Hara Hachi Bunme

Hi!

I thought this topic would be a great topic to write about since I just finished dinner. :) What? You wanna know what I had to eat? Okay, I'll tell you! I had vegetables, Alfredo pasta and a dinner roll. What? You wanna know how much I ate? Okay, okay, but this is the last question you'll ask, okay. Well, I had almost two plates, though most of my plate was filled with vegetables. My second plate wasn't filled with much food because I realized I didn't have a glass of water with my meal....I actually didn't complete my second plate. It usually turns out this way....

What does this have to do with anything, you ask? So many question. Okay, well it has a bit to do with the title:

Hara Hachi bunme!

This is a term I learned about a few years ago. This is something which originated in Okinawa Japan. It means to eat until you're 80% full. This is an Okinawan diet.

Honestly, I don't remember how I came across this, but I found it to be interesting. I think most people would wonder "how will I know if I'm 80% full? Does that mean I have to analyze my fullness meter?!" Haha Well, kind of.

I found that I may automatically follow this. But tonight, not so much, I ate a bit over what I needed. I'll explain to you how to do this.

Mainly when you eat, it's best to eat to the point where you are satisfied, not when you're full. When you constantly stuff your stomach with large portions of food you may, over time, stretch it, causing your stomach to expand and demand more and more food. I believe this is why they have that surgery to shrink the stomach's size.

I find the concept of hara hachi bu to be very helpful in this regard.

Well, that's enough about hara hachi bu.

But before I end this blog I'd like to say that there's a lot we can learn from each other. Be it another country, or way of thinking. I find that there's usually a reason for a lot of things in life. In a way, learning about another culture and why they do the things they do helps me to understand their way more and more. Now, that doesn't mean that everyone in that country like all the things about their country or culture, but there are some insightful things which I think we can incorporate into our own.

That's all for now!

I hope you enjoyed reading a bit about this. If you're interested in learning more about it you can find all kinds of information online.

Until the next blog

See ya~
Mon

Binaual Beat mediation assignment

Before heading to bed I decided to do a short binaual beat mediation, and let me tell you lol I experienced something.

Of course I brought myself out of the experience because I started to become aware that I was falling into myself (the feeling is similar to falling to sleep but still being aware that your awake). I think the more uncomfortable for me is the feeling of losing the feeling of my body.

I really wanted to examine the feelings I get. I realize that at certain times I would feel tingling in my arms and legs (this happened in pulses). I think my right arm was the most relaxed because it became numb first. I felt a bit lighter, and I, as I said, started to feel like I was losing the sensation of my body. 

This is what I used:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tU3oAyin8W4

At the point when the frequency raised is when I started to feel that sinking feeling. Honestly what really bothers me is what I see. I get the feeling that I'm protected, but I feel like somehow things may be different with my perception. I have no idea why that bothers me, but it really does. I know it's eye-opening, and it's something I would really like to do, but I dunno, deep down it bugs me.

Well, I'll do this again! lol I'll get over this feeling. I've been saying "I'll meditate!", but I keep putting it off because of what I typed above. I think I'll do this for about 10 minutes every night before bed and record what I feel or experience :) 

Maybe I should explain why I feel I should start meditating, it's honestly a feeling. It's nothing major like "YOU NEED TO DO THIS NOW!" but a slight nudge or a thought that like "you should get to this eventually" or "don't forget about doing this." 

