and I have a few things I'd like to do in life as well, so I'm not just some person who stands around enjoying everyone else's life. You see, when I'm always constantly focused on myself that makes me feel like I'm neglecting the people I know. So to celebrate or hear them talk about what's new and exciting in their lives makes me feel like I'm more connected to life, rather than myself. I feel that that's most important for me in life. I mean, I need happy news. Recently so much has been happening in the world that it would seem people wouldn't have hope for much of anything. But when I see the few that are becoming happy with their future, it makes me happy. 

Also, I found that, well the best way I can say it is this, I'm not too worried about things. I want to say I don't care to have to fix things. I can't quite explain this, but it's how I feel recently. Usually when I see things that seem devastating to me on t.v. I'd feel really sad and as if I have to do something. I'd wonder why people were doing what they are doing....but I don't feel this way anymore. I just hope for the best with them.

I guess because of the my older sister being the first to have a child among me and my younger sister and me seeing her reaction and behavior, I stay connect to what will be. In the end the child will be. In the end it's really up to the person what to do next. In a way, that part really doesn't have much to do with me. I can choose to place my energy in that situation and step in. But I seriously feel that I'm not everyone's mind, their choice or anything for that matter. In a way, we work alone, but we're not alone. 

The best way I can describe it is as a classroom full of students. We can work together to understand, but it's up to us to individually GET IT. No one can do that for us. So to learn compassion is something we have to learn on our own.

So recently my work as been in respects to this. I've placed a lot on viewing the world, not as good or bad, but as it is. What we do after something, and how we react to it, is what's the most important. It's who we choose to be when something happens that matters. Will we continue to hurt others? Or will we see that hurting someone will only benefit you for so long.

You know, I think this has a lot to do with what I've been reading recently lol I gotta say I honestly feel...well I do feel a little empty....like...well imagine this. You wake up one morning and nothing seems to phase or worry you at all. But you're still a part of it. You still work in regards to it, but you know that what you see and what you choose to see what two different things...but within the same thing....kind of lol 

It's not as if the world as necessarily changed, but my views have changed. When I read through my birth chart it mentioned how I would have a lot of moments like this. But I have to say this one is a bit more powerful than the others. I'm sure I'll go back into life as I was before the summer started, you know worrying about things lol but that's only because it's fun to complain sometimes. But in the end I know it has to be done. 

Having this feeling doesn't make me feel like I'm living as a feeling human. This is really difficult to explain lol Maybe I'm in shock due to all the news I've been receiving lol or maybe I'm just over-thinking what this is. Well regardless, I've been at ease. I don't feel I gotta tell people "you should at least try this" especially if they'll keep doing what they've always done. I guess I've gotten tired of working with people who want to stay where they are. So I've just taken a break and hung a sign on my door that says "do not disturb" lol I've spent quite a bit of time enjoying movies and playing video games. I even watched Handy Manny lol Yes, I do enjoy that show. I've been able to enjoy things without guilt. 

Well, that's just about everything. *sighs* it's all a lot, so I also need to situate what my next move will be. Sometime I wish there weren't so many paths in life to take lol I think that's the part that makes it the most difficult for me. Because there are dozens of roads, I wonder which one to take! I know there are no right or wrong ones, but I would like to take the one that is the best for me!

That being said I think it all boils down to knowing who you are aside from the whole. If we're constantly tied down by what other people want us to be for them, we forget what we can be in regards to our own lives and ourselves. And who knows, maybe who you really are would benefits many more, included that person, and not just one person. 

That's all for now.