Metaphysics

I didn't realize how exhausted I am! Thankfully my classes are over. It was quite a journey but now it time for me to restore myself and recharge.

Through the past 3 months I'd find myself realizing that I have been neglecting my reading on spiritual stuff. It was one of my favorite interest until a few months ago! Recently I've been focusing on school and projects. But I'll notice that I'm too stuck in the world and sometimes I'll just stop and take in nature or watch some birds to help me to not feel like life is moving  at such a fast pace. It actually helps!!  <3

On another note, I've started doing a bit more reading :) and during my trip back to Chicago from Mississippi, I bought a pendulum crystal. It's the one that's suppose to connect you to your subconscious. Which sounds like fun! I honestly don't feel that meditation is my style (the one where you sit in silence) even though I do prefer silence when I'm thinking or working. Since returning, the crystal has been stored away it the little baggy for it.

I knew I've been a bit stressed out and really tired, so attempting anything probably wouldn't have worked (or I wouldn't have gotten much done). So I'm a bit happy to began writing more on this topic.

Oh! By the way, yesterday (which was my last day) it made me aware that no one has the same story. It always amazes me! My teacher was talking to me and a few other students about his life growing up. Although I felt myself dosing off multiple times while listening (I only had about and hour to two hours worth of sleep yesterday, hint the sleepiness)it was really interesting because looking at him I never would have imagined he experienced so much before becoming a teacher.

It's honestly my fault for feeling this way. I sometimes place people in high regards. It's mainly because I see them as they are at the present moment, not who they might be/were. Because my teacher is very organized, and despite him begin strict, I felt that he was passionate about teaching what he did. Which I also felt the first time I took this class (this is only my second time taking this class and he's the only one who teaches it).

Anyway, he was very opened and it helped me to understand why he's so strict in his lessons. Overall, he's certainly not a bad person even though a lot of students dislike him. But I think they just don't understand why he came to be the way he is. I respect him a bit more.

Perhaps to me, it's about the same way I feel about my mom. She often tells me stories about her childhood. The only problem is that she's kind of cold, and this is because of her childhood. This issue with that is that I don't think she has  tried to do much to improve and move beyond it, as compared to my teacher who has worked hard to get to where he is. What's interesting is that I've never heard him complain about anything (only about how other teachers teach...or rather their lack of teachings lol). I guess I shouldn't compare the two. I'm sure my mom is doing her best. Sometimes even I can see it.

Then again, is it even worth seeing the good in others. Although it lets me see a shed of hope in them, does it really do anything for them? Sometimes I wonder if me seeing the good in them is only a way for me to make an excuse for manipulative and damaging behavior. In the end, even if I do see the good in them, it's their actions and their lives that they must live with, not my thoughts of them. My thoughts don't make them good or bad, but it does help me see.

Oh! Back to the crystal! I guess I'll write a few things about that :) And perhaps some other things. Right now, I'm very sleepy, so I'm gonna head off.

Mon