If I can come back as someone or something I'd come back as....

Evening!

I remember when I was younger me and my younger sister use to try to stand on water...puddles after it rained...or was that just me? Lol I'll have to ask her. Regardless, I was that kid who would think "oh! I can fly!" because I watched Peter Pan or something. Luckily I never tried anything too extreme haha

Anyway, I use to want to walk on water. So if I could come back as anything, I'd come back as a Jesus Lizard!!

TA-DA!!

Not only is the name cool, but it's really cute and can run on water! What more could I ask for? Also, it's a lizard...and it doesn't look creepy. For some reason turtles freak me out....their eyes look like little UFOs doesn't it? lol They're like miniature disk...like a CD or something. Eyes aren't suppose to be side ways. And snakes...I can tolerate snakes....just not their eyes.

But this lizard is cool! I just want to be an invincible lizard. I want to be a lizard that cannot be eaten, or stepped on, or anything. Just leave me to run on the water please!! Such a life must be exciting! If humans were to see me in my lizard ways, they'd probably be wondering why that one particular lizard keeps running around in circles on the surface of the water.

I just thought I'd share this. I use to think being a rock would be cool, but meh. I think I'd get bored just sitting in one spot all day. Also people would probably try to pick me up and toss me into the ocean as a skip rock, or just toss me into someone's window or into a tree...because humans can be destructive sometimes. If I were a rock, I'd hope someone would collect me and put me on a shelf somewhere. Then I can imagine I'm Woody from Toy Story lol Okay this is  getting weird....Why would a rock even know what the movie Toy Story is anyway?? lol

Night!

Mon

Plants

I'm no green thumb, but for some reason my mom purchased three new plants for me to grow!

I guess this while plant thing started a few years ago (maybe about three or four years ago) when my mom and I tried to grow our own vegetables. It didn't go well lol 

It's because, although my grandma had a lot of plants, besides my mom having a bit of knowledge of house plants, we didn't have much knowledge on growing vegetables. Super excited we started our journey. I think I spent most of the time sitting and watching them when they started sprouting. In my head I could hear myself saying "Yes! YEESSS! Grow my pretties!!" in some old witch voice! haha

After some time my mom just kind of slipped off of watering duties. At the time I didn't know watering plants and leaving them in the sun could burn the leaves. Well all and all they all ended up dying lol We didn't have a plant light so there was no where to put them during the winter when they needed light.

After that experience, I just kept trying. I'm still trying to this day. But I am watching videos and reading articles about the plants I have. Yet, on top of trying to juggle learning new material for 3D modeling, and plants, my mom decided to get a new plant for me. This time it's an Aloe Vera plant. I wouldn't be surprise if I tried to press ctrl+V to try to water my plant and actually use a cup to water my laptop and place my laptop in the sun to grow lol Learning two new things at the same time could probably cause that.

To not tire myself out, I put aside my language studies. Although our brains are capable of a lot, I'm trying to learn to focus and complete projects. The language studies weren't much. Perhaps I should continue learning. 

Anyway, an aloe vera plant, I still don't know much about it. I haven't sat down to learn. Any tips? I put the Amaryllis plant away to doormat. In a video I watched a guy put his away at the start of this month, so I did to. I put it in my closet lol we don't have a basement. I hope it sleeps well. Actually, I'm a but concerned that I decided too soon. The weather feels like spring here. It's so strange....

I shouldn't overthink it.

So she got we this Aloe Vera plant and two vegetable plants. I'm not gonna plant the vegetable plants until the spring of next year. My mom doesn't care much on the season that is best for the plant lol I asked her "what's the best season for the Aloe Vera plant?" And she responses "It's all year around" so I checked the label that it came with and it said that summer is best lol My mom, jeez...

For now it should be fine because there's a soft light coming through the living room. The issue is getting a plant light if it's needed. I should do some research.

Actually, sometimes I feel that my head is gonna fall off sometimes. If it weren't for sleep I'm sure I'd become exhausted. But I enjoy learning this stuff. I'm just not sure how I'll use any of it. But as I've been telling myself, it really doesn't matter. I enjoy it either way. The moment I feel like I'm actually working, I won't want to do it anymore lol If it feels like work, I'm as stubborn as an ox...are ox stubborn?? But because I'm thinking "Oh! This would be interesting to learn" it does take time, but it doesn't feel like work.

Now a portfolio, THAT feels like work. So I'm not looking forward to it. The fact that I'm creating something to show to people is very off putting to me. Usually I like to show things that I didn't intend to show others because while I'm working on it, my intentions is not to woo someone or impress them, it's simply to tell a story or something. I have a tough time balancing both.

