So I'm read an article about the issue with the radiation plant in Fukishima Japan. Since I don't understand much about radiation, besides the fact that it's bad for people's health and can be hazardous and dangerous, I started to read the comments.
A lot of the comments are pretty upset at the fact that much isn't being done and that they aren't being as truthful to the world about the situation and the level of risk it could have, not just to the people in Japan, but to everyone around the world.I can understand how they don't want to cause panic, but seriously, does pretending the problem doesn't exist help? At least if people knew they could take some kind of action, or the people living near the area could move or something.
Someone mentioned how such a problem is not fixable, that it will only continue to get worse. For once, looking at it realistically, I can't argue against this. They're speaking about how the radiation can leak into the Pacific Ocean. They would kill the fish and possibly limit the amount of fish humans can eat, or, if people do eat it, cause issues to one's health due to the fish having been exposed to the radiation!
Fish as omega-3 in it, which is something that's said to be needed for our health. Not just that, but I also read that bees are becoming extinct and how they can have a huge impact on us, the humans.
And now it comes to me that as humans, we are quite selfish. That's not to say all, but most. The effect of the selfishness to nature won't be felt until we're left with not so much food, in which fighting for survival might kick in.
This actually reminds me of a story I'm writing. It's about a group of 3 male friends who befriend two female traveling companions to the capital city of their land. The boys are originally from the lowest of the low part of their community that's called the "Slums", their home was destroyed by some soldiers from capital who had order to exterminate them because the people living there were sick and hey didn't want it getting out and into the rest of the land. The boys are traveling to he capital to take it down. Anyways, the story makes a huge change when the major city is hit and destroyed by a group of people called the Rebellion. The illness was created by this city in order to profit and make money from the people. Anyways, to the point, when that major city fell it caused problems for the other neighboring city where the rich flock and go about their lives.
The people in the cities didn't care much (some, but not all.A majority of them didn't) as they felt that the officials and their government would continued to protect and save them. Mainly, one of the boys from the group of boys from the Slums actually wanted to expose how crooked the city is to the people by helping to create that Rebellion group. On the outside of the city, the people aren't let in unless they can pay the price (which they can't due to the low paying jobs). When they were hit by this issue, a lot of them moved to other parts of the land, while some didn't have the means to, so they just fought for their survival.
Anyways, although it's a story, it will eventually have an effect on us, even if we continue to ignore it. It's like ignoring that you're ill or that there's a problem, but you might keep saying "I'll be fine" even though you're body is suffering.
Of course at times like this, I definitely feel like one of those people and I often think about what I can do. I realize that I can do only so much. It's more of what we can do as a people. And one thing I know for sure that I can do, is to speak. I feel that if my views on something are strong enough, I can debate on a situation until the end of the earth lol My younger sister says I can be a lawyer, but I don't want something like that.I guess unless people having living proof right before their eyes, it won't mean a lick of anything to them.
In this world, I often wonder "What can I do? Is what I'm doing enough?" and I seriously keep falling back into what I try to move away from. And that's the fact that the world on doesn't just sit on one person's shoulder.
I think about what I'm writing and I wonder what's in it that is different from what anyone has been saying. It's like a constant repetition that some people are bored with and skip past in order to see what's new with celebrities. Because it doesn't effect them. But let there be a disaster that does effect them and suddenly things become real. I don't wish this on anyone. But in life, I wonder if those kinds of things are necessary.
I once read a comment online in which a person was giving their answer as to why people have wars. This person commented (I'll say it in my own words) that it helps rid the world of people who want to fight. And honestly, I've never thought of it that way. Let's not look at this a good or bad, but see it as what he says. I believe in people being reborn into another life. Looking at that I do believe they go through a review, that they come back in order to try something new. But what's interesting is that I also read that they WANTED to experience that life. That it's a life they chose. When I read these account (subjects in hypnosis and remembering their lives in between), they are very objective, not that they don't feel anything (they do), but they view it in a way in which they see the errors, they see what they could've done better, in for the most part, they are often the one's who judge themselves.
If I were to look at life in that way, I would say that everything has a reason, the things we call good or bad. But that doesn't mean we should just let everything be either! In life, we have to have a mind, we have to have sense. This comes through errors and mistake. However, the problem arises when the errors are done purposely. By this I mean that it's intentional, that it's known that such a problem could happen, but it's done anyways.
For the most part .___. I seriously feel like I just observe without doing much. Just going through life pondering, wondering, and not just going off and taking actions. Is this what my life is about at this moment? Something like this irritates me lol Possibly it's because I don't quite have the resources I need at the moment. I seriously just sit and stare out a window sometimes and just look at the people living. I don't think much of it, I just watch. Lol does this sound depressing? Well, I don't feel depressed, just kind of blank. Urgh..my birth chart mentioned how I'd have this outlook of life during my whole life lol I know that I view life the way I want, but I also understand that I feel the way I do for a reason.
Maybe it's nothing wrong at all. Perhaps during those moments I feel nothing because I'm being still on the inside. Without judgement or thought.But what does that help with? Understanding? Knowledge? I love life, I seriously do. But it's moments like these where I question my nature lol I guess, it keeps me in line. If I were always happy and optimistic that could be a bit dangerous too. Mainly because it would be like living in a dream world and not seeing things for what they truly are.
When I think the way I do know, it's the harsher more honest part of me. It's the part that'll make me question my views to the deepest root. It's that serious part *___* I don't like being serious lol But I'm quite serious I think, but I'm also happy and bouncy too lol They seem like polar opposites. How do incorporate both? lol
Well, all I have to say is that it seems there's a lot of people with concerns about a lot of things. The thing is, is that they can be covered up as much as a person feels is needed, but eventually it'll surface. People will continue to become less trusting of this system to the point that they'll probably even tear down walls to get rid of it.
It's people's lives being played around with. Some people actually want to live. And when that's toyed with, they may do what they have to do to survive. When self-control is tossed out the window, and the will to live comes to the fore-front, that's when the issues start to brew.
A lot of people want an honest leader. But I'm sure that some leaders feel that the best thing to do is shield them from the truth, but let's be honest, such a thing will not stop them from eventually seeing. Children learn this as they get older, and the same holds true for their system, this sheltering of the eyes.
Isn't it in our nature to want to "know"?
Well! That's all for me. :3
Mon
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
I actually LOVE this school + update!
In the past, that means during my elementary years, middle school years and my high school years, I've always found myself either crying or feeling quite depressed. To be honest, looking back at it, it's kind of sad to me. The way I made it through was by constantly telling, no, pushing myself forward. Just one a few more months, a few more minutes,make it through the next few seconds! Just whatever you do, don't give up!
I don't know if it's just a pride thing or perhaps I like to see if I CAN do something before I say that I can't do it. Then again, I do often say "I can't" but still try anyways. Perhaps I have a lot of fight and determination in me.
Anyway, during those times I had some tough days. To this day I still do, however they are more bearable. You see, due to the teachers, the staff and the students kindness and understanding, it's made things a bit more bearable for me! Lately there's been quite a bit of transportation issues, and so far my teachers have been understanding, even with homework assignments.
