Competitive? + webcomic

For the past three days I'm been a part of this online challenge along with a team of other people from different parts of the states, Canada and the UK, and  let me tell you, with all honesty, I'm starting to realize I'm very competitive. 

Mainly the challenge is like this:

A person works with team, against other teams, to collect points. Each team as a group consisting of 5 people who are the top 5 on the leader board. These are the people who have contributed the most. 5 being the person who contributed the least, and 1 being the person who contributed the most. Although there is a leaderboard everyone on the team contributes points to the total amount. The reason for the leaderboard is to reward the top contributors with 500-100 points reward for redeeming prizes from this website. 

For the first time, out of all the challenges, I'm on the leaderboard! 

I started when the challenge first began which was about three days ago. It started at 2 a.m. and I saw that 5 people had already shown up on the board and they had small numbers of points they contributed. So I thought I'd give it a shot to see what it's like to be on the board. Boy did I put myself in some mess lol 

The day before I had awaken at around 11 a.m....or was it 12 noon. Anyway, I woke up lol And I didn't go to sleep until about 9 a.m. the next morning. Then, after worrying while trying to sleep, I woke up at 11 a.m. to start contributing and collecting more points lol Then I stayed up again without a nap until about 4 a.m. the next morning, which was yesterday morning and now it's 5 a.m. lol I took a tiny 15 minute nap before 2 a.m.

Before taking my nap I thought about Albert Einstein and how he would take tiny 5 minute naps. I thought 5 minutes isn't enough and I realize that it would be too insane lol so I took a 15 minute nap. 

Now, I'm constantly trying to keep my place on the board and I realized that there is a challenge within a challenge (Inception?), I'm working against my own teammates to get the top position  lol with an honest heart this is the case. 

It's not so much that I want the reward points. Nope. I just want my name on the board lol I get to see my points against the number one spot. I can easily gain enough points myself to match the reward.

In the past I always tried to catch up, so actually being on the board is quite tiresome yet very exciting. Something like this must not go out of control lol it reminds me of my first time going to the casino. I had went in with 5 dollars I believe. I turned that into 25, and then 40. At that time my older sister's friend (it was my older sister, her friend and myself, and it was my birthday) said something like "wow. You doubled you're money. You should walk away."But noooo. I didn't reply, I simply thought, smiling on the inside "What if I can double this?" and walked to a new slot machine. I walked out empty handed and defeated lol Luckily I didn't bring much money with me lol 

I'm always thinking "there's definitely something to improve on" it's like perfectionist mixed with a competitive nature. 

Besides that I like typing back and forth to my teammates. In the past when I wasn't on the board I always thought the people on the board were...well a bit too reserved lol they didn't really communicate with the team and seemed more to themselves and collecting points for themselves. Of course it sounds similar to me right?  lol But I share my techniques willingly. I like typing with everyone :) 

Also, they have this idea that I'm very good at the challenge lol I keep telling them that it's my first time. I share what I can. I dunno, I guess people look at the people on the leaderboard as well...leaders lol It's funny and cute because I would do this too. Like *falls on the ground with hands out, crawling towards the people on the leaderboard* "Please shed some of your leadershipness to my head oh great one" as if forgetting that they're humans lol 

Well, being acknowledged for putting forth effort to accomplish something is great. But I had one person excessively stating that I was better than them at this. That's not the case at all. I never believe that. If only they knew my secret hidden motivation lol 

WEBCOMIC**

Recently...okay for the past few months, I haven't been such a dedicated webcomic artist. Of course I still have many ideas, it's just that I have to work out the details to properly tell the story. This is something I didn't do in the beginning and I'm paying dearly for it! 

I'm quite serious when it comes to the matter of properly making a story flow. It's honestly taken me a lot of times and I have many drafts. I like to come up with ideas and more and more ideas and try to figure out how to either summarize it into a few scenes, or into actions rather than words. I've also been reading a lot about story writing. 

My sister says that I'm over-thinking everything lol Ha! I'm honestly getting use to this. Perhaps it's more like a compliment now. My reason for this is because I've seen quite a few movies where I became upset with myself for watching it. I would wonder if the writer thought things through properly. I would honestly think it's an very bad movie overall. Plotholes everywhere! I would wonder if they even tried!!

So I don't want to be that kind of storyteller. I want to understand my characters completely. When I understand them, no matter what, when a person see its,they will understand the character as well. It takes time to bring something to life. I don't want to just toss something together and hand it to my readers. No. They deserves a good story. By good I mean a story that makes sense and is easy to follow. 

This goes for a lot of things I do in life. Whenever I choose to pursue something, I work hard at it. This is actually something I've recently picked up after my senior year in high school. It hasn't failed me. 

Such a thing isn't so hard at all. It just takes effort. It does take time. Most people would probably call it work perhaps because it involves physical work (such as drawing), and yeah, that part can be a bit annoying, but hey, it's necessary isn't it? 

I find the difficult part to be taking something completely intangible, something that is completely from my mind and sharing it as best as I can in a tangible fashion. When I realized that artist who sculpt or paint or draw have to deal with this, I question if they have moments like this as well. 