Well, on the odd chance that animation doesn't work for me, perhaps I could become a farmer or something! lol I can at least water plants...oh god, I hope me joking about that doesn't make it come true xD

Mon

Can't sleep

It's not that I can't sleep, my mind just started coming up with ideas and thoughts about things I want to work on. The same thing happens the very first day of class when I return after break. Which is strange because I'm not much a fan of school, but I do love learning. It's a weird contradiction, I know.

I decided to just stop trying to fight my thoughts. Usually they're just things I"m kind of excited about finishing. Earlier today I didn't work on much. I started over on a game I never finished. It's been six years since I've played. Isn't that a shame? I always tell myself that if I purchase something or am giving something I won't let it go to waste.

So perhaps I should write about what I'm thinking at the moment. Well, I've been working on a few things as always. That and dealing with getting things situated with my school. I actually yelled at my financial adviser, which is certainly not good. But I didn't lose my mind. I actually knew what I was saying. The issue is that I wish she would've just stopped saying the same thing she's been saying for the past 5 weeks and hear what I'm saying. I think as my financial adviser I deserve that much. Of course, she didn't quite lose her cool. Regardless, we're still dealing with the problem. I just seriously threw my hands in the air with this one lol But I'm sure everything will be okay. I'm sorry adviser.

Anyway, I'm about to work on a female 3D model. It's a character I'll visit in my mind sometimes. I can't quite get her story down. Usually I turn to my dreams for some kind of guidance, as they don't hold anything back when it comes to making things up, but recently I guess I've been a bit stressed out and can't recall my dreams.


But regardless, I've been working on her head for a while. I have an idea of what she's wearing, that she has a son she really cares about, that she was married, but the story is still a little hazy. Pretty much I have more of an idea of how she feels, rather than what her entire story is.

So I'm about to work on her clothes. I've been unwrapping the Uvs of a scarecrow named Nameless (my mom named him lol). Unwrapping Uvs is pretty much when you take a 3D object and fit it to a 2D surface to texture it. If you look up Modeling Uvs you can find some examples.

I've also been thinking about school and graduating and what I want to do in life.

Here's the thing, I don't know exactly what I want to do. It makes me think back to when I chose this college, it was simply because I wanted to learn to see my characters move. And as the classes progressed it wasn't me thinking "Hey! I can see myself doing this for years!" it was more like "What can I learn next!"

I don't think about what I can do with my skills, I just think about the projects I want to create. Every time I find myself thinking that that's not a good way to live, I realize that it's disrespectful to myself to say so. Just because everyone lives their life a certain way, doesn't mean I have to. I'm sure my life isn't mapped out the same as another.

*sighs* So unfortunately, it seems that for these last two classes I'll be taking, we have to choose what we want our focus to be on. My younger sister actually said "if you don't do animation, at least you can turn to becoming a writer" I never considered it because I'm not much of a grammar fanatic. I barely use punctuation marks, and honestly I use to get bad grades in English! lol Believe it or not. But I write. I always write out ideas, or I'm jotting something down from a video or from something I've read.

I won't say I can't become a writer, but I wouldn't even know where to start. I don't know if I'd be worried about whether or not someone will read my book, but it's the deadline thing that will bother me. I couldn't imagine someone hammering down my neck for me to come up with a scene within a certain amount of time. At the same time, it forces me to actually work.

I dawdle in thought a lot sometimes, but I also know I have to put pen to paper as well.

Anyway, I love creating characters. I like seeing what kind of person they'll be or the kind of person they are. Sometimes they seem like a blur. I also like thinking up environments. I've been complimented on my character illustration. Most are characters for webcomics, but the main one's have an anime like style. I don't want to always turn to that style, so I've been focusing on creating new things.

I think this is tough! I've gotten so use to seeing the world in a certain way, but I know it's not impossible. It's all about looking at things differently. I certainly won't disable myself nor my mind to create. Creation can be a lot of things!

For example, the night before I was working on some creepy characters. I was wondering if I could create something scary lol I succeeded a bit I guess because I showed my sister and she handed it back to me lol xD

I wanted my portfolio to have some creepy character's in it, and not just humans, but somehow it's turning out to have these cute little scarecrows. However, I love horror stuff...okay, some horror stuff. I like supernatural things. But it's weird, because if you look around my room, nothing in it would this. My room is quite plain to be honest.

Yet during my teen years, when we stayed in this house and I had a big room, I taped as many of my drawings to my wall as I possibly could. Where some people would post pictures of their favorite singers/actors, I was hanging up my own work. It sounds coincided doesn't it lol But it was because when people come in, they could see something different. We all knew who Brad Pitt was, or the most common singers were back then right, but not any people see a person's artwork on display.