I understand that such things shouldn't become a habit, but I'm kind of depending on this situation a bit, and that's no good either. However, I have to take what I am given now and just suck it up. In the past if I had give the reason why I couldn't do something or try to explain my situation, it would be looked down on, or they wouldn't want to hear it. Well, I'm such an honest person and for the most part, I'm quite truthful, so I'd hope that if I'm spilling my guts out to someone they won't just shrug their shoulders and shut a door on my face. I'm not asking for someone to pity me and pat my shoulders (honestly something like that makes me feel guilty and way too weak lol), but a little compassion really helps!
I really like this school because the staff are helpful, they would normally find the students to let them know if theirs a problem. I'd get a call every quarter from a lady who works in a department to make sure everything is going well. I even told her about my transportation issues and she went out of her way to try to find me some transportation options online! I was sooo happy! Those kinds of things make my day!They make me happy :) They are the moments in which the dark moments start to seem so petty. They distinguish my doubt. Then again, is it a shame to have to have some kind of fortune happen in order to realize the benefit of life?
Of course I don't want to be the kind of person who is dependent on having to experience good things in order to know that they exist. I'd like to know that they are there even if I can't see it. Hm...perhaps, it's the feeling of the experience rather than the experience itself.
Well, maybe I could make someone's day! I'd like to help people recognize that there are good days, and that they can overweight the so called "bad"
But even I know I can be a little "human" lol For example, I've been just pushing myself to work n my script for my webcomic. It's moving quite slowly recently and I believe it's because I'm trying "too hard"! But I made a promise to my readers and I haven't kept it, so I'm feeling a bit unreliable. I don't think I'm unreliable because I try to stick to my word whenever I can. I understand that sometimes we can't keep our words, and so far my readers are waiting. It's been 2 months now and I still haven't posted anything. Anyways, to the point. I become very irritated when someone bothers me while I'm trying to work.
For the most part, I catch myself doing this! Earlier today my sister had just arrived home. She was excited to tell me about what happened to her today, and I just didn't want to hear it! After I kind of brushed her off by staying in my room and continuing my reading and writing I thought to myself "that's so harsh!" so I closed my book and went downstairs to hear her out lol I'm glad she didn't take it in a bad way. Or perhaps she did and just brushed it off. But I seriously had to take a second to think how I would feel if someone did that too me.
I seriously need to stop being so serious with my work. If I finish it today, then I do, if I don't, then I have tomorrow. But if something happens to me before tomorrow, then would I be happy knowing I pushed aside people in my life at the expense of not having been able to finish myself work? No. I feel that people are more important. I could contribute what I see in my mind as much as I can now, but never to compromise the love of the people I care about :) Because they are golden.
Anyways, I'm quite human lol I do things like that and I even become ashamed at myself. But I people often tell me to not be so hard on myself. That I'm too critical and not to overwork! Wow! I don't see it that way, but I doubt that they'd say it if it weren't true. Could I really be too serious with myself? Lol Well we have a problem!
I came up with a plan to just give myself a break from side projects next year. All next year I won't do any side projects unless absolutely necessary. For now I can't do that because there's this animation thing coming up. I have an incomplete animation I still have to work on (and I am working on it slowly but surely), that I'd like to showcase for this animation event. :) I can also add it to my portfolio. But in order for me to get anything done, I have to put aside some of my projects and past time studying to do them. Recently I've dropped knitting, crocheting, and studying Japanese and Chinese in exchange for doing my class work, short animation projects, reading, working on my webcomic and some other miscellaneous activities!
But you know, I always feel great happiness when I finally finish something! Mostly I feel the most happiest when I actually put forth all my effort and ability to complete it. Recently I haven't done anything like that yet (even for my class assignments). Those kinds of things that a while for me to complete because I work kind of slow. :P It's true. I'm like a snail working to paint a masterpiece.
That's all for now! Ahhhh~~~~ But I am working on some things. And I can't wait to complete this animation. It's been so long, but hope it turns out okay.
Mon
I don't know if it's just a pride thing or perhaps I like to see if I CAN do something before I say that I can't do it. Then again, I do often say "I can't" but still try anyways. Perhaps I have a lot of fight and determination in me.
Anyway, during those times I had some tough days. To this day I still do, however they are more bearable. You see, due to the teachers, the staff and the students kindness and understanding, it's made things a bit more bearable for me! Lately there's been quite a bit of transportation issues, and so far my teachers have been understanding, even with homework assignments.
I understand that such things shouldn't become a habit, but I'm kind of depending on this situation a bit, and that's no good either. However, I have to take what I am given now and just suck it up. In the past if I had give the reason why I couldn't do something or try to explain my situation, it would be looked down on, or they wouldn't want to hear it. Well, I'm such an honest person and for the most part, I'm quite truthful, so I'd hope that if I'm spilling my guts out to someone they won't just shrug their shoulders and shut a door on my face. I'm not asking for someone to pity me and pat my shoulders (honestly something like that makes me feel guilty and way too weak lol), but a little compassion really helps!
I really like this school because the staff are helpful, they would normally find the students to let them know if theirs a problem. I'd get a call every quarter from a lady who works in a department to make sure everything is going well. I even told her about my transportation issues and she went out of her way to try to find me some transportation options online! I was sooo happy! Those kinds of things make my day!They make me happy :) They are the moments in which the dark moments start to seem so petty. They distinguish my doubt. Then again, is it a shame to have to have some kind of fortune happen in order to realize the benefit of life?
Of course I don't want to be the kind of person who is dependent on having to experience good things in order to know that they exist. I'd like to know that they are there even if I can't see it. Hm...perhaps, it's the feeling of the experience rather than the experience itself.
Well, maybe I could make someone's day! I'd like to help people recognize that there are good days, and that they can overweight the so called "bad"
But even I know I can be a little "human" lol For example, I've been just pushing myself to work n my script for my webcomic. It's moving quite slowly recently and I believe it's because I'm trying "too hard"! But I made a promise to my readers and I haven't kept it, so I'm feeling a bit unreliable. I don't think I'm unreliable because I try to stick to my word whenever I can. I understand that sometimes we can't keep our words, and so far my readers are waiting. It's been 2 months now and I still haven't posted anything. Anyways, to the point. I become very irritated when someone bothers me while I'm trying to work.
For the most part, I catch myself doing this! Earlier today my sister had just arrived home. She was excited to tell me about what happened to her today, and I just didn't want to hear it! After I kind of brushed her off by staying in my room and continuing my reading and writing I thought to myself "that's so harsh!" so I closed my book and went downstairs to hear her out lol I'm glad she didn't take it in a bad way. Or perhaps she did and just brushed it off. But I seriously had to take a second to think how I would feel if someone did that too me.
I seriously need to stop being so serious with my work. If I finish it today, then I do, if I don't, then I have tomorrow. But if something happens to me before tomorrow, then would I be happy knowing I pushed aside people in my life at the expense of not having been able to finish myself work? No. I feel that people are more important. I could contribute what I see in my mind as much as I can now, but never to compromise the love of the people I care about :) Because they are golden.
Anyways, I'm quite human lol I do things like that and I even become ashamed at myself. But I people often tell me to not be so hard on myself. That I'm too critical and not to overwork! Wow! I don't see it that way, but I doubt that they'd say it if it weren't true. Could I really be too serious with myself? Lol Well we have a problem!
