Sharing

I meant to share this a few days ago, but oh well I'm sharing it now!

An interesting thing happened and it makes me wonder if  maybe something will shift! I'm hoping so.

My older sister ended up sharing something with me that made her very happy haha Even after I wrote all of what I wrote in my previous blog. The moment she started telling me about a lady who just made her so happy, I instantly went back to our conversation.

That day she was working very long hours (10 hours! Which is absolutely ridiculous) and I remember expressing to my younger sister that I felt very bad/sad for my older sister. The time when I wrote the previous blog I was spending the weekend at her house to babysit my nephew and that Saturday she left at about 9 a.m. and didn't get home until about 10 p.m. :(

Anyway, this was the case again as she had dropped off my nephew that day. So back to the story. She tells me she has something to tell me and so I call her and she tells me that this elderly lady made her very happy, but it wasn't what the elderly lady DID, it was what my sister did for her and the fact that the lady acknowledged her work and appreciated her help. Instantly I was happy even though I didn't have much to say haha But of course it's often this way with me in real life.

I'm a feely kind of person, and so I can't quite put into words what I'm feeling. I find this is the case as well with my blogs. Yet my blogs are usually long because I'm writing the thoughts that come to my head and they're usually quite...extensive lol

My sister tells me that she wheels this lady to her room, which the lady was happy she did. Then my sister helped her get settled in AND helped fix her t.v.

Overall my sister said she was filled with such happiness. It made me realize how helping others somehow help us! This isn't much of an opinion, but I guess some people might think it is, but I don't think we were necessarily meant to be selfish. Perhaps I should say it's my "belief" but I feel that this has been preached so often by so many religious...person's of importance(?) or revolutionist, that it kind of seems a bit factual...or rather as a way of living that provides a state of well-being for everyone.

Although I believe being a bit "selfish" is okay, as we also have to look after our own well-being, the best kind of happiness is when we can truly give genuinely.

This is what I was hoping my sister could understand and experience. Witness that what she gave to this lady, other's have given her.

I think the issue is that sometimes we get so caught up in our worlds that we miss certain things. We simply can't see them. I don't know if I can blame them, because I think it's like playing a sport and getting very caught up in the game that you might get angry and frustrated that the other team scored when in reality it's simply a game.

I think of moments like these as human errors...or just being human. I think it might really be an ego thing, but I think blaming the ego is kind of harsh. I believe everything we have is at our disposal, we have for a reason. So the ego is something we have for a reason. The issue, I think, is having it take the wheel. And with that, I guess I should say that there has to be a bit of accountability, yet I also understand that some people just aren't sure how to deal with their situations. And so they deal with them the best way they can.

Aside from my sister, I find it easier to examine myself by looking at the outside world. See what others are doing, evaluate myself and see if I'm doing the same thing. Does that sound confusing? I'll explain. So if I see someone do something I consider dangerous, I will more than likely not even bat an eye at attempting it. Mostly, I don't structure my life around others, but I view them and I go "Oh! That seems interesting, I'll try incorporating that piece into my life!"

Honestly I think I'm either too lazy or too stubborn to want to be like everyone else lol There are days when I start to go "You know I wish..." and then just drop my hand down and go "well, yeah, nevermind" lol The fact that some people live that way is amazing to me.

I will say, as an update on my currently, I'm still job hunting. But I'm wondering if I'm really doing just that. The workforce seems soooooo depressing to me. I think I sound like a millennial, but I realized now why they say "work smart, not hard". A lot of people break their necks and are barely living. Just constantly working every single day and missing out on living.

Then it makes me wonder, what is living? Because I'm kind of a homebody...okay I really am. My day consist of me just reading and learning, then playing a video game for like an hour or so, then learning some more haha And I go "am I doing enough?" but somehow I feel content.

Somehow I feel that the feeling of getting up and going out there is just simply because some people have said that "that's living!" and I'm like "you know what, if I don't do _____, I'm not living!"

Yet, somehow I feel at peace with my simplicity. The truth is that I believe, aside from culture, no matter where I go, people will be people. They will be friendly, they will be angry. They will feel just as anyone would in America.

The experience, I think, is what they mean by "living". It's experiencing things outside of your own world. And perhaps I will do this eventually, but right now my goals are elsewhere.

