So I'm having a tough time writing my script for my webcomic. At the moment both of my sisters are talking very very loud outside my doors. :( I wish I had quieter siblings. It's quite annoying when I'm trying to think to have noise. I would usually listen to music at a time like this, but even that is distracting.
This is why I work better at school when my class has ended :( I really want to type. T_T I'm sad now hahaha
Well, I guess I'll just type here until they're done. My younger sister will come in my room later to play the game, so maybe I'll have her postpone it so I can work. It's been a full 3 months (I believe) since I've posted anything for my webcomic, so I feel like I'm causing my readers too much strain.
At the moment I'm organizing my ideas and placing everything on a timeline. For chapter 4 I'm making sure everything flows and asking questions that might cause some blockages. Also, I'm listening to the theme song from Howl's moving Castle. It's called Jinsei no merry-go-round. I love this theme song *__*
Oh! I the book I order was delivered to my house yesterday :) I'm pretty happy with my purchase.It's a book by Mark Crilley. I've seen a few of his youtube videos in the past, so I purchased one of his drawing books (it's a drawing guide) to learn a bit more about drawing in perspective, paneling, layout, etc. I've also been researching other webcomics and looking through manga to study the story flow. :/ Improving, or learning new things for that matter, takes a lot of time. I also try to fit in relaxing time. I think after I get to chapter 5, or complete chapter 5 I'll take a break for a year to chat with friends.
That's one aspect I think I neglect lol I have phone numbers in my phone, but I never call them. Well, at least I'm happy to have them. I'm not the kind of person to call just to call. I feel I need a purpose to call. But some people actually liked to be called to be checked on. I dunno, I use to do that in the past and the conversation would soon be over and become dull leading us to just sit on the phone talking about absolutely nothing. I prefer to just sit face to face :) at least there seems to always be something to talk about then. However with school and life a lot of people I know seem to be busy as well, that or that have children to take care of.
I fear having a job lol I need to learn to manage friend time, work time and relaxing time. I guess friend time should be a part of relaxing time right lol
Anyways, they're done talking, so I'm going to get to work now.
Mon
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Racism + Judging
The day before yesterday I was driving in the car with my mom and younger sister and we were listening to a radio program where the host was asking callers if they believed their is some kind of racism among dark and light skin tones (in black people I believe). One caller seemed outraged, stating that he doesn't see it, and that it's something that is ridiculous and holds people back. To which the host of the program stated that in we have to be aware of the problem, and that pretending it doesn't exist is like closing your eyes to the problem.
I don't think either of them are wrong. I do believe that to become aware of something is just the beginning though. My views are similar to that of the caller, but I also understand the host. Here's why. I never want to view skin color or status as being who I am as a person. So I won't do the same to others. Yes, I do know a person is a shade of a color, but it's not what makes them internally. We all bleed the same color.
What truly bothers me are the people are aware but don't do anything to improve by it, instead they complain. They try to push their own color out on other. This is what really bothers me. I see it this way, if someone is to dislike me, I believe they dislike me for who I am, not what I look like. And that's perfectly fine. I've never thought "that person dislike me because I (insert skin color)" because I believe it may have something to do with my attitude or something. Now, someone might say "they're only treating you this way because your (insert skin color)" but I seriously don't see it this way. And if a person did, I could care less lol I really could.
Do I turn a blind eye to this? I definitely don't think so. It's something I just don't see. I don't see this things the way others do. Someone could show me statistic that show that there are more blacks than any race in prison, and I would account that to the crimes they commit.
That being said, lets say I play the devil's advocate and say that people are accounted for by their skin color. The true question is, what will you do to improve this? Such an issue is an internal problem I believe. Because think for a second, what we think in our minds are portrayed or shown to us in our outer world.
For example, crime. I see this is a problem and I won't say it doesn't exist. I won't say hate or dislike doesn't exist, that difference in culture doesn't exist. However, those things do not make me who I am, I do. And if I buy into it, that it does make me, than that means I fall prey to not believing I can't at least control how I view the situation.
With crime, will I let it push and pull me around? Will I move away? Will I save up money to help the community? What can I do to help improve this situation rather than complain? Because complaining does nothing but show you're aware of a situation and that you have no control of something internally.
There is this thing that we attract what we don't want. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around this, but it goes something like, if you say "I don't want...." you'll attract it to yourself. There are these affirmations that are said to help us attract what we do want. But also, in life, there are somethings which aren't for us to control.