I came up with a plan to just give myself a break from side projects next year. All next year I won't do any side projects unless absolutely necessary. For now I can't do that because there's this animation thing coming up. I have an incomplete animation I still have to work on (and I am working on it slowly but surely), that I'd like to showcase for this animation event. :) I can also add it to my portfolio. But in order for me to get anything done, I have to put aside some of my projects and past time studying to do them. Recently I've dropped knitting, crocheting, and studying Japanese and Chinese in exchange for doing my class work, short animation projects, reading, working on my webcomic and some other miscellaneous activities!
But you know, I always feel great happiness when I finally finish something! Mostly I feel the most happiest when I actually put forth all my effort and ability to complete it. Recently I haven't done anything like that yet (even for my class assignments). Those kinds of things that a while for me to complete because I work kind of slow. :P It's true. I'm like a snail working to paint a masterpiece.
That's all for now! Ahhhh~~~~ But I am working on some things. And I can't wait to complete this animation. It's been so long, but hope it turns out okay.
Mon
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Blood giving me + Moving on and on!
Good morning!
Wow, I seriously need to go to bed!
So today I did something new for the first time. I seriously feel the same....hm...mentally if anything lol
I gave blood today. I was very nervous, and excited and anxious all at once. Basically I don't like needles! *shivers* Ugh! I use to hate having to go to the hospital as a kid to get my shots for school. I use to dread it so much I would get a headache on the car ride there, but afterwards I would just go on like normal lol And that's what's funny because I know afterwards that I'll be okay.
So anyways, the last blood two blood drive at my school I kept saying to myself "I'll do it this time!" mainly because I wanted to know my blood type. I've wanted to know it for some time and I thought that with a tiny bit of pain, it's possible, that it's nothing major. I've also wanted to get over that fear I have of the thought of needles. Usually I'll just push myself and say "Okay! Just give it a go!" to try to rid myself of such a pointless fear. I even got the upper part of my ear pierced to get over that fear (sadly the hole closed because I stopped wearing an earring there. What a waste!).
So the very first blood drive I kept talking to my teacher about it, but I didn't do it. The second time around I was confused as to how it works (there was just this buss parked by the school's front door and I didn't know if I could just walk inside or if that was where the event was taking place in the first place!). Hm...wait, there was a third time, which was last quarter. During that time the blood drive was canceled I believe.
So anyways, my teacher was a kind sport, despite her fear of needles as well, and decided to come along too! She made it a short field trip during lunch break for students who wanted to join. There was only the four of us. But that doesn't matter :3 I found out that one pint of blood can be divided up and given to 3 separate people! So I think that's pretty neat~
That's the new thing that happened today. So I just have to wait for them to mail me my card with my blood type on it~ I also hope my blood is good and goes to someone who needs it. :) Oh! And I today I almost passed out or something! lol I was seriously hoping that it wouldn't happen to me (it wasn't something I feared or worried about), but it was so horrible! But I'm better now :) I just wonder how long it will take for my body to produce new clean blood~
On another note, I found out that two people I know 1. a friend, and 2. a lady I know who works as a student worker, will be graduating this spring! I'm happy for them, but I'll seriously miss seeing them, well the student worker anyways. My friend doesn't attend the same institution in the same location as me, but she does attend the same kind of institution located in a different location.
I just found this out today. We're friends on facebook and I have her phone number and we often keep in contact, however there's just a kind of sadness but also excitement for moving on in situations, right? I'm sure it's not just me. I'm sure my face probably shows that I don't care at all lol but my inner self is really excited! The feeling I get is similar to moving from a familiar neighborhood and saying goodbye to the people you've known/come to know. Something like has become natural for me because I've moved a lot, moved away from friends, and then those people just suddenly faded from my life.
I still think of them every once in a while and I know this kind of thing happens. I'm just happy to have known the person. Sometimes there's that dependability factor which takes a bit more to pull away, but it's needed. Honestly I wonder what it will be like when I finally move out on my own and live my life the way I want without someone monitoring me.
It makes me antsy, but I'm also quite excited! It's the same feeling I get when I move into a new house and try sleeping I my new room. I also have that unsettling feeling and it's difficult to sleep, but as he months roll by it becomes normal. I guess that's what it feels like.
Anyways, I don't know if the way I'm easily able to hug a friend and let it go, is something like that cold? I don't think so. I do find it a bit tough at first, but I wish them the best. I wonder how things are. But I know that something like this is normal, and it's the thought that they'll live their lives and do things in life, that makes me a bit excited! I hope they do things that make them happy, and make healthy choices.
Some people I've known in the past I have no idea how they are. :) But I take the lessons they teach me and apply them in some way. I don't think any relationship should be wasteful, be it a teacher/student relationship, or the relationship I have with my mom an sisters. It can certainly be tough at time, but I feel that it test my limits, it gives me something to work at (within myself)! But I also feel that there are good times too, even if they are small things. I tear through that to see a shred of humanity, love and care. It's that that keeps me going because I think "what if someone is doing the same thing? And they can't find it, or they're having a difficult time finding it?" and I decided that I'll be the thing is which I enjoy seeing. I'll be the person in which I enjoy watching in others, to show others that such a thing does exist. That there are people who care in this world.
Okay, I know I'm way off topic lol Anyways, that was my day today. Slowly but surely I want to trust myself more and more to try things that will challenge me. This year I told myself I will take hold of opportunities that present itself to me (of course considering things beforehand as well)! The next step if trusting me. :) Trusting what I say, trusting what I do, for the better of myself. That when I better myself, somehow, I'm helping others. It starts with me and if I'm not well, how can I help to heal others, especially if I don't understand what it means to be healed~~~
Somehow, I'm sure I'll end up in a good place in life. I feel that, now, at this very moment, I am. And that's my future and my present. That's what matters now. I'm not sure how I'll feel in the next moment, but I'm working at taking every moment with honesty and believing that it's for the better of myself and to help me to realize what potential exist within. I seriously don't plan on giving up! I'll try my best to keep going, no matter what.
I hope the same for you all. You're never worthless. :) You're worthy of life. I definitely think this~ If you make a mistake, try again. If you make it again, try again. But don't give up because with each attempt, you become a bit stronger. It takes time. But trust in yourself, because that's really important!
Mon
Wow, I seriously need to go to bed!
So today I did something new for the first time. I seriously feel the same....hm...mentally if anything lol
I gave blood today. I was very nervous, and excited and anxious all at once. Basically I don't like needles! *shivers* Ugh! I use to hate having to go to the hospital as a kid to get my shots for school. I use to dread it so much I would get a headache on the car ride there, but afterwards I would just go on like normal lol And that's what's funny because I know afterwards that I'll be okay.
So anyways, the last blood two blood drive at my school I kept saying to myself "I'll do it this time!" mainly because I wanted to know my blood type. I've wanted to know it for some time and I thought that with a tiny bit of pain, it's possible, that it's nothing major. I've also wanted to get over that fear I have of the thought of needles. Usually I'll just push myself and say "Okay! Just give it a go!" to try to rid myself of such a pointless fear. I even got the upper part of my ear pierced to get over that fear (sadly the hole closed because I stopped wearing an earring there. What a waste!).
So the very first blood drive I kept talking to my teacher about it, but I didn't do it. The second time around I was confused as to how it works (there was just this buss parked by the school's front door and I didn't know if I could just walk inside or if that was where the event was taking place in the first place!). Hm...wait, there was a third time, which was last quarter. During that time the blood drive was canceled I believe.