In the end, I guess I'll just look my teacher in the face and say I can't choose. That perhaps he can choose for me. I don't like tearing myself apart and choosing just one piece. It's like a puzzle, if I do that the picture is incomplete. My mom has said "why not try to work at Pixar?"

It's such a common place! A teacher of mines said that at major companies like Pixar or Dreamworks, they hire people to work in one particular place. So if you're a modeler, you model and that's all.

I'm not just a modeler, or an illustrator. I need variety! If I don't get that I'll become restless. It's why I work on multiple things at once. It keeps me sane lol But it's also why I don't like deadlines because my focus isn't so good. I can focus though, I CAN work on a project for a few hours, but then I need to mix it up.

I'd hate for someone to try and force me to be something I'm not. It's one of my worries. I'd like for them to understand the kind of artist I am. I have to say I admire Michelangelo for dedicating four years to painting the Sistine Chapel. And seeing that Leonardo had unfinished pieces put my mind at ease.

But maybe, just maybe, being this way can work in my benefit. It means there may be lots of opportunities for me in the future. Maybe I shouldn't worry. After all, it doesn't help, right? It's kind of a pointless amount of stress for a future I'm not even living.

Which is why I dedicated this summer break to working on what I want to work on. I figured that if I'm passionate about what I work on, I'll be happier to show what I have. I'll just show what I have, and that'll be the end of it.

It bothers me to hear some teachers say that some students aren't serious about going into this field. They say that some of the students just enjoy seeing animation or playing video games, and they just say "Hey! I'd like to do that!" But aren't passionate about it. Because I felt that way before coming to the school hahaha

Had it not been for those I admire, I wouldn't have started this journey. I've been writing and drawing for years now. To have someone say that it's not passion, whether you like watching something and want to replicate it or not, is not for someone to just judge and call you a fake. In a way, it seems that's what they're saying.

If it's a simple hobby, a person deserves to test the water. We flip flop. We try things. Being judged on the things we like does not help us find our niche in life. It may actually discourage some people. It's like giving us a box of costumes and allowing us to play dress up.

I'm one of the lucky few who just kept going. Who's always going with the things I like. I won't stop. Hopefully this will help others who have something they're interested in.

I'm going to stay up a bit longer.

So until next time

Mon

Happy! + Allergies?

A classmate of mines from my previous campus got married! I'm so happy!

I remember when I went to revisit the campus before I started back to school at my original campus. Before I left the campus I revisited, I told myself I would purchase a gift for my teacher who got married last year. I was very determined! I almost thought I wouldn't be able to give it to her given the circumstances that day, but it worked out.

Anyway, when I went to visit and give her the gift, my previous classmate entered and my teacher told me that he'll be getting married soon too. I have to say that I had quite a bit of excitement stirring up. The thing is I didn't show it. I can get overly happy to the point where most people think I'm over-exaggerating lol But I'd love to jump up and down!

I even remember a time when he was talking in class about how he was watching his then girlfriend play GTA (Grand Theft Auto....it's a video game), and how she'd stop at every light, and when he asked her why she was just sitting there, she replied "the light is red" lol Of course, if anyone as ever played GTA, they know that normal rules don't apply to the gamer and running a red light is okay.

Anyway, he posted a picture and my heart is all fluttery. I so happy.

I've actually only been to one wedding before. I didn't cry (thank god I'm not that emotional!), but I do get very happy. It was okay, it seemed more like a Barbecue afterwards, than a wedding lol Recently a lot of people that I've known are moving forward in their lives. People are getting married or having children!

I guess that's normal stuff! No surprise!

Besides that very lovely news, I've been a bit under the weather...okay I'm not sick, but I seriously thought I was. About three or four days ago my mom was talking about how she had a headache and her head was very stuffy. She said she it was her sinuses acting up.

The next day I noticed I was starting to have a sore throat. Throughout the progression of the day I noticed it was getting worse. Then the following day the sore throat was gone but a new problem was arising, a STUFFY NOSE!!! And I still had a constantly cough, that and quite a bit of sneezing.

My younger sister was constantly saying that I have a cold, but I told her it's not a cold. She says all colds are not the same, but the thing is I know when I have a cold. I feel very drained and I just want to sleep.

Yet, even with thinking that I wondered if it was a cold. I mean my mom had some strange symptoms, and then the next day I end up the way I do.

So I did some research and found that cold symptoms and allergies are very common. The differences are only a few things, a fever and the phlegm color. Sure enough mines if clear. I remember speaking with my grandma about this last year during our visit. She mentioned the exact same thing because during that time she said her allergies were acting up. I was under the impression that she had a cold lol but it was way too hot (it was during the summer) to catch a cold.

