Ambiguity

I just watched a video about why things are creepy. It was pretty interesting! Now I'm watching a video where it ask "is anything real?"

But before I actually start the video, I am reading titled "the dreamtime"

I have a quick thought I want to type here. It's about fearing the unknown, he mentioned it was because ambiguity is scary to us (some of us).

Now I thought about dreams and about how they are so random, and yet, in the dream world we accept them as being true. For example, if someone in my dream as a serpent tail, it wouldn't be creepy, because it would seem normal. We wouldn't necessarily question it. But if something like this were real, in our waking time, it would be weird or strange.

I find this concept a little interesting. Personally I like horror movies (not gruesome ones). It's not that they're not scary to me, but it's interesting for me to view it and ask myself "why is that scary?"

Now the article I'm reading is this here:

http://www.questforvision.com/programs/adventures-of-the-spirit/the-dreamtime.aspx

I've only read the first paragraph, but I do believe it has something to do with our perception. I've often heard, or had someone tell me that fear is a way to help us and keep us from danger. But it's not this fear that I question, but the fear about things like giant eyeballs on a small face, or a black figure standing in a dark corner.

These things are what I question. I guess it's the fear that we don't know why it is the way it is, and will it hurt us. Things like this. This brings me back to a past experience I had in my Philosophy class where the students had to read this book. It was a book written by another instructor who worked in the same school. Now, the story seemed to not have ended the way a lot of people expected. It made people question and some of them were a bit disappointed, some questioned "so did the girl end up with him?" or "he was married, why didn't it show his wife?" the story was also filled with a lot of ambiguity where we (the readers) were left to fill in the blank.

And I think I understand why this is frustrating. From an early age we are monitored and told how to behave and how not to behave, what's appropriate, and what's not appropriate. And based off of another countries culture, it may seem strange to them that we do things the way we do and in vice versa.

This programming is so embedded in our minds that, when it it comes time for  us to make our own choices we may start to wonder "what if this is wrong?" because there's no "true answer" because in a way we soon learn that everyone is different, and it becomes an issue of "well, are they wrong, or am I wrong?"

I read a few years back (I'm not sure how many year ago) that Jesus actually spoke in parables. It said something like, his teachings were meant for people to take it however they felt it was best for them. On wiki it says a parable is similar to analogies.

I think of analogies as poems. Poems are written in a way that is symbolic and likely, not very literal. And maybe some poets did not have the intention of having the poem make sense in a way where it can be explained, but felt, as they were translating feelings.

I have read (or maybe I didn't read I don't remember) that English is one language that may have a difficult time explaining one's feelings. In Japanese they have simple utterance can mean more than a sentence in English. For example, the phrase "Otsukare sama deshita" a lot of Japanese learners (myself included) would probably explain this has meaning something like "Thank you for your hard work" because this would be said after a day of hard work. But, if we don't have the mind like a Japanese person, we may not be able to grasp the true concept behind this.

So in English, I believe that we try to translate things that we just cannot do with word because the words aren't there.

This is why I find people in the art so interesting. They translate things in a different form: visual. Sometimes, these things don't quite make sense to us, and some of us may find it has strange. And I think it's mainly due to the complexity of translating an image from the minds plain (the part of our mind that dreams) into a physical manifestation of sight or sound. This is kind of like dreaming, but instead we are awake and trying to make sense of another person's dream.

I've read that we know ourselves better than we think. But maybe some people would like others to tell them who they are because they just can't figure it out. And why should they work so hard if someone else is willing to do the job for them?

Anyways, a lot of what I wrote seems to tie back to one another. I seriously feel there is such a huge connection in everything that it would kind of difficult for our brain to grasp, but I believe our minds do get it. Instinctively, I believe we get it so much that it frightens us, because we don't understand how we could understand something without it being taught to us. We may not understand why we have this power. If we have this power does it rule out that higher being that we believe so much in?

No. No. No. No it does not. If this being made us this way, it only make sense that this being knows that we have this power. We were given this innate knowledge as of means of growing and flowing through life. Some people abuse their greater gifts.Some people use their greater abilities to help others who lack this ability, to show them that it's possible to gain what they have.

And some people take advantage of that. And some may ask "Why?"

We know the answer. It's just sometimes we won't understand the answer until we get to the point that we need to reach.

For example, have you ever tried to learn something, but no matter how many times you read it it just didn't make sense. You felt that you understand it, but you just couldn't grasp it. Then, it happen! You get it!