So anyways, my teacher was a kind sport, despite her fear of needles as well, and decided to come along too! She made it a short field trip during lunch break for students who wanted to join. There was only the four of us. But that doesn't matter :3 I found out that one pint of blood can be divided up and given to 3 separate people! So I think that's pretty neat~
That's the new thing that happened today. So I just have to wait for them to mail me my card with my blood type on it~ I also hope my blood is good and goes to someone who needs it. :) Oh! And I today I almost passed out or something! lol I was seriously hoping that it wouldn't happen to me (it wasn't something I feared or worried about), but it was so horrible! But I'm better now :) I just wonder how long it will take for my body to produce new clean blood~
On another note, I found out that two people I know 1. a friend, and 2. a lady I know who works as a student worker, will be graduating this spring! I'm happy for them, but I'll seriously miss seeing them, well the student worker anyways. My friend doesn't attend the same institution in the same location as me, but she does attend the same kind of institution located in a different location.
I just found this out today. We're friends on facebook and I have her phone number and we often keep in contact, however there's just a kind of sadness but also excitement for moving on in situations, right? I'm sure it's not just me. I'm sure my face probably shows that I don't care at all lol but my inner self is really excited! The feeling I get is similar to moving from a familiar neighborhood and saying goodbye to the people you've known/come to know. Something like has become natural for me because I've moved a lot, moved away from friends, and then those people just suddenly faded from my life.
I still think of them every once in a while and I know this kind of thing happens. I'm just happy to have known the person. Sometimes there's that dependability factor which takes a bit more to pull away, but it's needed. Honestly I wonder what it will be like when I finally move out on my own and live my life the way I want without someone monitoring me.
It makes me antsy, but I'm also quite excited! It's the same feeling I get when I move into a new house and try sleeping I my new room. I also have that unsettling feeling and it's difficult to sleep, but as he months roll by it becomes normal. I guess that's what it feels like.
Anyways, I don't know if the way I'm easily able to hug a friend and let it go, is something like that cold? I don't think so. I do find it a bit tough at first, but I wish them the best. I wonder how things are. But I know that something like this is normal, and it's the thought that they'll live their lives and do things in life, that makes me a bit excited! I hope they do things that make them happy, and make healthy choices.
Some people I've known in the past I have no idea how they are. :) But I take the lessons they teach me and apply them in some way. I don't think any relationship should be wasteful, be it a teacher/student relationship, or the relationship I have with my mom an sisters. It can certainly be tough at time, but I feel that it test my limits, it gives me something to work at (within myself)! But I also feel that there are good times too, even if they are small things. I tear through that to see a shred of humanity, love and care. It's that that keeps me going because I think "what if someone is doing the same thing? And they can't find it, or they're having a difficult time finding it?" and I decided that I'll be the thing is which I enjoy seeing. I'll be the person in which I enjoy watching in others, to show others that such a thing does exist. That there are people who care in this world.
Okay, I know I'm way off topic lol Anyways, that was my day today. Slowly but surely I want to trust myself more and more to try things that will challenge me. This year I told myself I will take hold of opportunities that present itself to me (of course considering things beforehand as well)! The next step if trusting me. :) Trusting what I say, trusting what I do, for the better of myself. That when I better myself, somehow, I'm helping others. It starts with me and if I'm not well, how can I help to heal others, especially if I don't understand what it means to be healed~~~
Somehow, I'm sure I'll end up in a good place in life. I feel that, now, at this very moment, I am. And that's my future and my present. That's what matters now. I'm not sure how I'll feel in the next moment, but I'm working at taking every moment with honesty and believing that it's for the better of myself and to help me to realize what potential exist within. I seriously don't plan on giving up! I'll try my best to keep going, no matter what.
I hope the same for you all. You're never worthless. :) You're worthy of life. I definitely think this~ If you make a mistake, try again. If you make it again, try again. But don't give up because with each attempt, you become a bit stronger. It takes time. But trust in yourself, because that's really important!
Mon
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Subconscious + Conscious! Which one are we when we pass on?
Hi!
So before I being, I'm not here to give answers lol Of course by now you should know I don't have any of those, I simply have my views based on, oh god knows what! I just pick up whatever I can and write it.Well, on to the topic.
Today on my way home from class I thought to myself "if we are conscious when living and our conscious mind shuts down when we are dreaming and we pull more from our subconscious at that time, then which are we when we pass on?" O__o Doesn't sound very complicated, but I'd like to take a look at this!
The only things I have (that I can remember) to compare to this are 1. me when I dream 2. me when I'm awake and 3. the incident that happened to me in middle school.
So let's start with number 1!
Me when I'm dreaming!
I've read quite a bit about dreams when I was in high school (not so much now), but I've come to understand that there is a kind of cycle (and interesting enough I've read that there is a part of sleep in which spirits can interact with our dreams in a way where it will still make sense to us in dream-state so we won't question it), levels, in which we go through when we are start to fall asleep, the phase before dreaming, and the actual dreaming phase. And this often repeats itself. Now, the interesting thing to note are the other types of dreams that exist, two that I can honestly remember (not for myself, but can understand that may exist) are past life dreams, and premonitions.
These all have a lot to do with brain waves, right? So going back to the fact that our conscious mind makes way for our subconscious mind to sputter our what it needs, there are times when we'll get a leak of info. There's also another part that exist, and that's the (what I like to call it) mega computer! Which is bigger higher than our conscious and our subconscious.But I've yet to answer my question, so let's go back lol
So since the conscious mind takes a back seat ride and let the subconscious do it's job (just to let you know, the conscious mind is always active is I'm not mistaken), which I should read on a bit more because I forgot what I learned about the subconscious mind during sleep.
Well, here's what I do remember, when we experience something it's stored in our subconscious mind. I like to think of the subconscious mind as a file cabinet, or rather, an assistant who places files in a file cabinet. But it's not the only function. You see, we often have triggers, in other words, we may encounter a certain experience in which something seems familiar deep down, and yet we can't quite recall why. Or we may behave a certain way to a certain event without knowing why, such as getting angry when a certain action, or word is said because there is something in it that bothers us. It's possible that such information is stored in our subconscious memory.
Now, here's something interesting, the subconscious memory seems to be capable of holding a lot of information, and for certain life purposes, I've read that it's common that it will sometimes hold information from us. Such as traumatic situations as a way to protect us. So I think of the subconscious mind as being very helpful.
Hm...I don't feel like going over the other 2 numbers lol So I'll just keep typing what I think.
Mainly I think my concept of the "conscious" mind is not accurate at all. In number 3, I was in an incident (I don't think it was an accident) in which I experienced and OBE of my own. To be honest, I use to be embarrassed to admit this aloud, but I know for certain I wasn't dreaming. Because it was very quick I can't say I had any conscious thoughts, I didn't think anything, I didn't have time to lol but I do remember still being able to see just as clearly....actually to be honest, I could see quite clear now that I think about it. I wear glasses in real life, so I never paid attention to the fact that I could see and nothing was blurry as it is in real time. Okay, I'm getting off point.
Now I can't note that I seen any kind of light, or pulling effect because everything happened very quickly. I do remember just being in my body again. I didn't question the experience until like months later when I started to have a lot of sleep paralysis and just the constant feeling of being watched in school (my grades even dropped so horribly and I started ditching class because I couldn't focus). Anyways, I saw as I would now. Everything still looked quite solid to me.
