Just had an interesting little hour and a half spat/debate with my older sister that I'd like to share.
So my older sister comes across has very negative to me, and honestly it's a little sad because she complains about how things are so difficult for her and overwhelming and how she can't find anyone to help her out.
Towards the end of our back and forth, she goes "So I want you do what I do and I'll do what you do" and I'm say "Okay, what's that?" and she goes "You call our grandma everyday and I'll copy you"
So as far as phone calls go or dealing with other people I don't do it often lol I'm an introverted extrovert. It's not that I hate talking to people, but I only talk if I need to talk. If I have nothing to say I don't see there being a point. So I decided to call my grandma at least once a week and my grandma calls to talk to myself everyday.
Now that you get the backstory lol So I say "hang on. Wait. What are you copying from me?" and she says "Only calling her once a week" and I tell her "No no. No. You don't even have to call her at all. For one week, I'll call her everyday and I want you to start thinking positively."
And she just instantly shot it down xD haha She goes "Well how would you even know?" And I told her "I want you to call me, and only tell me the good things that happened to you"
Then she proceeded to turn it on me and say "You don't even listen! I can call you and tell you positive things about my son (my nephew) and you don't even take that into consideration because you'll be playing a game or working on something"
And I tell her "Okay. So I'll turn it off. You have my word, for an entire week, if you call I will stop everything and listen"
And she just goes "Nope. Negative. Not doing it"
And when I asked her why she just kept saying no. Hahaha Honestly I was a little irked because of how childish she was behaving, but moreso annoyed by the fact that she won't even try.
In all honesty, I know I can't make people behave the way I want them to, but for the greater good of yourself, you guys (anyone in a negative rut) deserve to at least be able to have a decent outlook on life. I think if she stops thinking about the things she doesn't have and focus on the things she does have, it would help her.
Then again, I guess I wasn't really trying to change here, but as an experiment have her see it for herself.
And the funny thing is that she'd believe a personality test she took for class, over actual experience. Saying she's "impulsive" just because the test told her she is. The truth is that you don't have to be impulsive. It may have been something you've done without thinking in the past, but now that it's something you're aware of, you can work to change it, or even be less impulsive for your own good.
I get very interesting impressions from my family. I don't hate them, if I'm being completely honest. I actually feel quite sad sometimes. They do some things that leave me scratching my head. But I guess they aren't me, and I make them see what I see. But I can help them experience if they want to try.
I would really just like my older sister to speak more positive energy into her life and stop complaining about what she doesn't have. Focusing more on what she does have.
But I guess because it worked for me, and it still does (I even give thanks for finding a penny on the ground lol or if things just happen to go right).
If I'm somehow wrong about the universe and how things work, it would seem like a waste of time.
Hm....I wonder if this makes me less tactful. I know I was just sort of criticizing her for believing a sheet of paper lol but my birth chart stated that I should try to be more tactful. I do believe I have strong views and sometimes I try to convert people, but I do it with the intention of helping them.
I remember, years ago, being in a such a dark place. I wonder if I had someone like the person I am now, sit and tell me what I'm willing to share with those in pain or in a similar situation "just try tot think of the things that make you happy" as a way to pull me out of the dark, would it have helped?
My inner intention is to help. To help others love others.
It's a strange contradictions because I also will think "Well, you live your life however you please" and just want so badly not to care because I'm just one person.
Buuuut, the problem is that that doesn't mean it will never help.
I see the corrupt. I see the flaws. I hate them, but I understand that they're what make us human. I also think that they're the true obstacles in our lives.
Most people will say "But the outer stuff makes my life difficult" and me being all Buddist and monk-like will say "But it's up to you on how you will view those difficulties"
I've read that we learn the fastest through pain. I hate that! But it seems to be very true for some reason. A classic example, there is an RnB singer (whose name I won't write, but I'm sure some of you may know immediately based on what I'm about to say) who has alleged has relations with a lot of under aged girls. Although I had a bunch of thoughts about the situation, something that really kept striking me were the amount of people who possibly fell victim to the exact same thing. You can say "Well, maybe they didn't know" but a few of them said "I read about the allegations, but I didn't think they were true" and plus there was plenty of information for them to do some research, but still, countless victims.
Then they would cry and to be honest, I kind of rolled my eyes. To extent I felt for them, but at the same time I was like "warning flag! warning flag!"
But apparently it seems that the situations they were in were more psychological, and this is exactly why they were "targeted" even though they made the conscious decision to pursue this person as well. But of well.
What I'm getting at is, how many more people will fall victim to this, until others finally get the hint? It's seeing multiple people walking to a lit stove, placing their hand over fire, exclaiming that it's hot, and you still thinking "I want to put my hand over that fire just to see if it's hot or not"
I get it though. No one wants to be told what to do. How to live. How to think. Etc. But in this situation I will willing (and I was very serious about stopping everything to listen to her) to do what you asked, if she was willing to do what I asked. It seemed more like an experiment to me. But...nope :) She just wasn't having it. Oh well. At least I tried.