Can I say why this happens? Nope. I won't even try.

But I'm at a point like this. I would like to write, but my mind if drawing a blank. I was getting frustrated with myself. And I just don't want to accept that I need a break. But I know I should.

This whole this is very interesting. It's like a system. Like a never ending line that just goes on and it leads somewhere, but it never ends. Some people might get tried and say "Why should I keep doing this? It will never end."

I'm the kind of person who would force myself to keep walking lol Like how it took me about 4 hours to make raviolis by hand. Mainly I had to flatten out each piece by hand (didn't have a rolling pin) mix and make the sauce. But first I had to constantly make dough. Although my mom and sister had fallen asleep waiting for me to finish dinner, and I only ended up making like 15 or so perfect little raviolis, I did think "should I stop?" but I couldn't bring myself to do it because I had to see if I could finish.

After watching my sister play Bioshock, and in the game dealing with alternate dimensions, I've started to think "if I don't do it, another me will somewhere else" xD Possibly a future me. Besides, such a challenge for myself is a great way to test my forward pushing skills. The only difference is the level of severity of the situation. I would like to be able to look a situation not as levels, but has a situation in itself.

I understand having limits, but it has been said that humans can withstand a lot, and that it's all in the mind. For example, a woman who picks a car off of her child, on any other given day would probably not believe she could do it. There was a man who was lifted more than 100 feet off the ground by a tornado and survived without even breaking a single bone. Am I saying everyone will have this "luck" (it's the only word I can think of)? No. Because everyone's situation is different. And certain things happen for us to learn from. Are they always things we want to happen? No. They will be as difficult as we believe them to be. In my opinion they are difficult because we are learning to deal with them using the skills we have. We may not have the necessary skill needed to handle it like a pro. But once we get it, it'll be easy!

I rambled and I haven't had one of these moments lol Now I"m gonna read the article and finish the video I started.

Mon

Can't wear a bonnet to take a picture at the DMV?

So, today I had a little issue

I was told I couldn't wear my lacy hat bonnet thingy  if I were to past the driving portion of the test and they needed to take a picture.

It's a long story, but mainly I wasn't able to put my hair together 1. due to the unevenness of my hair (so annoying) and 2. I was in a rush.

Anyways, I asked the supervisor if I could be permitted to wear like a knitted opened hole bonnet and she said no. She told me this "There's a beauty shop down the block, go buy a wig"

Seriously,a lot of the workers there had an attitude. Honestly I wanted to put my foot down and tell them to speak respectfully to their customers. I mean, seriously, what kind of a business do they think they're running there? What's worse is that where people have to go for something important.

Anyways, I took a short walk and I started to go over the reason it would be permitted and I came up with something. It's simply because they want to be able to identify the person in the picture.

Now, it's just hitting me now that a wig would be worser than a hat. And not only that, but what if I were Muslism and it's in my religion to not remove my headdress? Something like that could be troublesome.

I think what annoyed me most was the constant attitude. Seriously, if you're having a bad day, stay at home. Taking it out on a person who has nothing to do with it is ridiculously rude. I'm not sure if they woke up with the attitude or if that's just the way they are, but I felt very irritated being in that room with all those people, with those workers who seemed like they were ready to bust out of their skin.

I also figured that it could be I'm more annoyed because they told me I couldn't wear it and didn't give a good enough reason? They just kept saying "no" and I had to come up with a reason why it's not permissible. Just saying "no" isn't enough for me when it comes to someone saying "You can't do..." because it's like saying ".....is impossible"

*shrugs* I just came back into the building with a smile on my face as if they didn't bother me. I really had to assure myself that this was a stupid reason to be irritated and just forget about their attitude, do what I have to do, and get out of that building.

I just think back to the time when I was in a new high school and these girls were trying so hard to get under my skin. I started to ditch class because they were bothering me and I couldn't focus. And the teacher just kept teaching, and even if I tried to go tell someone they didn't listen. So I ditched lol I thought "I can't just go home during school" so I would stay in the study hall room and go to sleep.My ended up finding out and got mad at me.

The point is that I'm so tried of just giving up on a situation because it seems too difficult. I feel that I should just learn to push through it. I'm a sensitive person, but also my heart is strong. I'm determined. I would want to give up, but deep inside I say "if I give up, that's it!" and the other side says "give up for a while, come back later...would I really feel like doing that?"

All and all I'll just deal with it has much as I can before I feel that I'm wasting too  much energy on a matter that just can't be dealt with at the moment.