Oh! I do remember the feeling of my body coming back. It was quite heavy and I fell over and almost hit my head on a tree lol lucky me that didn't happen. But I will say that it is not scary! The initial car collision wasn't scary either (me getting hit with it), it was shocking afterwards once I figured out what happened, but not scary because I was caught off guard. Anyways, the leaving of the body is swift, and for some reason I left out once I stood up O__o which is very weird. Or was it after I fell to the ground. Anyways, I've watched a lot of shows where people had OBE experiences, and for the most part they mentioned how there's probably a bit of pain, but it subsides, and they ease out of the body.
Anyways, so I consider that we do have our conscious mind because it still felt like being in a body. Of course I wish I would've had more time to examine it as I felt it was a quick and easy way for me to plop out of my body, but I also know that there's a way to do it by astral projecting. However, I felt more certain in that moment than I do when I dream (or astral project).
I won't lie, I'm a bit lazy in aspect of inducing it myself without a reason lol But I'd do it in order to type out my accounts. I also believe it could definitely be beneficial to people who may be afraid of passing on, as it helps one to get use to being just a spiritual being, rather than a spiritual being in a body.
Sooooo, still haven't answered my own question. Well, did I seriously come here for answers or what?
Well, I think we may be all of them, but I must have a misconception of the conscious mind. I believe that I'm mixing up the ego and conscious mind and making them one. Which I think would be a no-no. Mainly because the ego is personality based I believe. Well, I don't remember.
Well, if I got anything out of this, it's that I wasted some time lol that's for true <---love that line lol
That's all for tonight. :)
Mon
So before I being, I'm not here to give answers lol Of course by now you should know I don't have any of those, I simply have my views based on, oh god knows what! I just pick up whatever I can and write it.Well, on to the topic.
Today on my way home from class I thought to myself "if we are conscious when living and our conscious mind shuts down when we are dreaming and we pull more from our subconscious at that time, then which are we when we pass on?" O__o Doesn't sound very complicated, but I'd like to take a look at this!
The only things I have (that I can remember) to compare to this are 1. me when I dream 2. me when I'm awake and 3. the incident that happened to me in middle school.
So let's start with number 1!
Me when I'm dreaming!
I've read quite a bit about dreams when I was in high school (not so much now), but I've come to understand that there is a kind of cycle (and interesting enough I've read that there is a part of sleep in which spirits can interact with our dreams in a way where it will still make sense to us in dream-state so we won't question it), levels, in which we go through when we are start to fall asleep, the phase before dreaming, and the actual dreaming phase. And this often repeats itself. Now, the interesting thing to note are the other types of dreams that exist, two that I can honestly remember (not for myself, but can understand that may exist) are past life dreams, and premonitions.
These all have a lot to do with brain waves, right? So going back to the fact that our conscious mind makes way for our subconscious mind to sputter our what it needs, there are times when we'll get a leak of info. There's also another part that exist, and that's the (what I like to call it) mega computer! Which is bigger higher than our conscious and our subconscious.But I've yet to answer my question, so let's go back lol
So since the conscious mind takes a back seat ride and let the subconscious do it's job (just to let you know, the conscious mind is always active is I'm not mistaken), which I should read on a bit more because I forgot what I learned about the subconscious mind during sleep.
Well, here's what I do remember, when we experience something it's stored in our subconscious mind. I like to think of the subconscious mind as a file cabinet, or rather, an assistant who places files in a file cabinet. But it's not the only function. You see, we often have triggers, in other words, we may encounter a certain experience in which something seems familiar deep down, and yet we can't quite recall why. Or we may behave a certain way to a certain event without knowing why, such as getting angry when a certain action, or word is said because there is something in it that bothers us. It's possible that such information is stored in our subconscious memory.
Now, here's something interesting, the subconscious memory seems to be capable of holding a lot of information, and for certain life purposes, I've read that it's common that it will sometimes hold information from us. Such as traumatic situations as a way to protect us. So I think of the subconscious mind as being very helpful.
Hm...I don't feel like going over the other 2 numbers lol So I'll just keep typing what I think.
Mainly I think my concept of the "conscious" mind is not accurate at all. In number 3, I was in an incident (I don't think it was an accident) in which I experienced and OBE of my own. To be honest, I use to be embarrassed to admit this aloud, but I know for certain I wasn't dreaming. Because it was very quick I can't say I had any conscious thoughts, I didn't think anything, I didn't have time to lol but I do remember still being able to see just as clearly....actually to be honest, I could see quite clear now that I think about it. I wear glasses in real life, so I never paid attention to the fact that I could see and nothing was blurry as it is in real time. Okay, I'm getting off point.
Now I can't note that I seen any kind of light, or pulling effect because everything happened very quickly. I do remember just being in my body again. I didn't question the experience until like months later when I started to have a lot of sleep paralysis and just the constant feeling of being watched in school (my grades even dropped so horribly and I started ditching class because I couldn't focus). Anyways, I saw as I would now. Everything still looked quite solid to me.
Oh! I do remember the feeling of my body coming back. It was quite heavy and I fell over and almost hit my head on a tree lol lucky me that didn't happen. But I will say that it is not scary! The initial car collision wasn't scary either (me getting hit with it), it was shocking afterwards once I figured out what happened, but not scary because I was caught off guard. Anyways, the leaving of the body is swift, and for some reason I left out once I stood up O__o which is very weird. Or was it after I fell to the ground. Anyways, I've watched a lot of shows where people had OBE experiences, and for the most part they mentioned how there's probably a bit of pain, but it subsides, and they ease out of the body.
Anyways, so I consider that we do have our conscious mind because it still felt like being in a body. Of course I wish I would've had more time to examine it as I felt it was a quick and easy way for me to plop out of my body, but I also know that there's a way to do it by astral projecting. However, I felt more certain in that moment than I do when I dream (or astral project).
I won't lie, I'm a bit lazy in aspect of inducing it myself without a reason lol But I'd do it in order to type out my accounts. I also believe it could definitely be beneficial to people who may be afraid of passing on, as it helps one to get use to being just a spiritual being, rather than a spiritual being in a body.
Sooooo, still haven't answered my own question. Well, did I seriously come here for answers or what?
Well, I think we may be all of them, but I must have a misconception of the conscious mind. I believe that I'm mixing up the ego and conscious mind and making them one. Which I think would be a no-no. Mainly because the ego is personality based I believe. Well, I don't remember.
Well, if I got anything out of this, it's that I wasted some time lol that's for true <---love that line lol
That's all for tonight. :)
Mon
Salvia research + altered states of reality
So this even I've stumbled upon an interesting topic: people using drugs for psychedelic experiences!
I'm no druggy. Personally I don't find a use for it, but oddly enough I do question why others would want to use it. There's three reasons that I've come up with 1. curiosity 2. pleasure and 3. to self induce an altered state of reality.
What I find interesting about Salvia is that it is actually a plant which grows in the ground (hemp as well), but just like all things I believe using something in moderation is key. Salvia is actually a drug that was used by shamans for visionary purposes and spiritual healing. What's interesting about this is that it sounds very similar to people who practice self hypnosis. However, the main difference being that they aren't running the risk of so called "overindulging" or something or ingesting something.
