If I can come back as someone or something I'd come back as....

Evening!

I remember when I was younger me and my younger sister use to try to stand on water...puddles after it rained...or was that just me? Lol I'll have to ask her. Regardless, I was that kid who would think "oh! I can fly!" because I watched Peter Pan or something. Luckily I never tried anything too extreme haha

Anyway, I use to want to walk on water. So if I could come back as anything, I'd come back as a Jesus Lizard!!

TA-DA!!

Not only is the name cool, but it's really cute and can run on water! What more could I ask for? Also, it's a lizard...and it doesn't look creepy. For some reason turtles freak me out....their eyes look like little UFOs doesn't it? lol They're like miniature disk...like a CD or something. Eyes aren't suppose to be side ways. And snakes...I can tolerate snakes....just not their eyes.

But this lizard is cool! I just want to be an invincible lizard. I want to be a lizard that cannot be eaten, or stepped on, or anything. Just leave me to run on the water please!! Such a life must be exciting! If humans were to see me in my lizard ways, they'd probably be wondering why that one particular lizard keeps running around in circles on the surface of the water.

I just thought I'd share this. I use to think being a rock would be cool, but meh. I think I'd get bored just sitting in one spot all day. Also people would probably try to pick me up and toss me into the ocean as a skip rock, or just toss me into someone's window or into a tree...because humans can be destructive sometimes. If I were a rock, I'd hope someone would collect me and put me on a shelf somewhere. Then I can imagine I'm Woody from Toy Story lol Okay this is  getting weird....Why would a rock even know what the movie Toy Story is anyway?? lol

Night!

Mon

Plants

I'm no green thumb, but for some reason my mom purchased three new plants for me to grow!

I guess this while plant thing started a few years ago (maybe about three or four years ago) when my mom and I tried to grow our own vegetables. It didn't go well lol 

It's because, although my grandma had a lot of plants, besides my mom having a bit of knowledge of house plants, we didn't have much knowledge on growing vegetables. Super excited we started our journey. I think I spent most of the time sitting and watching them when they started sprouting. In my head I could hear myself saying "Yes! YEESSS! Grow my pretties!!" in some old witch voice! haha

After some time my mom just kind of slipped off of watering duties. At the time I didn't know watering plants and leaving them in the sun could burn the leaves. Well all and all they all ended up dying lol We didn't have a plant light so there was no where to put them during the winter when they needed light.

After that experience, I just kept trying. I'm still trying to this day. But I am watching videos and reading articles about the plants I have. Yet, on top of trying to juggle learning new material for 3D modeling, and plants, my mom decided to get a new plant for me. This time it's an Aloe Vera plant. I wouldn't be surprise if I tried to press ctrl+V to try to water my plant and actually use a cup to water my laptop and place my laptop in the sun to grow lol Learning two new things at the same time could probably cause that.

To not tire myself out, I put aside my language studies. Although our brains are capable of a lot, I'm trying to learn to focus and complete projects. The language studies weren't much. Perhaps I should continue learning. 

Anyway, an aloe vera plant, I still don't know much about it. I haven't sat down to learn. Any tips? I put the Amaryllis plant away to doormat. In a video I watched a guy put his away at the start of this month, so I did to. I put it in my closet lol we don't have a basement. I hope it sleeps well. Actually, I'm a but concerned that I decided too soon. The weather feels like spring here. It's so strange....

I shouldn't overthink it.

So she got we this Aloe Vera plant and two vegetable plants. I'm not gonna plant the vegetable plants until the spring of next year. My mom doesn't care much on the season that is best for the plant lol I asked her "what's the best season for the Aloe Vera plant?" And she responses "It's all year around" so I checked the label that it came with and it said that summer is best lol My mom, jeez...

For now it should be fine because there's a soft light coming through the living room. The issue is getting a plant light if it's needed. I should do some research.