I remember during my art history class I learned that Leonardo Da Vinci had a lot of incomplete work (he's one of my favorite artist!). It helped me to realize that, although his work is beautiful and surreal at times, he was still very human. He had images that were also about muscles and the golden ratio, devices and inventions and sculptures. He probably flip-flopped as well lol

Y'know, if I astral project he's the one being I could think about meeting lol Most people would want to meet Jesus or God, but me? No, I want to meet the soul of Leonardo lol 

Okay, I feel myself steering off topic. 

So, back to the point. My readers have become my focus, that and creating a story worth reading. I try to make sure I don't get TOO serious or else I'll lose the purpose of being creative and enjoying things altogether. Art isn't always about getting it or having a story or purpose. Sometimes it's just about a feeling or an image or something random. It doesn't mean much of anything but to exist from where it came from.

:) Some art is that way, but because I'm dealing with a story, I need to consider many things. After all I don't have an editor. I have a friend who has helped me in the past. I called her my editor for fun. But overall, I'm the creator of the story and of whether or not it will have meaning or a purpose. 

Well it's 6 a.m. now lol I need to go to bed. 

Night

Mon

Missed the signs

This weekend I'll be staying at my older sister's place. Today my mom, younger sister and I will surprise her with a baby bed. As I'm packing my stuff I came across a box with a baby magazine and it occurred to me that it was a possible sign, a very obvious yet confusing sign.

 I've read that spirits don't communicate the same as humans. Meaning they don't actually use human languages...or something like this. Most of the time they send signs. 

Anyway, to the point. Months ago I kept receiving these baby magazines in the mail. I constantly kept questioning "why am I receiving this? I don't remember subscribing to something like this!" but I ended up saving the magazines anyways. At one point my older sister jokingly asked "are you pregnant? Is there something I don't know about?" Hee hee well the tables have turned my friend lol 

As soon as I saw the magazine I thought "Oh! Ah-ha! That's what that was all about!" 

A coincidence? Or an obvious sign? 

Well if it's a coincidence I've had plenty of those in my life. Way too many. Yet it takes me months after the event to understand the reason for it. 

Mon

What looking on the bright side has taught me

Hi!

How are you? Me? I'm doing a lot better today!

Today I want to write about looking on the bright side. I enjoy doing this. I enjoy seeing that things will get better. However, looking on the bright side has actually taught me something and that something is that being optimistic all the time can have its disadvantages as well.

I think it raises that thought that nothing could go wrong and we expect a great deal. For example, if I look forward to a certain day I may expect so much with a bright heart. This isn't wrong nor bad, but I learned to just, although I have a plan, take what I get. Of course we can crave our own path, but it's really what we do while on that path that really matters.

This is mainly about being realistic. I found that I would often give myself a huge project to do and at the time it sounds like a really great idea. In my mind I see what amazing thing I can create to present to the world. Only to find out that I've depleted all my energy after the second day. Then I'd look at the project out of breath (not literally) thinking "what the heck did I get myself into?" and then I'd end up playing a video game....and then the procrastination sets in.

Although I've had teachers ask me "are you sure about this?" or I'll read a guide that says "set realistic boundaries" I just think "Pfft! Away with your rules" with a wave of my wrist.

It's not that I can't do it, it's just that I'm a flip-flopper and I don't like deadlines.

In a way I find that knowing who we really are as a person can really help because we know what are strength and weaknesses are. That way, you can look at a situation realistically and say "well, I know I can do this, but I'm having a problem in this area when it comes to working on something" and while working out that problem, slowly make the needed adjustments to improve that weakness. Weaknesses can be strengthen! It just takes time.

I'm a pretty optimistic person and I believe in giving chances, but I also understand that some people can be harmful without a care. I'll even say that when I write blogs here with the intention of lifting people, I wonder if people will read in between the lines and see the gray areas as well.

For example, I may say that it's good to acknowledge people's weakness and if they try hard to work at it but they fail, give them a chance. Yet, I don't think I have to say that if the person fails and they want you to stick around to constantly do the work for them, then walk away because they aren't going to learn that way.

In a way I would hope that people can understand or come to understand that there's another side to these blogs than that.

Yet, I feel that sometimes some people need these kinds of things spelled out to them. With things like knowing looking look both ways before crossing a street, or wearing extra clothing in the cold, most people would consider this common sense, but some people may either think their indestructible or they don't know...or maybe they do know but they don't care for safety...or they like the thrill lol either way I'm always wonder if I should elaborate on something or not. I wonder this for the simple reason that regardless of what I example, a person may interpret it however they want, or however their brain processes it simply due to what they know.

I don't think people will get it the way you GET IT, simply because they aren't you or living as you. You've experienced things from a unique perspective that is completely for you. Now, that doesn't mean people can't relate, it's just things can't be completely understood the way you may want it to. Which is why I've come to see that I don't need to explain every little detail. What does matter, however, is whether or not you've gain some kind of answer from my blogs.