I always feel as if it's some kind of exercise or work when it's farther from that lol I'm always that way, whenever I think of doing anything, I think "ugh...sounds like work", but once I start it's not so bad at all lol am I seriously this way at the core? lol

So the reason I'm doing this? Well, recently my body is very tried and when I'm sleeping I just want to stay asleep even though my body is aches. Eventually I get up, but I feel my energy level takes a while to pick up when I wake up. I enjoy sleep a bit too much lol I always figure that it's from my lack of sleeping and waking at the same time. This is mainly contributed to the fact that some days I have more energy than others. Recently I find that I'm not very sleepy at all, and I'll stay awake until...well about this time. Then other days I'll go to bed at 11 p.m. or midnight, which is early for me. Because I'm on summer break I tell myself that if I feel sleepy, lie back down and don't fight it. Obviously my body wants to do this. Other times I'll just have a cup of coffee or tea. Now, the problem with coffee is the dependency and withdrawal. When it comes to dependency, it's the caffeine I'm reaching for, but I only drink a cup and it's not everyday. I usually like the taste of coffee, but when I feel that I'm having too much coffee, I'll have tea instead.

But doing all of that I think is not necessary, so I choose to just sleep. But I do find that going for a walk wakes me up! It's the air :)  

Okay okay, enough of that. Before I head off to bed I wanted to mention that I misplaced my herb book AGAIN lol yeah, AGAIN. I thought that because I was going to post this blog, I should post a bit from the book, but I can't find it again. I just thought "y'know what, put it in the back of my mind for now" lol I'll look for it later. 

I will however tell you what my recent interest is...I mentioned something like this in one of my previous blogs right? Well, I'm interested in giving messages! I find the concept of pressure points...and well the body in general, I find it very interesting! So I got a book about messages for my b-day. In the book it covers topics such as message techniques. It also have information about how to do Shiatsu messages, reflexology, and basic message techniques :) Pictures included.

My mom mentioned something interesting "Why not major in giving messages?" *___* I never considered that! Something like that would be interesting, but I'm already so far in my recent major that I definitely feel I should complete this first. I'd also like to take a few foreign language courses. And I will take some courses on giving messages! Whenever I look at a college course booklet, I get giddy! I don't like being restricted when it comes to taking classes. For example, they have classes mapped out for me, so if I want to take a ceramics class it would be pointless because it doesn't go towards my degree. It would be a waste of money and funds. So I always think that for now I should focus on my most recent major and do those other things later....or perhaps something will come up where I won't have to wait. Well, only one way to find out.

Well, that's all for now.

Night 

Mon

Oh! On another note, I forgot to mention that I had something similar to REM (rapid eye movement) while performing the binaual beat exercise. I actually want to mention that I did not follow through with the whole video. I just did as much as I felt was necessary. 

Something "strange" happened

Yesterday I stayed at my sister's new apartment. I stayed in, what's to be, the baby room. But something happened when I was napping.

The plan was to stay from  8 a.m. until 4 p.m. I didn't go to bed until about 2 a.m., so I decided to take a nap while I was there.

As I was started to fall asleep I decided to kind of clear the room a bit for my sister's baby. I had asked for light to cover the room and lift it of any negativity. Then I started to fall asleep. Now as I was falling to sleep I started to get that feeling of heaviness (or that drowsy feeling where I would know I'm going to fall into sleep paralysis), and I got this heavy pressure on the top of my head. As I was sleeping I started to hear things. At first it sounded like my sister and her boyfriend were arguing. This has happened before, where I'm dreaming something that seems real (like someone comes into the room and speaks with me, but when I wake up no one is home) and it's not, it's just pieces of my dream fragmented with a dip of realness. I read somewhere that sleep paralysis is like dreaming while awake, and it's common to see pieces from your dream while sleeping with the eyes opened.

Anyways, after a while I started to hear people yelling in my head. And this has never happened before. When this happened it felt like someone was beating on my head and they were making a lot of noise. Honestly, I contributed it to people who may have passed on near this place. 

I told whatever was bothering me to go away. Seriously, I wasn't phased, just highly upset and annoyed. Whatever it was was trying to scare me and it wasn't working, but they kept at it. So I asked my guide to kindly remove them from me and keep them away. And I headed back into my sleep. This last about 10 minutes, and then I was able to sleep peacefully. 