So I've been drinking one to two cups of tea per day and drinking water...and constantly dabbing my nose with a tissue lol But the tissue is so rough. I want some soft tissues please!

Actually, I remember thinking yesterday that if I have a cold, I wish all my colds would be this way! Because my nose only becomes runny for about an hour or a bit longer, then it stops for a while and starts up again. I still have a cough and it feels like I'm trying to clear something out, which is why I'm drinking tea.

I've decided to just purchase an air purifier through amazon.

Thinking about this it made me remember that about a week or so ago my dog was having a tough time breathing. In reality, it was  more like he was trying to hack something up, or coughing. Dogs, probably similar to cats, have two different ways of smelling (cats are just weird! You know that thing where they sniff and when they lift their heads their mouth is partially opened....yeah they're deep sniffing. It freaks me out a little lol I use to think it was funny until I realized what they were doing), so he was probably ingesting something in the air.

If I can make a theory, I noticed that when he followed me into the bathroom he wasn't doing it. So that day when it started again, I recommended turning off the A/C. It took a while, but he suddenly stopped. So perhaps the air conditioner blew something into the air. It makes me wonder if they've changed the filters in the AC's in this apartment.

Then again, the guy who we spoke to about the place (the landlord??) said they'd be pulling up the carpets and putting out some new one's over the summer, and that hasn't even happened. I wouldn't put it past them (the fact that they didn't change the filter.

But my question is why now all of a sudden? Was it because my mom made me think about it? But people have spoken about allergies before in the past and I never had a reaction. Another theory I came up with was the fact that our apartment is near a bunch of trees (it's kind of like a small forest). We've never lived by one before, so perhaps this could be it.

I think it could be a number of reason, but I never thought I'd have any kind of allergies. It turns out that our bodies can often mistake certain unharmful allergens as something that is harmful and it can cause this kind of reaction.

This is the reason I plan to buy an air purifier. I wonder if it will make a different. We'll see.

Mon

4th of July, Updates, Pictures!

How was everyone's 4th of July? If you don't celebrate it, it's totally cool. I didn't light fireworks, but I did drink wine coolers and had pizza on the balcony with my mom. We were able to see the fireworks from our balcony and she even lit a fire in this firepit thingy. I don't know what it's called.

The first looks a lot bigger than it actually was lol But I sat out there for a bit and I seriously enjoyed the warm feeling from the fire.

I'm not much a fan of fireworks anymore. I think even when I was younger I never liked the loud sound, but I did like sparklers, the same as I do now. They're pretty! My older sister is the opposite lol She likes the loud fireworks and she likes mixing fireworks together (the same fireworks in the same bottle and lighting them at once). Of course I think it's dangerous, so I stay indoors or I'll shout at her from inside the house lol Like "Don't do that! You'll burn off your eyebrows if you do"

This picture was taken on the 3rd. Seriously people were popping fireworks two days in advance where I live lol But yesterday I went for a very long walk with my mom and nephew. We ended up walking around the neighborhood because my mom wanted my nephew to take a nap, but he didn't seem to want to do so. While walking I spotted some very beautiful things:

 It's an apple tree!!

It doesn't seem very exciting until you realize where this is. It's on someone's front lawn! This might be common for for people, but I've never seen one on someone's front lawn before. I see sakura trees (cherry blossom trees), but never apple trees. So I snapped a few pictures. I hope the owners don't mind that I was gawking at their tree lol

A lot of the houses had done their lawns very nicely.

 I didn't mean to snap a photo of their car.

I really enjoyed seeing this here! My heart was gonna explode, even though it's something so simple xD

It was a little warm during the walk and I wish I brought a bottle of water, but unfortunately I didn't think that far ahead lol Eventually it cooled down, but don't the clouds look amazing! The clouds always look a lot closer than they actually are. It really gives the feeling of depth and makes me understand that we're living in a 3 dimensional space. Most people wouldn't even care for this kind of thought,right? lol

On the way back we came across a park! My nephew really loves the slides, so he played on that for a while. My mom put him on the swings, but he doesn't enjoy the swing. Eventually two other women joined, a Granny and her two grandsons and a lady and her daughter. Her daughter said "hi" to my nephew, and he responded back by saying "hi" and waved to her lol I thought it was the cutest thing and I wanted to hug him so badly. He's only 1 and is still learning to speak, so he can't say much. But it's amazing that he understood her when she said hi. Yeah, I feel very dorky at time over the smallest things.

So the girl tried to play on the slides with him but he couldn't keep up.

