06/10/15

If I can make it to one thousand post, that would be awesome!

Thinking aloud here.

I'm sitting here, at midnight, knowing that I have class in the morning. Luckily it's my late class and it doesn't start until 3 p.m., but that's not the point lol

I remember when I was younger I use to say "I'm bored!" it was always "I'm bored! I'm bored! I'm bored!" I I I I I. Me me me me me

Well, nowadays it's not easy to cram everything I'm thinking into one day. Perhaps it's because I have more interest than I did as a kid. Also, I'm sure it's not just me, but don't you ever think "I was that kid. Wait. I AM that kid!!" I find myself thinking about myself as a young kid....and honestly I'm just a big kid....with a brain and life experience lol The only thing that truly grew was my body. That never equates to wisdom, or smart or anything.

Back to the point, despite the fact that I drew, played video games and read books as a kid, I think there's more opportunities when you're old enough to enjoy them. Such as social gatherings and such. It use to irk me to have to "leave the grown-ups" alone. Mainly because I always chatted with my teachers when I was in school. I connected to older people a lot easier than I could my peers. That's not to say I didn't have friends, it's just teachers weren't very petty :P

Anyway, I still do those things that I did as a kid, but as time progressed I've taken an interest in many other things. I think what I really meant was my life is so tiny. I mean think, how many of us as children, actually understood how huge this world is. I mean, there are pros to being an ignorant kid, because we don't quite comprehend the troubles or life, but there's also pros to being able to comprehend those things as well.

One thing I've found I've been doing lately is just watching. I don't know if I've come to lack empathy, but I've been viewing situations as situations and nothing else. I detach myself, in a way, from emotional ties to see a bigger picture. Doesn't mean I don't necessarily feel anything, I guess if anything it's more like I've seen the same situation so many times that it's gotten to the point where I'm more aware of how I WOULD or COULD feel during a situation.

I try to give myself some distance. This has made it a bit easier for me to focus on my schoolwork. :)

For good or bad, I can't say, but it's obviously helped me with something. Also, I've found that, more likely than never, I would subconsciously do things that will help me improve in someway. I would think "Oh geez! I'm lucky" and say my thanks lol I don't think life is all about luck or being in the right place.

Even things that would bother me before kind of make me laugh. I do still get irritated, but I don't get upset as often or frustrated. I pace myself. I think I got more frustrated with schoolwork and irritated with things I can't change. But these past few quarters have been great! I'm not sure if I've been pacing myself in a way that works for me, or if I've just been given easy classes with easygoing teachers. Well I definitely won't take it for granted and I say my thanks very often.

Well, I'm gonna head off now.

I'm gonna try to get to one thousand journal entries. Not sure how long it will take. I'll also just start typing whatever comes to my mind.

Mon