Honestly, I'm happy. :) Because now I know people who deal with things like this. I have one great friend who is very knowledgeable about these kinds of things. Although I can't quite say what it was, I can say that I knew that there was something. I don't think I should pretend it was NOTHING. Because it set me up to build defenses in kind of a fear-like manner. When you can face something, knowing that it exist, you do not fear it because you accept it....I honestly don't know if that's true or makes sense lol 

Anyway, I slept like a baby :P 

During this experience I was fairly present, I just wanted to get some rest lol Oh! Also, I continued to imagine myself being covered in a barrier of gold/white light. This seems to help the most, but I also ask for assistance when I feel that something/someone is trying to impend any kind of negative activity near my personal space.

Hm....if I can speak as if I truly know these things, I would say that I have had encounters with children. The reason I can't speak with conviction on these things is because I can't quite separate my imagination from what truly is.

Now, the interesting thing about this is that IMAGINATION or things of symbolic matters are said to be the true language of the soul. We do not speak "ENGLISH" but people who can communicate with soul learn to decipher those meanings.Me? I'm still learning. This is why I can't say "Blah blah blah, I know for sure" lol 

I don't want to make a claim that I know what a soul is communicating to me, unless I can say for sure that I understand the language. I'm still learning to decipher it.

I know we're all souls, but being human and using English, I can honestly say I'm very ignorant to how languages truly work. For example, when I try to translate something from Japanese into English, I translate it very literally. It's never this way, most people (translators) translate it based on the feeling of the message and bringing it into another language as based as possible, but not so much as to stifle what's being said....or something like this. 

I say this because I translate word for word rather than the whole sentence. Which is the way it should be. When we try to analyze every little detail, we miss the bigger picture or idea. For example:

I AM SAM.

If we sit forever trying to figure out the I part, we miss the point of the message as a whole. It's not just about "I" it's about "SAM" being who they are. Do you get it?

This is how I feel when it comes to these things. I know there is something, but I can't quite decipher what it is communicating. And, because everyone communicates differently (in their own personal way), it takes time to learn. 

I think I'm a feeling kind of person. But I don't quite understand "feeling" things! Which is what I'm learning. I'm learning to translate feelings into something that can be understood. I think it's a bit tricky mainly because I have to take something that isn't logical or have a statement, such as a word of a phrase, and translating that into something that can be understood.

I'll give you an example of what it's like.

First, imagine something. Now, try to bring that into physical life lol Be it trying to explain a concept to a friend or family member, this is what it's like to me. It's taking something that no one can see (or maybe even care to feel or understand) and bringing it into a state of...of well words. Because I can't quite "show" them in the sense of sight, I can bring it into life in the way of the mind through words. And even that is tricky. I deal a lot with things in the mind. 

I get my own internal thoughts, such as "I want a sandwich" and making a sandwich to eat in life, but when it comes to other concepts that aren't my own, or I feel that someone is sending me a message, I'm like "what? What the heck do I do with this?" I'll be honest, I never ask for any kind of elaboration. I think I would overthink things like "am I just making this up?" lol I know I should just go with the flow though but there's that tiny bit of doubt that creeps up on me. Perhaps I don't want to allow myself to know I can communicate. There's a huge amount of responsibility that comes with it. Be it people outcasting you, or doubting you, calling you a liar or claiming that your claims come from "satan" but you know, it's nothing new for me lol I've had people call me liars and all of that even when I speak my own opinion xDD well, moving on

That is the thing that happened yesterday. I feel better but I am a bit concerned with the breakout of Ebola in West Africa. :/ Things like that always makes me sad. I know the world will continue on and I know that people will continue you, that we will continue you, but it really bugs me. I know that pan is temporary and that it will fade and we will feel no pain, but something about these kinds of things still bug me. I know that if something happens or someone passes things will continue on, but it still bugs me lol why? I have no idea lol perhaps because that connection of how they were will just become a memory. It's like watching a play and really enjoying a character, but knowing that that person will take off that costume and become themselves again lol It sounds funny, but I guess that's what it's like for me.