My thing is this, take it as it is without judgement. It can seem difficult at first, but it becomes a bit easier more and more over time. Observe it objectively. I think we want to judge because there's a thing that's come about known as the word "judgement" and it's something we've created. I think when we judge something we instantly categorize it as either good or bad. Because it seems we believe things either stem from a good origin, or a bad one, or one that we don't quite understand so it's in between. Rather than see it as a thing, and only a thing.
So I believe things such as racism stems from things like this. I do know what I like and dislikes. I believe my views are also very strong, but it's because I view character, rather than an outer appearance. That's something to become aware of, one's own character.
We're always so quick to point out what's "not good" in the world, and not even viewing ourselves. Rather than building up and giving love and understanding to others, we tend to break them down for some odd reason. When you're breaking down, please think for a second, who are you to tear down a foundation? Why not help to improve it?
This isn't just about racism. It's about years and years of constant....I forgot what I was going to type lol I think if everyone in the world just stopped for a second, they would realize everything would stop and that the world and earth isn't a "bad" place. There's a larger picture here. A very large picture, and if you stand so close to it with your face glued so close without stepping back for a moment, you'll miss out on what the true image is.
Last night I read about a word. That word was deism. It's the belief that a creator created earth and all the creator, but does not interfere with what they do (or something similar to this explanation). I think from each religion, and this word included, there's truth in it. Not every faucet will be true, and after my commitment to myself to question everything, I've decided to examine the statement. Yes I believe some things can't be explained, I do not believe we are just reasoning and logical beings, I believe we are also creative and creating beings with emotions. And because we are creating, just like an artist, we create things that don't make a lot of sense to others, but it us, it means something.
Some art is explanatory, and some are a bit confusing and some are just so simple we wonder how they are even considered art. And some viewers of art may even say that viewing art isn't about trying to get it, it's just experiencing it for what it is, a creation. I've never been to a hardcore art museum (I've been in the one downtown), but I've always wondered if I would see people focusing so hard on the picture, just staring at it with no purpose by to just be in the moment.
I know it I moved beyond the point of racism, I haven't steered from the message. The message is just what I typed here.
:3 I feel that even if I were to explain this people will take it as they want. That's just what we do. The point is to see if they understand, and I mean truly understand. Does it resonate with them? Does it make sense? That's all I'd like to know. How they take it, I know I have no control over.
Hm...in this aspect, I seriously respect Jesus lol I may not have known him personally, and it's possible I did, but to seriously just allow people to take his message as that wanted is truly amazing to me. There's a part of me that will want to argue all day long to get a point made, and I know that if I were to meet an equally strong minded person, it would be pointless. Unless, of course, that's what I really want.
Anyways, I feel that it's ridiculous to blame something so simple as skin color as a reason for anything. That and appearance. I mean, people should be happy others are living with them and they aren't on earth alone. Then they'd have nothing to judge or do besides judge who they are. I'm much too happy that, even if a person were blind, or missing an arm or whatever, that they are happy to be living. These things seem simple, but seeing it simple it would seem the thing would be taken for granted.
Offer appreciation for others. If there is some kind of harmful way they are thinking, don't tell them it's wrong. I don't think a lot of people think they are wrong based on what they experienced. I believe the best thing we can offer to another if understanding and listening. Sometimes that all someone really wants. And it's something we can seriously give. When you truly listen, chances are, you'll truly understand what the person means. We may not always agree with what they say, and I challenge everyone to ask themselves "why don't I agree?" and take it farther than this. It'll make that narrow alleyway much wider, so wide, in fact, that the walls may even disappear and they'll be more around you than you know.
It's difficult for me, but it's not impossible. And since last year I've been challenging myself to push aside what I think is right when someone talks, and just listen. Truly listen. I feel that if there's anything I could ever give, listening and understanding is the best I could do.
Now, I won't say judging doesn't happen, it does. It's just that we control it! We control how we'll think about something. With emotions, it would seem they control us, be we definitely control it, or at least can do something about the way we feel. If you'r sad, will you stay sad or will you go out for some air and clear your head and do something childish and fun and be happy. :3
The same holds true for just about a lot of things. I've seriously thought my thoughts were sparse, but they're all connected. Everything is connected, general ideas, huge ideas, they all stem towards improving us, everyone. Everything comes back to something. And something comes from everything. And we, even with these things we call "problems" and moving. Sometimes some see it, sometimes some don't. So do I don't have a problem with this. Judging and racism are something I don't car for, because of what I explained. It's something that's so small in something that's so large that it's not even something I need to pay any mind to.