Since the DMV incident was just an incident to meet a means, I just thought "Screw those people, just get what I need, smile, wave at them and leave" then get outside and scream! lol

Tomorrow I may take the driving portion of the test.. I have to get up early, so I should get to bed now.

Night
Mon

Finished the job application + Self-improvement

Hi!

So I just finished a job application online. Honestly I don't really like doing applications online. I would prefer to sit with the person and speak with them so they can get the chance to see my personality and me and person. It's like a first impression thing that I feel that questions online can't really target.

Due to the fact that I'm quite indifferent about a lot of things in life, maybe a lot of the questions would get a neutral reaction from me. Mainly because it really depends on a situation. I know I probably don't have to be too literal, but it's just the way I am.

Hm...I forgot what I was going to write about self-improvement. Well, I guess if me just sitting in one spot improves me lol maybe not. I find I don't have a lot of mental activity going on up there lol But that's good. At moments like this I would think "I don't think I'm a deep thinker"

Just yesterday I just sat on my bed and did absolutely nothing. I seriously wondered if I should just try closing my eyes and meditating, but I didn't. I didn't know what to do with myself. Possibly it's because I didn't workout and I had extra energy.Or it could be I'm not quite sure how to manage my time in an effective manner. I have all these things I want to do, and they're a bit overwhelming. I think it would be best to just make a list, and on that list, in order or most important to least important, I would write based on that.

I read about this when I did a birth chart analysis online. It said it would be best if I learned to manage my time. Maybe I'll make it a habit.

For example, I would like to continue reading my philosophy book. Because it's a huge textbook it would be wise to just read that when I have spare time. I have a webcomic I'm working on and I have posted that my updates will be every Tuesday. Due to the fact that it's once a week, I'm able to work on multiple pages. Which is what I've been doing. But since it's still in the beginning of the new Chapter, I told myself I would like to finish it immediately. In other words, I would like to draw as many pages as I can and post them on Tuesday. Which leads me to working on that a lot more. I also have an animation project I would like to finish before I go back to school in August. I would like to work. And I'm studying Japanese. Then, on top of this, I would like to do some fun stuff during the summer since it's break. I've been watching Buffy <---that's my fun lol and playing video games I haven't had the chance to finish. It would be a waste of money to never finish them, right?

Since Japanese is a lifelong learning experience (in my opinion), I feel I can take as long as I want. However, if I don't review almost everyday I will forget the words I learn. Also I have a friend in China who would like me to speak Chinese with her lol it's not big deal, but I feel obligated because I said yes. I would like to learn Spanish and Korean. I feel that learning new language can open my mind to seeing new concept. Rather than having someone translate to me what someone is saying, I can ask questions that I feel are necessary for me to understand them, and I can listen to them with my own ears.

There's just so much! Sometimes I just say "okay, relax, and pick it up again tomorrow." when it gets to that point. Then when I do start to relax I think "oh god, I'm not doing anything." or I'll feel like I"m wasting time. And this is why time management would be good for me lol

Well, I guess I should analysis each of these goals and figure out why I'm doing them. Then I can put the ones that don't have  a good reason in the back of my mind for later.

Well, I'll make a list. I'm sure it will be a lot shorter than I'm making it out to  be lol

Mon

07.05.13

Hi!

I just got finished working out. I was surprised that I wanted to do more even though I kept thinking "oh god this hurts!" blogilates is the workout channel I use on Youtube. I think she has some very good videos!

Anyway, I stopped because my head started to hurt (possibly from trying to push myself) lol so I stopped. I may take a nap in a bit.

Well, to the weather. Today when I went walking with the dogs and my sister, the weather was pretty decent. I'm kind of happy it hasn't been too hot. But it is a bit warm in my room. Well, it was, I think it was due to my body temperature rising.

Going off topic, I started reading a few articles about mind over matter. The reason I started reading about this is because I was wondering how it really works. One article mentioned mediation quite a lot. I'm not quite surprised. I doubt the many people who do meditate would lie about their experience. I think it could be helpful. My body has to move, but I'm sure I can get into meditation. There isn't much of a rush in life when I actually think about it. We work so hard,we owe it to ourselves to take a few minutes a day, or even 3 days out of the week to just sit and be who we are without thinking or worrying.