Actually, sometimes I feel that my head is gonna fall off sometimes. If it weren't for sleep I'm sure I'd become exhausted. But I enjoy learning this stuff. I'm just not sure how I'll use any of it. But as I've been telling myself, it really doesn't matter. I enjoy it either way. The moment I feel like I'm actually working, I won't want to do it anymore lol If it feels like work, I'm as stubborn as an ox...are ox stubborn?? But because I'm thinking "Oh! This would be interesting to learn" it does take time, but it doesn't feel like work.

Now a portfolio, THAT feels like work. So I'm not looking forward to it. The fact that I'm creating something to show to people is very off putting to me. Usually I like to show things that I didn't intend to show others because while I'm working on it, my intentions is not to woo someone or impress them, it's simply to tell a story or something. I have a tough time balancing both.

Well, on the odd chance that animation doesn't work for me, perhaps I could become a farmer or something! lol I can at least water plants...oh god, I hope me joking about that doesn't make it come true xD

Mon

Can't sleep

It's not that I can't sleep, my mind just started coming up with ideas and thoughts about things I want to work on. The same thing happens the very first day of class when I return after break. Which is strange because I'm not much a fan of school, but I do love learning. It's a weird contradiction, I know.

I decided to just stop trying to fight my thoughts. Usually they're just things I"m kind of excited about finishing. Earlier today I didn't work on much. I started over on a game I never finished. It's been six years since I've played. Isn't that a shame? I always tell myself that if I purchase something or am giving something I won't let it go to waste.

So perhaps I should write about what I'm thinking at the moment. Well, I've been working on a few things as always. That and dealing with getting things situated with my school. I actually yelled at my financial adviser, which is certainly not good. But I didn't lose my mind. I actually knew what I was saying. The issue is that I wish she would've just stopped saying the same thing she's been saying for the past 5 weeks and hear what I'm saying. I think as my financial adviser I deserve that much. Of course, she didn't quite lose her cool. Regardless, we're still dealing with the problem. I just seriously threw my hands in the air with this one lol But I'm sure everything will be okay. I'm sorry adviser.

Anyway, I'm about to work on a female 3D model. It's a character I'll visit in my mind sometimes. I can't quite get her story down. Usually I turn to my dreams for some kind of guidance, as they don't hold anything back when it comes to making things up, but recently I guess I've been a bit stressed out and can't recall my dreams.


But regardless, I've been working on her head for a while. I have an idea of what she's wearing, that she has a son she really cares about, that she was married, but the story is still a little hazy. Pretty much I have more of an idea of how she feels, rather than what her entire story is.

So I'm about to work on her clothes. I've been unwrapping the Uvs of a scarecrow named Nameless (my mom named him lol). Unwrapping Uvs is pretty much when you take a 3D object and fit it to a 2D surface to texture it. If you look up Modeling Uvs you can find some examples.

I've also been thinking about school and graduating and what I want to do in life.

Here's the thing, I don't know exactly what I want to do. It makes me think back to when I chose this college, it was simply because I wanted to learn to see my characters move. And as the classes progressed it wasn't me thinking "Hey! I can see myself doing this for years!" it was more like "What can I learn next!"

I don't think about what I can do with my skills, I just think about the projects I want to create. Every time I find myself thinking that that's not a good way to live, I realize that it's disrespectful to myself to say so. Just because everyone lives their life a certain way, doesn't mean I have to. I'm sure my life isn't mapped out the same as another.

*sighs* So unfortunately, it seems that for these last two classes I'll be taking, we have to choose what we want our focus to be on. My younger sister actually said "if you don't do animation, at least you can turn to becoming a writer" I never considered it because I'm not much of a grammar fanatic. I barely use punctuation marks, and honestly I use to get bad grades in English! lol Believe it or not. But I write. I always write out ideas, or I'm jotting something down from a video or from something I've read.

I won't say I can't become a writer, but I wouldn't even know where to start. I don't know if I'd be worried about whether or not someone will read my book, but it's the deadline thing that will bother me. I couldn't imagine someone hammering down my neck for me to come up with a scene within a certain amount of time. At the same time, it forces me to actually work.

