Hi!
So I have some time (a week) before my classes begin. I checked out four books recently and I'm determined to read as much as possible.
Anyways, since I started taking my break from my manga, which I finally finished Chapter 3 last Tuesday, I decided to dedicate some time to relax. The problem is I don't actually know what that means lol when it comes to relaxing, I guess I think of doing things I enjoy. I wanted to take a break from thinking for my manga, drawing, etc. and recharge, but I guess that goes against relaxing because I'm still using my mind.
The reason I'm writing this is because I started thinking "what's the best way to use my time?" or "What should I focus on?" since my focus is often moved from one thing to another. It was hinted in more than one of my birth chart analysis, from two separate websites, that I should learn to channel my energy towards activities that matter. And I'm sitting here wondering "Well, what exactly is that"
I'm very certain that my dreams have been hinting to me this message. I've been having dozens of dreams where I would either be trying to walk home, or go to a certain location that I'm sure I know where it is, but I end up getting lost and end up somewhere else. And this is the dream, me constantly trying to find that "place"!
I don't think it comes from my family telling me what I should do.On the inside I can definitely feel there's something, but I'm not sure if I'm reaching it. As I'm reading I think "am I getting anywhere?" when I certainly feel like I'm not just sitting in one spot.
Maybe this has something to do with programming. The fact that sitting still and not doing much is seen as lazy or unproductive. When in reality, there have been people who have received visions by just sitting in one spot. They are seers, visionaries, prophets.
Anyways, to the point, tarot cards! I got some tarot cards maybe 2 years ago. I never asked for any, but I'm sure they could be of use. My mom got them for me. Secretly, I think my mom can read things about me lol No joke. She's really something sometime, but I think she has a kind of insight that she's not quite aware of.
She got me two different kind of tarot cards, regular tarot cards and angel tarot cards.
In the past I've picked up the book to read both, and I thought "This is going to take some time!" because it's a practice, and it takes learning. At the time I was learning 3 languages, so I didn't feel like I could fit in tarot cards, my head would probably explode.
This has made me realize that I'm trying to squeeze everything in within a short amount of time. I had school. reading all kind of books on metaphysics, learning a language, trying to deal with life. When I look at it I think that it doesn't sound like much, by I was over working my mind. And there were things going on in my head so I needed a break.
But back to the tarot cards. :3 I like the angel tarot cards, they're so pretty.I will definitely learn how to properly use tarot cards. The answers provided are mainly from our high self. Using tarots is like having faith in yourself, letting loose, believing, and allowing yourself to connect to your heart and inner being.
I think I haven't quite gotten to that point. Mainly I'm surface browsing and learning. Somehow, I feel that I may be trying to understand the surface, when the true answers are on the inside. It's not like I'm running out into the world to fix things, not yet anyways, but I'm putting together pieces, finding a common ground, on the surface. Making myself comfortable first.
I guess it would seem I'm looking for something on the surface, and deep down I know all the answers are within. Bleh. I'll figure it out eventually lol I'm not sure how close I am. Or if I'm already there. Maybe I'm expecting it to be some way, that I'll suddenly be able to see auras, or angels, or whatever. But I think I'm getting the wrong impression. Or maybe I'm getting so many impressions and I sorting them out.
Oh oh! Also, I've had two dreams so far where I'm helping people find something. One dream was about a friend of mines and my younger sister. Her cat ran away and I helped her find it. Then, about two days ago, I had a dream my friend's little sister's baby was kidnapped or missing O__o I dunno, and I was helping her find her baby.
I haven't looked into these dreams. Usually my dreams seem to have symbols over symbols. I also stopped writing my dreams down too lol they're so complicated sometimes. Also, sometimes my dreams are just junk dreams. Where my mind is just getting rid of stuff, just imagining and running wild.
Well, I think what led to me thinking so much is that I realized I'm getting to the age where people start to wonder about their careers. But I don't. And I would think "well, that's a problem isn't it?" but I don't think so. I've had this idea that we can plan what we want, but things don't always go this way.
I think I'm just taking whatever comes. But I also understand that some planning should be done though, you know. Like, we aren't just limited to a set plan, that we still have some free time, some time where we're free to pursue things we enjoy.
Such as with animation. "Do I really enjoy this?" is what I've been thinking. I'm not bored with drawing, but I've come to see that they expect an artist to draw so much! I draw so often lately because of all the things I've been reading and skills I've been honing (this is the reason I'm taking a break you see). There's so many things to do on earth! To think I use to say "I'm bored"as a child lol now I just utter "I can't fit everything in one day", with the relaxing, the watching a t.v. series, the reading about the t.v. series, learning how to improve my writing skill, learning to improve my baking skills, wanting to learn about herbs, wanting to travel, needing to fit in times to chat with friends, needing to learn how to animate. See! It's crazy lol
So animation is a part of it. So is cooking, and so is learning to garden. This is why I'm in my rut wondering "which one is more important? Which one should I focus on most?"