Anyway, I'm going to eat now.

Next time I'll talk about a new interest of  mines and go over some herbs. I've been saying I'll share the remedies from my book, but different things keep coming to mind and I'll write about those instead. So, in some future blog i will lol If I remember, I'll do it tonight. 

Until next time

Take care

Mon

My AMAZING sight moment(s)

I don't often see things that I can say "I saw the light" or "I saw a spirit/aura etc." It's not that I don't believe in these things, it's just...well I don't see them. It could be because I'm not paying attention during the day or searching for them, but when I do see things I'm usually awe-struck. I don't usually question what I saw, but I do wonder why I see them.

Which brings me to my topic!...I exaggerated a bit lol my sight if no where near as amazing as anyone else. For one, I'm near-sighted and my eye doctor says I'm seriously blind as a bat :P and without my glasses everything looks blurry, so I'm just playing around when I say "amazing"~

But I will talk about somethings I have seen in the past.One, a baptism for my friend's baby. This was about 2 years ago (I believe he's two now. I'm sorry I know a few people who have had babies and I can't keep up with all of their ages).

Anyway, it had been a while since I've stepped in a Church. As a kid I would go to church with my mom and sisters, but I would always fall asleep. I've never been baptized, but that's beside the point.

Although I'm not all into....hm...I won't say I'm not into religion as I like to read about different one's to find deep connections, I don't claim to be a religious person. Just a person doing things to find a connection. So I would avoid churches (or some) because, in the past, I've had people tell all kinds of fear stricken stories about their religious beliefs. I feel that the best way to avoid them is to avoid the churches where most of them attend.

To the point, I decided to attend because this friend asked me to be her son's godmom. I've never been a godmom before, but I felt I could do it for her and for her son. So I attended with an open heart to just take in how happy the people seem. It was really wonderful! The people were really nice to one another.

At the end of the baptism it was time to leave. I was standing at the entrance when this man came in. And, within a quick flash, I saw this light glow from around his head area. It was like a golden-white color. It wasn't blinding, but it was brighter than the sunlight from outside. It happened in an instant. I stopped! I instantly thought "why did I just see that? Should I tell him something?" lol Waiting for an answer (I don't remember if I got a response, I think I did, but I don't remember). Anyways, that caught me off guard.

The light did go away though. Now, it was not the sunlight. It wasn't my eyes, it was honestly something.

The other time had to do with a sign I received. I don't often ask for much, I seriously don't. I'm more of a experience kind of person....a go with the flow kind of person, and I'll take what I'm given and work with it. Honestly, I'll usually ask for help if I misplace something or if something is very serious (like emotional turmoil, or a moment of intense confusion), but recently not much of that has happened.

Anyway, it was during one Christmas day. I forgot what happened, but I was pretty sad and upset. My family and I were staying at my sister's dorm for Christmas eve. Long story short, I was sitting in the car waiting for them to get in the car and it was very early morning and it was still quite dark. I asked for a sign that someone was listening to me (I would usually do this if I feel like I'm just talking to myself lol) and suddenly the sunlight came up from this forest area behind the trees. Of course I was dazzled because it came at the very moment after I asked for a sign.

You see, I never put people's stories off when they tell them because I believe everyone is living a different experience from me. I understand that it's difficult to gain truth from fiction when it comes to having to trust someone's story. Now, I DON'T have to believe anyone or anything. I'm free to believe what I want, but I find those kinds of things very interesting. It's not a TRUE or FALSE thing with me. It's what I'd like to paint my life with. And if I choose to listen to stories, it's fine, right? What harm is it doing?

Overall, I do believe people experience things, just like I experience things. Those things are as real to them as me typing this blog.

Well, I have to go now.

Until next time

Mon

I'm O negative

So I've been putting off putting my blood type here since I found out.

Actually, it's a funny story.....maybe not funny, but it's a story anyways.