If you feel or think "I knew it" or "I needed someone to say that" or anything like that, that's the whole point.

Also, I've come to think my blogs sound harsh. I think it's because there are times when there is no nice way to say something.

For example, you can't throw your girlfriend a your-boyfriend-is-cheating-on-you party and expect that the cake, ice cream and balloons will make things better lol Sometimes things will get serious, but it doesn't have to be a bad thing. Think of it like this, when you know you have to actually get to work, you become serious right? But you can still have fun!

I've had my younger sister tell me I"m harsh. The way she puts it makes it seem as if I'm mean or inconsiderate. Well, that incorrect. I can tolerate things only for so long. After a while the eyebrows draw closer to the eyes and neck starts to rotate lol

So, although I say view things realistically, it doesn't mean give up on being optimistic. Balance is key! Don't worry though, I'm still learning to balance things out too! I'm wobbly when it comes to physical work, but I think I'm pretty decent when it comes to working with my mind. So I'm read about self-discipline because I know it's what I should learn if I want to improve.

Yet, this is by choice. No one in my family tells me I have to do this.All the work I've done up until is by choice. I tell myself I have to work harder. I tell myself I have to work out.

Now, a family member can tell me to do something, but it's really up to me on whether I want to or not. :)

Be happy. Smile. Be healthy~

Mon

Mini accident

Today was....quite eventful lol oh boy.

I was involved in a mini car accident. Luckily no one was majorly hurt. The guy and I only had minor scraps.


I'll tell the story. I decided to go to the zoo with my sisters. As we were driving I was resting my head near the window but decided to lean more towards the center. As we're coming up to this intersection downtown I see this man on a bike. My sister proceeds through the intersection and the man proceeds through the intersection and comes riding his bike dead onto the door and window where I'm sitting!! The glass of the window shatters all on me and on the seat in the back. Before the impact I tried to warn my sister, and honestly I wasn't even sure if I said anything because suddenly just seeing the glass break in front of my face took me by surprise.

The funny thing is is that I had time to process that something was about to happen.

So anyway, I tell her to pull over to the side and she does. She's the first one to hop out of the car. I'm still a bit in shock, but I move to the other side of the car and get out. When I get out I see two guys standing near the light and I started searching the ground for a body lol but the guy was standing up on the corner with his bike.

Honestly I was seriously worried and I'm so glad he was okay. He only had like two scratches on his side and had tiny bruises on his arm. I had tiny pieces of glass in my hand and wrist. My sisters were perfectly fine and the guy and I had most of the impact lol

Urgh, honestly I've been thinking "there will be some kind of accident" these past few months. I try to avoid thinking that way and push the thought away.But I only think that way because of the way my sister drives. She often text while driving, and despite me constantly telling her not to, she does it anyways. So I don't really like driving with her.

Back to the accident, I'm so happy that it wasn't as bad as it looks. The door on the side I was sitting on was dented up a little and the window was completely smashed. I tried to push out the parts that I could, but there's a chunk dangling.

The guy decided to not press charges.

Honestly it was nothing more than an accident. I guess he couldn't process to brake quick enough. He just came out and slammed into the car. His bike was okay. And he just hopped back on after the ambulance showed up and patched him up.

All I kept thinking was how happy I was that I moved my head a few minutes before it happened.

Ugh, the worst part about things like that is that it kind of sticks with me. Although it's not a car on car collision it really bothers me. I've been hit by a car only once, and I instantly started to wonder if that's how the person felt when they hit me. The difference was that they hit me and I flew over the car lol I was a superhero was a while!

But in all honesty, I was disappointed that my sister kept making a joke of it. I look at this situation very seriously. It could've been worst. Her and my mom started joking on the phone about how many people they have hit and my sister kept constantly saying "I already hit one person today, I'm not afraid to hit another" to pedestrians crossing the street slowly. I'm all for lightheartedness, but that's a situation where you're joking about someone's life.  She even told me she was planning on just driving off after the guy impacted the car.  *sighs* I always imagine if it were a child or friend of mines how it would devastate me to find that someone just did a hit and run. Just take half of the responsibility and learn from the lesson (if it's you and the other person's fault). Perhaps they wanted to make the situation less stressful. No true harm done, right?

Well, we went to the zoo still. Which was a but weird for me at first because of what happened, but I tried to enjoy the trip. Besides that problem, the rest of the day went pretty well. All I can say is I'm happy.I took a few pictures and got some awesome animal model shots lol I pretended the animals were model and I put on my best Aussie accent while filming them. Then we went to get food from a vegetarian restaurant and after that we went for ice cream!

I actually didn't mind getting out of the house today, although it was hot! I try to avoid the sun and heat. I like to go out when it's around 5-ish because the sun is not has harsh.

But I do wonder why my side of the car?? lol Well, I'm still alive and that's great. It was a bit surreal, but hm...maybe it's a lesson on being aware of your surroundings. I really hope that guy stops at all stop lights before crossing. He said he was only looking at the walk-sign. Well, that's certainly no good.