Now, there are a few interesting factors I've come across while reading people's experiences with LSD and Salvia, and that is that they speak about experiencing reality in a different way and their their perception of everything is very different. Another interesting fact is that I often read things where they say they suddenly feel that everything is one, and they are all that they are.However, it seems that a lot of the few that I've read speak about feeling anxious and uncomfortable. Some people have even said that Salvia has changed their outlook on life, that they feel that anyone who does it has to be mentally prepared for the change.
Here's my take on what I think happens. If they are entering a state of altered reality, not being prepared for something like that can definitely be scary, which is why I rule out the fact of curiosity being a reason to try this. Also, not having any kind of guidance can be another. I believe that they are leaving their minds opened and exposed for all kinds of things to pour in, images, sounds etc. They often mention they feel their bodies buzzing, which sounds similar to people who will feel a sort of vibration in their astral body. I basically think they have shut out the conscious mind more than normal when awake, and allowed for subconscious signaling.
Some people spoke of hearing sounds, humming, and voices. One man spoke about how his family left, but he kept hearing the sound of a vacuum cleaner and thought it was his mom, although he knew she wasn't there. One person explained the experience as dreaming while awake.
However, I think the main issue with doing this drugs are the physical issues that can occur. The fact that they want to get up and walk but their balance is messed up. Their speech is slurred, but it seems they are kind of conscious of what they're doing. They see hallucinations, but for the most part, the more experienced users mentioned how that they know how to deal with it. But back to the point, when one feels that the experience is very real (just like in induced hypnosis), they may try to act out on it. Which is why in hypnosis sessions they try to keep their patients calm. In their mind, the experience is very very real! Now, for the most part, the experienced users knew to have someone along with them who has had experience with the drug and know how to deal with someone going through a "trip"
So my thought on the layers and alter state of reality. I do believe that they may be experiencing something on a spiritual level, and some people do it because they enjoy the feeling of it (being in a spiritual kind of feel). However, what makes me a little nervous is the people who may become addicted to that feeling and living being the physical world. We came here for a purpose. Have your fun, but understand you're here for a reason. It's best to just suck it up and keep going.
Overall, I think it's pretty interesting reading about their experience. But like I said, I seriously don't see the point besides what I posted above as my reasons why anyone would. For me (and I understand they aren't me), I don't feel like I need to get into something like that. The same goes for meditation (at the moment). It's not something I feel I need to get into. But I do become curious and read about these things a lot.
I guess, more than anything, their may be a deep fear rooted beneath this exterior which nonchalantly exclaims that it's not necessary. That perhaps, the one's who call their actions dumb or idiotic actually feel a bit of envy at the people who'll just hop right into something. Afterall, some parts of life call for us to move beyond our comfort zone in order to grow. Or maybe, we look at them and we feel that the effects can be either positive or negative. Due to the imagery we are given about drugs, I'm leaning more towards the latter. I believe that to us, a drug is a drug. Anything that is called a drug is bad. That there is no such thing as a safe drug. That there's too much of a risk trying it.
I definitely understand this. HOWEVER, let's look at this from a different standpoint. Would these past few years honestly be the first few years that human beings have ever come into contact with drugs?
Maybe I shouldn't say "drugs", because there are drugs that are actually pretty bad, things that are created and not from the earth. Things that cause all kinds of brain damage. This isn't the one I'm speaking about. I'm talking about the one that comes from the ground, from earth, things we would call natural.
Think about it, in the past there were settlers here before anyone from Europe came along. I'm sure they came across these plants and some may have even tried them. Some may have even sought pleasure by using them.
Here's another interesting fact, there are all kinds of plants that we ingest in order to gain health benefits, such as fruits and vegetables. However, these words have a positive connotation. I've often heard of a peace pipe, which was passed about by the Native Americans. And for that matter, that it's common to drink as a form a celebratory engagement. Yet these things are seen as harmless.
I'm not saying I promote the use anymore than I did before, mainly because it makes me nervous how some people use this and they don't have an actual clear purpose rather than to just "experience" something outside of the norm. But I do feel like we put way to much negativity on things. There's, like I stated before, categories. Good and Bad. We believe good to be good, and bad to be bad. In which case, sometimes good can be bad depending on the context, and something bad can be good depending on how it's used.
This raises an interesting factor about something I read, that as spiritual beings, we are very contradictory. I believe that the same holds true in life as well. Do we fight this? Or do we allow this? Also, who's moral principals do we live by? And why? Isn't possible that over time certain things move beyond being "bad" once we understand them? And that when we question the good, we see a different picture? That it's possible that maybe, just maybe, sometimes we aren't "right" about everything? That it's okay to say "it would work fine in this situation because..." rather than just writing the whole situation off?
Well, that's all I have to say. I'm just a viewer simply viewing things. I have my beliefs, which are questionable to me sometimes too. :)
Oh! Before I go, I'd like to post some of the effects to using Salvia:
Mon
I'm no druggy. Personally I don't find a use for it, but oddly enough I do question why others would want to use it. There's three reasons that I've come up with 1. curiosity 2. pleasure and 3. to self induce an altered state of reality.
What I find interesting about Salvia is that it is actually a plant which grows in the ground (hemp as well), but just like all things I believe using something in moderation is key. Salvia is actually a drug that was used by shamans for visionary purposes and spiritual healing. What's interesting about this is that it sounds very similar to people who practice self hypnosis. However, the main difference being that they aren't running the risk of so called "overindulging" or something or ingesting something.
Now, there are a few interesting factors I've come across while reading people's experiences with LSD and Salvia, and that is that they speak about experiencing reality in a different way and their their perception of everything is very different. Another interesting fact is that I often read things where they say they suddenly feel that everything is one, and they are all that they are.However, it seems that a lot of the few that I've read speak about feeling anxious and uncomfortable. Some people have even said that Salvia has changed their outlook on life, that they feel that anyone who does it has to be mentally prepared for the change.
Here's my take on what I think happens. If they are entering a state of altered reality, not being prepared for something like that can definitely be scary, which is why I rule out the fact of curiosity being a reason to try this. Also, not having any kind of guidance can be another. I believe that they are leaving their minds opened and exposed for all kinds of things to pour in, images, sounds etc. They often mention they feel their bodies buzzing, which sounds similar to people who will feel a sort of vibration in their astral body. I basically think they have shut out the conscious mind more than normal when awake, and allowed for subconscious signaling.
Some people spoke of hearing sounds, humming, and voices. One man spoke about how his family left, but he kept hearing the sound of a vacuum cleaner and thought it was his mom, although he knew she wasn't there. One person explained the experience as dreaming while awake.
However, I think the main issue with doing this drugs are the physical issues that can occur. The fact that they want to get up and walk but their balance is messed up. Their speech is slurred, but it seems they are kind of conscious of what they're doing. They see hallucinations, but for the most part, the more experienced users mentioned how that they know how to deal with it. But back to the point, when one feels that the experience is very real (just like in induced hypnosis), they may try to act out on it. Which is why in hypnosis sessions they try to keep their patients calm. In their mind, the experience is very very real! Now, for the most part, the experienced users knew to have someone along with them who has had experience with the drug and know how to deal with someone going through a "trip"
So my thought on the layers and alter state of reality. I do believe that they may be experiencing something on a spiritual level, and some people do it because they enjoy the feeling of it (being in a spiritual kind of feel). However, what makes me a little nervous is the people who may become addicted to that feeling and living being the physical world. We came here for a purpose. Have your fun, but understand you're here for a reason. It's best to just suck it up and keep going.
