12/22/15 Updates

I'm kind of getting tired, so I'll try to keep this brief.

So recently I started my Japanese studies again. It's not that I truly stopped, it's just that I don't move forward with as much zest as I use to. I've learned so much about Japan, and they're having a tough time there as well. I guess in a way the thought of visiting during tough times aren't so appealing. Also it could've been my "false" outlook on what I thought Japan is like, versus what it's really like. I mean false impression. But regardless every country will have it's faults and flaws, it doesn't mean I won't go though. If I do I already have some places in mind :3

I also have a friend in China who wants me to visit her! Recently she is moving forward in life and is now dating. Congrats to her~~~~ :) I often told her that I'd like to have some kind of stability before traveling. My need for stability likely stems from my childhood. Honestly, constantly moving, my mom being in and out of jobs, just all kind of unexpected things really got me looking at my future like "should I just go with the flow?" lol I am a go with the flow kind of person. By that I mean if I want to do something I'll do it, if not, I won't. But I feel it helps to have some idea/goals in life. Not just letting yourself be swept away by the tides of life. If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. I guess this can be applied to what I feel.

Actually, when I think about adulthood, I don't think it's TOO hard. Here's my  feelings on it. Mainly, when I look at the adults nowadays it seem as if they aren't too happy with where they are. Or rather, I've seen quite a few. Older people working in jobs where they aren't happy. I have a few friends who work in retail and they complain all the time. We think that we should accept whatever we can because "It pays the bills", and that kind of thing is super sad. Rather than doing what we enjoy, we spend so many years working in a place where we aren't happy. What good is that??

So I've been thinking about that. I've been wondering what I'd be happy doing. I have a lot of interest, but nothing concrete. I feel that if I were to start a job, it'd have to keep me interested in it. It can't be a routine kind of thing. I mean, I use to work at the community college I use to attend. My first job, and I loved it! But the only reason I did was because I got to chat with people who came in and out. So maybe I'd need a job like that, where I can help people in some way. I thought that by doing animation I could, in some way, help people through an animated medium. :) It's so simple.

During middle school I would write stories in a notebook and pass it around to my classmates. It was awesome that they enjoyed the stories and joked about them. Then in high school it was all about art. But the thing is that, although I love those things, I can't do them EVERYDAY. It irritates me when my teachers say "you have to be willing to do this everyday!" I'm not a dog!!

As a human being, a break and a vacation is needed. I refuse to be worked and stressed out and overwhelmed because someone tells me that that's the way it has to be. Who made that rule??

I saw a short documentary that a digital effects teacher showed the class about 3 quarters ago. It was about how special effect artist don't get much recognition for the amount of work they do. They're the reason why movies look so good!! But the actors/director get all the recognition. In the documentary they stated how they were underpaid too. Here's the thing, as artist, most likely we'll accept any kind of payment as long as we can do what we love. But we have to be wise as well. You won't get recognized for your work if someone else keep presenting as their own! I think some artist can be taken advantage of because of this.

It's kind of like the people who know someone has a passion for something thinks "Oh! If they enjoy it, it doesn't matter how hard I work them. They enjoy it!" And that's wrong.

Perhaps that's my deal. I'm learning more and more about certain workplaces. That's not to say that ALL are that way, but I'm sure there's enough around because I'll see that people are complaining about it. That's not to say we shouldn't do anything to earn money. No! I mean if we did nothing, it comes to easy and we get lazy. Put forth some kind of effort. It's kind of like if I wanted to create something, but hire others to do the work for me, yet I take the money from their labor. There's no growth on my end, but I do think there are people out there. I refuse to allow myself to be subjected to something like that. It's like a form of brainwash that if we don't, we won't have a job, and if we don't have a job, we have no money, but if we have no money, we won't have a decent house or other necessities, and without those things, our status is ruined and people may not want to talk to us, and without people, we are alone. In other words POWER OVER OUR MINDS!

I could be just flying off the handle here, but I consider thing. I'm not saying I believe this wholeheartedly about every place, because I don't. But I can tell you that I've run into some pretty interesting people. At my college, the campus I'm at now, years ago a lady who worked in the financial aid department started to talk to me about how didn't like the job of telling students bad news about their financial dilemma, but that she enjoyed culinary, and that her true dream was to open her own bakery!

I was stunned! Of course she doesn't work at this campus anymore. As it go, they let a lot of people go. So a lot of people I knew before I transferred out, are not at that campus anymore. I just hope that lady started to work on the thing she loves the most.

I guess that's all that matters right. If you're happy, make something of it.

I didn't update much of anything did I? Lol I steered off topic. Let's get back to it!

So besides Japanese I've been working on my gaming channel and been practicing some singing stuff. I seriously miss being in choir! On the weekends I decided to do some practice some animation stuff, and on the weekdays work on 3D modeling.