Some people might be like "how can you feel that you're living, simply by reading and learning?!"

Honestly I have no idea lol and I thought this was a bit odd until I realized that I've always been this way. The only difference was that I was in a different building, and that building was called "school" lol I recall always visiting my school's library in elementary, as well as in middle school, and ever so often in high school (in high school I was in choir and art, so those kept be busy). I remember spending so long tracing pictures of Loony Tune characters in my bedroom without even knowing I was teaching myself how to draw lol I've always had my face in a book and my mom use to call me a bookworm.

I think the true issue is that without a job, I'm just wasting time! And I get it. Can't really make a living doing nothing. But I think to myself, am I really doing nothing? I'm gaining knowledge. The problem is that I'm not getting paid to learn. If I could get paid to learn or to just read, I'm sure I'd be set.

The same goes for my art, for my webcomic, I'm not getting paid to do any of it. I just do!

So it's not like I'm not "doing" anything. I am. I'm always doing something, it's just I'm not gaining income from it. Which is why I've been reading books by financial advisers or things about passive income! I think, more than anything, it's all about putting into action what I've learned.

So that's where I am right now.

I just want to say that I'm usually always happy when others are happy.  The only time I won't feel that shared happiness is when I'm either extremely worn out or I'm deep in thought. I share in people's happiness, and I also share in their pain mostly because it's hard to not feel for others. I hope my sister can gain a bit more happiness in ways that are healthy and helpful for her as well. I hope this is the case for everyone.

There's way too many people out their that may be pretending to be something that they truly aren't deep down inside. This to me is sad because it hurts them as well as the person they're causing the harm to. The true issue is when they get to the point where they stop listening to themselves so much that they don't feel anything at all.

The "world" is a very odd place to me recently. I find myself saying "If we would do this it would be easier! It's something so simple!"

So a good example. I remember reading about honne and tatemae in Japanese. I can't recall which is which, but one of those is when a person only reacts and speaks the way other's would want them to, and the other is when they respond and speak in the way they truly feel. Pretty much, it's similar to what a lot of us do. The thing is that Japanese society is usually about trying their best to keep the harmony. Yet, the more I read about their society and watched videos and hearing their views about their society I thought to myself "They should just be honest with themselves"

But such a request/statement would seem "impossible" because it would disrupt the structure, or it's too difficult. I get keeping the harmony, but there seems to be a con to it as well, and it's possibly the lack of being able to properly express their feelings.

Whereas, America is the opposite. People express themselves too much, even to the point of not caring if they hurt another person's feeling!

This is when I call in balance. There's nothing wrong with expressing yourself. Mostly I like to always think to myself "how would I feel if someone did/said this to me?" and work from their.

Now the problem is when people go "Oh! I would be okay if someone did/say that to me!" when the person in question really wouldn't feel comfortable with it.

First and foremost, it helps to at least try to understand where someone is coming from, even if it's something you don't agree with. It also helps to not think of them as being "stupid" just because they aren't as educated as you are. We all learn at different levels.

This is why I think the world is interesting...I should say people are interesting. We make things so complicated due to our own inner worlds expressed to the outside world. When someone think they're ugly, what do they do? Express this to the world outside of themselves!

Look, I'm even doing it now! haha But it's with the intent of somehow helping someone or at least resonating with someone.

I don't think I'm a person who could write a manual and say "this is how things should go!" but I think if I sit with someone for a few hours and hear them speak, I'll walk away feeling as if I know them. I think people are much more willing to open up when other's are willing to listen. Most of what I write here I base on my experience. I think it's very kind of people to share with me personally things about themselves, because they don't have to at all. I may have thought on their actions, but at the end of the day I know they're on their own journey, as hard as they may be for me. Sometimes I'd love to just shake people, grab their hand and lead them, but the truth is that they'll never learn if I do that. To truly "get it" you have to understand it. You can't do that while being led blindly.

It's like being blindfolded and being fed the answers.

Well, that's all for now! Wishing you all the best on your journey. If you're interested why not just out some metaphysics blogs or articles. Aside from talking to a friend of mines about spirituality and asking her questions like crazy I'd recommend metaphysics as a topic of interest for me. I don't remember how I found out about this genre, but it helped me form some of my views.