Even at a red light I make sure to check before crossing. Sometimes people may drive through not seeing that the light is red. I'm cautious in that situation as well.

This is the second accident I've been in, and the third life threatening event I've been in in my life thus far lol My body might be like "wait...not yet. I still got stuff to do" lol


Realllyyy sleepy. Time to head to bed!

See you in the next blog :)

Mon

More on seeing with the beliefs (mind)

Hi!

Boooyyyyy do I have a new blog for you! Okay, it's not completely new, it's about viewing things in life. Why do I keep talking about this you ask. Well, it's very simple, what we view in life is very important to what we intend to do in life!  What we view can set motion to intentions. So I feel it's very important to discuss. From the moment we can see things in life as a baby we are constantly processing information. Also, I started reading an article which kind of ticked me off.

Well, I'll explain what it was about.

So there is this thing in the black community of not having an equal share, or equal rights, or things of this nature. This really REALLY bothers me. It also bothers me when they speak as if they've never picked up an English book, and yet they complain that they can't find a decent job.

Anyway, that's not the point (I'll probably make a blog about the things I've experienced when it comes to conversing with people who are more skin-oriented than they are with the bigger picture), the point is about why I allowed myself to get irritated, and then I'll move on to the blog.

Mainly I will get an idea to read something regardless of how ridiculous it may seem, or how I may feel about it. I do this because I'd like to gain a better understanding and try to put aside my own ideas about things. IN other words, I'd like to hear the other side speak.

So, I decided to do this as a way to become more tactful. Allow people to believe, think and feel what they like, as it's their life and they are free to live it as they please. I made this rule for myself as a way to ALLOW life for others. Yet, I still find myself wanting to scream at the top of my lungs "ARE YOU SERIOUS?" because there's a very large amount of questionable moments and words I've read and I have experienced in life.

I read this article in which someone was...well they had a question mark, but in a way it seems as if they were insinuating that white people are mean.

Honestly, this whole skin color thing is annoying. I know that there are some people who have moved past this, but there are still a huge handful of...well blacks who are still dividing themselves from others. This separation is no good, and in the end they'll likely just end up being upset. No matter how you look at it, things are moving in the direction where people will began to intermingle with each other regardless of skin color.

I'm also tried of hearing people say "We bleed the same color" lol It's a nice saying, but it's kind of worn our. If you really want to give an interesting speech, speak from the heart. Let your message be heard!

I've seen enough interracial relationships to understand that this is not a problem for some people. I'm all for whatever kind of relationships as long as the people are happy. I'm all for people being happy, but not at the expense that they deprive someone else of their happiness. I don't care if two white people are married, or two black people are married or two Asians are married or two Latinos are married, I just care about their happiness. If they treat each other right, it's not a crime. They aren't hurting anyone.

People look at the problems from history, the bad things, but what about the good that have come from it. Those people didn't fight so we can still make a big deal out of the problem they worked so hard to try to fix. Imagine (and I'm not sure if this is even a problem) if North and South America still waged war with one another. A bloody battle down the tube! Just for more people to kill themselves.

I expressed to my sister (very disappointed) that all the ignorant people will likely get rid of themselves. I really don't like calling people ignorant, but it's the only word I can think of that doesn't seem to harsh. I don't want to call them stupid or dumb, because I'm sure they contain some kind of sense. It's just they choose to want to lack knowledge and understanding. It's seriously by choice.

"*POINTS* How do you know its' by choice?! You're probably the idiot behind your stupid laptop typing away and calling me ignorant!!"

A choice is simply this: if you choose to wage war with someone over their skin color and calling them names, you are certainly choosing a negative and hateful action. This requires choice. You're choosing that action. If you're not than I think you seriously need to speak to someone about that.

I really don't like to speak like this, but I'm just seriously disappointed and ashamed that some people still feel this way. There's honestly nothing wrong with diversity. We can seriously learn a lot from each other. We need to stop thinking that we're either A. above others or B. below others. No. The difference is that some people work harder than others.

I'll give an example. Rich and poor. I became curious about this so I looked up a few answers, from rich people, about how feel about being rich. Seriously, they really seem like normal people. A few of them said they want to collect their own money based on their own accomplishment. Some people are born into wealth, others actually acquire it by making smart investments and budgeting their money properly.

Planning is key!

That being said, rich people do commit crimes as well! Because they have money does not mean they don't have problems too! The same holds true for any person of any skin color! Japan has a very low crime rate, but that doesn't mean they don't have crimes! Some people do crazy things.

It's not the problem of skin color, but the lack of not wanting to look beyond that and see that those biased ideas are ignorantly based on our own subjective perception.

Which finally brings me to the point of the blog lol

Skin color is something that is completely based on the sense of sight. If we had no eyesight we would likely be reliant on our sense of sound to determine if the person sounds good or bad to us. It then becomes a judgement of character.

Now, this is the important part: CHARACTER. Tear away sight and you can't rely on that.

Sight is a very great thing! If you believe in a creator or not, some of us were lucky to be born with it! Imagine, you could've been born without it. Some people would say "Well, I'd be happy! This world is nothing good to look at!" And even that statement is based on what you think you see, rather that what really is.

