Chronicles? Chapters!....and obviously more random rambling

I have a lot of post here! This mainly spans from last year until now, right?

Well it's all thanks to a dear friend of mines who recommended I type my feeling! Thanks~

I thought that it reminds me of Decartes' meditations. Rene probably thought "Hm...I'll just write about my experience" and didn't know he'd be considered a philosopher years later. The same with Socrates who just questioned everything in life.

If someday I put all my blogs together into one....but then again, my post are very sparse and not focusing on one thing at a time.

I often think about the ideas I have. They're usually pretty big ideas, and I don't wanna admit that sometimes I'd start them but then I'll get tired. Well, I just tell myself to just pick up at it again.

I don't feel bad or guilt anymore for doing this! One of my favorite artist, Leonardo Da Vinci had a few unfinished pieces. I'm sure a few people probably would like to have seen them finished right? Well, I guess for my own purpose, I should just finish a few right? lol I'll get to it.

I have stories I'd like to tell. Paintings I'd like to paint. And I'd seriously like to learn pottery. I have a calligraphy set that I touched only a few times.

I'm a bit sleepy now, but it's to early to go to bed. I'm sure I'll feel up to more in the morning.

Also, someone I know on facebook, she had this beautiful picture of clouds in the sky that I'd really like to paint. One Christmas (I believe this past Christmas) I was given  two canvases and paint. I started painting a picture, but I'm not happy with it. I've yet to pick up my paint brushes lol

I should focus more!I must! I'll make this my goal. But I'll start next year. This year is my listening year.

That'll be my main goal. I have subgoals, but I mainly focus on my main goal. My goals are often self-improving goals. Yeah...I don't often think "this is where my life will go" Haha

For example, becoming an animator, I didn't go into this thinking "I'll work for this company", I just thought "I'd like to learn to animate" and people think it's cool.

It's just a gathering of skills, meeting people and just living life. It seems life is suppose to be about going towards some great something we can't see. Recently, mines if about experiencing what I'd like. I wonder if this is okay. Does it mean I don't have a clear purpose in life. The only way to find out is to experience things and see what I really like and continue going that way.

When it comes to experiencing, it's a lot broader in my opinion. I wonder if that means I'm just allowing life to choose what'll come my way next? Hm...well, that's no good lol if we're creators in our lives, I should at least be creating what I like, right?

Well, since I have a clear understanding of what I don't like, I guess I know how to steer clear of that lol In the meantime, experience what I enjoy. Hm....but it seems I should be doing more with my life. Could it be I've been brainwashed to think this way? haha Maybe life isn't about going towards some goal, that all there is is to experience and nothing else.

It would seem so simple and dull to the people who feel the need to climb the corporate ladder. But it seems easy is just no good for us. If it's easy, we're not working hard enough. But why can't it be easy? Why do we have to work so hard? To make a living? But who said living had to be hard?

Well, working isn't wrong? Nowadays, it seems working is what's needed. It's what "adults" HAVE to do. Well, it's definitely not. There's some who do nothing and are seen as lazy. Wow! I feel that way sometimes. I say "sitting in front of the t.v., what are you doing with your life? There's too much to experience" lol

In a sense, I believe we'd be out of experiencing just sitting around. But that doesn't mean things have to be hard. But not too easy either. How would be learn if that was so? Everytime we run into a difficult situation, we're given the resolution without using our minds.

Here's an example. As children we are taught to tie our shoes, right? Imagine if our parents always tied our shoes. Even as adults, they continued to tie our shoes. Or we move on and just walk around without tying our shoes. Everyone would either walk around that way, or shoe-less. HA HA you smart alecks! lol

What I'm saying is, is that if everything were easy, which we would like, we wouldn't really grow. It's possible we wouldn't even think about it because we've never experienced what it's like to go beyond the simple tying of our shoes. So if we never knew what it was like to experience accomplishing something, how would we know that feeling and why would we care if we have never known of it?

This is life to me :) It doesn't have to be the biggest puzzle to tie our shoes. We don't have to solve mathematical equations to do so either. It takes wrapping our mind around it to understand it.

Well, I make it should easy, huh? Well guess what, it's as easy as we believe it to be~

Tying our shoes can be  the most annoying and frustrating thing we could ever do, or we can just keep trying until we get it and just enjoy the moment of learning. I've decided to choose that latter. :)

Things are simpler, mainly because I don't wreck my brains over it....situations. But when I do set my mind to something, I'm truly dedicated lol When my teachers witness this, they say "I think you're over-thinking it" xD They always toss that at me. My mind is too huge for me to accomplish everything in it. I'm not limited though, it's just kind of vast in there. Sometimes I'd just think "y'know what, I don't have any ideas" even though I do. I play dumb :P because I don't feel like working. I hang up my coat and just lie about. Okay okay, I'm a little lazy xD

But I can hop right back in. Urgh....should I post this blog? yeah! YEAH, I'm gonna do it xD I'm awake now.

Well, I'm awake now. I think I was getting tired because of the way I was sitting. I was also watching t.v. Kind of a lot, I won't lie :P

But I got this storyboarding book from school. I've been watching a lot of videos about animating. I have an animation I'd like to finish, I have a webcomic I'll be starting in December, and I also have class work. I'm learning more about writing scripts, camera angling, framing drawings within a board, things like this. So I'm doing  a lot of mental work.

So although it I say I like to  take naps, I need it to refuel my thinker box up there. lol I left behind questioning and contemplating for a while to work on understanding those things I wrote above. So maybe on the outside I might seem lazy and neglective <---that's gonna be a word now lol, I've been reading a bunch and studying~ :3 I'm being a students in a sense

I haven't done much studying on spiritual matters. Just purely creative...well, besides reading that book by Donald, but that's about it. Well, of course I had this goal in mind. Mainly, last month I wanted to polish up on my drawing and storytelling skills. I wanted to learn to draw hands better. So I did that last month.

Hm...I guess I'm not that lazy huh lol but when I think about it, it may seem that way with people who are artist.

But when I think about it, we're all artist here. Maybe not in the sense that we all can draw or whatever, but that we all create.

Mothers create life. Children create smiles. Father create support. People create happy or sad moments. Life is just a wonderful ball of creations.

Just enjoy it. The good moments are good. But when times aren't looking for good for us, when it's not what we really wanna experience but it just seems it has to be, remember those good moments. Imagine you're there and everything will be okay.

You know, I can smile a bit more now. Earlier last year I just felt so yucky and I felt trapped. I was just having a difficult time internally. Now I just feel like I can ride the wind of life with no problem.

I wonder what was happening than. I wonder if I was being pulled out of the pit of confusion, and up into the light of understanding. That would be a beautiful painting. Being pulled from a pit of one's one darkness by our supporters, and being pulled up into  beautiful garden filled with light and very soft pastel colors.

Hmmmmm~~~ it makes me feel fuzzy and happy lol

Well, that's all for now. Since I have a bit more energy, I'll start going through this book now.

I have an idea of what I'd like to do in life, but I'm not sure where it'll take me, or who I'll meet next. I'd like to say that confidence, but I'm sure that deep down inside thing will all work out in a way where I can put forth all I've learned :) Just like my teachers have taught me, and so shall I to those who will come to me, like I came to them~~


Have a great night, morning or day

Mon