For a while now I've been wanting to know my blood type. Why? Well, I'll be honest, in Japan it's normal to be asked your blood type. It's kind of like their version of asking one's zodiac sign. So I thought "hey, why not? I gotta be prepared just in case one of my online friends ask me"

So when the blood drive rolled around I thought I'd just ask them....I guess this will be a little funny because the funny thing....okay, it's not funny for me, but maybe for you, I seriously do not like needles. I'm not the kind of person who will freak out and scream and all that, I'll just hesitate....a lot. So anyways, I got my blood type letter in the mail.

I found out two things.

1. I'm O-negative (It's great and all, but there's a downfall and I'll explain that)
2. As a baby I had traits of sickle cell (WTF!)

So to number one. Mainly O negative is one of the rare blood types. At first I was like "Yay! I'm a rare one" but there's one problem, I can give blood to anyone, but if I need blood it has to be from O-negative. It cannot CANNOT be from anyone else. And that really sucks! Lol on the sheet it explains that people with O-negative barely donate.So being in this category is not so good.

But on the plus if someone happens to need blood, I can raise my hand without hesitation! That's the greatest part about it. So I guess whenever there's a blood drive at my school, I'll give blood.

They give blood donators thing (like gifts and bags). The first time I went I wanted to slap it out of their hand "I don't want that!" because I just wanted to know my blood type lol I don't want a bag, just give me the information so I can leave.

Now, I'll just give blood just because I can. Well, I guess being this blood type isn't so bad. :) I will take care of my body just in case someone needs something from my body. If I can give something, minus well right? If I died, someone can have it, it's not like I'll need it. What am I going to do? Walk through the gates holding up my physical liver and say "anyone need a liver?" lol We're souls, it's no  use for me when I pass xDD

Now to number two. My older sister told me this.I seriously thought she was joking. "Why didn't my mom tell me!" there's a lot of times when I'd wonder this about my mom. I mean, isn't this information vital for me!? It's one of those things I feel I need to know. Supposedly it has to do with me being a premature baby.

I don't know how it (sickle cell) works and if it's something I should worry about at my age, but I wonder if I decide to have children is it a possibility that they may have traits of it as a baby. I guess since it was only there when I was baby maybe it's nothing to worry about.

So I was born with that and a hole in my heart lol What luck right? Like, why didn't I just stay in the womb rather than tolerate that mess? lol What sense does that make? Did I think "Hm....y'know what, I dunno if I wanna go into this life?" or something.

Anyways, I'm here now, and for some odd reason I'm always healthy.

Since I'm talking about health stuff, I get so annoyed when I'm not feel well and I'll go to the nurse's office (you can guess this was during high school and middle school) and she would tell me "you're perfectly fine" and I'm thinking "I don't feel fine! Fix me darn you!"

Throughout all of middle school and high school I've only truly gotten sick once when my older sister had the flu. It was the first time I was exposed to it and I had no idea how I caught it (now it's very obvious). At the time I didn't know it was the flu, but I inhaled it through the air as I was leaving the house (I can often smell when someone is sick or about to get sick. I seriously hate the smell). Anyways, I was so confused halfway through that school day.

At first I felt like I wanted to puke, so I'd excuse myself from class and get a drink of water and just breath. Then I'd regain myself and head back to class. But during one class I found that I couldn't stay awake and I ended up falling asleep (I fell into a deep sleep too). When I woke up it felt like something was chewing away at my stomach. "Something's is seriously not right here!" is what I thought.So I went to the nurse's office and rested there. My mom told me I caught what my sister had. Me and my younger sister both. My younger sister's was not so bad. She just had to poop lol I kept feeling as if I wanted to puke and I honestly HATE that feeling with a passion. I never allow it. Even when I had the flu I didn't do it. I was afraid to eat lol So I just drank water. I was fine the next day. So all was good.