Well, since I haven't sat down to meditate, I take a different approach :3 I journal and I take naps lol I feel like my dreams can be helpful. I don't use a have a dream journal, but I do make note of my dreams here. Also, I think art is a form of meditation in a way. I was thinking about when a person says "I was in a zone" when working on art and it made me wonder if it's similar, mainly because there are a lot of levels of trance a person can enter.

I've been in the zone before when working on art. Sometimes I can't get into it and I'll journal or sing. Mainly the feeling is like, well, my main focus would be on what I'm working on and I don't hear or don't care to hear, a lot of what's going on around me.

Sometimes it's the way when I'm typing here. The words just flow out and I feel kind of out of it (not in a bad way). It feels nice to let go sometimes.

Bahahaha My cat is staring at me in a weird way. She's pretty sleepy. I guess she's hot.

That was random lol Well, besides what I typed above I haven't had much mental activity going on. I'm taking a little break and just either playing a game or something to loosen up a bit. Oh! I have been thinking about my philosophy book though. I can't find it! Every once in a while I'll start searching for it. I'll just wait until I remember lol in the meantime I started studying Japanese again. I feel that as long as I keep my mental activity down I can retain more information.

Yeah, it feels pretty nice right now. I'm going to take a nap now lol these moments should be enjoyed with a nice relaxing lie down and just...well, take a nap lol Or just lie down. I sometimes do that too. It's really nice :3

Bye~
Mon

Tea~ (｡･ω･｡)ﾉ♡

Hi!

So recently I have been drinking a lot of tea (the kind that is brewed).
Usually I would only drink green tea, but lately I have been drinking Black tea and I even  tried red tea.
I liked the black tea because the flavor is kind of bitter, but the red tea is a bit too smelly for me lol
Teas with added flavoring, such as orange, or apple or whatnot, I usually don't like them.
However, since my mom bought me a box of red tea and I'm running low on black tea, I decided to start drinking the red tea anyways lol
Chances are that it's mind over matter. I think it's likely the smell that's bothering me.

While trying out teas, I've decided to look up their health benefits and record them in a journal.
I often journal a lot. I don't know why if I never usually look back on them O__o
But I have a journal that I'm dedicating to teas and natural remedies.
I have a few journals with list of herbs and their benefits as well.
I wonder if these will ever come in handy lol
I think me journaling from books and websites has anything to do with me being use to doing it for class.
You know, like how they make us take notes from our books. I think it's possible lol


Also, I've been considering meditating but I'm a little bothered by it.
I did it before in the past, but I stopped.
I always get kind of antsy and nervous.
I would start to feel like "geez, someone is watching me" lol
I guess it makes me more aware of the presence around us that we can't see.
When we are awake and going, we're focused on living here and may not sense them because we are high wired.

I've also been doing more walking outside.
I walk the dogs with my sister, which is my excuse to go outside and walk.
There's not much to visit  around here, so I don't feel like just walking has a purpose.
I've also been working on some art projects. I would really like to animate more, but I've been working on my comic. Once I finish this chapter I'll put it aside. The summer sure is going by so quickly.

On another note, my birthday is coming up.
I'm not really like "Oh god! My birthday!"
I don't know if I was that way as a child. I just remember having parties.
I guess age isn't something we think about when we're a kid, mainly when we become a teenager.
Then once we get a bit older, we start saying "I wish I was young again"
Some people may appreciate what aging has to offer mentally, I'm not sure about physically though.

Hm...this blog seems a bit peaceful to me lol
Maybe it's due to the formatting. Or it's possibly because I have tea and the wind is
blowing through my room in a gentle fashion.
Yeah, I'm gonna go with the latter.

Not really sure what I'm going to do today because draw and rest up.
I often feel like I'm being lazy if I don't go out and do something.
But I thought back to the quarter that just passed, and I think I worked pretty hard.
I remember I was quite stressed due to moving and trying to keep up with my assignments.
I was able to do it in the end, and I finally get to breathe.
I guess life isn't always about doing something.
I enjoy this aspect, but I still feel lazy lol Maybe I should give myself more time to reboot.

Okay, my cat is arguing with me. She wants to leave my room. lol

Mon

Going to bed

I was planning to stay up and wait, but I'm heading in for the night.
She's been gone for a long time. Seriously, if work is making her this stressed out to the point where she doesn't want to go, she should just quit.
But I honestly don't want to hear her complain about the fact that she doesn't have a job if she doesn't have one.

It's like, when you have one, you complain and when you don't have one you complain. So are you not happy either way? If it's the people, either try to fix the situation or leave.

Well, I'm going to bed.

Good night
Mon