Good night...or rather good morning lol It's 2 a.m. here

Mon

Offering thoughts, opinions and suggestions. A service!?

Trying to sleep, but my mind got to ticking away. At first I was thinking that I'd do a 30 day challenge of not taking the world so seriously. Then it narrowed it down to not taking myself too serious. Then I narrowed it down some more to simply solving the problem from my last blog.

My inner dialogue is very clever lol It goes "Why not ask people if they're interested in your opinions, suggestions or advice?" then I started thinking about how it's like a service some people are interested in and some people aren't. Plus it'll give people the option and me on whether or not they wanted to vent or they truly are looking for some words of guidance.

Some people just aren't looking to hear someone else's opinion. I also got to thinking about how I have to separate my feelings from the conversation as I did when chatting with my sister. And I also admit that I may not have been listening...actively I mean, because I was actually feeling, and listening. Plus there was a lot of back-and-forth.

Generally I'd like to be the one to carry the conversation, but give the illusion that the other person is in control of it. Why? Well, I think if someone is a good conversationalist they are able to maneuver the conversation in a favorable way for both parties.

Also in order for me to not to waste my time, perhaps just asking before I start stating stuff help. Then I can just oh "Oh, okay" and leave lol Move on to something better. The whole bickering with no hopes of it ending sounds tempting, but perhaps the other person isn't interested.

Also breathing and just listening is something I'd like to do as well. I do this just fine with people outside of my family, but because I have a personal attachment to my family, it may be harder, but not impossible :)

So these are the things I'll continue to attempt. I'm certain it will work. I think I did something years ago, I told myself I would work at something and it worked...more than likely it has to do with why I think and feel the way I feel now xD Now I guess I'd like to work on my conversation skills.

Before I go, as strange as this sound, I keep thinking about how life and society are nothing but a game. Like a TellTale game.There's a lot of different options, but there is one favorable option to get a good ending with each character. I feel that if I can understand this, as strange as this sound, I can somehow use it to my advantage. Mostly because some people are just unaware. It's like a magician that is able to deceive the observer.

With that, I'm off to not take things too seriously, and to also practice these tips! Now hopefully I can sleep, now that I've typed this.

Mon

Can't change the unchangeable!

Just had an interesting little hour and a half spat/debate with my older sister that I'd like to share.

So my older sister comes across  has very negative to me, and honestly it's a little sad because she complains about how things are so difficult for her and overwhelming and how she can't find anyone to help her out.

Towards the end of our back and forth, she goes "So I want you do what I do and I'll do what you do" and I'm say "Okay, what's that?" and she goes "You call our grandma everyday and I'll copy you"

So as far as phone calls go or dealing with other people I don't do it often lol I'm an introverted extrovert. It's not that I hate talking to people, but I only talk if I need to talk. If I have nothing to say I don't see there being a point. So I decided to call my grandma at least once a week and my grandma calls to talk to myself everyday.

Now that you get the backstory lol So I say "hang on. Wait. What are you copying from me?" and she says "Only calling her once a week" and I tell her "No no. No. You don't even have to call her at all. For one week, I'll call her everyday and I want you to start thinking positively."

And she just instantly shot it down xD haha She goes "Well how would you even know?" And I told her "I want you to call me, and only tell me the good things that happened to you"

Then she proceeded to turn it on me and say "You don't even listen! I can call you and tell you positive things about my son (my nephew) and you don't even take that into consideration because you'll be playing a game or working on something"

And I tell her "Okay. So I'll turn it off. You have my word, for an entire week, if you call I will stop everything and listen"

And she just goes "Nope. Negative. Not doing it"

And when I asked her why she just kept saying no. Hahaha Honestly I was a little irked because of how childish she was behaving, but moreso annoyed by the fact that she won't even try.

In all honesty, I know I can't make people behave the way I want them to, but for the greater good of yourself, you guys (anyone in a negative rut) deserve to at least be able to have a decent outlook on life. I think if she stops thinking about the things she doesn't have and focus on the things she does have, it would help her.

Then again, I guess I wasn't really trying to change here, but as an experiment have her see it for herself.