I'll give an example. Have you ever had someone start speaking to you and instantly you butt in, assuming that you knew what they were going to say before they even finished.....just to find out they weren't going to even say anything about it? Well, I have PLENTY of times.

So who am I to speak on something like this when I'm dealing with the same thing? Well, I'm a person who is aware of this habit and I'm working to improve that portion of myself.It's called SELF improvement for a reason. In the end, it really is the individual's choice to improve who they are.

Here's what I noticed happens as I continue my improvement journey (it's mainly just self-discovery, but whatever):

People notice these qualities and become happy!

They say "Well that's really nice of you!" and their mood is lifted, AND if they took anything from the situation, they may want to practice what I do and help someone else out. This is called the ripple effect. I've learned a few things from a friend of mines, she's very wise and she helped me a lot with understanding that I can't save the world, but I can definitely lend a hand!

I've finally figured out how. By doing just what I'm doing now. Being ME. When I'm who I am, people will meet me and come to either say "I like" or "I don't like", the ones who "like" will probably take something from our encounter. Seriously, I'm not looking for people to compliment me on my behavior, if they take something from our conversation or they learned something new, then I'm happy. Mainly because there was a shift.

A shift is very small sometimes, but over time it moves from one place to the next. Seriously, knowing this has helped me to not feel I have to keep jumping into every little problem, or want to intervene in everything little heated discussion between my mom and siblings. I do, however, observe the situation and wonder what might be the reason behind it.

You see, I'm slowly, but surely, shifting the way I view things. It's a little strange because I don't have very many worries, but my mind is not as cluttered.

Shifting...or better yet, I'll say considering, other things can open you up to other possibilities. Don't just toss all your beliefs away! You don't have to do this. Considering things is not about getting rid of who you are, it's taking something new into account. It's not just automatically believing, it's giving something a chance.

Sometimes we may be so stuck on the fact that we know, and we assume that we know, but honestly there's not just one way of knowing.

What I found to be interesting is that most of what we feel we know is a branch of the same tree. Yet, if we're so stuck clinging to one little leaf to allow ourselves to drift freely in the wind and see the tree, we're gonna miss the bigger picture.

Is this wrong? Absolutely not. But eventually you'll probably get bored and let go lol

So, the point of all of this?

Give things a chance. It may not be easy at first, but at least try to see things from another perspective. Speaking from experience, I know it's not easy. I still have a tough time with doing this.

I will give a bit of advice. If something just isn't for you, then let it go and move on with your life. If you don't think interracial dating is for you, then just accept that it's not for you and leave it be. But slamming people over what they like is just plan...well it's not what you would want right? Because then there will be a pointless argument that could've been avoided altogether.

Well, that's all for now.

Mon

What I've come to understand about life

It's late, as always. After this blog I'll head to bed,but before this I want to share a few thoughts I have about life.

A few years back I went through a very VERY tough internal  battle. It was really horrible! But I look at it now as a growing experience. In a way that experienced helped me to see things differently. All of the troubles and worries that I had during that time doesn't seem to phase me as much. Yeah, I still get irritated and annoyed, but if I take a minute to sit down and see the situation, I think it through and see that there's really not fault or any blame. Now, I won't say I make excuses for others, but I do excuse them. I don't blame them. I do understand now that people are, as hard as it is to believe, responsible for what they speak, think and feel. The moment you actually grasp this concept the easier things become.

In a situation, isn't it true that we're responsible for what comes out of our mouths (the words we speak). I can understand that most people think that whatever they think they will think. Yet, meditation is a great teacher. And it teaches that you ca silence the mind with diligence, patience and time. It may be possible that some people do not want to find the time. If we really want to do something, and I mean we really want it, then we will pursue it with determination! But most people may be happy with constantly blaming and pointing fingers. Honestly, the change really does come from within.

Luckily I've had the privilege of having my eyes opened to understanding this. I met someone who I could vent to during the tough times. In a way, I guess I was trying to put the pieces together. And although I'm still not quite sure of my purpose, it doesn't make life any less enjoyable. I've found that I'm more at peace just walking around outside than I am thinking about how to fill my schedule. And, perhaps our purpose of being here is as simple as us just learning to live.

I think if our purpose was to just live and experience, most people would go nuts because it doesn't pave a clear path for them! This is t he purpose, that path or paths are craved by us, and there are multiple paths!

We may think "well, I took that path and it didn't give me good results", and that's okay, it's all about living and learning. You mess up, what do you do? Will you just sit there and let the experience consume you and take the best of you? Or will you get up and try something new?? I sometimes see people sticking with the first one.

Rather than admitting that they're really staying in the situation because they choose to, they rather blame someone else because it's easier and it makes them worry less. I mean, if you had told yourself "it's me who's choosing this" wouldn't it make sense that you'll start to wonder why? Why deal with such a problem? Why question yourself?