Overall, I think it's pretty interesting reading about their experience. But like I said, I seriously don't see the point besides what I posted above as my reasons why anyone would. For me (and I understand they aren't me), I don't feel like I need to get into something like that. The same goes for meditation (at the moment). It's not something I feel I need to get into. But I do become curious and read about these things a lot.
I guess, more than anything, their may be a deep fear rooted beneath this exterior which nonchalantly exclaims that it's not necessary. That perhaps, the one's who call their actions dumb or idiotic actually feel a bit of envy at the people who'll just hop right into something. Afterall, some parts of life call for us to move beyond our comfort zone in order to grow. Or maybe, we look at them and we feel that the effects can be either positive or negative. Due to the imagery we are given about drugs, I'm leaning more towards the latter. I believe that to us, a drug is a drug. Anything that is called a drug is bad. That there is no such thing as a safe drug. That there's too much of a risk trying it.
I definitely understand this. HOWEVER, let's look at this from a different standpoint. Would these past few years honestly be the first few years that human beings have ever come into contact with drugs?
Maybe I shouldn't say "drugs", because there are drugs that are actually pretty bad, things that are created and not from the earth. Things that cause all kinds of brain damage. This isn't the one I'm speaking about. I'm talking about the one that comes from the ground, from earth, things we would call natural.
Think about it, in the past there were settlers here before anyone from Europe came along. I'm sure they came across these plants and some may have even tried them. Some may have even sought pleasure by using them.
Here's another interesting fact, there are all kinds of plants that we ingest in order to gain health benefits, such as fruits and vegetables. However, these words have a positive connotation. I've often heard of a peace pipe, which was passed about by the Native Americans. And for that matter, that it's common to drink as a form a celebratory engagement. Yet these things are seen as harmless.
I'm not saying I promote the use anymore than I did before, mainly because it makes me nervous how some people use this and they don't have an actual clear purpose rather than to just "experience" something outside of the norm. But I do feel like we put way to much negativity on things. There's, like I stated before, categories. Good and Bad. We believe good to be good, and bad to be bad. In which case, sometimes good can be bad depending on the context, and something bad can be good depending on how it's used.
This raises an interesting factor about something I read, that as spiritual beings, we are very contradictory. I believe that the same holds true in life as well. Do we fight this? Or do we allow this? Also, who's moral principals do we live by? And why? Isn't possible that over time certain things move beyond being "bad" once we understand them? And that when we question the good, we see a different picture? That it's possible that maybe, just maybe, sometimes we aren't "right" about everything? That it's okay to say "it would work fine in this situation because..." rather than just writing the whole situation off?
Well, that's all I have to say. I'm just a viewer simply viewing things. I have my beliefs, which are questionable to me sometimes too. :)
Oh! Before I go, I'd like to post some of the effects to using Salvia:
- Uncontrollable laughter
- Past memories, such as revisiting places from childhood memory
- Sensations of motion, or being pulled or twisted by forces
- Visions of membranes, films and various two-dimensional surfaces
- Merging with or becoming objects
- Overlapping realities, such as the perception of being in several locations at once
This seriously sounds very similar to what souls can do lol One other thing I want to note, are the fact that the people would mention how sometimes there's way too much coming at them at once. I believe that it's because, as reasoning creatures, we try to find an answer for everything, when in reality the answer is always changing. Because everything is always moving, there is no true clear answer (this is just my belief). Also, they mention how they start to question reality and that no matter how hard they try, they come to the same answer. Honestly lol this can even be done when questioning just about everything. This is why sometimes I need to pull back on finding answers because even I'll feel a little overwhelmed. I started reading a book today called Influence, and even the author spoke about how our brains can only tolerate so much. Our minds can hold countless amount of energy, but our brain is just an organ, just like the heart, lungs and muscle. Yes, using them can strengthen them, but over work them and they can just give out. Once again, moderation.
I'd like to believe that we can do anything (I do believe this is true in my mind), however, there's only so much our bodies can take. As souls, I believe that urge to continue to push in life, to keep moving, is one of the soul. Being that we are souls, I believe something like this is very natural. We call it a human instinct to want to live, but I believe that, because the soul comes first, that it's a soul's instinct.
Oh! And I thought of a better way to state the curiosity part. Mainly it's something like, curiosity does not always aid beneficial affects. That you have to have a clear intention or reason for doing something, or else you'll likely be tossed a bunch of stuff you have no idea how to use. It's kind of like aimlessly floating through life without a purpose, or going to college with no clear purpose but just because (kind of like me lol but I enjoy art so I guess that doesn't count). Anyways, I've often read that the universe knows if we have good intention. And for the most part there might be some spirits who see an open opportunity to screw with people's minds. So I simply say be careful. Because in the end you're the person who has to deal with the effects. It's your body and your mind.
Oh! And I thought of a better way to state the curiosity part. Mainly it's something like, curiosity does not always aid beneficial affects. That you have to have a clear intention or reason for doing something, or else you'll likely be tossed a bunch of stuff you have no idea how to use. It's kind of like aimlessly floating through life without a purpose, or going to college with no clear purpose but just because (kind of like me lol but I enjoy art so I guess that doesn't count). Anyways, I've often read that the universe knows if we have good intention. And for the most part there might be some spirits who see an open opportunity to screw with people's minds. So I simply say be careful. Because in the end you're the person who has to deal with the effects. It's your body and your mind.
Mon
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Observant like Sherlock Holmes + Interests~
Evening!
Oh! Also I'm interested in medicine, vitamins and how the body works. :) I'd like to share some things I've learned over time here on my blog. I can't say when that'll be though lol it'll probably be random.
One of my favorite movies is Sherlock Holmes in which Robert Downey Jr. stars as Sherlock Holmes. I've heard of Sherlock Holmes before, but I never cared to much about reading or even finding out more about who he is. However I do enjoy the movie (mostly because of RD Jr. lol) due to Sherlock Holmes' way of thinking and observing a situation very quickly. To me, such an ability is amazing!
I'd love to be more observant :3 I think it's a great ability to have, but I think it involves having a great memory or having a great awareness of all that's going on. Such as remembering where certain cars are parked and the color of a co-workers shirt and being able to recall it the next day or something. I can honestly say I don't think I'm observant at all. I'm more of the in-the-head kind of person. I do a bunch of thinking and pondering about whatever my mind can get it's little strings on :P
Another thing I'm interested in is mathematics O__o I actually like math, but I've kind of always failed it during my school years. I know I could pass, I just didn't want to. I'll tell an interesting story. During my last year of high school I was so excited. I thought "you know what? I'll pass all my classes" and I did lol The thing is I don't like being told what to do xD I know it's bad, but I'm kind of stubborn in that aspect. My mind is like always moving, and so to be told to focus on one aspect is just not something I enjoy doing. Anyways, I had an Algrebra class during my last year and I really enjoyed being able to solve equations! There's something about calculations that I really enjoy, but I have to be in the mood to do it (darn my mood!).