And the funny thing is that she'd believe a personality test she took for class, over actual experience. Saying she's "impulsive" just because the test told her she is. The truth is that you don't have to be impulsive. It may have been something you've done without thinking in the past, but now that it's something you're aware of, you can work to change it, or even be less impulsive for your own good.


I get very interesting impressions from my family. I don't hate them, if I'm being completely honest. I actually feel quite sad sometimes. They do some things that leave me scratching my head. But I guess they aren't me, and I make them see what I see. But I can help them experience if they want to try.

I would really just like my older sister to speak more positive energy into her life and stop complaining about what she doesn't have. Focusing more on what she does have.

But I guess because it worked for me, and it still does (I even give thanks for finding a penny on the ground lol or if things just happen to go right).

If I'm somehow wrong about the universe and how things work, it would seem like a waste of time.

Hm....I wonder if this makes me less tactful. I know I was just sort of criticizing her for believing a sheet of paper lol but my birth chart stated that I should try to be more tactful. I do believe I have strong views and sometimes I try to convert people, but I do it with the intention of helping them.

I remember, years ago, being in a such a dark place. I wonder if I had someone like the person I am now, sit and tell me what I'm willing to share with those in pain or in a similar situation "just try tot think of the things that make you happy" as a way to pull me out of the dark, would it have helped?

My inner intention is to help. To help others love others.

It's a strange contradictions because I also will think "Well, you live your life however you please" and just want so badly not to care because I'm just one person.

Buuuut, the problem is that that doesn't mean it will never help.

I see the corrupt. I see the flaws. I hate them, but I understand that they're what make us human. I also think that they're the true obstacles in our lives.

Most people will say "But the outer stuff makes my life difficult" and me being all Buddist and monk-like will say "But it's up to you on how you will view those difficulties"

I've read that we learn the fastest through pain. I hate that! But it seems to be very true for some reason. A classic example, there is an RnB singer (whose name I won't write, but I'm sure some of you may know immediately based on what I'm about to say) who has alleged has relations with a lot of under aged girls. Although I had a bunch of thoughts about the situation, something that really kept striking me were the amount of people who possibly fell victim to the exact same thing. You can say "Well, maybe they didn't know" but a few of them said "I read about the allegations, but I didn't think they were true" and plus there was plenty of information for them to do some research, but still, countless victims.

Then they would cry and to be honest, I kind of rolled my eyes. To extent I felt for them, but at the same time I was like "warning flag! warning  flag!"

But apparently it seems that the situations they were in were more psychological, and this is exactly why they were "targeted" even though they made the conscious decision to pursue this person as well. But of well.

What I'm getting at is, how many more people will fall victim to this, until others finally get the hint? It's seeing multiple people walking to a lit stove, placing their hand over fire, exclaiming that it's hot, and you still thinking "I want to put my hand over that fire just to see if it's hot or not"

I get it though. No one wants to be told what to do. How to live. How to think. Etc. But in this situation I will willing (and I was very serious about stopping everything to listen to her) to do what you asked, if she was willing to do what I asked. It seemed more like an experiment to me. But...nope :) She just wasn't having it. Oh well. At least I tried.

I just really can't stand negative people. I get venting sometimes. Sometimes we just want to say things to get it off our chest, and I will listen to this. But if it's consistent, it's like "Well, what do you want from me?" because the person is always complaining about the same thing. So I purpose some ideas and they just don't care to hear it.

It's very similar to me. My younger sister will pose ideas for me in regards to finding work in the arts and it will seem as if I put down everything she says, and to an extent this is true, and it's not done with  me being unaware that I'm consciously making this choice.

I tell her that I need to update my website first, that there are skills I need to learn first in order to be qualified for the kind of work I'd like to get into. I know exactly what I have to do and have been working at this almost everyday since I quit my job. She's seeing it, slowly but surely, in my work, that I'm grasping the concepts.

Once I feel confident, as I've told her, that I can walk into an office and say with certainty that I can do this and that, I will apply with no looking back.

But what I'm getting at isn't about "not listening" it's about how I view other people. Yes, there are things that irk me. I get irritated rather quickly by people who are negative or speak badly about people because then I speak about how badly they were speaking badly about someone else and question who are they to speak badly about anyone.