Well, respects to everything I just typed, everyone views life differently. Okay, before I say what I'm going to say, I'll admit that I'm still learning to be tactful. So, with that in mind, I'll say that I don't think my views are the only way of living life. That's definitely not what I'm saying at all, but I'm sure that a lot of time when I speak or type, it may come off as it seeming as if my way is the right way.No.

Now I will say that viewing things or even considering things in a way that will help you positively, could benefit you. And that's why I share what I do. So, I'm sharing advice and suggestions to give you. Think of it as someone who has experienced things and have a bit of and understanding. What I'm giving to you isn't a way of saying "You must live this way" but I'm providing insight to improving what you see.

I'm can't make you see what I see, and our life paths are likely different, but I can say that what you view in your life and how you react to those things can either benefit you and help you grow, or cause unwanted and unnecessary complications.

With that being said, I'd like to continue.

Life is only as difficult as we view it/ think it is.

Recently I've come to understand that a lot of religions pretty much help people view life in a certain way. It gives them some kind of hope/faith and it provides them with morals to live by. The fact that there are many different religions out there to suit different people, seems very similar to different fields of studies which suit different people. Yet, the only issue I have is that some of the religions try to instill fear based behaviors and cause people to...well pick at people who don't believe what they believe. In a way, I find that very contradicting. Treat the people in your religion nicely, but look down on the one's who aren't and try to convert them to your side.

That constant struggle to make other believe another is always just going to be a struggle. Why? Well, I'll give you my theory. Imagine if you have a passion for something. You really love this thing, be it art, music, whatever. Now, imagine if someone comes in and tells you that what you love is wrong WRONG WRONG. How could something I love be wrong?

Now that pushing and pulling leads people to believe that violence is the answer. That killing is okay because it's what their god would want. Honestly, this just sounds like something a human with a hateful heart would want. Humans are this way. If gods are strong, they would be able to do everything. Why work through you? Allow them to do what they do, right? A lot of those things really bother me (I'm making this personal now lol) because these are honestly things from humans.

Humans have anger and hateful thoughts. If there's a way to eliminate that which causes them those feelings, it would seem that they can just say their god wants them to eliminate it. Then it's not THEIR fault, and it's not GOD'S fault, it's the person who causes the problem's fault. You can't blame the god because this god is superior and could never do any wrong, and you can't blame the messenger because because they were doing the will of god. It's always this thing.

Anyway, this blog is suppose to be about enjoying life lol  In a way, I guess people won't be able to enjoy it very much if this is the problem, right? If there's always this pulling and pushing, how can you enjoy anything. It's like tugging on a rope all your life, constantly placing your focus on the opposing team rather than putting the rope down, looking around, and realizing that there's more to see in life than red! In my opinion, I definitely see this as being key.

A few days ago I was thinking about how, years ago when I was in middle school, I said my apologies to God when I decided I won't follow a religion. At the time, I was honestly afraid, and more and more I thought "bad things will happen!" but I was wrong. No, I think that dark void I was in those past years was because I was working through all that stuff I was told to believe. I was torn between staying the way I was and moving on to something new.

It's a tough battle! It doesn't make much sense, and sometime it may not even feel as if you're battling your beliefs, opinions, feelings, but it's honestly this. You have all the things coming at once.

I don't regret the choice I made. I feel a lot more love, I feel less stress and I feel as if there are no boundaries or limitations. That I can question just about anything. Now something I've realized is that I don't question this Creator, I question the way that people go about describing It. I don't say things like "How do I know you're real?" well that's dumb, because even if I didn't believe something was real or not, it exist for that second because I questioned it. It can cease to exist, but it exist because you had a thought about it. So in a way it still exist even if you put it out of your mind.

Once I stopped wondering what was, and what isn't, I realized that just about everything can be! And what's wrong with that? Absolutely nothing. I think when what we think is actually put into life and made physical, that's when it may become a problem.We can do so much, and yet people tend to forget that.

"Words can't hurt me!" but it seems that words are what cause people to lose their motivation, it kind or tears us down a bit at a time. But we're so strong, we believe we can do just about anything! But I do believe what we say about others can tear at their pieces.

How to enjoy life? When you become you, when you understand yourself, when you understand that no one can rip apart who you truly are at the core, and that they are experiencing their truth for their own learning experience, I definitely believe that you will be able to enjoy life. Why? Because you stop worrying about what the other person is.

What I mean is this, people are experiencing things as they need to. They are experimenting with life. I'm not saying don't help others, that's far beyond it. I'm saying that when you understand that there is you and then there is them, but you're both living separate human experiences for the same purpose, there's an understanding of a connection.

Hm...Oh! The best way I can describe it is as a family. Now, if you don't have a family and you have no idea what it's like to live in one, that's a journey that you can learn to understand. Don't think you're not worthy of being able to create a family. Family doesn't have to be related by blood. Hm....prepares I should say a close-knit relationship. Being with people who actually understand you, who at least try to get you. People with whom you can feel close with.

In life, some people's purpose in life is very different from our own. That doesn't mean they're torn apart from us. No, they are the other half to our globe. Maybe it's even split into tiny sections.