I always feel that somehow we know how to care for our bodies. But I like to read about our bodies anyways. For example, recently my mom popped a vessel in her hand from clapping too hard (why was she clapping so hard you ask...well, supposedly a friend of hers said something really funny so she felt the need to clap while she laughed), anyways, I told her to let me message it out. I figured that if something is inflamed messaging it to regain circulation would help. Actually, this just seems like common sense to me lol Imagine if a hose had a knot in it, right?

But it helps to know what does what for certain symptoms. I'd like to learn more of course. It's for myself and for others as well. Such as peppermint tea being good for hangovers. Although the best medicine sometimes if time itself.

Oh! That will be my next blog. Since I found my herb book I can share some of the remedies in it. :)

Until the next blog

See ya~

Mon

Childhood memories (?)

Hiiiii~~

I hope you're doing well and good.....does that make sense?

Well, today I'd like to talk about some of my childhood...memories. I want to say dreams, but they were shortly lived, so I say memories instead.

When I was a kid I was interested in gymnastics. Can you imagine? Well, maybe it's far from where I am now. Actually, is it an art form? I wonder....

Anyway, I wanted to be a gymnast and I'm not really sure why.

Once during a gym session in my elementary school the gym teacher had a balance beam set up in the gym. I was excited and nervous! Yet, when it was my turn to walk across, I got on the beam and was more terrified than anything lol "This is way too high!" I had realized this. Hm...I wonder if my dream of being a gymnast evaporated at that moment.

I would often try to do headstands. Once I actually sprain my neck during gym class because I literally balanced all my weight on my head. I head went "snap" and went to one side. I had to walk with my ear to my shoulder for the rest of the day. That was painful! lol I think at about that time I realized that the body is quite fragile. It didn't take a lot of physical pain for me to realize that certain things are harmful and others aren't.

So once that dream faded away I became interested in ballroom dancing. Me and my younger sister use to watch this ballroom dancing channel. We would put some socks on and slide across the floor like we were ballroom dancing. Perhaps I didn't want to become a ballroom dancer, but I did think it was neat.

Well as a kid I was often interested reading. A LOT! I was considered a bookworm by my family because I often had a book. I still remember what my elementary school library looks like. And I remember this one section where I got book from before.

But I wasn't really a fan of school though. Honestly I've never liked being tested on subjects that were taught. I wasn't very good at math (I'm still not so good at it but I find it interesting though!).  If I wanted to, I'm sure I could understand it...this is how things work with me. At the time I wasn't interested in math. But I've always been into music and art.

I don't think I thought "I will be an artist!" but it seems that I'm good at art so I thought "why not?"

Perhaps I'll explain that. During my senior year of high school I was nearing my graduation time. I don't really remember how the school came up, but I suddenly decided to choose animation. Hayao Miyazaki was a great influence on this choice. I didn't know what went into animation, how much drawing would go into it. Pretty much, I knew nothing about it.

But I got accepted with ease. Sometimes I wonder if there is something else I should be doing. I like art and all, but I don't know if I can constantly draw as much as is necessary. I've always felt that high school didn't quite help me with much of anything. Rather it gave me a gist of history, math, science, English and the likes.I definitely understand that it means well, but you won't believe how many people will change colleges or go into a different field of study because they're not quite sure what they would like to advance in.

I think high school should prepare us for this. Prepare us to learn about ourselves. Why high school? Well, we already have middle school and elementary school to learn about all the basics! So why am I spending more and more time on topics that have nothing to do with helping me find my path. When we're graduating from high school we should have a better outlook on who we are as a person. Instead we're taking classes and either losing ourselves among our peers or trying to find ourselves among them. But even 4 years isn't enough because we're dealing with so much during that time.

What's more annoying is going to a school where some of the teachers feel the need to force their authority on the students. This does not help at all.

Back to the point of this blog!

I was interested in firefighters. I still have quite a interest in them.

Then I was interested in astrology and numerology in high school. But it seems that my strong points are always in art. Art history, art ART. I was always passing this class. I took one creative writing class and passed it. So art and writing lol it seems to be my strong point, but I'm still very interested in a lot.