Recently I haven't done any kind of math, but I'd love to actually learn all my multiplications! Yes! I've never quite learned them all :/ I know the 2's, 5's and 10's. I'd be afraid to admit that aloud lol but I'm direct here. But I'll tell you why! During my elementary school years the teacher would go over the multiplication table and nothing would stick and when they would ask "does anyone have any questions?" I wouldn't say anything lol I was too shy! Seriously I'm shy, but I'm also friendly. It's weird. Anyways, during my childhood years things were kind of rocky at home, so I get the feeling that that had something to do with it as well.
Well, what's important is that I want to learn them. I'd also like to learn other kind of math. I'm not so much into geometry, but I'd like to learn about the different equations. I'd also like to be able to do math in my head rather than use a calculator! *puts on sunglasses* Cuz that's what's cool~~~~
I'm also interested in learning foreign languages. I'd love to be able to communicate with people in their own language. It's not to show off though. To be honest I'm even embarrassed to say I'm learning Chinese and Japanese, not because I think it sounds funny, but because I don't think people need to know that. I'm just another person interested in languages <---that's how I see it anyways.
I feel that my life is about skill honing an improving. I enjoy improving. I pick out something I feel I can work on with myself and get to work! Hm...do I enjoy change? I have no idea. I'm not sure if I've changed! I still feel the same way. I still feel like the me I was when I was younger, the only difference is what I've experienced and what I've learned, but I still feel like me.
You know,to be honest I've been thinking a bit, not so much, but a bit. I thought about me typing here and I'm kind of happy. Mainly because of one reason. Due to the fact that I am myself and no one can think quite like me, no one is exactly like me, thinking as I do, speaking as I do, feeling as I do, seeing things exactly as I do, I thought that being honest (even if it's mainly here) gives people a chance to understand me.
There are so many times I'd hear someone talk and I'd just love to hear more about them. Not about their personal lives, but about what they think about things! I find that interesting. Most people would feel that I may be interrogating them or being nosey, but I honestly like to find out where people's minds are at.Honestly, everyday life things are just things to me. :) Tell me about your journey, but I'm more interested in where you come from in your mind.
So I guess I feel that maybe someone would be interested in my mind, or understanding where I come from.So here I am! Shying from sharing this is just ridiculous. I don't feel I need to boast, but I don't think I need to hide it either. Strange enough, I don't feel like I need to talk about it either O__o about myself I mean.
A few weeks ago I was voice chatting with this Japanese guy. I'm sure he thought "she's not interested in what I have to say" because I wasn't talking much. I guess I was filling in what kind of person he is. I think I do that. I see where a person stands (not literally). Anyways, I do this when I chat. I just sit and listen sometimes and since recently I don't have much to say it may be a bit boring. Well, then again, I can't speak for him lol it seemed like he enjoyed talking. I also don't like to butt in when someone is talking. Even when typing online I wait for the other person to finish.
Anyways, it's 1 a.m. My plan this week is to go to bed at midnight everyday this week to see if my energy level returns to normal. Recently my energy level seems a bit shot when I wake up (I don't feel like getting up). I'm testing to see if this is due to my irregular sleep hours. I need a total of 9 hours of sleep which I normally get, but it's still at irregular hours. I believe it could also be contributed to a lack of essential vitamins and not having enough vegetables and fruit in my diet. But I'll try out the sleeping thing and then I'll evaluate myself from there~
Night
Mon
Oh! Also I'm interested in medicine, vitamins and how the body works. :) I'd like to share some things I've learned over time here on my blog. I can't say when that'll be though lol it'll probably be random.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
02/01/2014 Dream
I had a dream that I was a man and I lived in this one giant building in which levels of communities were located. Hm...it's kind of like an apartment complex, but with shops and stores located on different floors. The floor I was on it had people of a richer class walking about. I'm trying to look up the era of clothing, but I know the women wore the hat bonnets on their heads. **I looked it up. They wore clothing from the 1860's**
Such as this:
http://www.intimelyfashion.com/2008/07/18/topping-it-off-millinery-in-the-civil-war-era/
Anyways, I was getting smoke together and walking down this hall level and I make it to this line. Most of the people in the line are women, but I walk by anyways (this hinted to me that the women were second to men). The man at the door (I believe he was checking membership cards or something) just told me head on in. He knew who I was because he said hi to me, but I forgot what name he said. The club I go into is very crammed but it's a bar. There are already other men inside smoking and joking about with drinks. I take a seat at a table and near the bar. The bar isn't very modern, the tables are pretty decent, but it's nothing like the 21th century bars. Anyways, he pours me a drink, and this man comes out. He's tall with a mustache (a thick one), and I guess he's the owner, or the planner or something.
He starts to talk about how this years hunting is different, that we'll be hunting people this time. I assume that we've never hunted people because on a board behind him there was a list of dates and animals that were hunted.
Then the dream people switch and I'm some lady. I was placed in a group with two other people and we are complaining about how we don't want to do the work because we aren't gods, and that god can only determine when someone should die. We go into a room and gather up our weapons and head out. This place looks similar to a school, but I think it's a part of that one giant building. The people I'm with are just normal everyday working people. So I don't think we had a choice if we were going to fight or not.
Well, we walk pass this hallway like area and get caught, but we beat the person up (didn't kill this person) and tried to sneak down some stairs. But I ended up getting caught and there's this man who tells us to stop and get against the wall. Surprisingly he didn't ask us to drop our guns...or maybe he didn't know I still had mines in my hand. He was wearing a dark green army uniform and a dark green hat. He tells us not to move or do anything stupid. :/ But I end up trying to shoot him but miss.
Anyways, it ends up with us trying to fight him for the gun and I wake up!
End of the dream
Mon
Such as this:
http://www.intimelyfashion.com/2008/07/18/topping-it-off-millinery-in-the-civil-war-era/
Anyways, I was getting smoke together and walking down this hall level and I make it to this line. Most of the people in the line are women, but I walk by anyways (this hinted to me that the women were second to men). The man at the door (I believe he was checking membership cards or something) just told me head on in. He knew who I was because he said hi to me, but I forgot what name he said. The club I go into is very crammed but it's a bar. There are already other men inside smoking and joking about with drinks. I take a seat at a table and near the bar. The bar isn't very modern, the tables are pretty decent, but it's nothing like the 21th century bars. Anyways, he pours me a drink, and this man comes out. He's tall with a mustache (a thick one), and I guess he's the owner, or the planner or something.
He starts to talk about how this years hunting is different, that we'll be hunting people this time. I assume that we've never hunted people because on a board behind him there was a list of dates and animals that were hunted.
Then the dream people switch and I'm some lady. I was placed in a group with two other people and we are complaining about how we don't want to do the work because we aren't gods, and that god can only determine when someone should die. We go into a room and gather up our weapons and head out. This place looks similar to a school, but I think it's a part of that one giant building. The people I'm with are just normal everyday working people. So I don't think we had a choice if we were going to fight or not.
Well, we walk pass this hallway like area and get caught, but we beat the person up (didn't kill this person) and tried to sneak down some stairs. But I ended up getting caught and there's this man who tells us to stop and get against the wall. Surprisingly he didn't ask us to drop our guns...or maybe he didn't know I still had mines in my hand. He was wearing a dark green army uniform and a dark green hat. He tells us not to move or do anything stupid. :/ But I end up trying to shoot him but miss.
Anyways, it ends up with us trying to fight him for the gun and I wake up!
End of the dream
Mon
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