Good morning!
Wow, I seriously need to go to bed!
So today I did something new for the first time. I seriously feel the same....hm...mentally if anything lol
I gave blood today. I was very nervous, and excited and anxious all at once. Basically I don't like needles! *shivers* Ugh! I use to hate having to go to the hospital as a kid to get my shots for school. I use to dread it so much I would get a headache on the car ride there, but afterwards I would just go on like normal lol And that's what's funny because I know afterwards that I'll be okay.
So anyways, the last blood two blood drive at my school I kept saying to myself "I'll do it this time!" mainly because I wanted to know my blood type. I've wanted to know it for some time and I thought that with a tiny bit of pain, it's possible, that it's nothing major. I've also wanted to get over that fear I have of the thought of needles. Usually I'll just push myself and say "Okay! Just give it a go!" to try to rid myself of such a pointless fear. I even got the upper part of my ear pierced to get over that fear (sadly the hole closed because I stopped wearing an earring there. What a waste!).
So the very first blood drive I kept talking to my teacher about it, but I didn't do it. The second time around I was confused as to how it works (there was just this buss parked by the school's front door and I didn't know if I could just walk inside or if that was where the event was taking place in the first place!). Hm...wait, there was a third time, which was last quarter. During that time the blood drive was canceled I believe.
So anyways, my teacher was a kind sport, despite her fear of needles as well, and decided to come along too! She made it a short field trip during lunch break for students who wanted to join. There was only the four of us. But that doesn't matter :3 I found out that one pint of blood can be divided up and given to 3 separate people! So I think that's pretty neat~
That's the new thing that happened today. So I just have to wait for them to mail me my card with my blood type on it~ I also hope my blood is good and goes to someone who needs it. :) Oh! And I today I almost passed out or something! lol I was seriously hoping that it wouldn't happen to me (it wasn't something I feared or worried about), but it was so horrible! But I'm better now :) I just wonder how long it will take for my body to produce new clean blood~
On another note, I found out that two people I know 1. a friend, and 2. a lady I know who works as a student worker, will be graduating this spring! I'm happy for them, but I'll seriously miss seeing them, well the student worker anyways. My friend doesn't attend the same institution in the same location as me, but she does attend the same kind of institution located in a different location.
I just found this out today. We're friends on facebook and I have her phone number and we often keep in contact, however there's just a kind of sadness but also excitement for moving on in situations, right? I'm sure it's not just me. I'm sure my face probably shows that I don't care at all lol but my inner self is really excited! The feeling I get is similar to moving from a familiar neighborhood and saying goodbye to the people you've known/come to know. Something like has become natural for me because I've moved a lot, moved away from friends, and then those people just suddenly faded from my life.
I still think of them every once in a while and I know this kind of thing happens. I'm just happy to have known the person. Sometimes there's that dependability factor which takes a bit more to pull away, but it's needed. Honestly I wonder what it will be like when I finally move out on my own and live my life the way I want without someone monitoring me.
It makes me antsy, but I'm also quite excited! It's the same feeling I get when I move into a new house and try sleeping I my new room. I also have that unsettling feeling and it's difficult to sleep, but as he months roll by it becomes normal. I guess that's what it feels like.
Anyways, I don't know if the way I'm easily able to hug a friend and let it go, is something like that cold? I don't think so. I do find it a bit tough at first, but I wish them the best. I wonder how things are. But I know that something like this is normal, and it's the thought that they'll live their lives and do things in life, that makes me a bit excited! I hope they do things that make them happy, and make healthy choices.
Some people I've known in the past I have no idea how they are. :) But I take the lessons they teach me and apply them in some way. I don't think any relationship should be wasteful, be it a teacher/student relationship, or the relationship I have with my mom an sisters. It can certainly be tough at time, but I feel that it test my limits, it gives me something to work at (within myself)! But I also feel that there are good times too, even if they are small things. I tear through that to see a shred of humanity, love and care. It's that that keeps me going because I think "what if someone is doing the same thing? And they can't find it, or they're having a difficult time finding it?" and I decided that I'll be the thing is which I enjoy seeing. I'll be the person in which I enjoy watching in others, to show others that such a thing does exist. That there are people who care in this world.
Okay, I know I'm way off topic lol Anyways, that was my day today. Slowly but surely I want to trust myself more and more to try things that will challenge me. This year I told myself I will take hold of opportunities that present itself to me (of course considering things beforehand as well)! The next step if trusting me. :) Trusting what I say, trusting what I do, for the better of myself. That when I better myself, somehow, I'm helping others. It starts with me and if I'm not well, how can I help to heal others, especially if I don't understand what it means to be healed~~~
Somehow, I'm sure I'll end up in a good place in life. I feel that, now, at this very moment, I am. And that's my future and my present. That's what matters now. I'm not sure how I'll feel in the next moment, but I'm working at taking every moment with honesty and believing that it's for the better of myself and to help me to realize what potential exist within. I seriously don't plan on giving up! I'll try my best to keep going, no matter what.
I hope the same for you all. You're never worthless. :) You're worthy of life. I definitely think this~ If you make a mistake, try again. If you make it again, try again. But don't give up because with each attempt, you become a bit stronger. It takes time. But trust in yourself, because that's really important!
Mon
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