Assuming

I think after tonight I see why assuming something is pointless in the end. 

While driving from a restaurant with my oldest sister I expressed my dislike for my uncle's dog who use to pass gas and snore (very loudly) a lot. And my sister started to explain how it's natural. And of course I already knew that. Then she tried to lecture me on why I should like it.

Somehow she ended up trying to convince me. The point was that I feel if there is something I wouldn't want others doing towards me, I would, if possible, try to avoid doing it around them. Such as passing gas, or burping aloud.

When I told her I felt it was pointless to talk about this and didn't want to talk about it anymore, she went on to say whatever and called me judgmental lol 

I have to say nothing annoys me more than someone labeling me. If anything I take it as a simple like or dislike or distaste of something. I actually think I handled the situation pretty well. I would usually keep discussing it to get my point across, but  I feel that in some situations some people just don't want to stop. 

 

Well, even though I've been vague, there's another point to this. So after this discussion, we came into the house. I had some food left over and I decided to write "Breakfast" on it. My sister stops and says "You don't have to write your name on it, it's just the two of us." And didn't say anything. I started to go through my mind on how much assuming could cause misunderstandings. 

I told her I wasn't writing my name on it. I don't think she believed me lol Oh well. 

So today's point (for me) is assuming. I honestly assume a lot. I think it has something to do with control. I can't speak for a lot of people, but I have read that we like to be in control of our lives. And has much as this is possible with choosing what we will and won't do, it doesn't work with having to want people to work the way we want them to work. 

That's not how life works.There are many definitions for this word, but all I can say is "misunderstanding".

I've often found myself assuming something. In the end it ruins the experience. I'll take a classic example. In the past relationships haven't worked out (that control factor) just has you have planned (see what I mean?) it to. Someone decides to take you out. Then the assuming starts. "this will happen!" or "this person only wants this from me!"

In the end, I could say "are we (the person in question) to blame? are we the victim?" and my answer is, we are only a victim to our situation if we allow ourselves to be the victim. We become victims to our thoughts if we feed them what they want (especially the negative ones), our attention. 

Yes, we are to blame. I would say half and half because we were feed such a thought from some point in our lives and it's stuck with us. But we are as much to blame as that situation is to blame, because we give it power over us. We allow it to take us and then we whine and say "it's not my fault!" 

I found that when I don't assume, or I let it go (I would try to hold on to it), I feel different emotionally. Not living in my head, not trying to control the situation, but controlling myself within the situation, since that's all I can really do.

So I think that's why it was a bit easier for me to just swallow my words, squint and say "Just let her have her words because I know who I am." 

I honestly won't lie, I felt confusion from my sister's words. I often feel that a lot when she tries to express what she means. I don't say it, but I would think "does she really know who she is?" Not trying to be mean, but I do see my sister can say what she likes or doesn't like, but when she tries to express it I would wonder if she hears herself talking.

She'd make statements like  "I know I'm right! And even if I'm wrong, I will still believe I'm right." <---she really said this to me once. 

And I just sat there and listened. I was really trying to understanding what she was saying. 

Well I needed to vent. Not all situations are just there to annoy us. And I guess this one helped me to see why assuming is just setting myself up for some situation that may not even turn out like what I expect. And even if something goes wrong I'd automatically go into the "I knew it!" mode lol believing that I knew something bad would happen. But it's all about the perception. 

Also, this could be why I've been in a good mood. Yeah I get stressed, but I'm able to walk out of a situation with a bit more ease then I was in the past. And that makes me happy. I would really like to improve my tactfulness skills and my communication skills (dealing with people calmly). 

I feel that it's important and it will help. I would like to be a person who can help people to see what they mean by them questioning themselves, and not the other way around with me actually questioning them. Although I would be questioning them, it's more like they'd be asking themselves. 

>_< But first I gotta get out of my fear and assuming phase. To stop assuming that a lot of people will behave the same as others in the past. Huge issue with me. Maybe it's because I'm sensitive, but I really hate that because I start to get nervous, which shows that I still have some work to do. 

Moving on, today was quite eventful. I stayed home with the puppy for most of the day and he's bossy! He barks a lot, but I guess it's because he likes attention. I see this as not a healthy behavior. Especially if I feed into it. It comes off as him ordering me, and if I listen he'll think he can get away with whatever he wants (telling me what to do). Now, yes I know he's a dog, but I also respect him. It's not like "I'm a human and you are a dog!" relationship, but a "we are both living beings, I respect you, you respect me" kind of relationship. Just like with people. 

Well, we went for a 20 minute walk, then another, about 8 minute, walk at around 5 p.m. The first time we went walking it was nice outside. Very nice! So I decided to walk farther down the neighborhood with him. He was so tried afterwards! And it stopped him from barking at me lol But I enjoyed it too. 

Um...Oh! I finished another Sudoku. This time a medium difficulty puzzle. It's pretty fun but it's time consuming. It took me an 1 hour and 50 something minutes to finish it. And I was getting kind of annoyed, but I finished it eventually. 

Oh! One more thing about my older sister. She has expressed to me her feelings of feeling invisible. Mainly she feels my mom pays more attention to my sister and me. Seriously in the past I have felt like my mom would get on my oldest sister about a lot of stuff. But my sister wasn't always so nice. Personally, I feel it's their approach towards dealing with situations. And I think it definitely reflects in their relationships with others.  But I seriously feel sad when she told me this. I can understand why she feels this way. But I don't think they deal with the best way they could.

They both clash. There have been times when they would argue and me and my younger sister are caught in the crossfire. Things like this make me want to just move far away and don't look back. I would call ever so often. And such an existence wouldn't be so sad for me. But I would call my younger sister sometimes. It's a shame but I've thought "would I miss them?" yes, I would talk about them, but I feel like we just aren't so close (in a strange personality like way). But I feel that we are close in other ways (we kind of compliment each other). 

Anyways, I can tell my sister is very sad by this. And this is why I've been spending time with her. It honestly makes me want to cry just imagining what she may be feeling. My face may not say it, but when I'm alone I definitely think about it. I don't think she knows this. And I'd rather sit in silence understanding this. I feel that she may feel it because I strongly feel for her situation. But at the same time she'll continue to feel this way if she doesn't let go of her past resentment.

It's tough dealing with my mom, but I've found some kind of leeway. :3 I can look at my mom during the moments she isn't bothered or stressed or whatever and say "Okay, this is who she is", she's not that anger, she's not that bitterness or anything. She's the being whose content and those things she experience are just emotions.

But that doesn't mean I'm not ready to move on with my life lol I still do. I'm just waiting for my opportunity. I will be sad deep inside, but excited at the same time. I'll try to keep a strong face, but I'll keep thinking about it. This is often how I am. Strong outer shell, soft fluffy interior (like my zodiac sign lol) 

Well, I'll be heading in now! 

This blog was everything!

Night~