I dawdle in thought a lot sometimes, but I also know I have to put pen to paper as well.

Anyway, I love creating characters. I like seeing what kind of person they'll be or the kind of person they are. Sometimes they seem like a blur. I also like thinking up environments. I've been complimented on my character illustration. Most are characters for webcomics, but the main one's have an anime like style. I don't want to always turn to that style, so I've been focusing on creating new things.

I think this is tough! I've gotten so use to seeing the world in a certain way, but I know it's not impossible. It's all about looking at things differently. I certainly won't disable myself nor my mind to create. Creation can be a lot of things!

For example, the night before I was working on some creepy characters. I was wondering if I could create something scary lol I succeeded a bit I guess because I showed my sister and she handed it back to me lol xD

I wanted my portfolio to have some creepy character's in it, and not just humans, but somehow it's turning out to have these cute little scarecrows. However, I love horror stuff...okay, some horror stuff. I like supernatural things. But it's weird, because if you look around my room, nothing in it would this. My room is quite plain to be honest.

Yet during my teen years, when we stayed in this house and I had a big room, I taped as many of my drawings to my wall as I possibly could. Where some people would post pictures of their favorite singers/actors, I was hanging up my own work. It sounds coincided doesn't it lol But it was because when people come in, they could see something different. We all knew who Brad Pitt was, or the most common singers were back then right, but not any people see a person's artwork on display.

In the end, I guess I'll just look my teacher in the face and say I can't choose. That perhaps he can choose for me. I don't like tearing myself apart and choosing just one piece. It's like a puzzle, if I do that the picture is incomplete. My mom has said "why not try to work at Pixar?"

It's such a common place! A teacher of mines said that at major companies like Pixar or Dreamworks, they hire people to work in one particular place. So if you're a modeler, you model and that's all.

I'm not just a modeler, or an illustrator. I need variety! If I don't get that I'll become restless. It's why I work on multiple things at once. It keeps me sane lol But it's also why I don't like deadlines because my focus isn't so good. I can focus though, I CAN work on a project for a few hours, but then I need to mix it up.

I'd hate for someone to try and force me to be something I'm not. It's one of my worries. I'd like for them to understand the kind of artist I am. I have to say I admire Michelangelo for dedicating four years to painting the Sistine Chapel. And seeing that Leonardo had unfinished pieces put my mind at ease.

But maybe, just maybe, being this way can work in my benefit. It means there may be lots of opportunities for me in the future. Maybe I shouldn't worry. After all, it doesn't help, right? It's kind of a pointless amount of stress for a future I'm not even living.

Which is why I dedicated this summer break to working on what I want to work on. I figured that if I'm passionate about what I work on, I'll be happier to show what I have. I'll just show what I have, and that'll be the end of it.

It bothers me to hear some teachers say that some students aren't serious about going into this field. They say that some of the students just enjoy seeing animation or playing video games, and they just say "Hey! I'd like to do that!" But aren't passionate about it. Because I felt that way before coming to the school hahaha

Had it not been for those I admire, I wouldn't have started this journey. I've been writing and drawing for years now. To have someone say that it's not passion, whether you like watching something and want to replicate it or not, is not for someone to just judge and call you a fake. In a way, it seems that's what they're saying.

If it's a simple hobby, a person deserves to test the water. We flip flop. We try things. Being judged on the things we like does not help us find our niche in life. It may actually discourage some people. It's like giving us a box of costumes and allowing us to play dress up.

I'm one of the lucky few who just kept going. Who's always going with the things I like. I won't stop. Hopefully this will help others who have something they're interested in.

I'm going to stay up a bit longer.

So until next time

Mon

Happy! + Allergies?

A classmate of mines from my previous campus got married! I'm so happy!

I remember when I went to revisit the campus before I started back to school at my original campus. Before I left the campus I revisited, I told myself I would purchase a gift for my teacher who got married last year. I was very determined! I almost thought I wouldn't be able to give it to her given the circumstances that day, but it worked out.