What I'm trying to say is, try viewing everyone as a relative. Some are distant cousins, some our mothers and fathers. Now, with this, I've come to realize that even my own mom is dealing with her own problems, so are my sisters, my grandma, my uncles, etc. They have their weaknesses and they have their strong points. I like to focus on the strong points. I like to focus on the parts that irk me and dig deep into why it irks me. I like to bounce off of their quirks and see what I can do to improve. I can't say "that's my brother!" to people out in the world, I do see them as different people from different places, but I don't consider them foreign or alien. I understand that they're different by how they view things because of what they've been through, and their culture. But I don't see them as not being human.

Most people can say brother or sister to relate to others, I just say human. But whatever suits you, go for it.

Well, that's all for now.

Mon

Dr. Mon + Being smart (?)

It's getting pretty late, but I wanted to share this.

Sometime this year my younger sister started calling me Dr.Mon. When she gets hurt or feels some kind of uncomfortable pain, in the distance I would hear "Paging Dr.Mon. Paging Dr.Mon." My mom and sister do this as a joke of course. It's mainly because I'm the only one in the house who has medical stuff.

I purchase bandages, painkillers and alcohol. I'd like to stock up on more medical equipment. I realized that this household is not prepared for things like that lol it's really a shame. After noticing this I started to build up my own first aid equipment. 

Besides, my younger sister is often very prone to hurting herself. Now, if it's a broken arm or something, there's really not much I can do lol I'll call 911!

Also, I kind of got into a tiny dispute with my younger sister. She claims that I'm smart when in reality I don't think I am at all. It's not that I think I'm dumb, it's just that I think I'm not "smart" by what she may be considering to be smart. I don't want to be called smart. Actually, I just want to be what I am, and if I happen to know some information then so be it.

I dunno, the term "smart" kind of feels like the person saying it is putting themselves down. I'm really not into people putting down their abilities. So maybe this is why I'm a bit sensitive to things like this. 

Well, in a way it's like this, I read stuff, but that doesn't make me smart. If I have book smarts, street smarts, political smarts, etc,  then I may consider it lol but I read things on a whim, not to say "now I have the key!", it's just out of curiosity. 

She claimed that it's because I use "big" words lol to me this sounds very elementary. The thing is is that I know how to spell simple words lol I don't use big words. For example, if I say I have an extensive vocabulary, my sister would ask "what does extensive mean?" lol I read books and sometimes I'll come across a word I don't know the meaning of. Sometimes I don't look it up,and sometimes I do. Sometimes I'll look up even the simplest words to gain a better understanding of it. But I, by no means, consider this smart lol I find that I'm more curious and seeking of things if anything.

Maybe if she would seek the answer to things more often, rather than asking me all the DARN time, she'd get it. That's another problem I have recently. I'm not sure what it is, but they seem to think I have the answers O__o which is really strange to me lol I'm just like them. I have questions, it's just I search for answers online. 

Got a pain in my stomach? I search for it online. What I do is gather as much information as I feel is necessary, then I'll come to a conclusion as to what I feel is closer to the answer I'm searching for.

At the moment, dealing with  physical things are a bit easier. I'd like to become more observant, more aware of things. So I'd like to work on that.

Anyway, I had nothing better to write about lol So my blog may seem a bit boring. Not much has been happening these past few days. 

Mon

What's new!

Hey!

So I think what's been new around me may be a lot less than the emotions I've been feeling about the events lol 

These past few months have been rather exciting and very intense! I've gotten a lot of unexpected news from people around me, so no, it really doesn't have much to do with me. However, I'm really really excited!

I'll start with the very first and work my way to the last. This has honestly spanned between March up until now. So everything was coming very fast. First, my older sister is expecting a baby in 3 months. I think I wrote about this. Then, not only her but a youtuber named Bubz is expecting a baby sometimes around next month. She mentioned a bit before my sister. Then one of my favorite teachers announced that she had just got engaged during a week before! lol It was pretty funny because it took one girl in our class to recognize the ring. We were all completely oblivious! She told us how she complained to her fiancee that no one had realized the ring she had been sporting lol poor her. 

Then her birthday came up as well and the class threw her a b-day party and sang happy birthday. Then an older friend of my sister's from high school (whom I also knew as a kid kind of) got married this month. I went to Mississippi to my cousin's high school graduation and spent some time with my grandparents. And my older sister recently moved out and into her very own and her very first apartment. I've spent the past few weeks spending the night there and coming home to help her get use to the place and help her move in and clean up! 

It has honestly been constant constant constant news! I have been able to relax, but due to all the news I haven't been able to put into place what my next move will be for college. I didn't even get a chance to work this summer. Oh well. I sent a thought to my guides that I'll keep my mind opened to what they feel would be best for me work-wise. In a way I couldn't think of what I wanted, so I didn't want to spend to much time constantly thinking about it. So for now I'm just waiting and watching for signs. I'm sure they know what kind of job I'd be good at working. 