Besides, there's more we could be focusing on lol and when people realize this they'll probably think "boy, we had that argument before? How childish" :3 I like watching it unfold.
Well, I don't think I answered much rather than giving my views. I don't think I have answers, just questions and views. I can't offer answers for someone else's life, but I can give advice.
That's all for now!
Mon
I don't think either of them are wrong. I do believe that to become aware of something is just the beginning though. My views are similar to that of the caller, but I also understand the host. Here's why. I never want to view skin color or status as being who I am as a person. So I won't do the same to others. Yes, I do know a person is a shade of a color, but it's not what makes them internally. We all bleed the same color.
What truly bothers me are the people are aware but don't do anything to improve by it, instead they complain. They try to push their own color out on other. This is what really bothers me. I see it this way, if someone is to dislike me, I believe they dislike me for who I am, not what I look like. And that's perfectly fine. I've never thought "that person dislike me because I (insert skin color)" because I believe it may have something to do with my attitude or something. Now, someone might say "they're only treating you this way because your (insert skin color)" but I seriously don't see it this way. And if a person did, I could care less lol I really could.
Do I turn a blind eye to this? I definitely don't think so. It's something I just don't see. I don't see this things the way others do. Someone could show me statistic that show that there are more blacks than any race in prison, and I would account that to the crimes they commit.
That being said, lets say I play the devil's advocate and say that people are accounted for by their skin color. The true question is, what will you do to improve this? Such an issue is an internal problem I believe. Because think for a second, what we think in our minds are portrayed or shown to us in our outer world.
For example, crime. I see this is a problem and I won't say it doesn't exist. I won't say hate or dislike doesn't exist, that difference in culture doesn't exist. However, those things do not make me who I am, I do. And if I buy into it, that it does make me, than that means I fall prey to not believing I can't at least control how I view the situation.
With crime, will I let it push and pull me around? Will I move away? Will I save up money to help the community? What can I do to help improve this situation rather than complain? Because complaining does nothing but show you're aware of a situation and that you have no control of something internally.
There is this thing that we attract what we don't want. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around this, but it goes something like, if you say "I don't want...." you'll attract it to yourself. There are these affirmations that are said to help us attract what we do want. But also, in life, there are somethings which aren't for us to control.
My thing is this, take it as it is without judgement. It can seem difficult at first, but it becomes a bit easier more and more over time. Observe it objectively. I think we want to judge because there's a thing that's come about known as the word "judgement" and it's something we've created. I think when we judge something we instantly categorize it as either good or bad. Because it seems we believe things either stem from a good origin, or a bad one, or one that we don't quite understand so it's in between. Rather than see it as a thing, and only a thing.
So I believe things such as racism stems from things like this. I do know what I like and dislikes. I believe my views are also very strong, but it's because I view character, rather than an outer appearance. That's something to become aware of, one's own character.
We're always so quick to point out what's "not good" in the world, and not even viewing ourselves. Rather than building up and giving love and understanding to others, we tend to break them down for some odd reason. When you're breaking down, please think for a second, who are you to tear down a foundation? Why not help to improve it?
This isn't just about racism. It's about years and years of constant....I forgot what I was going to type lol I think if everyone in the world just stopped for a second, they would realize everything would stop and that the world and earth isn't a "bad" place. There's a larger picture here. A very large picture, and if you stand so close to it with your face glued so close without stepping back for a moment, you'll miss out on what the true image is.
Last night I read about a word. That word was deism. It's the belief that a creator created earth and all the creator, but does not interfere with what they do (or something similar to this explanation). I think from each religion, and this word included, there's truth in it. Not every faucet will be true, and after my commitment to myself to question everything, I've decided to examine the statement. Yes I believe some things can't be explained, I do not believe we are just reasoning and logical beings, I believe we are also creative and creating beings with emotions. And because we are creating, just like an artist, we create things that don't make a lot of sense to others, but it us, it means something.
Some art is explanatory, and some are a bit confusing and some are just so simple we wonder how they are even considered art. And some viewers of art may even say that viewing art isn't about trying to get it, it's just experiencing it for what it is, a creation. I've never been to a hardcore art museum (I've been in the one downtown), but I've always wondered if I would see people focusing so hard on the picture, just staring at it with no purpose by to just be in the moment.
I know it I moved beyond the point of racism, I haven't steered from the message. The message is just what I typed here.