The problem is having a lot of interest and not being sure which one makes me the most happiest. If I can contribute anything I would like to contribute something that is so natural to be, that it doesn't even feel like I'm contributing anything at all. I feel that having a genuine passion for something takes away that feeling of "work" and "stress". Because time passes quickly when you're doing something you love.

I definitely think everyone has something they're good at. It's possible some may give up searching, or they don't think they have anything interesting to give. Perhaps what you can give or offer isn't something physical. It's not always physical things to begin with, even in art. It becomes a physical means upon intentional motivation.

Everything starts from within. Art isn't physical until an artist decides to purchase the necessary equipment and put their ideas into that medium.

Some people may have kindness to offer, or generosity to offer.  These are things that are not tangible until it's put into action.

So don't give up. If you're not sure what you're good at, look into things you're interested in and go from there.Read about it. Then you might find there's some website that's strictly all about that subject.

Life seriously does not have to be dull. If there's something you're interested in and it isn't something that's known, make it known. There could be others out there just as interested in it, but not being able to find anything about it may stifle them as well. Then there, you have people who are interested in the same thing as you.

When you communicate and are with people who are just as interested in something as you, it makes life a bit more fun!

When you have a bunch of things you're interested in, it's very difficult to become bored!

Wondering about a country and how they live? Research it. Learn the language. Communicate with them. I find this to be the most interesting of all because communicating with someone from outside of your own culture and country can be a very eyeopening experience. It can likely provide you with insight that you're just a tiny piece of a larger world, rather than thinking you are something bigger or smaller in all of it.

Also, each country has something interesting about it. For example, I saw this chair that was weaved from India. I haven't read much about India, but I found this chair to be very beautiful and wanted to practice weaving.

You may even find a certain dish a country is popularly known for to be interesting. Try cooking it!

There's way too much in the world to learn to be constantly angry at something petty and wasteful. There's way too much in the world to learn to be yelling and screaming.

As you know Chicago is being compared to Iraq. I have nothing to say against this, but I really don't understand why people are going around killing each other just to get put in jail for it for life. Is it really worth it? You kill someone just to kill yourself killed? What a waste of a life! There's much more that can be done than to waste your life away on something like that.

I believe that it's because they may not understand their worth. When you understand that you're worth something, you understand that someone else is worth something as well. When you understand that you are a human being that breathes the same air, you understand that someone is equally the same in that respect. When you understand that you are not perfect and that you're learning, you understand that someone else is learning just like you and that they make mistakes as well. Regardless of age, race or belief, you understand that they're on the same wheel as you. They may not be on the same wavelength as you, but they'll get there.

I think if people acknowledge this, there wouldn't be this much hurt and pain here. Seriously it's all over nothing. And if they're fighting for territory, than that's even dumber! You can't claim some land that doesn't belong to you. We purchase land, we say "this is my land", but in the end if there is a hurricane or a fire or whatever, it's not your land anymore. Its' a wasteland. It's gone. You have to move. It's the earth's land. And if the earth says "I will rain on your home" or "I will strike your crops with lightening" it will be that way.

You think a great hole will not open up on that block you're trying to claim as yours? Think again. It can happen at any moment.

Maybe those people feel like they have no place to belong. So they follow others who seem to have it all planned out. They have some kind of worth. It's the young men who are doing this. And the young women are the ones killing their own babies because "they can't take it!" So unprepared. Deal with it!

You just have to deal with your responsibility. Don't ever take it out on a child who has no idea what's going on with you. Don't make them shoulder your problems because you can't deal with it.

I'm done lol I rambled

Mon

Appreciation + ranting

I started thinking about my appreciation for my older sister out of the blue. 

Everyone in my household knows my sister is expecting a baby soon. Yet, there was this huge thing where my younger sister got upset and said she didn't want anyone telling her anything else. Of course I told her she should calm down and that those things are mainly as true as she lets it be. She was just heated at the moment and I told her if she wanted to continue with such a negative attitude she'd have to leave my room (I seriously do not like the way that kind of thing feels). In the end my mom said she knew.

