Appreciation + ranting

I started thinking about my appreciation for my older sister out of the blue. 

Everyone in my household knows my sister is expecting a baby soon. Yet, there was this huge thing where my younger sister got upset and said she didn't want anyone telling her anything else. Of course I told her she should calm down and that those things are mainly as true as she lets it be. She was just heated at the moment and I told her if she wanted to continue with such a negative attitude she'd have to leave my room (I seriously do not like the way that kind of thing feels). In the end my mom said she knew.

But before all of this my older sister entrusted me with this information before both my mom and younger sister. During some days afterwards I was actually pretty happy. She didn't want to me to tell my mom or sister. I completely understood.

During that time she often spoke to me about how she was feeling. Yet when my mom finally confirmed with my younger sister and she told me I should've told her, I simply told her that I didn't feel it was my place. Of course she got angry saying she'll kick me out lol but it's seriously the truth. My mom can't seem to understand that things like this will happen. Not everything my sisters express with me are things I have to tell her. If she's so concerned, she should ask them herself about how they are feeling. 

My younger sister said it would be ridiculous risking a place to live to just keep a secret. But it's honestly not about the secret part, no. It's about knowing that that situation was my older sister's situation. It was HER problem, not MINES. Her wanting to tell my mom was HER choice. Besides she expressed plenty of times how she was afraid to tell my mom out of the fact that my mom would be negative. I completely understand this because in the past, plenty of times, that was my mom's reaction.

I often try not to say someone will react the same way as in the past. But I'm coming to understand that this can probably be factual only if the person acknowledges a certain behavior and work to improve that aspect. If a person isn't aware or decide not to change, then chances are they'll react the same. 

Well, I had a great appreciation for that.

Hm...but I did do something today. My younger sister came to ask me how to fix her computer, in annoyance I told her to look it up. For some very odd odd odddddd reason, my mom and younger sister look at me as if I'm some kind of technician/doctor/knowledge bearer. They think because I read a lot I know everything. This is seriously not the case. 

Back to the story, I constantly tell my younger sister to learn to look things up! Sometimes I say it in annoyance or I'll come off harsh, I understand this. I tell her that I won't be by her side all the time and that she should learn to find answers on her own! It may sound harsh, and it may sound like I'm trying to conform her to my way of dealing with things, but honestly I don't want to be constantly be a kick-stand for her.

All of my childhood life it was  my older sister watching over me and my younger sister while we were young. And when she wasn't around, my mom would have me do just about everything with my little sister. We had to take out the trash together, sweep the floors together, mow the lawn together. What's worse is she still request these things of us even now! Honestly we're too old for this! I can do things like that alone lol and even if I can't, I really should learn because eventually I'll be going off into the world alone.

My mom's the kind of person who tends to dictate. She'll says something like "that's stupid, you should have...." whatever it is she'll go to say. And my younger sister would eat this up like cereal. Me? If it was beneficial I'd take it and use it but if I felt it would only cause troubles I wouldn't listen.

Mainly what I'm saying is that I'd like to teach my sister to have a backbone! She's planning to go into acting and if she listen to everyone and doesn't learn to ignore what isn't for her, the industry could wipe her clean. This is how I see it going. All her life she would just take whatever be it someone yelling at her, or telling her to do something. She even stressed how she was tried of just taking people's crap. Then don't! Lol that's how I feel.

So when she comes to me with a situation, I'll ask her what she plans to do. I don't want to keep giving advice. If we keep spoon feeding people, they become dependent. Actually, I think I'm pretty caring, but I also like being alone from time to time. I don't want to keep giving people the impression that I'm a 24/7 available ATM that they can distribute things from. 

My younger sister says my ways of expressing this is harsh, and I admit they may well be, but I'm working on learning to communicate it clearly and in a caring and assertive way. If I'm not assertive then people may not take me seriously. I'm not a stepping mat. If my mood isn't right and I don't have time to take care of myself, then how can I help you? I'd be neglecting my own mental and emotional health for your benefit. That's how I see it.

Buuuut, this usually applies more to my younger sister lol With other people I'm more lenient. 

Well, that's all for now.

I'm sleepy for some odd reason (I just ate lol this doesn't normally happen)

Mon