I just really can't stand negative people. I get venting sometimes. Sometimes we just want to say things to get it off our chest, and I will listen to this. But if it's consistent, it's like "Well, what do you want from me?" because the person is always complaining about the same thing. So I purpose some ideas and they just don't care to hear it.
It's very similar to me. My younger sister will pose ideas for me in regards to finding work in the arts and it will seem as if I put down everything she says, and to an extent this is true, and it's not done with me being unaware that I'm consciously making this choice.
I tell her that I need to update my website first, that there are skills I need to learn first in order to be qualified for the kind of work I'd like to get into. I know exactly what I have to do and have been working at this almost everyday since I quit my job. She's seeing it, slowly but surely, in my work, that I'm grasping the concepts.
Once I feel confident, as I've told her, that I can walk into an office and say with certainty that I can do this and that, I will apply with no looking back.
But what I'm getting at isn't about "not listening" it's about how I view other people. Yes, there are things that irk me. I get irritated rather quickly by people who are negative or speak badly about people because then I speak about how badly they were speaking badly about someone else and question who are they to speak badly about anyone.
Also, if I see that someone is trying, no matter how annoying they may seem to me, I acknowledge their work. I know some people may find this strange, it's like "Hey, how can you dislike this person, but still say something nice about them?"
Well, first of all, I don't make enemies. If someone makes me their enemy, it's a declaration on their part and I'll just leave them alone. But I don't hold grudges. If someone is willing to make amends with me, I'll shake their hand and give them a hug.
I will ignore. Stop talking to someone for a while. Or just flat out tell them what bothered me. But if they're willing to call it truce, so will I...until the next debate lol
Well, I guess what I should say about this situation is that it was worth a shot. It would be nice if she would at least consider doing this for her own sake. I think that, no matter the religion, it just helps to think about one good thing that happened that day. I will admit that my sister said that getting some doughnuts made her happy and I kind of wrote it off and asked her if anyone did anything that made her happy within the past month lol but I think it was more because I would like to to think about the kindness the universe sends her way that she is either unaware of, or disregards as being anything.
What really pushed my buttons was how it seems she thinks about our grandma in a negative way. She assumed I wanted her to do more in regards to our grandma and I told her I didn't want her to do anything at all, besides be grateful for the things she did for her in the past. When my mom kicked my sister out she stayed with my grandma. But my sister says "But I was staying in my friend's basement" and I told her "well, didn't grandma let you stay with her?"
It's like, if someone did something kind for you, why talk so badly about them? I mean, talk about what they did to irritate you, but don't act like they haven't done anything for you. It's something she does a lot. The issue is that she wants people to help her the way she wants them to help her. But that's not always how it's gonna work. Sometimes, just having someone listen to you after a bad day is a blessing. Or someone paying for your gas after you stepped in line to pay, only to find you lost your wallet, is a blessing.
I think more than anything, I think about the vastness of the universe and realize how minuscule our problems are. That's not to say they don't matter, but sometimes I just sit back and go "this is a really stupid thing to worry about!"
So in my case, I've been jobless for a few months now and I was frustrated. But then I looked at my mom and younger sister and I said to myself that I could be like them, spending hours and hours working, only to come home, be extremely sleepy, go to sleep, and then wake up and repeat this. I WAS them for a few months. And while I was working I was wondering "am I breaking out in hives because I need to just stop?" and now that things have slowed down, I want them to speed up again? I realized this and I thought "Wow, just savor it!"
My family shouts "You need to do this!" but the universe is like "It doesn't matter what they say, you NEED this"
And so, I feel a sense of balance and appreciation for my situation. Because my career field can be hectic with constant deadlines. I got a job quickly because my mom rushed me into it, even knowing I was having a very bad allergic reaction, I just prayed it wouldn't happen while I worked, but sure enough it did.
I realized that I should just listen. I'm always getting the instantly reaction to just give advice or suggestions. Maybe like myself, it's not my sister's time. But has I've stated before, I hate seeing suffering. It makes me very sad. But, also just like me, there's the possibility that they'll make it through. I guess I should just be there (or rather here), waiting for them to accomplish what they have to within their own time.
Then the question I have to wonder is who do I share any of my thoughts with? Ironically, it's interesting how I named this blog "A few thoughts" and I'm asking this question. But who? Am I meant to help anyone? Would anyone even care to listen? Or at least try, not or me, but for themselves?
Regardless, I'm sure I'm not gonna stop just impulsively spouting my thoughts. I'm like Socrates lol It just happens. Honestly I don't think Socrates was trying to be a pest. I think he just had questions and he wanted to see if anyone had proper answers. I think if he questioned me, I would be just debate with him all day lol I don't even care what about, just about anything.
This blog is getting weird. I just shared this to share my thoughts on a situation.
Hm....My lesson is that I can talk to anyone, share anything, and it won't have to mean anything, so what's the point? lol No I'm joking. I know that I can say things that can cause a ripple effect. I just plant the seed, and the person with the watering pot can decide if they want to water it or leave it. :)
My sister is stubborn, but so am I. I see myself, sometimes, in her lol And I've even told my younger sister "So this is what you deal with when it comes to me" xD
Life and conversation are very interesting!
Mon
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