For my gaming channel I created a Christmas themed banner using my sims from The Sims 3 :)

 I've honestly never done a "THEME" kind of thing for anything. Not even for my webcomic. But I'm figured I'd just give it a shot. I had a lot of fun doing it too~~

Besides wondering if I'm going to move or not, I've been trying to do things that can help me better my craft somehow. I've been reading lots of articles about improving story writing skills with tips, suggestions and advice :) So I've been working on fleshing out some characters.

My sister is often saying how she'll believe that I'll do any of what I say I do, once I do it. But I've explained to her that things have to start from the basis first. Being quick to get straight to the product doesn't help. I was that way before! And I've honestly never finished much of anything. So nowadays I'm pacing myself and not trying to rush despite the fact that I want to.

I'm not saying that working slow will produce a masterpiece, but there the benefit of increasing one's self-discipline. That and self preservation or things I want to improve upon! It's tough for me, but I'm working slow in order to learn those things. To put forth my best effort. I will say that it can be annoying when I'm watching tutorials and I scroll down to see that I have 20 something more videos to watch. I'd tilt my head back and think to myself "can I be good at this now?!" xDD

But in order to get better, we gotta put forth the effort. Once it becomes second nature, only then can I move forward to more challenging things.

I haven't done any 2D artwork, I've been mainly focusing on 3D. That and trying to relax. O__o I never knew the challenge of actively trying to balance things. In the past I DID just take things the way they are. Not knowing I had a thought and choice in the matter. For some things I feel I don't have a choice for, I remind myself that if I'm staying in that situation, I'm making THAT choice. Simple. If I do't like, simply move on. Anyway, in the present I'm always being my awareness to what I'm doing. Trying to balance somehow. I have no idea if I'm doing any of this correctly, but I guess I'm doing something if I don't feel like I'm being bumped around. I do get overwhelmed easily though. But at least I don't get too stressed. Usually when I feel myself getting overwhelmed I talk it over with my friend. Sometimes I let the thing slip my mind to see if it comes up again.

Recently I've been doing that with things I want to buy. I'm fortunate that my bank and prepaid card don't sync up immediately. I mean that I have to wait 3-5 days for money to transfer from my bank account to my prepaid card. So because of that, when the day comes when it transfers over, if my feeling about that thing I wanted suddenly changed to "meh" then I won't get it lol It's how I've been saving myself some money.

Also to have even a tiny amount of income coming in, I do this thing called swagbucks. I also do app trailer, viggle, bing, and gifthulk, but mainly swagbucks.

I was just talking to someone I knew a few days ago. She was telling me how she was working two part-time jobs and going to school full time, and that she has exams coming up. She told me she quit one of her jobs in order to focus on school. .__. ugh, that kind of lifestyle, that working like a dog until stressed is just not for me. I don't ever want to get to that point! I don't like seeing people struggle >__>  It's sad, and I always feel that we're wasting time! It's sad and it sucks!

Do I sound spoiled? Some people would look at me and say "Well, that's life", and it's because they accepted that for themselves. I guess it's similar to how I feel that my vote doesn't matter, so I don't vote lol It's simply accepting something, that we just decided to come to terms with. Like a relationship that just ain't working for us. O__o you can't tell me that isn't sad?? It's really sad xDDD

I feel that this blog is more depressing than anything, isn't it? lol I didn't intend for it to be that way.I'll talk about something a bit more festive.

Well, I finished my Christmas shopping! But then I realized that I didn't get my younger sister enough gifts! I got more for my mom and older sister, but not my younger sister. Well, I'll buy her something else even if Christmas passes. She's easily pleased with simple things I think lol She likes food. Maybe I'll but her something tasty.

I haven't wrapped all the gifts just yet because I need some boxes to wrap them properly. I would like to send out Christmas/New Years cards....I shouldn't say "I would like to", actually I will lol You know what, I'm tired of saying 'I'll try" or "I'd like to" what's with that attitude! That's some indecisive thoughts. I'll send off some Christmas cards :3 But they may arrive late. I don't like being late sending things off, but I'll do it anyways. The thought that counts, right?

Oh!! I also finished crocheting a pillow for my dog! I was in the process of crocheting a scarf for a friend, but ran out of yarn. For some reason they didn't have the correct red I needed when I visited the store. Well the only thing to do is try another store. I was planning to mail her the scarf and a card. I think it's a nice gift. :)

That's about it! Just doing simple things. The day before yesterday my older sister dragged me and my younger sister around for Christmas shopping (that's when I did my shopping), and my legs are still sore from that. It's not surprising. I have't been exercising much lately. I did yoga the week before last and hurt my back...or rather, it was a back workout, and my back was sore for most of last week! I couldn't twist my spine, or hunch over lol So I was afraid to workout and hurt myself trying. So I just sat it out. But I'm glad I did all that walking through those stores. My back usually aches when I stand for too long or sit for too long, but I still enjoyed it.

Well, I said this would be brief, yet it's far from it. I need to sleep. It's 4 a.m. Somehow, this continues to happen. What's strange is that I woke up at 11 a.m. yesterday and didn't even take a nap O__o which is surprising that I'm not sleepy. Just tired. Oh well!

Time to sleep.
Night~~



................


Morning~~~

Mon