Also, if I see that someone is trying, no matter how annoying they may seem to me, I acknowledge their work. I know some people may find this strange, it's like "Hey, how can you dislike this person, but still say something nice about them?"

Well, first of all, I don't make enemies. If someone makes me their enemy, it's a declaration on their part and I'll just leave them alone. But I don't hold grudges. If someone is willing to make amends with me, I'll shake their hand and give them a hug.

I will ignore. Stop talking to someone for a while. Or just flat out tell them what bothered me. But if they're willing to call it truce, so will I...until the next debate lol

Well, I guess what I should say about this situation is that it was worth a shot. It would be nice if she would at least consider doing this for her own sake. I think that, no matter the religion, it just helps to think about one good thing that happened that day. I will admit that my sister said that getting some doughnuts made her happy and I kind of wrote it off and asked her if anyone did anything that made her happy within the past month lol but I think it was more because I would like to to think about the kindness the universe sends her way that she is either unaware of, or disregards as being anything.

What really pushed my buttons was how it seems she thinks  about our grandma in a negative way. She assumed I wanted her to do more in regards to our grandma and I told her I didn't want her to do anything at all, besides be grateful for the things she did for her in the past. When my mom kicked my sister out she stayed with my grandma. But my sister says "But I was staying in my friend's basement" and I told her "well, didn't grandma let you stay with her?"

It's like, if someone did something kind for you, why talk so badly about them? I mean, talk about what they did to irritate you, but don't act like they haven't done anything for you. It's something she does a lot. The issue is that she wants people to help her the way she wants them to help her. But that's not always how it's gonna work. Sometimes, just having someone listen to you after a bad day is a blessing. Or someone paying for your gas after you stepped in line to pay, only to find you lost your wallet, is a blessing.

I think more than anything, I think about the vastness of the universe and realize how minuscule our problems are. That's not to say they don't matter, but sometimes I just sit back and go "this is a really stupid thing to worry about!"

So in my case, I've been jobless for a few months now and I was frustrated. But then I looked at my mom and younger sister and I said to myself that I could be like them, spending hours and hours working, only to come home, be extremely sleepy, go to sleep, and then wake up and repeat this. I WAS them for a few months. And while I was working I was wondering "am I breaking out in hives because I need to just stop?" and now that things have slowed down, I want them to speed up again? I realized this and I thought "Wow, just savor it!"

My family shouts "You need to do this!" but the universe is like "It doesn't matter what they say, you NEED this"

And so, I feel a sense of balance and appreciation for my situation. Because my career field can be hectic with constant deadlines. I got a job quickly because my mom rushed me into it, even knowing I was having a very bad allergic reaction, I just prayed it wouldn't happen while I worked, but sure enough it did.

I realized that I should just listen. I'm always getting the instantly reaction to just give advice or suggestions. Maybe like myself, it's not my sister's time. But has I've stated before, I hate seeing suffering. It makes me very sad. But, also just like me, there's the possibility that they'll make it through. I guess I should just be there (or rather here), waiting for them to accomplish what they have to within their own time.

Then the question I have to wonder is who do I share any of my thoughts with? Ironically, it's interesting how I named this blog "A few thoughts" and I'm asking this question. But who? Am I meant to help anyone? Would anyone even care to listen? Or at least try, not or me, but for themselves?

Regardless, I'm sure I'm not gonna stop just impulsively spouting my thoughts. I'm like Socrates lol It just happens. Honestly I don't think Socrates was trying to be a pest. I think he just had questions and he wanted to see if anyone had proper answers. I think if he questioned me, I would be just debate with him all day lol I don't even care what about, just about anything.

This blog is getting weird. I just shared this to share my thoughts on a situation.

Hm....My lesson is that I can talk to anyone, share anything, and it won't have to mean anything, so what's the point? lol No I'm joking. I know that I can say things that can cause a ripple effect. I just plant the seed, and the person with the watering pot can decide if they want to water it or leave it. :)

My sister is stubborn, but so am I. I see myself, sometimes, in her lol And I've even told my younger sister "So this is what you deal with when it comes to me" xD

Life and conversation are very interesting!

Mon