Anyway, when I went to visit and give her the gift, my previous classmate entered and my teacher told me that he'll be getting married soon too. I have to say that I had quite a bit of excitement stirring up. The thing is I didn't show it. I can get overly happy to the point where most people think I'm over-exaggerating lol But I'd love to jump up and down!

I even remember a time when he was talking in class about how he was watching his then girlfriend play GTA (Grand Theft Auto....it's a video game), and how she'd stop at every light, and when he asked her why she was just sitting there, she replied "the light is red" lol Of course, if anyone as ever played GTA, they know that normal rules don't apply to the gamer and running a red light is okay.

Anyway, he posted a picture and my heart is all fluttery. I so happy.

I've actually only been to one wedding before. I didn't cry (thank god I'm not that emotional!), but I do get very happy. It was okay, it seemed more like a Barbecue afterwards, than a wedding lol Recently a lot of people that I've known are moving forward in their lives. People are getting married or having children!

I guess that's normal stuff! No surprise!

Besides that very lovely news, I've been a bit under the weather...okay I'm not sick, but I seriously thought I was. About three or four days ago my mom was talking about how she had a headache and her head was very stuffy. She said she it was her sinuses acting up.

The next day I noticed I was starting to have a sore throat. Throughout the progression of the day I noticed it was getting worse. Then the following day the sore throat was gone but a new problem was arising, a STUFFY NOSE!!! And I still had a constantly cough, that and quite a bit of sneezing.

My younger sister was constantly saying that I have a cold, but I told her it's not a cold. She says all colds are not the same, but the thing is I know when I have a cold. I feel very drained and I just want to sleep.

Yet, even with thinking that I wondered if it was a cold. I mean my mom had some strange symptoms, and then the next day I end up the way I do.

So I did some research and found that cold symptoms and allergies are very common. The differences are only a few things, a fever and the phlegm color. Sure enough mines if clear. I remember speaking with my grandma about this last year during our visit. She mentioned the exact same thing because during that time she said her allergies were acting up. I was under the impression that she had a cold lol but it was way too hot (it was during the summer) to catch a cold.

So I've been drinking one to two cups of tea per day and drinking water...and constantly dabbing my nose with a tissue lol But the tissue is so rough. I want some soft tissues please!

Actually, I remember thinking yesterday that if I have a cold, I wish all my colds would be this way! Because my nose only becomes runny for about an hour or a bit longer, then it stops for a while and starts up again. I still have a cough and it feels like I'm trying to clear something out, which is why I'm drinking tea.

I've decided to just purchase an air purifier through amazon.

Thinking about this it made me remember that about a week or so ago my dog was having a tough time breathing. In reality, it was  more like he was trying to hack something up, or coughing. Dogs, probably similar to cats, have two different ways of smelling (cats are just weird! You know that thing where they sniff and when they lift their heads their mouth is partially opened....yeah they're deep sniffing. It freaks me out a little lol I use to think it was funny until I realized what they were doing), so he was probably ingesting something in the air.

If I can make a theory, I noticed that when he followed me into the bathroom he wasn't doing it. So that day when it started again, I recommended turning off the A/C. It took a while, but he suddenly stopped. So perhaps the air conditioner blew something into the air. It makes me wonder if they've changed the filters in the AC's in this apartment.

Then again, the guy who we spoke to about the place (the landlord??) said they'd be pulling up the carpets and putting out some new one's over the summer, and that hasn't even happened. I wouldn't put it past them (the fact that they didn't change the filter.

But my question is why now all of a sudden? Was it because my mom made me think about it? But people have spoken about allergies before in the past and I never had a reaction. Another theory I came up with was the fact that our apartment is near a bunch of trees (it's kind of like a small forest). We've never lived by one before, so perhaps this could be it.

I think it could be a number of reason, but I never thought I'd have any kind of allergies. It turns out that our bodies can often mistake certain unharmful allergens as something that is harmful and it can cause this kind of reaction.

This is the reason I plan to buy an air purifier. I wonder if it will make a different. We'll see.

Mon