:3 I feel that even if I were to explain this people will take it as they want. That's just what we do. The point is to see if they understand, and I mean truly understand. Does it resonate with them? Does it make sense? That's all I'd like to know. How they take it, I know I have no control over.
Hm...in this aspect, I seriously respect Jesus lol I may not have known him personally, and it's possible I did, but to seriously just allow people to take his message as that wanted is truly amazing to me. There's a part of me that will want to argue all day long to get a point made, and I know that if I were to meet an equally strong minded person, it would be pointless. Unless, of course, that's what I really want.
Anyways, I feel that it's ridiculous to blame something so simple as skin color as a reason for anything. That and appearance. I mean, people should be happy others are living with them and they aren't on earth alone. Then they'd have nothing to judge or do besides judge who they are. I'm much too happy that, even if a person were blind, or missing an arm or whatever, that they are happy to be living. These things seem simple, but seeing it simple it would seem the thing would be taken for granted.
Offer appreciation for others. If there is some kind of harmful way they are thinking, don't tell them it's wrong. I don't think a lot of people think they are wrong based on what they experienced. I believe the best thing we can offer to another if understanding and listening. Sometimes that all someone really wants. And it's something we can seriously give. When you truly listen, chances are, you'll truly understand what the person means. We may not always agree with what they say, and I challenge everyone to ask themselves "why don't I agree?" and take it farther than this. It'll make that narrow alleyway much wider, so wide, in fact, that the walls may even disappear and they'll be more around you than you know.
It's difficult for me, but it's not impossible. And since last year I've been challenging myself to push aside what I think is right when someone talks, and just listen. Truly listen. I feel that if there's anything I could ever give, listening and understanding is the best I could do.
Now, I won't say judging doesn't happen, it does. It's just that we control it! We control how we'll think about something. With emotions, it would seem they control us, be we definitely control it, or at least can do something about the way we feel. If you'r sad, will you stay sad or will you go out for some air and clear your head and do something childish and fun and be happy. :3
The same holds true for just about a lot of things. I've seriously thought my thoughts were sparse, but they're all connected. Everything is connected, general ideas, huge ideas, they all stem towards improving us, everyone. Everything comes back to something. And something comes from everything. And we, even with these things we call "problems" and moving. Sometimes some see it, sometimes some don't. So do I don't have a problem with this. Judging and racism are something I don't car for, because of what I explained. It's something that's so small in something that's so large that it's not even something I need to pay any mind to.
Besides, there's more we could be focusing on lol and when people realize this they'll probably think "boy, we had that argument before? How childish" :3 I like watching it unfold.
Well, I don't think I answered much rather than giving my views. I don't think I have answers, just questions and views. I can't offer answers for someone else's life, but I can give advice.
That's all for now!
Mon
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Dream: Hostage
I just woke up from a dream. Me and a bunch of other people (a lot of other people, my family included, my mom, uncle, and sister) were at this family center (it's the best I can compare it to). Then we get word that there's some issue going on not to far from the center. Two rival gangs are doing some kind of gang signs towards each other or something. The lady in charge tells us all to stay down and away from the windows because the police are making some kind of formation outside on the streets to capture the criminals. So everyone huddles up in this one area but I become a little nervous about where I'm sitting because there's a giant t..v. and stereo up high on the wall above us (it's really huge!). So I decide to crawl away from it, trying to figure out where it would fall based on the height if it were to get hit.
Soon some people start to head to the basement area because they fear bullets would fly into the room through the windows. I decide to do the same. But I see that it's possible for the stairs to collapse (I was thinking earthquake wise for some reason lol). So I go back to sitting upstairs with the others.
I go to sit next to this lady. There's this plank of wood against the window to block the view but then I see there's a tiny space in which outsiders could look in. In my head something tells me to tell the lady to move away, but just when I get that thought I see someone creeping in the back area of the building and they spot me. There's a huge group of them at they start to make their way to the window. Suddenly, everyone is running. There's a lot of panic and my first reaction is to warn the one's downstairs but somehow they are running upstairs. One guy starts to pursue me with a gun. There's one other girl with me but the way is blocked so we run downstairs to find an exit or a place to hide. Yet, the windows are boarded up. I pull off one of the board only to find that the window as bars on it. He tells me to stop and turn around.
I don't know what happened to the other girl, but I think I was to worried about what would happen to me to look around to see if she was still near me or if she got captured too. They ended up escorting me out of the building with guns pointed at me, the police all turn our way.
And suddenly my mom wakes me up asking me about the pancakes I mentioned would make today lol Then I woke up xD
Mon
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