Anyway, this morning I was telling myself today would be great, with the added exception that my mom tried to make me feel guilty for something. Actually, I'm not sure if this was her purpose, but she certainly turned the problem over to me. In other words, the problem at hand was my false and this in turn is why I assumed she was passing guilt on to me. I do not like this.
A lot of things that I don't like, I try to eliminate and keep myself from doing it. So instead of asking someone to do something for me, I do it myself, thus if I make a mistake I can only blame myself. Then again, it's not about blaming, more so about understanding that I have to take a different approach. I feel like this is the most healthiest way to deal with these kinds of things.
Well, I'll tell the story. My mom over exaggerates....A LOT. I'll give an example that happened yesterday. Next week is an old friend's daughter birthday. Since I have no ride there on that day my mom agreed to take me and my sister to her house to visit her and I could give her the gift I got for her daughter ahead of time. That day my sister tried to get in contact with her but she didn't answer her phone or reply back. My sister told me that something may have happened. My mom assumed that she didn't want to be bothered. She then goes to state that because she has done this plenty of times that this friend would do the same.
She seemed very very certain. Turns out the girl left her phone over someone's house and she doesn't have a land line. She does have a fb, but I think she accesses it from her cellphone. So it would make sense that she couldn't contact me or my sister through either. I accepted this.
The thing is is that if she was indeed lying, that's okay. Because I don't know that she's lying. It's been so long since I've spoken with her and this is the first incident. Now, if I had been speaking to her and it's common for her to make constant excuses for why such and such things couldn't be done, i would take that as a clear sign that she doesn't want to do that such and such. It's not that big of a deal, it's not the end of the world either.
That wasn't the most exaggerated my mom can get, but she will often do things like this. Constantly!
So this morning we were running a bit behind for leaving out. I was putting on my boots to head out the door, she left to start up the car when I was doing this. So I pull on my boots and get ready and all and while I'm searching my purse for my house keys she yells out the car that it's 7 a.m. I knew this wasn't true (she does this a lot when she's rushing people). So I lock up and get in the car.
As we're driving she says "We're running late. I'm gonna drop you off and you'll have to catch the bus", I check my phone and it says 6:50 a.m. But this was after driving for some time.
We make it to our usually location at the same time as any other day and she expresses that she has to get to the shuttle bus at about 7:50 a.m. It was about 7:30-ish going on 7:40. I hurrying out the car. Now I'm sitting in the computer lab and she calls me and says "I'm still trying to get to work." and then started to go on a rant about how she waited in the car for me for 10 minutes and how I should be out the door before. I told her that she was right in front of me when I was getting my boots on. It wasn't like I was still running around to get dressed. I was literally right in front of the door.
So she says that if she gets in the car before me she'll just leave me and I"ll have to find a way to get to school. Gee, nice way of trying to make my morning horrible.
Then I got to thinking, she doesn't have to MAKE anything horrible. I don't have to feel bad about that. Of course I would appreciate it if we could communicate properly. This is something I"m trying to do. If something bothers me I'll state it. I'm trying to not say "this is your fault" mainly because I don't think this helps anything.
I don't feel guilty...or rather I won't allow this thing to make me feel guilty. When it comes to anything I would never sacrifice my well-bring or my health in order to rush somewhere. I'll get there when I get there. It's really not worth the stress.
So if she does leave before me, so be it. At least she'll make it to work and since my class isn't until noon I'll have enough time. If not, oh well. I understand that I would have to plan my time accordingly but seriously a lot of times when we plan things they can go the other way. In the past I would want to cry but what's the point in crying. I would often say "well, what can I get out of this situation?" Did I meet someone interesting? Did I see something inspiring? Did I just so happen to avoid something that could've caused me harm?
Missing a train. Being late. Misplacing something etc, these things happen. Yeah I can plan ahead, but if something is meant to happen then I'm sure it will regardless of how much we plan. All I want to do is find the good in it.
So in this situation, I don't take the negative vibe I got from the conversation, but more so the message. My mom is tried of being late. It looks bad. She could lose her job. These are things she's probably worried about. I should try to understand that. So if she has to go ahead in order to make it on time, so be it.
I think this is the best way to view this, not selfishly, but objectively.
In the end, no one can make you anything. You choose what you make yourself. Even at the expense of losing that job or friendship or whatever. If you know that it's not what you want in life, then take control of yourself in this matter and make better choices. I've never been in the situation where I've dug myself any deeper than necessary before I realize it's time to get out, but for those who do, understand that it may take a lot more work. When you dig yourself so deep into a hole, it will take a bit more effort to dig yourself out. It will take time. It will take discipline. It will take will power.
These things will only seem tough to grasp because we've lived in the clutches of what we don't want for so long, that it as become natural to us. What I find that helps is to look to others who have made it as inspiration. Drug problems. People have overcome them. Bad relationships, people have conquered them. It's very possible.
And if it hasn't been conquered be the first to do it. It's very possible. Start with telling yourself this.
You can do it. I know it can be done.
Mon
So she says that if she gets in the car before me she'll just leave me and I"ll have to find a way to get to school. Gee, nice way of trying to make my morning horrible.
Then I got to thinking, she doesn't have to MAKE anything horrible. I don't have to feel bad about that. Of course I would appreciate it if we could communicate properly. This is something I"m trying to do. If something bothers me I'll state it. I'm trying to not say "this is your fault" mainly because I don't think this helps anything.
I don't feel guilty...or rather I won't allow this thing to make me feel guilty. When it comes to anything I would never sacrifice my well-bring or my health in order to rush somewhere. I'll get there when I get there. It's really not worth the stress.
So if she does leave before me, so be it. At least she'll make it to work and since my class isn't until noon I'll have enough time. If not, oh well. I understand that I would have to plan my time accordingly but seriously a lot of times when we plan things they can go the other way. In the past I would want to cry but what's the point in crying. I would often say "well, what can I get out of this situation?" Did I meet someone interesting? Did I see something inspiring? Did I just so happen to avoid something that could've caused me harm?
Missing a train. Being late. Misplacing something etc, these things happen. Yeah I can plan ahead, but if something is meant to happen then I'm sure it will regardless of how much we plan. All I want to do is find the good in it.
So in this situation, I don't take the negative vibe I got from the conversation, but more so the message. My mom is tried of being late. It looks bad. She could lose her job. These are things she's probably worried about. I should try to understand that. So if she has to go ahead in order to make it on time, so be it.
I think this is the best way to view this, not selfishly, but objectively.
In the end, no one can make you anything. You choose what you make yourself. Even at the expense of losing that job or friendship or whatever. If you know that it's not what you want in life, then take control of yourself in this matter and make better choices. I've never been in the situation where I've dug myself any deeper than necessary before I realize it's time to get out, but for those who do, understand that it may take a lot more work. When you dig yourself so deep into a hole, it will take a bit more effort to dig yourself out. It will take time. It will take discipline. It will take will power.
These things will only seem tough to grasp because we've lived in the clutches of what we don't want for so long, that it as become natural to us. What I find that helps is to look to others who have made it as inspiration. Drug problems. People have overcome them. Bad relationships, people have conquered them. It's very possible.
And if it hasn't been conquered be the first to do it. It's very possible. Start with telling yourself this.
You can do it. I know it can be done.
Mon
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