Oh! I forgot to mention that one of the new teachers I had, he had become an uncle for the first time. And during the end of the quarter I had a S'mores BBQ with the class. 

This year has been very eventful! Sometimes I think that simple moments like these make me happy in life. I constantly wonder if having a boyfriend, getting married and having children is all their is to life. I definitely don't think it is. To some people, that is a dream, but to me, it's nothing that is the most important. In life, if it happens to happen, it will just be what it is. I'm happy when others are happy. In this kind of situation I don't think I need to search for anything because these moments are truly special to me. 

Most people may ask "but what about you? Don't you want those things?" Well, the thing is this, since I've never experienced those things, it's something I don't care for. I'm sure once you experience something, it may become a thing where you say "That was great, I'd like to experience that again!" but when you've never had the experience of it, it's not something that's bothersome unless you're curious. Yet, even so, I think those curious moments are fleeting. They become less curious and you're attention may be attracted to something else. In this respect I wonder if fighting that is necessary. We're always bounding ourselves by sets of rules that living is not flighty and extensive and boundless and limitless. 

For example, I understand wanting to be in a relationship with just one person. There's some kind of moral decision is this. Which is great! But I don't think swingers are wrong to have an open marriage. These things are personal preferences to people in relationships. They shouldn't be accounted as wrong, just as you wouldn't want someone to say you're wrong for limiting yourself to one person.

But back to the point, recently I've found that there's not much to search for. I didn't search for people telling me things. But it definitely put me in high spirits for them in their future! Would it seem that living in such as way of life as mine would be lonely and unhappy? Absolutely not! You see, I have many interest and I have a few things I'd like to do in life as well, so I'm not just some person who stands around enjoying everyone else's life. You see, when I'm always constantly focused on myself that makes me feel like I'm neglecting the people I know. So to celebrate or hear them talk about what's new and exciting in their lives makes me feel like I'm more connected to life, rather than myself. I feel that that's most important for me in life. I mean, I need happy news. Recently so much has been happening in the world that it would seem people wouldn't have hope for much of anything. But when I see the few that are becoming happy with their future, it makes me happy. 

Also, I found that, well the best way I can say it is this, I'm not too worried about things. I want to say I don't care to have to fix things. I can't quite explain this, but it's how I feel recently. Usually when I see things that seem devastating to me on t.v. I'd feel really sad and as if I have to do something. I'd wonder why people were doing what they are doing....but I don't feel this way anymore. I just hope for the best with them.

I guess because of the my older sister being the first to have a child among me and my younger sister and me seeing her reaction and behavior, I stay connect to what will be. In the end the child will be. In the end it's really up to the person what to do next. In a way, that part really doesn't have much to do with me. I can choose to place my energy in that situation and step in. But I seriously feel that I'm not everyone's mind, their choice or anything for that matter. In a way, we work alone, but we're not alone. 

The best way I can describe it is as a classroom full of students. We can work together to understand, but it's up to us to individually GET IT. No one can do that for us. So to learn compassion is something we have to learn on our own.

So recently my work as been in respects to this. I've placed a lot on viewing the world, not as good or bad, but as it is. What we do after something, and how we react to it, is what's the most important. It's who we choose to be when something happens that matters. Will we continue to hurt others? Or will we see that hurting someone will only benefit you for so long.

You know, I think this has a lot to do with what I've been reading recently lol I gotta say I honestly feel...well I do feel a little empty....like...well imagine this. You wake up one morning and nothing seems to phase or worry you at all. But you're still a part of it. You still work in regards to it, but you know that what you see and what you choose to see what two different things...but within the same thing....kind of lol 

It's not as if the world as necessarily changed, but my views have changed. When I read through my birth chart it mentioned how I would have a lot of moments like this. But I have to say this one is a bit more powerful than the others. I'm sure I'll go back into life as I was before the summer started, you know worrying about things lol but that's only because it's fun to complain sometimes. But in the end I know it has to be done. 

Having this feeling doesn't make me feel like I'm living as a feeling human. This is really difficult to explain lol Maybe I'm in shock due to all the news I've been receiving lol or maybe I'm just over-thinking what this is. Well regardless, I've been at ease. I don't feel I gotta tell people "you should at least try this" especially if they'll keep doing what they've always done. I guess I've gotten tired of working with people who want to stay where they are. So I've just taken a break and hung a sign on my door that says "do not disturb" lol I've spent quite a bit of time enjoying movies and playing video games. I even watched Handy Manny lol Yes, I do enjoy that show. I've been able to enjoy things without guilt. 

Well, that's just about everything. *sighs* it's all a lot, so I also need to situate what my next move will be. Sometime I wish there weren't so many paths in life to take lol I think that's the part that makes it the most difficult for me. Because there are dozens of roads, I wonder which one to take! I know there are no right or wrong ones, but I would like to take the one that is the best for me!

That being said I think it all boils down to knowing who you are aside from the whole. If we're constantly tied down by what other people want us to be for them, we forget what we can be in regards to our own lives and ourselves. And who knows, maybe who you really are would benefits many more, included that person, and not just one person. 

That's all for now.