But before all of this my older sister entrusted me with this information before both my mom and younger sister. During some days afterwards I was actually pretty happy. She didn't want to me to tell my mom or sister. I completely understood.

During that time she often spoke to me about how she was feeling. Yet when my mom finally confirmed with my younger sister and she told me I should've told her, I simply told her that I didn't feel it was my place. Of course she got angry saying she'll kick me out lol but it's seriously the truth. My mom can't seem to understand that things like this will happen. Not everything my sisters express with me are things I have to tell her. If she's so concerned, she should ask them herself about how they are feeling. 

My younger sister said it would be ridiculous risking a place to live to just keep a secret. But it's honestly not about the secret part, no. It's about knowing that that situation was my older sister's situation. It was HER problem, not MINES. Her wanting to tell my mom was HER choice. Besides she expressed plenty of times how she was afraid to tell my mom out of the fact that my mom would be negative. I completely understand this because in the past, plenty of times, that was my mom's reaction.

I often try not to say someone will react the same way as in the past. But I'm coming to understand that this can probably be factual only if the person acknowledges a certain behavior and work to improve that aspect. If a person isn't aware or decide not to change, then chances are they'll react the same. 

Well, I had a great appreciation for that.

Hm...but I did do something today. My younger sister came to ask me how to fix her computer, in annoyance I told her to look it up. For some very odd odd odddddd reason, my mom and younger sister look at me as if I'm some kind of technician/doctor/knowledge bearer. They think because I read a lot I know everything. This is seriously not the case. 

Back to the story, I constantly tell my younger sister to learn to look things up! Sometimes I say it in annoyance or I'll come off harsh, I understand this. I tell her that I won't be by her side all the time and that she should learn to find answers on her own! It may sound harsh, and it may sound like I'm trying to conform her to my way of dealing with things, but honestly I don't want to be constantly be a kick-stand for her.

All of my childhood life it was  my older sister watching over me and my younger sister while we were young. And when she wasn't around, my mom would have me do just about everything with my little sister. We had to take out the trash together, sweep the floors together, mow the lawn together. What's worse is she still request these things of us even now! Honestly we're too old for this! I can do things like that alone lol and even if I can't, I really should learn because eventually I'll be going off into the world alone.

My mom's the kind of person who tends to dictate. She'll says something like "that's stupid, you should have...." whatever it is she'll go to say. And my younger sister would eat this up like cereal. Me? If it was beneficial I'd take it and use it but if I felt it would only cause troubles I wouldn't listen.

Mainly what I'm saying is that I'd like to teach my sister to have a backbone! She's planning to go into acting and if she listen to everyone and doesn't learn to ignore what isn't for her, the industry could wipe her clean. This is how I see it going. All her life she would just take whatever be it someone yelling at her, or telling her to do something. She even stressed how she was tried of just taking people's crap. Then don't! Lol that's how I feel.

So when she comes to me with a situation, I'll ask her what she plans to do. I don't want to keep giving advice. If we keep spoon feeding people, they become dependent. Actually, I think I'm pretty caring, but I also like being alone from time to time. I don't want to keep giving people the impression that I'm a 24/7 available ATM that they can distribute things from. 

My younger sister says my ways of expressing this is harsh, and I admit they may well be, but I'm working on learning to communicate it clearly and in a caring and assertive way. If I'm not assertive then people may not take me seriously. I'm not a stepping mat. If my mood isn't right and I don't have time to take care of myself, then how can I help you? I'd be neglecting my own mental and emotional health for your benefit. That's how I see it.

Buuuut, this usually applies more to my younger sister lol With other people I'm more lenient. 

Well, that's all for now.

I'm sleepy for some odd reason (I just ate lol this doesn't normally happen)

Mon