After the park, we started to head back and I came across these. I'm sure my mom probably tired of me stopping to snap photos, but flowers are a must when I go out lol

They're very pretty flowers, right? Anyway, he didn't stay up much longer. We barely made it five minute away before he was down for the count lol

Also, speaking of flowers the day before yesterday I finally decided to plant a gift I got for Christmas. It's an Amaryllis flower.

Of course I enjoyed the gift, but up until now, I was afraid to plant it out of fear it would die. At the moment it isn't much, but in the end it will be beautiful like this:

Although the process may be long, I enjoy watching plants/flowers sprout! Because they go from being these tiny green buds into something that is close to looking like a plant. It's amazing! And what's even more is that I grew the plant...okay the plant grew itself, but I helped it out. :) The power of creation!

That's all for now. I hope you enjoyed the pictures. I decided to add them to not just keep slamming words into your face lol

Mon

Pendulum success!

Good morning!

There's only 13 minutes until noon as I'm typing this. So first, I'm super happy, and a little excited. I decided to sit down with the pendulum I got from Earth Bound at 11:30 and test it out. Needless to say that it immediately started to move.

Okay, let me go back. So on the back of the sheet that comes with the pendulum (there's also a little velvet bag to place the pendulum in) it gives two different instructions. One if the line test. You would simple draw a line on a sheet of paper and would place the pendulum in the center of the line and make it move using your mind. It sounds  a bit silly, but it started working immediately for me. I was surprised because I was expecting for it to take a few days or even weeks to get!

So when it started moving, I stopped, shook my hands to make sure I wasn't moving it by accident. I then steadied the pendulum with my other hand and placed my elbow on the table. The pendulum started moving again! First it started off slowly, then it built up. I was like "noooo!" So I flipped the paper over and drew the line on the turned horizontally. It started swinging again!

Then I said "Okay then, let's see how I do with this one." Which was the next phase. It was to draw a circle on a sheet of paper, and the first part is to make it rotate clockwise, and then make it rotate counterclockwise.

I placed the pendulum in the center of the circle and sat still (it should also be noted that I have no windows opened, or a fan on. The only thing that is on is the AC in the living room. I'm in my bedroom). At first it wasn't moving, but I told myself clockwise. And it slowly started rotating in the center until it grew out and started to follow the circle on the paper going clockwise. My mind was blown at this point lol

I decided to test myself a bit more (or there could be spirits around me who made this work, I'm not sure. But either way, they were probably working through me to make the pendulum move. I'll have to do a bit of research) and I decided to attempt to stop the pendulum from swinging clockwise and stop directly in the center. It started to wind down (it took a bit longer to slow down), but eventually it stopped, so when it stopped I wanted to make it go counterclockwise.

I guess it was a bit confused because it started to slowly go clockwise, before it started to move counterclockwise in a circle. I let it do that for a while and made it stopped. How I knew when it was me moving we when I notice my wrist was getting tired and my hand started shaking, so the pendulum rocked at the resting point lol So I stopped 13 minutes in because my wrist are kind of weak (they seem rather skinny I think).

Anyway, I'm not sure if it was my mind or what that did the work, but whatever it was wasted no time rotating the thing lol I started smiling a bit. To be honest, I would think that in order for people to understand this, and believe that the pendulum does move, they'd have to test it out for themselves. Because a lot of people are skeptical. Which is fine because it means they won't just accept what they see.

Had I seen someone on youtube do this, I'd be a bit skeptical. But it worked for me. What it means, I have no idea. It may help to not be overworked or stressed. Before I started I was watching a movie. I also decided to not attempt them while I was taking classes because I was becoming a bit overwhelmed.

Well, the last phase of using this is to ask it yes or no questions. This is the true test. Because I have no idea what questions to ask :) Feel free to ask a yes or no question in the comments, and I'll test them out. I think for now, asking me yes or no questions about things you know the answer to is good practice. That way, when I comment back with the answer, you can let me know if I got it right or not. I'd like to know if it was just pure luck or if this really works.

So a question like "do I have children?" or "Did I eat _____ this morning?" I guess are good questions. I'm not sure lol That's why I'm no good with these kinds of things and why I haven't continued my study on the readings of tarot cards.

Even if the answer comes up incorrect, I'd still like more questions to be asked for practice purposes.

So feel free to leave one below!

Mon

Metaphysics

I didn't realize how exhausted I am! Thankfully my classes are over. It was quite a journey but now it time for me to restore myself and recharge.