My birth chart says I shouln't give up art no matter what. A teacher's assistant at the school I attended downtown said that maybe I shouldn't consider animation as a career, but as a hobby. Of course I was frustrated with him lol But I guess I should. But then I wonder what I should do. I may have things I understand, but how to use that to work, or to provide for myself.
Thinking about all of this, I think to myself that the people who are my age, really shouldn't worry so much about things like careers. Especially if they aren't completely sure. I mean, I think there's this pressure that people have created that certain things should be done at a certain age. It's unnecessary pressure. There's this thing that people who are over 30 shouldn't live with their mothers, or parents, that by that age, they should have their own. That it's looked down upon. And although we aren't living in the past, such things were common. It gave their young adults time to focus on what they wanted to make of themselves, rather than forcing them to go out into a world where they're uncertain of themselves, let alone how they'll properly take care of themselves, when they aren't even sure who they are!
I think being in high school isn't even enough time to find out what we want to be, what we want to do etc. Some people are lucky to already know "this is what I've come to do!" but the lot of us are still uncertain.
In high school we're doing homework, trying to figure out where we fit in. For the most part, they leave high school just as confused, or feeling "it was full of people just copying each other" and by our senior years, we're expected to know what we want to go to college for. It's amazing how many people I hear are going for the same thing only because it pays well. And I think "is that all that matter? Is that why people choose a certain job?" and soon, they go out into the world, work in this field, and isn't happy. But they've started a life with children, and a husband, believing they've found their place, only to find that they aren't happy. So they job flop. From one job to the next, they keep doing this.
In high school I had an art teacher who said she did this. She is married and has children and she said she never thought she would be an art teacher, but that she loves her job!
So I think we should allow ourselves a lot of time to figure out who we are. Don't be afraid to sit still and just think "what do I wanna do?" and try it out. Get your feet wet. Don't just jump into the lake!
To me, 30 isn't old. Neither is 40. And even 50 isn't old. 60 is okay. And 70 is about the marker of a person who has seen a lot of life. 80 is great! And 90 could possible be the person who can say "I've found it finally. I understand who I am. What my purpose is."
And by then, some young people may go "isn't it too late? That person is old, they'll die soon right?"
That's not the purpose! It's never too late. I'd be happy to be on my deathbed and say "I finally see it now. I finally understand where I belong in all of this" then to pass on not knowing, or not finding out anything.
I wonder if to some people they wonder why this is important to me. Honestly, I can't say. I've been sitting here thinking "being in the limelight=success right?" I mean, you got people who will listen to you, they see you, you have money. But I thought that it doesn't take away the fact that you are still you when you return home. The only difference is you are you with people watching you. It doesn't equal answers. It's like shouting "hey look at me! I'm important because people know my name"
When in reality, the same thing can be held true for someone not very well known. They could be teachers, or police officers. They don't need the limelight to be important. For us to say that they matter. The attention is good, but it's not all that matters. Maybe it's the message they want to share.
You know, I don't dislike celebrities, I dislike the terms given to them. Such as the word "celebrity" it's like a term that separates them from us "common folk" when in reality, they aren't separate lol They are out neighbors on earth. They breath the same air. They travel like any other well paid person, or a person who saves up money to travel. Who cares if they drive nice cars? Or sport nice clothes? Those things don't make them. And if they think so, they have a lot to learn lol clothes are like camouflage. It covers the surface, but it never fools us that they are still who they are without it. A chameleon is still a chameleon regardless of the color it chooses.
It may make them feel goo to have those things. That they are well supported. But I've spoken to people who call the streets their home and I've learned more from them in 5 minutes than I have hearing a so called "celebrity" talk for 30 minutes in an interview. It may seem like I'm bashing them, no, I'm bashing the ones who place so much importance around them. They glorify these people, almost to the point of worshiping. I wonder if they've forgotten how fabulous they are as well.
When I think of famous people, I think of people getting attention paid to themselves, over things they enjoy doing. To them it may be "okay" or "fine" because it's like, why not? They're still doing what they enjoy. This is why I have nothing against some of them lol Some of them.
Just like some of them, there are those who seek it and expect things to get better. Or who misuse it. Then young people idolize them, and try to mimic them. They're trying out what someone else is, in order to see if it works for them. I have nothing against that. They'll break out of it eventually. But it's the terminology used for people in the limelight that just screams "I'm separate from you!" and it bugs me a little lol
This is all I thought when I thought "success= being in the limelight" and soon I came to the conclusion that I can still make a difference without the spotlight. It's not needed. I've read books by authors who some people may have never heard of, but their messages are good. The same goes for people in the limelight, I've heard some good messages from some of them, and I thought that it was nice to hear.
Well, enough of that. It took a completely 360 lol
In the end, tarot cards, limelight, all of that goodness. This will be titled "random post" lol I came in with a purpose and ended up talking about something I didn't intend on. Let it be known that if anyone were to have a conversation with me, it will likely be all over the place. I seriously need to learn to focus on one thing at a time lol I can see how this can be overwhelming.
That's all for now!
Have a great day and smile
Mon
Are you sure you're as young as you say you are? ;)
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