Through the past 3 months I'd find myself realizing that I have been neglecting my reading on spiritual stuff. It was one of my favorite interest until a few months ago! Recently I've been focusing on school and projects. But I'll notice that I'm too stuck in the world and sometimes I'll just stop and take in nature or watch some birds to help me to not feel like life is moving  at such a fast pace. It actually helps!!  <3

On another note, I've started doing a bit more reading :) and during my trip back to Chicago from Mississippi, I bought a pendulum crystal. It's the one that's suppose to connect you to your subconscious. Which sounds like fun! I honestly don't feel that meditation is my style (the one where you sit in silence) even though I do prefer silence when I'm thinking or working. Since returning, the crystal has been stored away it the little baggy for it.

I knew I've been a bit stressed out and really tired, so attempting anything probably wouldn't have worked (or I wouldn't have gotten much done). So I'm a bit happy to began writing more on this topic.

Oh! By the way, yesterday (which was my last day) it made me aware that no one has the same story. It always amazes me! My teacher was talking to me and a few other students about his life growing up. Although I felt myself dosing off multiple times while listening (I only had about and hour to two hours worth of sleep yesterday, hint the sleepiness)it was really interesting because looking at him I never would have imagined he experienced so much before becoming a teacher.

It's honestly my fault for feeling this way. I sometimes place people in high regards. It's mainly because I see them as they are at the present moment, not who they might be/were. Because my teacher is very organized, and despite him begin strict, I felt that he was passionate about teaching what he did. Which I also felt the first time I took this class (this is only my second time taking this class and he's the only one who teaches it).

Anyway, he was very opened and it helped me to understand why he's so strict in his lessons. Overall, he's certainly not a bad person even though a lot of students dislike him. But I think they just don't understand why he came to be the way he is. I respect him a bit more.

Perhaps to me, it's about the same way I feel about my mom. She often tells me stories about her childhood. The only problem is that she's kind of cold, and this is because of her childhood. This issue with that is that I don't think she has  tried to do much to improve and move beyond it, as compared to my teacher who has worked hard to get to where he is. What's interesting is that I've never heard him complain about anything (only about how other teachers teach...or rather their lack of teachings lol). I guess I shouldn't compare the two. I'm sure my mom is doing her best. Sometimes even I can see it.

Then again, is it even worth seeing the good in others. Although it lets me see a shed of hope in them, does it really do anything for them? Sometimes I wonder if me seeing the good in them is only a way for me to make an excuse for manipulative and damaging behavior. In the end, even if I do see the good in them, it's their actions and their lives that they must live with, not my thoughts of them. My thoughts don't make them good or bad, but it does help me see.

Oh! Back to the crystal! I guess I'll write a few things about that :) And perhaps some other things. Right now, I'm very sleepy, so I'm gonna head off.

Mon

Final week

Hi!

So first

This is what I've been working on for a Team Project class. Not just this, but rigging as well.

I thought I'd start off with something interesting lol Now then! This is my final week of class. Yay! I'm seriously feeling the procrastination set in. I know it's the final week and I honestly don't want to complete my homework. I have no idea why this happens. Maybe I'm just a halfway person.

For the summer I'm gonna bug Aldi's until they hire me lol I will work for the summer. I won't say I hope, I'm gonna say I will work over the summer. The reason I chose Aldi's is because it's the closest place near my apartment. Well, it's about 4 or 5 blocks away. There's other shops, but Aldi's offer health benefits. Perhaps I can search for a place where I can put my art skills to use.

I'll also be working on my webcomic. Which I'm super excited for! I love being able to share my stories with people. :) It's been a hobby of mines since I was in middle school. Actually, that was the time I started writing stories and comics. I would pass my notebook around the classroom and my friends would read it. I actually have a few short comics, that make absolutely no sense that I created during middle school.

As my work improved. Probably not. It's because I haven't tried to improve. I should certainly dedicate some time to this.

I'll also work on improving my texturing skills! This is a big one for me. I think I've gotten a bit better with modeling. :) So I'm happy. But texturing is something I'd like to improve. I also have two 2D animations I'll work on. Not to completion, but as much as I can, when I can.

Overall, I'll be improving on things. If I can't get quite get all of these things done, I'd definitely like to get another chapter of my webcomic complete. I can't wait to get back to my readers! :3

Mon

Interesting Morning

    This morning was an interesting morning. I woke up pretty groggy and set my alarm to wake me up 10 minutes after it went off, only to be awaken by the sound of my cat trying to hack something up. When I tried to grab her she ran under my bed. So I popped up out of bed and tried to grab her leg, but she ran further under my bed and threw up on my carpet -__- lol I couldn't grab her. I said "So you're just gonna throw up under my bed?" then she threw up again. A second time!!

So I just woke up and got in the shower lol What an interesting morning. Cats and dogs can be so annoying sometimes. Whenever they want to hack something up and  you try to grab them, they run away. Regardless, now I'll have to shampoo the carpet because of her.

Mon

It's tough watching people fail!

It's tough watching people fail. Especially friends and people close to me, even associates. I thought I was just being over-dramatic when it came to me seeing my family members make the same choice, but I've realized that I'm keeping myself in one spot with thinking that way.

Actually, I wouldn't call it failing, because I don't think a person can fail in life. I do think a person can waste a life. It's kind of like going to school, but goofing off and learning absolutely nothing, or not caring. I definitely don't think passing is the end. Nope. I can't justify this feeling, but it's something I've always felt is the truth. Even as a kid, when my older sister's hamsters passed away, I believed they went to animal heaven and when it rained, I always imagined that they were playing in a bathtub full of water and splashing around, which caused it to rain. I don't know why I believed this, but I did lol

Here's the thing, I have a friend that is attending a class with me. She's taken the class more times than me, and yet she keeping failing it. I'm always wondering how it's possible since she already should know what to expect. I figured it's because she hasn't taken a break from school. I guess it can be tiring.

I'm always lecturing her, or asking her about her assignments because I care. I don't want to see her constantly taking the class, but I'm sure she'll pass eventually. I apply this to life as well. For some reason, it's easier to see where someone is making choices that lead to unsatisfying results, because the person gets all depressed or something. It's tough to watch!

But I guess feeling this way is normal. Maybe...

Actually just yesterday I was talking to my sister about my teammates for an animation assignment. She couldn't understand why I was being nice to them when they seemed to be inconsiderate, rude and disrespectful. She was madder than I was lol I was more frustrated than anything, and I asked her why it bothered her some much.

I ponder the possible reasons why someone might be behaving the way that they do. I try not to see a person as being the same as they were a few days ago. But perhaps I should because thinking over wise might seem naive because I'd be giving the person the benefit of the doubt and possibly allowing myself to be subjected to being taken advantage of.Which is possible, but I'm sure it's something I'd do by choice. In the end, I'd have no one to blame but myself. I have to say that, due to a lot of explaining to me by a great friend of mines, I'm more aware of my choices. So much so that it's tough to make choices without wondering if it's my choice to be made. It's really weird.

I don't want to lead people's lives for them, as they have their own life, and I my own. But it's something I've been wondering recently. When to step in and when to allow life to be the teacher.Then again, had I not met a lot of the wonderful people I've met in my life who have showered me with advice and suggestions, I would probably be a different person. But I seriously have a tough time choosing lol It's like a choose your own story game, but the difference is I can't turn the page back.

So I guess I've started small. Figuring out what's the best case of action when presented with a situation. I could choose to react the way people say they would, or react in a way that I feel would help fix the situation. It's a bit tough when it comes to dealing with other people though.

Anyways, I guess I don't want to leave my friend behind despite the fact that I know she'll eventually pass the class and graduate when it's her time. I guess holding on to something like that is kind of similar to me making the choice to fail the class. It doesn't make much sense when I look at this way lol

I think the same of life. We are all given a few situations/tasks/lessons to see how well we do. My theory is that there are no wrong answers, but there's certainly choices that have consequences that we don't necessarily want reflected back to us in life. The best way I can think of viewing your life lessons as you doing well or not is based on your inner harmony, or are things quite chaotic. If it's chaotic, then chances are you might need to do a bit of reflecting. Is there something you're neglecting about yourself?

It's a bit strange, but I've had the toughest time with focusing on what I'd like to do in life. I've noticed that I'm unsure of what I'd like to focus on besides my hobbies, such as what kind of job I'd like, what kind of home I'd like, things like that. But recently I've started to focus on my schoolwork and on improving things I'd like to improve on. I'm a bit happier if I can just get over the feeling of guilt lol If I'm working on something I feel that I'm neglecting my friends and family, but if I'm socializing I feel like I'm neglecting my work! Oddly enough it seems as if there's no inbetween with me xD

But I will say that I'm enjoying learning a bit of what I have. It's become a bit easier to say no to things that I don't want to do. I've began to accept that I don't have to explain why I don't want to do something to someone. It's the same with me. I'm trying to accept that no one has to explain themselves, their personal preferences, their likes, their dislikes, their choices, etc, to me, because it's their life.

I'm not saying don't take an interest in other people's lives, but be realistic about it and be understanding. Not everyone will like what you like. Not everyone will agree. If we can began to understand this simple concept, I believe we can work together as long as we keep trying. But some people are into their own traditions. I can see how it can be tough, but regardless of how we feel about what someone thinks/feels, there will continue to be people born in this world who will feel and think that way. Perhaps this is a lesson to those people who feel stuck in their ways. It's coming to accept that you don't have to like what someone likes, but to also realize that their life is not your life. Now unless someone is intruding on your life and they're life threatening or harming another's life, there really no reason for a person to take that person's life some personally. You'd honestly just be wasting your breath. Sometimes we simply have to compromise. I've seen back and forth arguments online where people disagreed with something and just started name calling lol I was like "Just stop and walk away." But I guess doing that would be like admitting defeat. And no one wants to feel defeated.

The strongest thing a person can do is to realize that they're strongest when they can walk away from something that isn't worth their time. Why? Because it's honestly difficult to do and it seems most people wouldn't make this choice. And I think, for this very reason, that it's a tough choice. Any choice that goes against the norm of what people would expect of another is tough and it takes a strong mind to understand this.

Well, that's all for now.

Mon

Small things add up

Hiiii~~!

Recently I've become a believer in small things adding up. I'm not sure if I started to believe this to send an intense boost to my motivation when it seems my production speed is slow, or simply because small things really do add up, but I've started believing this!

Mainly, I look at it this way, if a person is aware of some pitfall, it's not the end and they don't have to give up. It's more like the beginning of something new. In a way it's similar to making it to the last page of a book, turning that last page, and having the story pick up from that point (pretty much it's like having two books in one!).

Of course, it doesn't feel as if anything new is happening, and I think it's normal to feel this way, but the more you stick to something, eventually you will get better and it will boost the amount of time it takes to get done with the thing you're working on.

For example, if you're not that good of a cook, buy a cook book and practice; learn about seasoning! Something I read before is that we should enjoy the adventure of getting there, rather than just wanting to hurry it along. Along the way, we may miss all kinds of interesting experiences. Had it not been for those experiences, it'd be very boring...or I would think so.

The thing is that it is WORK, or rather, we may see it as work, I know I do. And it's simply because it requires us to step out side of what makes us feel comfortable. Yet, I think eventually the more we try, even if we make mistakes and think we've failed, we shouldn't take things too hard.

In a way, I guess believing that small things add up helps make me feel better. It's a better way of looking at things than thinking it's a waste of time. If you think you've wasted time, then why take the time to work on that thing in the first place? It's obvious it caught your interest for a reason, so it wasn't a waste. It was just a testing-the-waters kind of experience.

If it helps, think of it this way, if you start off building a tower of bricks, or work on a puzzle for a few minutes a day, something is getting accomplished even when it doesn't look like it right? The brick tower still seems so small and the puzzle's image is so incomplete, but eventually things start to take shape! They add up eventually.

I guess I'm sharing this because I'd like to suggest a way of viewing life, or things within life. I feel like we, the human race, are very pliable...only if we want to be. Most prefer to stay a certain way without realizing that the world around them will change regardless of if they want to stay indoors. I don't think there's anything wrong with enjoying traditional things, mainly because it's similar to a person growing up in a certain culture and becoming accustomed to those ways, but it doesn't help YOU if you're trying to force people to stay that way. Chances are, they will fight back. Especially if they are the kind of person who enjoys change.

Anyway, I decided to share this simple thought. This doesn't just go for projects, but rewiring the way you may think or deal with things. Of course some people may be much more fast pace in their approach, but that's just who they are. There will be fast moving people, slow moving people and those in-between. So whether you're trying to lose weight, or change up your diet, it's very possible with this kind of mindset.

Mon

Update

Hiya!

Long time no bloggy~~

I moved about a week ago (it finally happened!) into an apartment. It's been a long time since I've lived in apartment so it's taking me some time to get use to  hearing people besides my family members moving about! Overall, the apartment is very nice.

At the moment I found a website that teaches scripting. To be honest, scripting and any kind of programming seems like a foreign language, but if there's anything learning a foreign language as taught me, it's that it will become easier with time! Learn the basics and keep studying and practice and eventually it'll make sense.

I've actually wanted to learn a bit of scripting for animation and gaming purposes, and I feel that it will help me tremendously! Since I've decided to take my work into my own hands, I decided that the more I know about the something overall, the better off I am.

I've been working on a 3D model of a human head.

It doesn't look like much at the moment, but I'm happy that the form is coming along! I've always assumed that modeling human figures would be a challenge, but with the tutorial, it's actually pretty easy, or rather, it helps me keep my sanity!  lol

So those are the major things besides minor mini lessons to help improve my work. I dunno, somehow I feel that that tiny bit of paranoia I had when I returned back to school last year (the part of me that felt that my work was scrape metal compared to the students work) actually helped me to want to improve. I refuse to live in the shadows of my own self doubt. In other words, I decided to just do something about it. If I feel that my work could use some work, it's obvious that it's because I believe my work could be better.

It's a pretty short blog, but nothing much has happened Dx Sorry.

Mon